Self contained ratchet straps
What are the main differences between CPTSD and BPD?
2023.05.28 17:54 Quinlov What are the main differences between CPTSD and BPD?
I thought I had a relatively good understanding of this but am questioning it. I have BPD and my best friend has CPTSD (both diagnosed by mental health professionals). I understand that misdiagnosis between these two is common, as is comorbidity (although I don't have CPTSD and, to my knowledge, my friend does not have BPD) and that in some senses (probably not all) the question is largely academic as treatment protocols are similar and have to account for the high rates of comorbidity anyway. But my original understanding of the difference was as follows:
Oh, and I appreciate that there is not going to be a single definite answer here as this is still hotly debated in the professional community. But I would like to hear people's insights into the differences and shared aspects between these disorders, and to what extent my info is good vs being my own extrapolated intuition gone haywire
submitted by Quinlov to askatherapist [link] [comments]
- BPD:
- represents a certain developmental arrest (although this can be overcome) due to emotional neglect resulting in not being taught to regulate our emotions properly, often instead being taught how to regulate our mother's (and by extension, other people's) emotions.
- Attachment style is frequently fearful-avoidant but can be anxious-preoccupied.
- Relationships are sought often partly as a way of "self"-regulating, e.g. vis-a-vis inner feelings of emptiness (would it make sense to identify this as nameless dread? I mean it can certainly feel apocalyptic and make you wish you were capable of splintering your perceptual functions...)
- The most critical period for developing this disorder would be 15-24 months of age.
- Whole object relations are eventually attained but not in a particularly reliable manner, and often only cognitively (not felt on a deep level).
- Therapy is not hopeless but requires a large commitment of time and effort in proportion to the felt severity of neglect (and in its case, abuse) and the result achieved
- CPTSD:
- represents prior attainment of self-soothing capacity and potentially even a good sense of self-worth, however, due to sustained trauma (some of which is active abuse; neglect is also widespread, though) these capacities are overwhelmed.
- Attachment style would usually have been originally secure but changed to fearful-avoidant as the situation of sustained trauma unfurled. Self-soothing becomes ineffective and the sense of self and of the abuser(s) become distorted, however they are essentially still whole object relations and may contain (in an integrated manner) aspects which initially appear contradictory but are highly nuanced; the distortion comes from exaggeration beyond or slight departure from reality rather than from splitting of the object or self-representation.
- Relationships are sought with perhaps less desperation but may be sought in order to feel protected, while also becoming a source of fear for safety in themselves.
- Generally the most significant trauma would have occurred around primary school age (4-11).
- Trauma-focused therapies are used after capacity-building therapies are used as preparation. Once individual traumata are thoroughly processed many (not all) of the associated issues (including those related to emotion dysregulation and self-concept) appear to resolve almost as if my magic; the therapy is "highly efficient", as it were.
Oh, and I appreciate that there is not going to be a single definite answer here as this is still hotly debated in the professional community. But I would like to hear people's insights into the differences and shared aspects between these disorders, and to what extent my info is good vs being my own extrapolated intuition gone haywire
2023.05.28 17:52 Cheesypower Wings of Freedom - Part 12
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Even almost a week later, Yegel was still soaring on the hope from that day. A weight on his eyes that he'd never even noticed had been lifted, leaving him more alert and awake, the whole world more vibrant and colorful.
Of course, the morning after had brought clarity- and an additional helping of stress. Having had the time to calm down and examine it, he was realizing that the fact he now saw humans as people was dangerous- especially with such an important and dangerous screening coming up. If he accidentally sympathized too much in one place, or had a reaction that he would never have had before...
...He still couldn't bring himself to regret it though. Even the fading of his emotional high hadn't erased what felt like an important revelation- that he no longer thought of humans as predators with interesting quirks, but as real, actual people, with true empathy and sapience. They were still predators, still alien in ways he couldn't understand- but now, that didn't feel like the same kind of impenetrable barrier that it used to be.
Still, now he had to be even more careful going forward- regardless of it being the truth, nobody else would believe him about a predator species being fully sapient and civilized. If anything, trying to convince anyone would get him institutionalized- and he was already fighting far too hard to keep himself out of those nightmare-makers for as long as he could manage. At least with humanity being extinct, the topic was unlikely to come up, but he hadn't made it this far in life without preparing for even the unlikely.
Caution was still warranted though, and so he'd been spending his time preparing and watching the manifests for incoming ships- so when he saw a group of scowling figures approaching him from behind at lunchtime, it was less of a shock and more the realization of inevitability.
Exterminators. Just what he needed to deal with today.
Sighing quietly, he fought down the rising panic and instinctive urge to run, and instead pretended not to notice the approaching officers- running never did any good, and trying to fight back or protest would lead to... retaliation.
Their timing was just the worst though- he'd been looking forward to having lunch with his friends, and taking a chance to decompress and relax. He'd been meticulous so far this week at maintaining his stress- other than his newfound indulgence in forbidden predator media- so it wasn't like he was scrambling to calm down. However, he really could use every bit of patience and composure he could get.
The grasping hands roughly pulling him out of the lunch-line, however, clearly didn't care about that, immediately starting to goosestep him through the cafeteria, regardless of the whispers and stares now coming their way.
"Lieutenant Yegel," a vaguely-familiar voice barked harshly as he was shoved forward, "your presence is required immediately. You are coming with us."
A bit late to give him a warning, wasn't it? Especially since he wasn't resisting in the first place. It was just theater to them- reciting something because they were supposed to, despite the outcome having already been determined. It was better to just not antagonize them-
"You know," he couldn't stop himself from saying, "If you wanted a date, you could have just a-"
A massive fist slammed into him, burying itself beneath his ribcage. The words died in his throat as all his air was forcefully expelled, his talons leaving the ground as he bent double over the grey three-toed paw.
"Quiet, predator," the Takkan ground out, slowly removing his forelimb from where it had been buried in Yegel's gut. "you'll only talk if our boss deigns to let filth like you waste our air, got it?"
Wheezing in reply, Yegel fought to try and recover the air that had been forcefully driven out of him, the exterminators yanking him by his wings and dragging him onwards. Perhaps it was good that he hadn't eaten yet- nothing there to have upchucked other than the vile spittle now burning at his tongue.
Guess he must be a new transfer, Yegel thought offhandedly, glancing up to see them approaching a familiar eating area. That would be a useful distraction from the main threat. Fighting down the pain through bitter familiarity, Yegel did his best to relax his feathers and his mind- he'd need all of it for this next mental sparring match.
Ornate doors covered in intricate patterns were thoughtlessly slammed open as the Exterminators dragged him into the private eating area, the shift between industrial flooring and soft, luxurious padding making his dragging talons catch on the delicate textiles. Vibrantly detailed paintings hung amidst sprawling vines imported from Nishtal, cast in cool, fluorescent light that made their rich colorings shimmer as he was dragged by. Even the tables and chairs were carved in the old Krakotl fashions, padding clearly intended for nesting rather than the utilitarian perching of the seats in the mess-hall.
It wasn't perfect though- spots of dull gray industrial walls poked through gaps between the wood, and the carpet was peeling in places, revealing the dirty standard flooring beneath. Despite the valiant attempts, any further inspection made it clear that this was all inserted after this area had already been built- a veneer of elegance plastered over a crude, utilitarian base.
Unfortunately, he did not get the chance to indulge in the comfortable seating, instead receiving a sharp blow between his wings that pushed him to the ground, heavy feet planting themselves on his back and neck to pin him to the ground. Iron grips continued holding his wings, pulling them painfully above his back, where they felt moments away from getting dislocated. Dragging in a rasping breath, his eyes roved to the two exterminators now aiming their flamethrowers at him, a young krakotl female whose adult patterns hadn't even fully come in yet, and a grim-eyed Gojid with distinct scarring, who at least looked somewhat professional as opposed to his partner's obvious anger and twitching trigger.
"Oh, fer Intala's sake," a familiar wheezing voice groaned in exasperation. "Can't trust you Grucknut-heads with anything, can I?"
The Krakotl tottering into the room was puffing what rough, stringy feathers he had left in irritation, a walking cane thunking on the floor as he hobbled over to a table decorated in a carving of two krakotl in flight- though from this angle, it looked more like they were plummeting to the ground. The skin around the geezer's eyes was wrinkled and gathered into such heavy bags that he seemed to be squinting at all the world around him- though Yegel certainly didn't miss the cold, calculating glint buried deep within his eyes.
"Off!" He barked, clacking his way over to where Yegel was pinned, angrily thumping his cane against the very confused Exterminators pinning him down. "Off him, you nut-skulled lunks! Bad enough you can't remember simple instructions, now you make me correct your messes meself? Off I say!"
In the face of the irate elder, the befuddled Exterminator's grips on Yegel loosened, finally letting his wings fall slack enough to make his chest stop feeling like it was stuck in an industrial compressor. Gratefully sucking in air as his rapidly-bruising side twinged, he looked up to find the his crotchety savior kneeling next to him, one wing resting on his cane as he creakily settled into a crouch.
"Sorry about the fuss," he wheezed, flicking his tail angrily at the young krakotl who had been moving forward indignantly. "Ask them to invite somebody to mealtime, and they go and pull this." A shaking wing reached out, offering it's grip to Yegel. "Up you come, boy. I'll not have you eating off the floor like some animal."
Yegel eyed the shaking hand, before planting his wings on the ground, fighting through the pain until he'd pushed himself onto his talons through his own strength. A glimmer of something oily flashed behind the old man's squinting eyes as he watched the display, snorting in amusement when Yegel reached out and pulled the Elder to his feet instead.
"Wasn't much of a request," he commented, carefully ignoring the angry shuffling of the people he knew had flamethrowers trained on him. "I don't suppose you're just wanting to make another sales pitch, are you Geezil?"
"Hah!" the old man barked, toddling over to a cushioned seat, "Always so blunt, Yegel. Straight to business, every time!" The younger krakotl female stepped forward, gently helping the grumbling man into his seat, where he sighed and immediately settled back into the cushions. "Ah, don't worry, got more to say than the usual this time- but first, got a special something for our meal."
With a flick of his wing, he signaled several servers to quietly enter the room, carrying a wide array of dishes and platters that were quickly and efficiently distributed to the relevant tables- both for the old man and Yegel, and even for the other exterminators, who glanced warily between the food, Yegel, and the officer watching everything with a hawkish stare. None of them seemed brave enough to decide what to do- or to stop Yegel as he began moving forward.
Yegel carefully pulled out his own perch, keeping his own movements slow as he settled into the admittedly-luxurious seating. Commander Geezil, the one in charge of the base's Exterminators- and probably one of the oldest individuals still serving within that institution's ranks. He'd heard the rumors about this being an unofficial forced retirement- storing him someplace out of the way when they couldn't make him quit- but he'd come to know the old man too well to believe it. He'd chosen this post himself- and Yegel still couldn't figure out why.
"Sir," the young krakotl started, giving Yegel the stink-eye from across the table, "I must ask what you are doing- you are well aware that he's-"
"Accused, girl," the codger interrupted, frilling his feathers derisively, "by a bitter fleet commander with a record of incidents from his troops longer than his crew-lists- and a penchant for lashing out at those he thinks insulted him." Seeing her shrink back at his harsh tone, his tattered feathers smoothed back down, a shaking wing reaching out and gently patting her shoulder. "Ah, it's politics, grand-daughter- a vile game of inflated egos and pointless posturing. It's like a courtship dance with a Duerten- unpleasant, filled with angry words, with a result that's unpleasant regardless of success or failure- but if you try to skip out, you're liable to lose an eye or worse, hehe."
"Still," she insisted, though much more hesitantly now, her eyes not quite as harsh as they flicked over at him, "with a list of incidents this long, however justified, you must admit it is a clear sign of a violent, unstable nature. If he were to suddenly lash out..."
"I've personally reviewed each incident," the commander snorted, swirling an eating utensil through the bowl in front of him. "Didn't find a single one where he were in the wrong. Besides, were we really concerned about his mind, we got a perfectly good doctor right on-base." His gimlet eyes turned to Yegel, the corners of his beak turned up in a smirk. "You're familiar with her, of course?"
"Indeed," Yegel admitted, keeping his wings at his side despite the tightening of his stomach as the smells of the meal assaulted him. Everything the old man was saying was already known between them- and while it might be simply for the benefit of his new underling, Yegel knew better than to assume there wasn't a different, less obvious purpose. "I've been screened by her multiple times- just like the doctors back on Nishtal, got clear marks across the board."
Her expression was twisted, clearly unwilling to accept that but unable to think of an adequate rebuke for it. "All the same," she started, shifting her wings to roll the fuel tank for her flamethrower from side to side, "I'm uncomfortable with this- it's dangerous to be eating with a predator, especially alone. Just because we're in the room doesn't mean we'll be able to react in time."
The old man's features wrinkled as he scowled, beak half-open, when Yegel jumped on the opportunity. "Actually, I agree," he stated, taking a bit of mischievous glee in the way their expressions popped in shock. "I would feel much safer if someone was sitting with us, to keep me safe."
Beak dropping open, her gaping expression twisted between shock and indignation as she choked at such blatant disrespect- but whatever retribution she thought to unleash was cut short as the old krakotl burst into loud, wheezing laughter, his bony wings thumping against the table as he howled in glee, making the dishes rattle dangerously. His laughter echoed through the room, to the visible discomfort of every other exterminator, half of them sinking back down from where they'd half-risen from their seats.
"Cheeky to the last, you are!" he barked, clutching his chest as he giggled dry, crackling chortles. "Ah, you have a point- best you sit with us, my dear- get introduced with- with this handsome young fella. Yegel, this is Lialu, daughter of my firstborn, and as you can see, the unfortunate inheritor of the branch up his bum." Kalina squawked indignantly, raising a wing as if to smack his shoulder in retribution, but her eyes flicked to Yegel as she paused, slowly settling back into a tense at-ease stance. "You might be working together someday- and if things go well, maybe a little more than that, hehe!" The sour twisting of her cheeks showed exactly what she thought of that idea.
"I'm flattered," Yegel droned dryly, "but I think if she hasn't even gotten her adult patterns, then that's far too dangerous for me."
"As if I'd be interested in such a disgraceful troublemaker in the first place!" she snapped right back, wings half-raised in a gesture of disgust. "tarnishing my career so early would be pointless- and I have no interest in such distractions anyways!"
"Bah, you're fourteen already, better that you start looking for a partner now," the geezer griped, ignoring the way she rolled her eyes uncomfortably. "This work's dangerous, girl- you can't plan for the future as if it's guaranteed, or else you'll find you've missed out." His eyes went a bit glassy and unfocused, staring off into the walls in an melancholic reminiscence. "Regret's a heavy thing to bear, and the years are never kind..."
The two younger krakotl shifted uncomfortably as silence fell, glancing between each other uncomfortably as he lapsed into old memories only he could see. Yegel was silently thankful for the break- these gaps in the old man's train of thought were the only thing that made these conversations manageable.
Unfortunately, Yegel's stomach decided to interject by gurgling it's frustration at being empty, snapping the greying elder out of his thoughts as his gaze snapped across the table. Yegel fought back the urge to flinch, if only barely- and even that was enough for the old man's eye to sparkle with something that made Yegel's skin crawl beneath his feathers.
"Ah, I've been distracting you with my yammering, haven't I?" the Head Exterminator apologized, gesturing grandly towards the array of filled dishes. "Go on, eat up boy- you've got a busy day ahead of you after all!" His wrinkled wing-hand receded from gesturing, and patted the young female on the shoulder. "You too, grand-daughter- gotta keep your calorie intake up to maintain those muscles- gear's heavy, and always getting heavier!"
Whatever his tone and attitude might have suggested, Yegel already knew that it wasn't a request. Gritting his beak, he delicately scooped up a bowl of thick, viscous algae, and methodically poured some into his beak.
Silty and clinging to his tongue, Yegel knew intellectually that this was a high-quality blend- that the consistency and density of the meal spoke of great care taken in the growing, filtering, and preparation of this dish- completely unlike the usual clumpy, soil-tainted slop served in the cafeteria. It was the sort of dish that must be incredibly expensive, even ignoring how far they were from anywhere of any importance- a culinary treat most on the base would have fought fiercely for a chance to try.
Yet as he consciously swallowed it down and discreetly clinked the bowl down on the table, all his tongue could taste was ash and flamethrower-fuel.
"Good, isn't it?" Geezil prompted as his grand-daughter also set her own bowl back down. "Straight from Nishtal, that is, grown properly in the pools, instead of them techno-vats they got on this here base. Reminds me of when I met Laila, you know- or rather, when I first worked up the gumption to ask for her time..." The old man chuckled to himself, his eyes staring off into the distance once again. "Stars, she was beautiful- and me a strapping young lad, straight from academy- big-headed from training, yet a fumbling mess with the other sex. Took me far too long to even make a pass, and longer still to make it official- kept finding excuses, when I really was just scared she'd say no!"
Yegel suppressed the urge to sigh, and found himself sharing a commiserating look with the exterminator who clearly had been through this rambling story almost as often as he had. Maybe he'd entertain the idea of bonding with her over it, if only he wasn't painfully aware of how strongly she and her friends wanted to reduce him to a pile of charred carbon. At least he wasn't suffering alone.
"You know, we got some side-eyes because of our difference in age- I was a fresh recruit, and she had been in the service for twelve years," Geezil confided absentmindedly, a dreamy expression on his face even as his granddaughter blanched and leaned away. "Ah, but we made it fine, found our happiness- and you should too!" he shifted, refocusing on his two unwilling guests. "Ten years made no difference, and you've a difference of what, five years? Not even that!"
Yegel inhaled deeply, letting his chest fully expand as he held back the surge of emotion that would certainly have worn through the elder's patience if let loose. Releasing the air in a deep sigh, he wrangled himself back into a restrained, controlled frame of mind. "Is trying to play matchmaker with your grand-daughter the only reason you arranged this meeting, sir? Because I stand by my utter lack of interest in her."
"Ah, you know it's not, you stiffneck," the old man grumbled, shifting around in his seat as he picked through his own spread of food. "You're a perfect fit for the corps, and we both know it. You got enough fire in you to want to fix the rot in society when you see it, and a good head on your neck as well- just gotta give you the training to aim it right, if you know what I'm saying." His cane reached out and tapped Yegel on the side jovially- and Yegel winced as his bruised ribs ignited in fiery pain, unable to stop a strained hiss from escaping his beak as he bent in place from the automatic tightening of his muscles.
Immediately, the entire room fell deathly still. Where once the silence had been uncomfortable but tolerable and interspersed with the inane sounds of clinking dishes, now it was an oppressive, choking claw squeezing around everyone's neck, unbroken by even a single breath of air.
"Barum." Geezil's flat, quiet statement whipped out through the stillness, a single cracking note that made the Takkan flinch in his seat. There was no waver in the old bird's voice now, only a cold, hard surety that made Yegel's feathers itch. "I was very explicit in my instructions. Was I not?"
"The- the predator resisted!" Barum tried to protest- though the waver in his voice clearly made it more of a plea. "With how dangerous he's proved to be, I had to-"
"Dangerous?" the drawled interruption made the hulking, thick-skinned exterminator flinch back from the dull-feathered bird barely half his size. "I see no injuries on any of you. There has never been an injury from officers bringing him in to me. I... was quite clear about wanting him brought here unharrassed." A single beady eye bored into the towering gray alien, making him shrink into himself under it's heat. "Do I lie?"
"S-sir please!" Sweat glistened on the Takkan's thick grey hide as he cowered back, his seat clattering to the floor as he stumbled. "It- I apologize, I swear I thought it was necessary! It won't happen again, sir! Please!"
Yegel knew what was coming next- the tightening of Geezil's beak and raising of the feathers on his back were a sure sign of how furious the old man was. All he had to do was sit back quietly and let it play out, and it would be both a distraction that bought him time, and retribution for the unnecessary blow he had taken- and was probably going to need to see the doctor for after this- if he was in a position to visit her, of course. Geezil's eyes were hard and cold, focused on his subordinate- getting between him and the subject of his ire would only earn him trouble... and yet, as Geezil's beak opened, he simply couldn't stop himself.
"While this is all quite engaging," Yegel interjected, refusing to flinch back as every eye in the room snapped towards him, Kalina's expression one of open shock while Geezil's screwed up in barely-contained fury, "but you said there was more to this meeting than making another recruitment pitch to me, yet all you've actually given besides that was an attempt to get me to go out with your grand-daughter." His confidence faltered as wrinkled eyes tightened, glaring holes into him, but he rallied himself and carefully considered his next words. "While your... repeated offers are actually quite flattering, I am quite happy with what I have managed to make for myself, without accepting favors or handouts- from anyone."
Geezil hummed to himself, maintaining his glare as the silent room held it's breath, before his jaw twitched upwards into a satisfied smirk, his eyes glinting as the granite in them faded into a smug satisfaction of having found what he was looking for. The entire room relaxed as he leaned backwards in his perch, Barum falling to the floor and trying to muffle the sounds of his heaving for breath. The gentle clinking of dishes and silverware once more filled the room in a very deliberate attempt at making noise, covering up the previous tension with artificial ease. Kalina was giving Yegel a look- not the pure disgust from earlier, but something confused, as if he were a particularly perplexing puzzle-game, or a problem that had suddenly reached an unexpected solution.
"You really can't help yourself, can you," Geezil noted approvingly, glancing over at his grand-daughter's reaction before nodding at Yegel- and making a jerking motion at Barum, who gulped and pulled himself off the floor, quietly hurrying his way out of the room. "So, I uh..." the light in his eyes faded, his beak clacking shut as he rapped his talons against his perch. "I, uh, huh... hmmm. There was, actually something else... Bother me, where were we? I can't remember..."
"I believe," Yegel commented dryly, fighting to keep his own breathing even, "That I was once again saying how content I am with my current position, and that even this doctor being imported just for me isn't enough for me to leave everything behind and run into the Exterminator Corps."
"Ah, right, right," he nodded, snagging on to the lead Yegel had thrown him, before pausing and looking out over the room. "I do respect what you've managed on your own," he finally admitted, setting his bowl to the side, "But this time... this doctor, he's not exactly playing fair. This is politics, the nasty sort- where he's going to do everything he can to make you disappear. Unless, of course..." reaching into his own pouch, he shakily produces a holopad that he slides over to Yegel, displaying a series of documents- and a prominent line for signatures. "You take an alternative. Sign up, and it'll be our own docs who do your eval- and you'll clear their tests just fine, I think. Might not be your ideal career path- but I'm loathe to let such a promising young man get screwed by Old-Molts with thin egos and sharp talons."
Yegel's first instinct was to push the pad away, to reject it like he usually did- but now, he paused, expression screwed up in conflict. A part of him was tempted- severely tempted- to accept- the part of him that was still terrified of the looming threat, that wanted to run somewhere-anywhere- and hide until this whole twisted situation just went away.
Was he being selfish, rejecting an offer like this? Wouldn't the right thing to do be to accept and guarantee he stayed alive, like Jelliba and Kallik so desperately wanted? Why take the risk, when safety was right here, just a signature away- something that would guarantee him the chance to see what Jelliba's final design would look like, to see Kallik climb through the ranks like Yegel knew he someday would? Was it pride that stayed his talons, or was he simply afraid of change?
"Seriously?!" his granddaughter hissed, clearly taken aback, unaware of Yegel's silent internal debate as she rounded on her grandfather angrily. "That's why he's here? So we can just ignore his entire history of warning signs, just because you like him? With a record like his-"
"-He'd fit right in," he finished for her, eyes narrowed in a disappointed glare that had her beak snapping closed as she shrunk back into her perch. "I know you ain't seen most of it, Lialu, but most of our recruits aren't exactly got glistening feathers. Heck, lots of our older recruits got worse on their record! It's half the point of the training regimen, to file down the burrs in their talons, make something useful from them."
File down the burrs... Was he really willing to accept what that entailed? What parts of himself would he need to sacrifice, if he went down this road? What would he become, on the other side of whatever training they had in store for him?
Would he still be Yegel?
Inhaling deeply through his beak, Yegel grasped the pad, which felt far heavier than it should... and gently slid it back over to Geezil.
"If I accepted now, that would practically be an admission of being sick," Yegel breathed, his heart pounding heavily within his chest. "I... am going to see this through- I will pass this evaluation, no matter what he throws at me- and then!" Finally, he looked Geezil in the eye, firming his own resolve as he squared his shoulders. "Then, and only then, will I consider your offer."
Geezil watched on, the burning tongues of some dark flame flickering behind his ancient eyes. When Yegel stood strong, his feathers crinkled into an amused display, even as he shook his head in mock disappointment. "Ah, you really are a fine young lad," he sighed mournfully, rapping his cane against the table. "Are you sure? The doctor arrived only an hour ago in port- this is your last chance, before we have to take you to your evaluation. And without anyone having requested the extra security of one of my officers, why, this might be the last time we see each other!"
Ah. So that was the old geezer's game. Yegel pushed down the rising surge of fear, quivering in his perch as he forced himself to meet the elder's gaze. "Then I'll go ahead and invite you myself- I'm more than happy to have an audience to me proving my innocence."
The old bird's beak twisted into an ugly grin. "I am sure you do. Lialu, go ahead- consider this a learning experience for the future, hmn? Now, I won't waste any more of your time- so off you go!"
The scraping of seats being pushed out was all the warning Yegel got before he was grabbed and pulled from his seat. "Hey, hey, gentle with him, you hard-headed brutes!" Scoffing, Geezil pushed himself back in his seat, glaring at his Exterminators as Yegel was unceremoniously dropped.
"So, you planned this all out in advance, didn't you?" Yegel guessed, pushing himself to his feet- and wincing as his side twinged in pain, reminding him of the rapidly-swelling bruise.
"Dunno what you mean," Geezil denied in faux apology, as his granddaughter gaped between the two of them, clearly lost on what was happening. "Figured you needed a chance to make the right choice- or failing that, a decent last meal." Waving his wing in disappointment, he gestured towards the door- which Yegel found himself getting rapidly pushed towards. "Good luck, lad- I hope to see you again someday!"
"Don't worry, sir," Yegel snapped back, shouldering away from his escorts and refusing to look back. "I'll be back sooner than you think."
The doors slammed shut behind his escorts, reflecting the young female's confused, conflicted gaze as she strode alongside him- Yegel felt a moment of pity for the young girl, who the geezer had clearly thrown into the deep end on purpose. Hopefully she caught onto the game soon, otherwise she'd end up as somebody's tool- though maybe it was already too late for that.
Stomach roiling at the thought of what lay ahead, Yegel couldn't help the feeling of regret for not taking the escape offered to him- sure it wouldn't be ideal, but he owed it to the people most important to him to make sure he stuck around a little longer. Why he'd rejected it... he couldn't quite put it into words, only a feeling that it would have been... wrong, somehow.
The cafeteria murmured again as he was led through the mealtime crowd, catching the panicked gazes of his friends across the room. Kallik was halfway out of his seat before Yegel carefully gestured back, tapping his wing against his throat- and watching his friend slowly settle back down, Kallik's eyes growing focused as he turned and strode towards a different exit, vanishing into the distance as Yegel was dragged through a set of doors out into a cold, grey hallway.
Clenching his gullet, he carefully felt out around Kallik's gift- safely stored within his throat. The creeping tendrils of terror within his mind were growing stronger, but he chose to have faith in his friend- and resolved to make sure his efforts were not wasted.
He'd find a way through- he just had to keep moving forward.
///
one week earlier...
Once he'd had the chance to compose himself, Yegel returned to his viewing- he wanted to see what happened next, after such a massive shift in the struggle now that Eren had actually earned them a victory.
Despite that, Armin's narration pointed out that too many lives had been lost for any celebrations to be in order- a sentiment that Yegel understood, but... well, he wasn't as surprised to to see it from the humans anymore. Imagine, it wasn't long ago that he'd have been expecting them to revel in the carnage like other predators, uncaring of the toll in lives- yet here they were, deeply affected by the loss of so many friends and comrades, and instead of being baffled by it, Yegel completely understood their response.
Oh, and they'd taken advantage of their unique situation to even capture two of the smaller titans, presumably for study- which, given Eren's sudden new powers, was probably something that needed more study than initially presumed. Thankfully the restraints seems pretty extensive, so hopefully they could keep the monsters contained- but still, imagine being the poor soul tasked with keeping them locked down! Hopefully it wouldn't take long for them to get what they needed and dispose of the creatures.
Of course, with victory came the morbid task of cleaning up the aftermath- and not in the way anyone else in the Federation would believe if he told them. Gathering up bodies as respectfully as they could, instead of devouring them on the spot? He'd be hard-pressed to convince anyone he was telling the truth!
Wait... Marco?!
When did Marco die?! Yegel thought he'd gotten away after saving Jean! Maybe it was in the push to get Eren to the gate? Geez, and Jean was the one to find him- Marco had been so supportive of him, despite Jean's fear and self-doubts, always willing to give a word of encouragement and affirm Jean's place as leader... and now he was gone, with Jean being forced to help the cleanup crew's by giving Marco's details...
The female doctor brought up something Yegel hadn't considered- that the reason for the urgency of their cleanup was because of the risk of an epidemic breaking out. The dead had been left too long, and now there was a risk of a secondary disaster if the humans didn't hurry. Yegel had never really considered something like that- meat was meat to predators, wasn't it? The Arxur never seemed to mind eating bodies they stumbled across, so he'd somehow assumed that diseases like that weren't a concern for predators.
Just another area where the humans proved their difference from the greys, he supposed.
Thankfully, the camera hadn't focused on Marco's corpse for too long, so Yegel was able to contain his urge to gag, focusing in on Jean and his emotional response- and how expressive human faces were, even when covered by face-masks to protect themselves from germs and contamination. Of course that was when the scene shifted to Sasha and Connie, helping to clean up a massive ball of... flesh... that apparently titans upchuck when they're too full, since they don't actually have a digestive track... and a closeup showed a human mouth inside, still opened in a silent scream...
Yes, hello wastebin, been a moment since we last met, how have you been? Don't mind me, just emptying my stomach again!
...Yegel didn't like Sasha- she was clearly the most "predatory" of the humans- but at least here, the disgust and horror on her face showed that there were lines even she wouldn't cross.
Even Annie, the stoic female who never seemed to show emotion, was shaken- standing over a body, apologizing over and over again, before Reiner pointed out that contrition did the dead no good, and that they needed a proper burial. So the humans buried their dead? That was kind of similar to Gojid traditions for honoring the dead, burying them in vast family crypts.
But, why did the scene shift to a fire burning? What were they-
Oh.
So that's what those grey flakes that had been falling everywhere were. Yegel had kind of been wondering about that.
So, they didn't even have time to give proper burials to everyone.
That...
Yegel forced himself to take a deep breath, rubbing the sides of his head as he exhaled. He'd say it was similar to Krakotl death rites, purifying the body to drift through the divine winds of Nishtal, to be carried away to Intala's realm, but... in this context, it clearly must have been desperation and urgency rather than a matter of respect.
...Intala, please watch over them.
...Thankfully, the perspective then shifted back to Eren- who was now locked up in a cell deep underground, and chained to a bed. Understandable precautions- his powers were clearly still volatile, and the last thing the humans needed to deal with was a rogue titan wandering around.
Commander Erwin and Captain Levi were outside his cell, watching him. Erwin asked if he had any questions- which, well, Yegel obviously had several, but Eren was still disoriented from waking up. Which made sense, given how much using his power seemed to take out of him- he must have been exhausted after carrying that boulder for so long.
Erwin proceeded to ask about the key that had held such importance- and the secret that was apparently hidden beneath Eren's house. Eren confirmed, and Levi scoffed about how it must suck to have your dad and your memories MIA at the same time- unless it was just a cover story. Which- was a reasonable concern, but... was that what Yegel sounded like to other people?
At least Erwin confirmed that they knew Eren had no reason to lie- and proceeded to ask Eren what he wanted- what his intentions were. After all, to reach the cellar, they'd need to seal the breach in the other wall like they'd done in Trost- which required Eren's special power. Apparently they'd even conjectured that the Colossal and Armored titan must be like Eren- titans piloted by people?! Which did make sense- the Bad Humans probably had an easier time developing and using titan powers, since they weren't trying to fight or resist their predator instincts. That also would explain their motive- killing all the good humans would mean the bad humans would win, and be able to rule as dominant predators like the Arxur did.
...Was there a group of good Arxur once, that lost their own fight with the Arxur Yegel knew?
NO. No, that was impossible- there was no way the greys had ever had anything good within them- they were monsters through and through! Good Arxur? Ridiculous- just because humans were an insane enigma that broke every rule as if they were intentionally trying to didn't mean the same applied to other predators!
Unless of course, the good Arxur had all been killed-
No. NO. Yegel was not going down that path of madness! He was not!
...
...Erwin expanded on his statement, saying that was why he asked Eren's intentions- because Eren could save "us," presumably meaning the good humans. Eren initially said he didn't know- but then his past, his memories, all flooded through his head- his inner voice angrily declaring that he would stop this with his bare hands! When Levi pressed for an answer, Eren looked up with a downright deranged grin- and declared that he wanted to kill all the titans- every last one.
So that's how Eren turned out different- he'd aimed his instincts towards the monsters, and become obsessed with wiping out the titans, instead of wanting to consume humans like every other titan did. That said something about Eren's mental fortitude- and why he still had difficulties with his power. Actively twisting your instincts like that must cross a few wires, leaving him needing to actively learn things instead of simply doing what came naturally.
Levi seemed to like that answer, a gleam entering his eyes as he approached Eren's cell and announced that he'd take responsibility for him. Not that he implicitly trusted him, but that he trusted his abilities to kill Eren if necessary. He offered Eren congratulations, officially welcoming him as a new member of the Scouting Corps- and told Erwin to let the higher-ups know.
And then announced that, despite this meeting, Eren wasn't out of the woods yet- as he was going to stand trial, where they'd need to argue against him simply being killed.
Because of course it couldn't be that simple.
submitted by Cheesypower to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
Even almost a week later, Yegel was still soaring on the hope from that day. A weight on his eyes that he'd never even noticed had been lifted, leaving him more alert and awake, the whole world more vibrant and colorful.
Of course, the morning after had brought clarity- and an additional helping of stress. Having had the time to calm down and examine it, he was realizing that the fact he now saw humans as people was dangerous- especially with such an important and dangerous screening coming up. If he accidentally sympathized too much in one place, or had a reaction that he would never have had before...
...He still couldn't bring himself to regret it though. Even the fading of his emotional high hadn't erased what felt like an important revelation- that he no longer thought of humans as predators with interesting quirks, but as real, actual people, with true empathy and sapience. They were still predators, still alien in ways he couldn't understand- but now, that didn't feel like the same kind of impenetrable barrier that it used to be.
Still, now he had to be even more careful going forward- regardless of it being the truth, nobody else would believe him about a predator species being fully sapient and civilized. If anything, trying to convince anyone would get him institutionalized- and he was already fighting far too hard to keep himself out of those nightmare-makers for as long as he could manage. At least with humanity being extinct, the topic was unlikely to come up, but he hadn't made it this far in life without preparing for even the unlikely.
Caution was still warranted though, and so he'd been spending his time preparing and watching the manifests for incoming ships- so when he saw a group of scowling figures approaching him from behind at lunchtime, it was less of a shock and more the realization of inevitability.
Exterminators. Just what he needed to deal with today.
Sighing quietly, he fought down the rising panic and instinctive urge to run, and instead pretended not to notice the approaching officers- running never did any good, and trying to fight back or protest would lead to... retaliation.
Their timing was just the worst though- he'd been looking forward to having lunch with his friends, and taking a chance to decompress and relax. He'd been meticulous so far this week at maintaining his stress- other than his newfound indulgence in forbidden predator media- so it wasn't like he was scrambling to calm down. However, he really could use every bit of patience and composure he could get.
The grasping hands roughly pulling him out of the lunch-line, however, clearly didn't care about that, immediately starting to goosestep him through the cafeteria, regardless of the whispers and stares now coming their way.
"Lieutenant Yegel," a vaguely-familiar voice barked harshly as he was shoved forward, "your presence is required immediately. You are coming with us."
A bit late to give him a warning, wasn't it? Especially since he wasn't resisting in the first place. It was just theater to them- reciting something because they were supposed to, despite the outcome having already been determined. It was better to just not antagonize them-
"You know," he couldn't stop himself from saying, "If you wanted a date, you could have just a-"
A massive fist slammed into him, burying itself beneath his ribcage. The words died in his throat as all his air was forcefully expelled, his talons leaving the ground as he bent double over the grey three-toed paw.
"Quiet, predator," the Takkan ground out, slowly removing his forelimb from where it had been buried in Yegel's gut. "you'll only talk if our boss deigns to let filth like you waste our air, got it?"
Wheezing in reply, Yegel fought to try and recover the air that had been forcefully driven out of him, the exterminators yanking him by his wings and dragging him onwards. Perhaps it was good that he hadn't eaten yet- nothing there to have upchucked other than the vile spittle now burning at his tongue.
Guess he must be a new transfer, Yegel thought offhandedly, glancing up to see them approaching a familiar eating area. That would be a useful distraction from the main threat. Fighting down the pain through bitter familiarity, Yegel did his best to relax his feathers and his mind- he'd need all of it for this next mental sparring match.
Ornate doors covered in intricate patterns were thoughtlessly slammed open as the Exterminators dragged him into the private eating area, the shift between industrial flooring and soft, luxurious padding making his dragging talons catch on the delicate textiles. Vibrantly detailed paintings hung amidst sprawling vines imported from Nishtal, cast in cool, fluorescent light that made their rich colorings shimmer as he was dragged by. Even the tables and chairs were carved in the old Krakotl fashions, padding clearly intended for nesting rather than the utilitarian perching of the seats in the mess-hall.
It wasn't perfect though- spots of dull gray industrial walls poked through gaps between the wood, and the carpet was peeling in places, revealing the dirty standard flooring beneath. Despite the valiant attempts, any further inspection made it clear that this was all inserted after this area had already been built- a veneer of elegance plastered over a crude, utilitarian base.
Unfortunately, he did not get the chance to indulge in the comfortable seating, instead receiving a sharp blow between his wings that pushed him to the ground, heavy feet planting themselves on his back and neck to pin him to the ground. Iron grips continued holding his wings, pulling them painfully above his back, where they felt moments away from getting dislocated. Dragging in a rasping breath, his eyes roved to the two exterminators now aiming their flamethrowers at him, a young krakotl female whose adult patterns hadn't even fully come in yet, and a grim-eyed Gojid with distinct scarring, who at least looked somewhat professional as opposed to his partner's obvious anger and twitching trigger.
"Oh, fer Intala's sake," a familiar wheezing voice groaned in exasperation. "Can't trust you Grucknut-heads with anything, can I?"
The Krakotl tottering into the room was puffing what rough, stringy feathers he had left in irritation, a walking cane thunking on the floor as he hobbled over to a table decorated in a carving of two krakotl in flight- though from this angle, it looked more like they were plummeting to the ground. The skin around the geezer's eyes was wrinkled and gathered into such heavy bags that he seemed to be squinting at all the world around him- though Yegel certainly didn't miss the cold, calculating glint buried deep within his eyes.
"Off!" He barked, clacking his way over to where Yegel was pinned, angrily thumping his cane against the very confused Exterminators pinning him down. "Off him, you nut-skulled lunks! Bad enough you can't remember simple instructions, now you make me correct your messes meself? Off I say!"
In the face of the irate elder, the befuddled Exterminator's grips on Yegel loosened, finally letting his wings fall slack enough to make his chest stop feeling like it was stuck in an industrial compressor. Gratefully sucking in air as his rapidly-bruising side twinged, he looked up to find the his crotchety savior kneeling next to him, one wing resting on his cane as he creakily settled into a crouch.
"Sorry about the fuss," he wheezed, flicking his tail angrily at the young krakotl who had been moving forward indignantly. "Ask them to invite somebody to mealtime, and they go and pull this." A shaking wing reached out, offering it's grip to Yegel. "Up you come, boy. I'll not have you eating off the floor like some animal."
Yegel eyed the shaking hand, before planting his wings on the ground, fighting through the pain until he'd pushed himself onto his talons through his own strength. A glimmer of something oily flashed behind the old man's squinting eyes as he watched the display, snorting in amusement when Yegel reached out and pulled the Elder to his feet instead.
"Wasn't much of a request," he commented, carefully ignoring the angry shuffling of the people he knew had flamethrowers trained on him. "I don't suppose you're just wanting to make another sales pitch, are you Geezil?"
"Hah!" the old man barked, toddling over to a cushioned seat, "Always so blunt, Yegel. Straight to business, every time!" The younger krakotl female stepped forward, gently helping the grumbling man into his seat, where he sighed and immediately settled back into the cushions. "Ah, don't worry, got more to say than the usual this time- but first, got a special something for our meal."
With a flick of his wing, he signaled several servers to quietly enter the room, carrying a wide array of dishes and platters that were quickly and efficiently distributed to the relevant tables- both for the old man and Yegel, and even for the other exterminators, who glanced warily between the food, Yegel, and the officer watching everything with a hawkish stare. None of them seemed brave enough to decide what to do- or to stop Yegel as he began moving forward.
Yegel carefully pulled out his own perch, keeping his own movements slow as he settled into the admittedly-luxurious seating. Commander Geezil, the one in charge of the base's Exterminators- and probably one of the oldest individuals still serving within that institution's ranks. He'd heard the rumors about this being an unofficial forced retirement- storing him someplace out of the way when they couldn't make him quit- but he'd come to know the old man too well to believe it. He'd chosen this post himself- and Yegel still couldn't figure out why.
"Sir," the young krakotl started, giving Yegel the stink-eye from across the table, "I must ask what you are doing- you are well aware that he's-"
"Accused, girl," the codger interrupted, frilling his feathers derisively, "by a bitter fleet commander with a record of incidents from his troops longer than his crew-lists- and a penchant for lashing out at those he thinks insulted him." Seeing her shrink back at his harsh tone, his tattered feathers smoothed back down, a shaking wing reaching out and gently patting her shoulder. "Ah, it's politics, grand-daughter- a vile game of inflated egos and pointless posturing. It's like a courtship dance with a Duerten- unpleasant, filled with angry words, with a result that's unpleasant regardless of success or failure- but if you try to skip out, you're liable to lose an eye or worse, hehe."
"Still," she insisted, though much more hesitantly now, her eyes not quite as harsh as they flicked over at him, "with a list of incidents this long, however justified, you must admit it is a clear sign of a violent, unstable nature. If he were to suddenly lash out..."
"I've personally reviewed each incident," the commander snorted, swirling an eating utensil through the bowl in front of him. "Didn't find a single one where he were in the wrong. Besides, were we really concerned about his mind, we got a perfectly good doctor right on-base." His gimlet eyes turned to Yegel, the corners of his beak turned up in a smirk. "You're familiar with her, of course?"
"Indeed," Yegel admitted, keeping his wings at his side despite the tightening of his stomach as the smells of the meal assaulted him. Everything the old man was saying was already known between them- and while it might be simply for the benefit of his new underling, Yegel knew better than to assume there wasn't a different, less obvious purpose. "I've been screened by her multiple times- just like the doctors back on Nishtal, got clear marks across the board."
Her expression was twisted, clearly unwilling to accept that but unable to think of an adequate rebuke for it. "All the same," she started, shifting her wings to roll the fuel tank for her flamethrower from side to side, "I'm uncomfortable with this- it's dangerous to be eating with a predator, especially alone. Just because we're in the room doesn't mean we'll be able to react in time."
The old man's features wrinkled as he scowled, beak half-open, when Yegel jumped on the opportunity. "Actually, I agree," he stated, taking a bit of mischievous glee in the way their expressions popped in shock. "I would feel much safer if someone was sitting with us, to keep me safe."
Beak dropping open, her gaping expression twisted between shock and indignation as she choked at such blatant disrespect- but whatever retribution she thought to unleash was cut short as the old krakotl burst into loud, wheezing laughter, his bony wings thumping against the table as he howled in glee, making the dishes rattle dangerously. His laughter echoed through the room, to the visible discomfort of every other exterminator, half of them sinking back down from where they'd half-risen from their seats.
"Cheeky to the last, you are!" he barked, clutching his chest as he giggled dry, crackling chortles. "Ah, you have a point- best you sit with us, my dear- get introduced with- with this handsome young fella. Yegel, this is Lialu, daughter of my firstborn, and as you can see, the unfortunate inheritor of the branch up his bum." Kalina squawked indignantly, raising a wing as if to smack his shoulder in retribution, but her eyes flicked to Yegel as she paused, slowly settling back into a tense at-ease stance. "You might be working together someday- and if things go well, maybe a little more than that, hehe!" The sour twisting of her cheeks showed exactly what she thought of that idea.
"I'm flattered," Yegel droned dryly, "but I think if she hasn't even gotten her adult patterns, then that's far too dangerous for me."
"As if I'd be interested in such a disgraceful troublemaker in the first place!" she snapped right back, wings half-raised in a gesture of disgust. "tarnishing my career so early would be pointless- and I have no interest in such distractions anyways!"
"Bah, you're fourteen already, better that you start looking for a partner now," the geezer griped, ignoring the way she rolled her eyes uncomfortably. "This work's dangerous, girl- you can't plan for the future as if it's guaranteed, or else you'll find you've missed out." His eyes went a bit glassy and unfocused, staring off into the walls in an melancholic reminiscence. "Regret's a heavy thing to bear, and the years are never kind..."
The two younger krakotl shifted uncomfortably as silence fell, glancing between each other uncomfortably as he lapsed into old memories only he could see. Yegel was silently thankful for the break- these gaps in the old man's train of thought were the only thing that made these conversations manageable.
Unfortunately, Yegel's stomach decided to interject by gurgling it's frustration at being empty, snapping the greying elder out of his thoughts as his gaze snapped across the table. Yegel fought back the urge to flinch, if only barely- and even that was enough for the old man's eye to sparkle with something that made Yegel's skin crawl beneath his feathers.
"Ah, I've been distracting you with my yammering, haven't I?" the Head Exterminator apologized, gesturing grandly towards the array of filled dishes. "Go on, eat up boy- you've got a busy day ahead of you after all!" His wrinkled wing-hand receded from gesturing, and patted the young female on the shoulder. "You too, grand-daughter- gotta keep your calorie intake up to maintain those muscles- gear's heavy, and always getting heavier!"
Whatever his tone and attitude might have suggested, Yegel already knew that it wasn't a request. Gritting his beak, he delicately scooped up a bowl of thick, viscous algae, and methodically poured some into his beak.
Silty and clinging to his tongue, Yegel knew intellectually that this was a high-quality blend- that the consistency and density of the meal spoke of great care taken in the growing, filtering, and preparation of this dish- completely unlike the usual clumpy, soil-tainted slop served in the cafeteria. It was the sort of dish that must be incredibly expensive, even ignoring how far they were from anywhere of any importance- a culinary treat most on the base would have fought fiercely for a chance to try.
Yet as he consciously swallowed it down and discreetly clinked the bowl down on the table, all his tongue could taste was ash and flamethrower-fuel.
"Good, isn't it?" Geezil prompted as his grand-daughter also set her own bowl back down. "Straight from Nishtal, that is, grown properly in the pools, instead of them techno-vats they got on this here base. Reminds me of when I met Laila, you know- or rather, when I first worked up the gumption to ask for her time..." The old man chuckled to himself, his eyes staring off into the distance once again. "Stars, she was beautiful- and me a strapping young lad, straight from academy- big-headed from training, yet a fumbling mess with the other sex. Took me far too long to even make a pass, and longer still to make it official- kept finding excuses, when I really was just scared she'd say no!"
Yegel suppressed the urge to sigh, and found himself sharing a commiserating look with the exterminator who clearly had been through this rambling story almost as often as he had. Maybe he'd entertain the idea of bonding with her over it, if only he wasn't painfully aware of how strongly she and her friends wanted to reduce him to a pile of charred carbon. At least he wasn't suffering alone.
"You know, we got some side-eyes because of our difference in age- I was a fresh recruit, and she had been in the service for twelve years," Geezil confided absentmindedly, a dreamy expression on his face even as his granddaughter blanched and leaned away. "Ah, but we made it fine, found our happiness- and you should too!" he shifted, refocusing on his two unwilling guests. "Ten years made no difference, and you've a difference of what, five years? Not even that!"
Yegel inhaled deeply, letting his chest fully expand as he held back the surge of emotion that would certainly have worn through the elder's patience if let loose. Releasing the air in a deep sigh, he wrangled himself back into a restrained, controlled frame of mind. "Is trying to play matchmaker with your grand-daughter the only reason you arranged this meeting, sir? Because I stand by my utter lack of interest in her."
"Ah, you know it's not, you stiffneck," the old man grumbled, shifting around in his seat as he picked through his own spread of food. "You're a perfect fit for the corps, and we both know it. You got enough fire in you to want to fix the rot in society when you see it, and a good head on your neck as well- just gotta give you the training to aim it right, if you know what I'm saying." His cane reached out and tapped Yegel on the side jovially- and Yegel winced as his bruised ribs ignited in fiery pain, unable to stop a strained hiss from escaping his beak as he bent in place from the automatic tightening of his muscles.
Immediately, the entire room fell deathly still. Where once the silence had been uncomfortable but tolerable and interspersed with the inane sounds of clinking dishes, now it was an oppressive, choking claw squeezing around everyone's neck, unbroken by even a single breath of air.
"Barum." Geezil's flat, quiet statement whipped out through the stillness, a single cracking note that made the Takkan flinch in his seat. There was no waver in the old bird's voice now, only a cold, hard surety that made Yegel's feathers itch. "I was very explicit in my instructions. Was I not?"
"The- the predator resisted!" Barum tried to protest- though the waver in his voice clearly made it more of a plea. "With how dangerous he's proved to be, I had to-"
"Dangerous?" the drawled interruption made the hulking, thick-skinned exterminator flinch back from the dull-feathered bird barely half his size. "I see no injuries on any of you. There has never been an injury from officers bringing him in to me. I... was quite clear about wanting him brought here unharrassed." A single beady eye bored into the towering gray alien, making him shrink into himself under it's heat. "Do I lie?"
"S-sir please!" Sweat glistened on the Takkan's thick grey hide as he cowered back, his seat clattering to the floor as he stumbled. "It- I apologize, I swear I thought it was necessary! It won't happen again, sir! Please!"
Yegel knew what was coming next- the tightening of Geezil's beak and raising of the feathers on his back were a sure sign of how furious the old man was. All he had to do was sit back quietly and let it play out, and it would be both a distraction that bought him time, and retribution for the unnecessary blow he had taken- and was probably going to need to see the doctor for after this- if he was in a position to visit her, of course. Geezil's eyes were hard and cold, focused on his subordinate- getting between him and the subject of his ire would only earn him trouble... and yet, as Geezil's beak opened, he simply couldn't stop himself.
"While this is all quite engaging," Yegel interjected, refusing to flinch back as every eye in the room snapped towards him, Kalina's expression one of open shock while Geezil's screwed up in barely-contained fury, "but you said there was more to this meeting than making another recruitment pitch to me, yet all you've actually given besides that was an attempt to get me to go out with your grand-daughter." His confidence faltered as wrinkled eyes tightened, glaring holes into him, but he rallied himself and carefully considered his next words. "While your... repeated offers are actually quite flattering, I am quite happy with what I have managed to make for myself, without accepting favors or handouts- from anyone."
Geezil hummed to himself, maintaining his glare as the silent room held it's breath, before his jaw twitched upwards into a satisfied smirk, his eyes glinting as the granite in them faded into a smug satisfaction of having found what he was looking for. The entire room relaxed as he leaned backwards in his perch, Barum falling to the floor and trying to muffle the sounds of his heaving for breath. The gentle clinking of dishes and silverware once more filled the room in a very deliberate attempt at making noise, covering up the previous tension with artificial ease. Kalina was giving Yegel a look- not the pure disgust from earlier, but something confused, as if he were a particularly perplexing puzzle-game, or a problem that had suddenly reached an unexpected solution.
"You really can't help yourself, can you," Geezil noted approvingly, glancing over at his grand-daughter's reaction before nodding at Yegel- and making a jerking motion at Barum, who gulped and pulled himself off the floor, quietly hurrying his way out of the room. "So, I uh..." the light in his eyes faded, his beak clacking shut as he rapped his talons against his perch. "I, uh, huh... hmmm. There was, actually something else... Bother me, where were we? I can't remember..."
"I believe," Yegel commented dryly, fighting to keep his own breathing even, "That I was once again saying how content I am with my current position, and that even this doctor being imported just for me isn't enough for me to leave everything behind and run into the Exterminator Corps."
"Ah, right, right," he nodded, snagging on to the lead Yegel had thrown him, before pausing and looking out over the room. "I do respect what you've managed on your own," he finally admitted, setting his bowl to the side, "But this time... this doctor, he's not exactly playing fair. This is politics, the nasty sort- where he's going to do everything he can to make you disappear. Unless, of course..." reaching into his own pouch, he shakily produces a holopad that he slides over to Yegel, displaying a series of documents- and a prominent line for signatures. "You take an alternative. Sign up, and it'll be our own docs who do your eval- and you'll clear their tests just fine, I think. Might not be your ideal career path- but I'm loathe to let such a promising young man get screwed by Old-Molts with thin egos and sharp talons."
Yegel's first instinct was to push the pad away, to reject it like he usually did- but now, he paused, expression screwed up in conflict. A part of him was tempted- severely tempted- to accept- the part of him that was still terrified of the looming threat, that wanted to run somewhere-anywhere- and hide until this whole twisted situation just went away.
Was he being selfish, rejecting an offer like this? Wouldn't the right thing to do be to accept and guarantee he stayed alive, like Jelliba and Kallik so desperately wanted? Why take the risk, when safety was right here, just a signature away- something that would guarantee him the chance to see what Jelliba's final design would look like, to see Kallik climb through the ranks like Yegel knew he someday would? Was it pride that stayed his talons, or was he simply afraid of change?
"Seriously?!" his granddaughter hissed, clearly taken aback, unaware of Yegel's silent internal debate as she rounded on her grandfather angrily. "That's why he's here? So we can just ignore his entire history of warning signs, just because you like him? With a record like his-"
"-He'd fit right in," he finished for her, eyes narrowed in a disappointed glare that had her beak snapping closed as she shrunk back into her perch. "I know you ain't seen most of it, Lialu, but most of our recruits aren't exactly got glistening feathers. Heck, lots of our older recruits got worse on their record! It's half the point of the training regimen, to file down the burrs in their talons, make something useful from them."
File down the burrs... Was he really willing to accept what that entailed? What parts of himself would he need to sacrifice, if he went down this road? What would he become, on the other side of whatever training they had in store for him?
Would he still be Yegel?
Inhaling deeply through his beak, Yegel grasped the pad, which felt far heavier than it should... and gently slid it back over to Geezil.
"If I accepted now, that would practically be an admission of being sick," Yegel breathed, his heart pounding heavily within his chest. "I... am going to see this through- I will pass this evaluation, no matter what he throws at me- and then!" Finally, he looked Geezil in the eye, firming his own resolve as he squared his shoulders. "Then, and only then, will I consider your offer."
Geezil watched on, the burning tongues of some dark flame flickering behind his ancient eyes. When Yegel stood strong, his feathers crinkled into an amused display, even as he shook his head in mock disappointment. "Ah, you really are a fine young lad," he sighed mournfully, rapping his cane against the table. "Are you sure? The doctor arrived only an hour ago in port- this is your last chance, before we have to take you to your evaluation. And without anyone having requested the extra security of one of my officers, why, this might be the last time we see each other!"
Ah. So that was the old geezer's game. Yegel pushed down the rising surge of fear, quivering in his perch as he forced himself to meet the elder's gaze. "Then I'll go ahead and invite you myself- I'm more than happy to have an audience to me proving my innocence."
The old bird's beak twisted into an ugly grin. "I am sure you do. Lialu, go ahead- consider this a learning experience for the future, hmn? Now, I won't waste any more of your time- so off you go!"
The scraping of seats being pushed out was all the warning Yegel got before he was grabbed and pulled from his seat. "Hey, hey, gentle with him, you hard-headed brutes!" Scoffing, Geezil pushed himself back in his seat, glaring at his Exterminators as Yegel was unceremoniously dropped.
"So, you planned this all out in advance, didn't you?" Yegel guessed, pushing himself to his feet- and wincing as his side twinged in pain, reminding him of the rapidly-swelling bruise.
"Dunno what you mean," Geezil denied in faux apology, as his granddaughter gaped between the two of them, clearly lost on what was happening. "Figured you needed a chance to make the right choice- or failing that, a decent last meal." Waving his wing in disappointment, he gestured towards the door- which Yegel found himself getting rapidly pushed towards. "Good luck, lad- I hope to see you again someday!"
"Don't worry, sir," Yegel snapped back, shouldering away from his escorts and refusing to look back. "I'll be back sooner than you think."
The doors slammed shut behind his escorts, reflecting the young female's confused, conflicted gaze as she strode alongside him- Yegel felt a moment of pity for the young girl, who the geezer had clearly thrown into the deep end on purpose. Hopefully she caught onto the game soon, otherwise she'd end up as somebody's tool- though maybe it was already too late for that.
Stomach roiling at the thought of what lay ahead, Yegel couldn't help the feeling of regret for not taking the escape offered to him- sure it wouldn't be ideal, but he owed it to the people most important to him to make sure he stuck around a little longer. Why he'd rejected it... he couldn't quite put it into words, only a feeling that it would have been... wrong, somehow.
The cafeteria murmured again as he was led through the mealtime crowd, catching the panicked gazes of his friends across the room. Kallik was halfway out of his seat before Yegel carefully gestured back, tapping his wing against his throat- and watching his friend slowly settle back down, Kallik's eyes growing focused as he turned and strode towards a different exit, vanishing into the distance as Yegel was dragged through a set of doors out into a cold, grey hallway.
Clenching his gullet, he carefully felt out around Kallik's gift- safely stored within his throat. The creeping tendrils of terror within his mind were growing stronger, but he chose to have faith in his friend- and resolved to make sure his efforts were not wasted.
He'd find a way through- he just had to keep moving forward.
///
one week earlier...
Once he'd had the chance to compose himself, Yegel returned to his viewing- he wanted to see what happened next, after such a massive shift in the struggle now that Eren had actually earned them a victory.
Despite that, Armin's narration pointed out that too many lives had been lost for any celebrations to be in order- a sentiment that Yegel understood, but... well, he wasn't as surprised to to see it from the humans anymore. Imagine, it wasn't long ago that he'd have been expecting them to revel in the carnage like other predators, uncaring of the toll in lives- yet here they were, deeply affected by the loss of so many friends and comrades, and instead of being baffled by it, Yegel completely understood their response.
Oh, and they'd taken advantage of their unique situation to even capture two of the smaller titans, presumably for study- which, given Eren's sudden new powers, was probably something that needed more study than initially presumed. Thankfully the restraints seems pretty extensive, so hopefully they could keep the monsters contained- but still, imagine being the poor soul tasked with keeping them locked down! Hopefully it wouldn't take long for them to get what they needed and dispose of the creatures.
Of course, with victory came the morbid task of cleaning up the aftermath- and not in the way anyone else in the Federation would believe if he told them. Gathering up bodies as respectfully as they could, instead of devouring them on the spot? He'd be hard-pressed to convince anyone he was telling the truth!
Wait... Marco?!
When did Marco die?! Yegel thought he'd gotten away after saving Jean! Maybe it was in the push to get Eren to the gate? Geez, and Jean was the one to find him- Marco had been so supportive of him, despite Jean's fear and self-doubts, always willing to give a word of encouragement and affirm Jean's place as leader... and now he was gone, with Jean being forced to help the cleanup crew's by giving Marco's details...
The female doctor brought up something Yegel hadn't considered- that the reason for the urgency of their cleanup was because of the risk of an epidemic breaking out. The dead had been left too long, and now there was a risk of a secondary disaster if the humans didn't hurry. Yegel had never really considered something like that- meat was meat to predators, wasn't it? The Arxur never seemed to mind eating bodies they stumbled across, so he'd somehow assumed that diseases like that weren't a concern for predators.
Just another area where the humans proved their difference from the greys, he supposed.
Thankfully, the camera hadn't focused on Marco's corpse for too long, so Yegel was able to contain his urge to gag, focusing in on Jean and his emotional response- and how expressive human faces were, even when covered by face-masks to protect themselves from germs and contamination. Of course that was when the scene shifted to Sasha and Connie, helping to clean up a massive ball of... flesh... that apparently titans upchuck when they're too full, since they don't actually have a digestive track... and a closeup showed a human mouth inside, still opened in a silent scream...
Yes, hello wastebin, been a moment since we last met, how have you been? Don't mind me, just emptying my stomach again!
...Yegel didn't like Sasha- she was clearly the most "predatory" of the humans- but at least here, the disgust and horror on her face showed that there were lines even she wouldn't cross.
Even Annie, the stoic female who never seemed to show emotion, was shaken- standing over a body, apologizing over and over again, before Reiner pointed out that contrition did the dead no good, and that they needed a proper burial. So the humans buried their dead? That was kind of similar to Gojid traditions for honoring the dead, burying them in vast family crypts.
But, why did the scene shift to a fire burning? What were they-
Oh.
So that's what those grey flakes that had been falling everywhere were. Yegel had kind of been wondering about that.
So, they didn't even have time to give proper burials to everyone.
That...
Yegel forced himself to take a deep breath, rubbing the sides of his head as he exhaled. He'd say it was similar to Krakotl death rites, purifying the body to drift through the divine winds of Nishtal, to be carried away to Intala's realm, but... in this context, it clearly must have been desperation and urgency rather than a matter of respect.
...Intala, please watch over them.
...Thankfully, the perspective then shifted back to Eren- who was now locked up in a cell deep underground, and chained to a bed. Understandable precautions- his powers were clearly still volatile, and the last thing the humans needed to deal with was a rogue titan wandering around.
Commander Erwin and Captain Levi were outside his cell, watching him. Erwin asked if he had any questions- which, well, Yegel obviously had several, but Eren was still disoriented from waking up. Which made sense, given how much using his power seemed to take out of him- he must have been exhausted after carrying that boulder for so long.
Erwin proceeded to ask about the key that had held such importance- and the secret that was apparently hidden beneath Eren's house. Eren confirmed, and Levi scoffed about how it must suck to have your dad and your memories MIA at the same time- unless it was just a cover story. Which- was a reasonable concern, but... was that what Yegel sounded like to other people?
At least Erwin confirmed that they knew Eren had no reason to lie- and proceeded to ask Eren what he wanted- what his intentions were. After all, to reach the cellar, they'd need to seal the breach in the other wall like they'd done in Trost- which required Eren's special power. Apparently they'd even conjectured that the Colossal and Armored titan must be like Eren- titans piloted by people?! Which did make sense- the Bad Humans probably had an easier time developing and using titan powers, since they weren't trying to fight or resist their predator instincts. That also would explain their motive- killing all the good humans would mean the bad humans would win, and be able to rule as dominant predators like the Arxur did.
...Was there a group of good Arxur once, that lost their own fight with the Arxur Yegel knew?
NO. No, that was impossible- there was no way the greys had ever had anything good within them- they were monsters through and through! Good Arxur? Ridiculous- just because humans were an insane enigma that broke every rule as if they were intentionally trying to didn't mean the same applied to other predators!
Unless of course, the good Arxur had all been killed-
No. NO. Yegel was not going down that path of madness! He was not!
...
...Erwin expanded on his statement, saying that was why he asked Eren's intentions- because Eren could save "us," presumably meaning the good humans. Eren initially said he didn't know- but then his past, his memories, all flooded through his head- his inner voice angrily declaring that he would stop this with his bare hands! When Levi pressed for an answer, Eren looked up with a downright deranged grin- and declared that he wanted to kill all the titans- every last one.
So that's how Eren turned out different- he'd aimed his instincts towards the monsters, and become obsessed with wiping out the titans, instead of wanting to consume humans like every other titan did. That said something about Eren's mental fortitude- and why he still had difficulties with his power. Actively twisting your instincts like that must cross a few wires, leaving him needing to actively learn things instead of simply doing what came naturally.
Levi seemed to like that answer, a gleam entering his eyes as he approached Eren's cell and announced that he'd take responsibility for him. Not that he implicitly trusted him, but that he trusted his abilities to kill Eren if necessary. He offered Eren congratulations, officially welcoming him as a new member of the Scouting Corps- and told Erwin to let the higher-ups know.
And then announced that, despite this meeting, Eren wasn't out of the woods yet- as he was going to stand trial, where they'd need to argue against him simply being killed.
Because of course it couldn't be that simple.
2023.05.28 17:26 DarkKnyt Anyone running a nvidia GeForce 1660 Ti in a Dell T620?
With the GPU enablement kit of course. Asking around as I figure out my setup, which is the 1660 passed through to the windows 11 VM and something much smaller with CUDA for the docker container (turns out that is where I'm running most of my services).
In other news, I did make a pfsense VM, not to replace my edgerouter that is doing great with wireguard from my server at work to my home, but to create and manage self signed certs so I can get rid of the ssl error (with nginx proxy manager for the redirect - pi-hole is next).
I'm definitely a believer in breaking out a separate SFF transcode+HA services box but I have long way to push this box.
submitted by DarkKnyt to homelab [link] [comments]
In other news, I did make a pfsense VM, not to replace my edgerouter that is doing great with wireguard from my server at work to my home, but to create and manage self signed certs so I can get rid of the ssl error (with nginx proxy manager for the redirect - pi-hole is next).
I'm definitely a believer in breaking out a separate SFF transcode+HA services box but I have long way to push this box.
2023.05.28 17:13 BusinessBreakfast3 My "I told you so!" moment - just found some old comments with people promoting giving your keys away
 | This is from the era before Celsius was proven to be a scam. submitted by BusinessBreakfast3 to Bitcoin [link] [comments] I'm proud of how accurate my prediction was... Except for the timing - I foresaw it going bust in 2 years, but it went down in the next few months. ---- https://preview.redd.it/5llsig0hqm2b1.png?width=791&format=png&auto=webp&s=371152a81bfbb71b0abbaccd194c241d040e66aa --- My point? A new era of CEXs and lending platforms will come. People will promise you "yield" if you "stake" your Bitcoin. If you're here during the bear market, remember the core principles of self-custody and why you bought in the first place. A 5% yield is not sufficient to take a 100% downside risk. No yield is sufficient to risk a deflationary asset for. Happy HODLing! |
2023.05.28 16:37 dhjsjdkdkekfbz Our Seed Is Our Connection To Source
And when you retain for long enough you begin to get intense “downloads” from your True Self/“higher self”.
Here are some of the downloads I’ve received:
–We are souls having a human experience.
–Life is a video game of sorts and we are the main character in the our story. Everyone one else is a secondary character in our script. And we can choose to do whatever we want to do within the confines of the game (ex: we can’t walk through walls because of The Rule of Density at play).
-We’re in some way responsible for everything we experience. Our minds are powerful magnets and all our thoughts are emitted as vibrations. This matrix then mirrors our habitual thought patterns, beliefs and expectations to generate our circumstances. “As within, so without.”
–The earth is not a 3D object like we’ve been taught. It’s a non-curving, multi-dimensional energy realm. But most importantly, it is “Maya” (the illusory world), which is the phonetic opposite of “I am.” Sound it out. They are opposites.
I am=the ultimate reality Maya=the ultimate illusion
This ties into life being a video game of sorts.
–Earth and Heart contain the same letters and are merely just arranged slightly different.
Earth has 4 corners. And our heart has 4 chambers.
“As above, so below.”
–Aliens already live here as multi-dimensional beings and all the various forms of parasites.
–Our eyes are the real black holes, sucking in and absorbing a huge spectrum of light.
–Mirror Gazing (staring at your eyes) will reveal your soul to your ego. And it can also lead to some scary experiences if you’re not ready for higher Truths.
–Eating meat distances you from your True Self. Fasting and eating plants taps you back into Source.
–Shivambu/orin therapy cleanses your digestive system and rids parasites.
Urine therapy = “you’re in therapy” (I don’t believe/practice this. Might be true)
–Our “organs” can’t “make music” if they’re crammed with processed foods and meats.
–The Seven Deadly Sins are the strongest and most difficult programs to overcome in this 3-D illusory matrix. Lust is the biggest culprit.
–When you write down the word “Moon” and mirror it upon itself like this: “nooMoon”
you end up with one of the moon’s phases: New Moon
–Words are frequencies and when we speak or write we are “casting spells”
–All major news outlets read from the same scripts.
–Politics = poly ticks = many bloodsucking parasites
the Left and the Right wings belong to the same crooked bird.
–Human = hue man. We are beings of Light. Now you understand why there are so many different skin tones.
–Jesuis in French means “I am” and Yeshua (a common name for Jesus) phonetically sounds similar to “ Yes, you are.”
We are fractals of God-consciousness living in a human body.
submitted by dhjsjdkdkekfbz to pureretention [link] [comments]
Here are some of the downloads I’ve received:
–We are souls having a human experience.
–Life is a video game of sorts and we are the main character in the our story. Everyone one else is a secondary character in our script. And we can choose to do whatever we want to do within the confines of the game (ex: we can’t walk through walls because of The Rule of Density at play).
-We’re in some way responsible for everything we experience. Our minds are powerful magnets and all our thoughts are emitted as vibrations. This matrix then mirrors our habitual thought patterns, beliefs and expectations to generate our circumstances. “As within, so without.”
–The earth is not a 3D object like we’ve been taught. It’s a non-curving, multi-dimensional energy realm. But most importantly, it is “Maya” (the illusory world), which is the phonetic opposite of “I am.” Sound it out. They are opposites.
I am=the ultimate reality Maya=the ultimate illusion
This ties into life being a video game of sorts.
–Earth and Heart contain the same letters and are merely just arranged slightly different.
Earth has 4 corners. And our heart has 4 chambers.
“As above, so below.”
–Aliens already live here as multi-dimensional beings and all the various forms of parasites.
–Our eyes are the real black holes, sucking in and absorbing a huge spectrum of light.
–Mirror Gazing (staring at your eyes) will reveal your soul to your ego. And it can also lead to some scary experiences if you’re not ready for higher Truths.
–Eating meat distances you from your True Self. Fasting and eating plants taps you back into Source.
–Shivambu/orin therapy cleanses your digestive system and rids parasites.
Urine therapy = “you’re in therapy” (I don’t believe/practice this. Might be true)
–Our “organs” can’t “make music” if they’re crammed with processed foods and meats.
–The Seven Deadly Sins are the strongest and most difficult programs to overcome in this 3-D illusory matrix. Lust is the biggest culprit.
–When you write down the word “Moon” and mirror it upon itself like this: “nooMoon”
you end up with one of the moon’s phases: New Moon
–Words are frequencies and when we speak or write we are “casting spells”
–All major news outlets read from the same scripts.
–Politics = poly ticks = many bloodsucking parasites
the Left and the Right wings belong to the same crooked bird.
–Human = hue man. We are beings of Light. Now you understand why there are so many different skin tones.
–Jesuis in French means “I am” and Yeshua (a common name for Jesus) phonetically sounds similar to “ Yes, you are.”
We are fractals of God-consciousness living in a human body.
2023.05.28 16:29 vickiesaurus08 Godtear vs Mythic Battles Pantheon vs Aristeia
Hey all! Awhile ago I put up a post looking for a good 1v1 skirmish game. I was looking for a game with:
1) Multiple paths to victory, not only killing your opponent to win. So can include things like gaining points for completing objectives, etc.
2) Character progression. Leveling up and getting stronger as the game goes on.
3) Less luck, so not alot of dice chucking. Don't mind a little.
4) Not too bothered about miniatures. Don't mind them, but they're not a priority.
5) On the more complex side, so for example Unmatched and SFB may be too light.
We've tried Warhammer Underworlds and while it is so close to what we want, we found it to be too card draw dependant and luck heavy on the dice. Also not really a fan of the business model, we'd like something abit more self contained.
Has anyone played the above 3 titles, and can give me any insight or what you thought of them? I can't afford all 3, so just looking to get one for now!
Other recommendations of course welcome.
Many thanks x
submitted by vickiesaurus08 to boardgames [link] [comments]
1) Multiple paths to victory, not only killing your opponent to win. So can include things like gaining points for completing objectives, etc.
2) Character progression. Leveling up and getting stronger as the game goes on.
3) Less luck, so not alot of dice chucking. Don't mind a little.
4) Not too bothered about miniatures. Don't mind them, but they're not a priority.
5) On the more complex side, so for example Unmatched and SFB may be too light.
We've tried Warhammer Underworlds and while it is so close to what we want, we found it to be too card draw dependant and luck heavy on the dice. Also not really a fan of the business model, we'd like something abit more self contained.
Has anyone played the above 3 titles, and can give me any insight or what you thought of them? I can't afford all 3, so just looking to get one for now!
Other recommendations of course welcome.
Many thanks x
2023.05.28 16:24 Eternal_Life_1 The moment you Realise God Consciousness, You will be Eternal
The Entire World is an illusion swirling in God
This a world of duality which appears to have substance, But the Moment that you realize that the body, the world, and all other appearances are unreal and empty like sky, then you become Brahman.
The paradigm of duality no longer applies to you.
The Entire World is a mirage with no existence
God alone exists
The Moment you realise God, Eternal life is yours
In Self, there is no time, no space, no matter
There is no beginning, no middle, no end.
Realise That which is all pervading As Space and Which Contains the Entire Universe
Meditate on God as the Source of All Creation
The Entire world has never existed yet appears to exist, its an illusion
The Moment God Consciousness is realised, One finds Eternity
In God, there is only one thing
Immaculate Pure Being
Infinite, empty, clear like sky
It is beyond time and space
it is beyond existence
The moment you realise God Consciousness, You will be Eternal
You are done with birth and death.
This is the Absolute Truth of Reality.
submitted by Eternal_Life_1 to ReverendInsanity [link] [comments]
This a world of duality which appears to have substance, But the Moment that you realize that the body, the world, and all other appearances are unreal and empty like sky, then you become Brahman.
The paradigm of duality no longer applies to you.
The Entire World is a mirage with no existence
God alone exists
The Moment you realise God, Eternal life is yours
In Self, there is no time, no space, no matter
There is no beginning, no middle, no end.
Realise That which is all pervading As Space and Which Contains the Entire Universe
Meditate on God as the Source of All Creation
The Entire world has never existed yet appears to exist, its an illusion
The Moment God Consciousness is realised, One finds Eternity
In God, there is only one thing
Immaculate Pure Being
Infinite, empty, clear like sky
It is beyond time and space
it is beyond existence
The moment you realise God Consciousness, You will be Eternal
You are done with birth and death.
This is the Absolute Truth of Reality.
2023.05.28 15:58 umaximu Themes and Theories
Hi FromTVEpix folks,
I've been reading a bunch of the theories posted around the traps, and I wanted take a slightly different critical approach to them. A lot of theories tend to start from a precise set of features which support their hypothesis (think of the Tarot, Slaugh, Victor's Imagination, Viking, Colonial Curse, Eldritch Entity, or Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories), and extrapolate from there. This is an understandable function of the general mystery the show engenders, but I think that limited approaches can conceal a lot of the features which run counter to their hypotheses. I'll give two examples.
The Slaugh theory, for instance, begins with the assertion that the creatures are identical to the Irish folk monsters, and then extrapolates on several bases (including a gesture towards the eerily similar book The Watchers by A.M. Shine) to ground the theory. However, how would a creature from the folklore of Ireland explain the cables without wires or the spiders in the forest at the end of season one? No satisfactory explanation is available.
The Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories are sloppy, I'll agree, but not impossible. The Jungian symbolism (i.e. the monsters being the shadow self, Fromville being manifested from the collective unconscious of the participants) gives this theory its depth and credibility. But this, as many have acknowledged already, is lazy; it would be too easy for the writers to cash in their chips and throw up their hands, and I would certainly find it an incredibly disappointing denouement.
I would like to focus instead on the themes of FROM, as I think they can draw to the surface some of the substrate which these theories embroider upon, and provide anchoring points for some of the theories over others. These are just some preliminary thoughts, and I'm excited to see how these themes develop as the seasons roll on. If people find this kind of analysis interesting I'll continue to post in this style.
Spoilers ahead!
*****
Liminal Spaces
The town the character's wander into along the circular road is a sun-bleached vision of American rural decay. I'm from Australia and we have many towns like this. Small towns, typically built for working communities, that are abandoned as soon as their economic purpose is served, sometimes even half-finished. Flight from rural to urban locations, particularly in pursuit of work in response to the economic crises of the last few decades, could also be an explanation of this general character. The ghost towns left behind, the ruins of things—these are liminal places.
This theme connects to the first and elaborates it. The buildings in Fromville are clearly not all from the same era. I think it might make for dull watching in the series itself, but I hope at some point we get some kind of architectural survey of the buildings and their styles. Colony house resembles a plantation style homestead; the town a 60s or 70s pitstop; the church building—while probably not a church to begin with—with its stone construction looks to be older still, perhaps even early colonial; the cave paintings in the caverns evoke the Lascaux galleries; and the odd shrine which Boyd finds the talismans in seems medieval in character. These are all forgotten and decaying places—places which you pass through, not linger in. Additionally there are decaying stone structures all around the place, including ritual structures like cairns and henges.
(I would love to hear from a heritage specialist on this, please comment below!)
You find similar scenery in novels by Steven King, or TV series like True Detective. There they appeal to a general sense of social decay. This leads into the second major theme:
Disintegration and Anomie
The people who are arriving in the town, like the architecture, are in some way cast adrift from the world. This can be caused by something as serious as drug addiction or the deaths of children, or something as facile as retirement or the sale of a company. The fallen tree literally cuts them off from these paths, causing them to deviate into Fromville. The world there is thinly held together and, much like twenty-first century life, a fine line separates its residents from extreme conditions of deprivation. Throughout the series this theme of anomie, the breakdown of social relations and moral values, and the attempt to maintain those relations and values is frequently returned to. In the most recent episode a food shortage kicked off a xenophobic response from at least one resident of Colony House.
Arguably this is a theme of much cultural fodder, as it is the stuff of everyday life, however here it has a more biting purpose. The creatures which stalk in the night are, for all intents and purposes, just as human as the Fromville residents, up until they get close. The distrust this creates, which clearly plays on the character's minds even during night-time encounters with other humans, reflects a general decay of human bonds. The "games" they play with people further cement this, reflecting an anarchic hunger and violence. Additionally, the existence of these creatures also creates rifts between the human characters, causing further disintegration, and sometimes, as in the case of Colony House, death. Isn't the reason that fool invites the creature inside his feeling of being misunderstood by the others?
The characters pursue their own disorganised agendas, held together (nominally) by Boyd and Donna. This precarious balance is easily upset, and when it does not only do the relations begin to disintegrate, the landscape and architecture do also. When they try to intervene into Fromville, the place responds violently, as if any attempt to rectify the state of affairs (i.e. by leaving) will simply displace their social disintegration into the environment, causing a new wave of social disintegrations. I couldn't help but think of the metabolic rift: how human disconnection from the environment, despite our reliance on it for subsistence, is caused by our mode of social organisation. This ecological aspect is particularly interesting to me, and I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this topic. There are some counter-indications, such as the forest's imputed ability to move, but this could also be connected.
Folklore
The folkloric aspect of this show is just so fascinatingly conceived! I don't think that the creatures in Fromville are vampires, draugar, wendigos, na slaugh, etc., but they are surely drawn from some kind of prototypical creature which contains elements of each of them. We have seen, for instance, that they do not bleed when cut (despite being warm to the touch!), that they can shape-shift, that they knock on doors and call out resident's names. Most of these folkloric creatures, from a functional perspective, are explanations for some kind of fundamental social transgression, such as incest, murder, cannibalism, sacrilege, or infanticide. The inhumanity of the creatures is a reflection of the human capacity to defy social norms, and all are described in language usually reserved for the dead: desiccated, bloated, decaying. This relates, blatantly, back to the theme of disintegration and anomie—each of these folkloric creatures are the embodiment of the most vile aspects of human societies.
Arachnids and annelids have been significant symbolic presences in FROM. Spider-webs are obvious symbols of entanglement, and their method of paralysing victims and digesting them extra-orally seems to cohere with the theme of disintegration. This makes me lean towards the Pitcher Plant theory, that Fromville is some kind of digestive system for a larger, more horrifying eldritch entity. But this is not the only symbol. Worms, a symbol of the boundary of death and life, have become a major symbol in season two. While they have a contemporary gothic resonance, they have had more positive symbolism in different periods, particularly as the object of increase rituals designed to ensure a better harvest. I'm excited to see where this goes, but I wonder if these animals are only present as thematic pap to differentiate each season.
I don't know as much about talismans, but they are pretty ubiquitous, and are subsumed within the category of apotropaic magic. The protection of a home by some kind of magical object is as old as the hills. This protection of domestic space, in contrast to the violence of the outside world, foregrounds the theme of social disintegration. To say that the talismans clinch a particular theory on account of their etchings or designs seems a little premature to me, as most etchings on stone using simple tools are sharp-angled.
At the end of the day FROM is a melting pot of different cultural symbols, and so I think the assertion that they are all drawn from American history (or from the cultures of its emigrants) is a little ill-conceived. Despite having Chinese characters there is little to no reference to Chinese folklore or mythology—Tian-chen Liu notably wears a cross. With that said, it might be possible that her name represents I Ching hexagram 25 ䷘, which would be quite welcome. Maybe someone with more experience with the I Ching could contribute here.
***
Thanks everyone who got to the end!
submitted by umaximu to FromTVEpix [link] [comments]
I've been reading a bunch of the theories posted around the traps, and I wanted take a slightly different critical approach to them. A lot of theories tend to start from a precise set of features which support their hypothesis (think of the Tarot, Slaugh, Victor's Imagination, Viking, Colonial Curse, Eldritch Entity, or Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories), and extrapolate from there. This is an understandable function of the general mystery the show engenders, but I think that limited approaches can conceal a lot of the features which run counter to their hypotheses. I'll give two examples.
The Slaugh theory, for instance, begins with the assertion that the creatures are identical to the Irish folk monsters, and then extrapolates on several bases (including a gesture towards the eerily similar book The Watchers by A.M. Shine) to ground the theory. However, how would a creature from the folklore of Ireland explain the cables without wires or the spiders in the forest at the end of season one? No satisfactory explanation is available.
The Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories are sloppy, I'll agree, but not impossible. The Jungian symbolism (i.e. the monsters being the shadow self, Fromville being manifested from the collective unconscious of the participants) gives this theory its depth and credibility. But this, as many have acknowledged already, is lazy; it would be too easy for the writers to cash in their chips and throw up their hands, and I would certainly find it an incredibly disappointing denouement.
I would like to focus instead on the themes of FROM, as I think they can draw to the surface some of the substrate which these theories embroider upon, and provide anchoring points for some of the theories over others. These are just some preliminary thoughts, and I'm excited to see how these themes develop as the seasons roll on. If people find this kind of analysis interesting I'll continue to post in this style.
Spoilers ahead!
*****
Liminal Spaces
The town the character's wander into along the circular road is a sun-bleached vision of American rural decay. I'm from Australia and we have many towns like this. Small towns, typically built for working communities, that are abandoned as soon as their economic purpose is served, sometimes even half-finished. Flight from rural to urban locations, particularly in pursuit of work in response to the economic crises of the last few decades, could also be an explanation of this general character. The ghost towns left behind, the ruins of things—these are liminal places.
This theme connects to the first and elaborates it. The buildings in Fromville are clearly not all from the same era. I think it might make for dull watching in the series itself, but I hope at some point we get some kind of architectural survey of the buildings and their styles. Colony house resembles a plantation style homestead; the town a 60s or 70s pitstop; the church building—while probably not a church to begin with—with its stone construction looks to be older still, perhaps even early colonial; the cave paintings in the caverns evoke the Lascaux galleries; and the odd shrine which Boyd finds the talismans in seems medieval in character. These are all forgotten and decaying places—places which you pass through, not linger in. Additionally there are decaying stone structures all around the place, including ritual structures like cairns and henges.
(I would love to hear from a heritage specialist on this, please comment below!)
You find similar scenery in novels by Steven King, or TV series like True Detective. There they appeal to a general sense of social decay. This leads into the second major theme:
Disintegration and Anomie
The people who are arriving in the town, like the architecture, are in some way cast adrift from the world. This can be caused by something as serious as drug addiction or the deaths of children, or something as facile as retirement or the sale of a company. The fallen tree literally cuts them off from these paths, causing them to deviate into Fromville. The world there is thinly held together and, much like twenty-first century life, a fine line separates its residents from extreme conditions of deprivation. Throughout the series this theme of anomie, the breakdown of social relations and moral values, and the attempt to maintain those relations and values is frequently returned to. In the most recent episode a food shortage kicked off a xenophobic response from at least one resident of Colony House.
Arguably this is a theme of much cultural fodder, as it is the stuff of everyday life, however here it has a more biting purpose. The creatures which stalk in the night are, for all intents and purposes, just as human as the Fromville residents, up until they get close. The distrust this creates, which clearly plays on the character's minds even during night-time encounters with other humans, reflects a general decay of human bonds. The "games" they play with people further cement this, reflecting an anarchic hunger and violence. Additionally, the existence of these creatures also creates rifts between the human characters, causing further disintegration, and sometimes, as in the case of Colony House, death. Isn't the reason that fool invites the creature inside his feeling of being misunderstood by the others?
The characters pursue their own disorganised agendas, held together (nominally) by Boyd and Donna. This precarious balance is easily upset, and when it does not only do the relations begin to disintegrate, the landscape and architecture do also. When they try to intervene into Fromville, the place responds violently, as if any attempt to rectify the state of affairs (i.e. by leaving) will simply displace their social disintegration into the environment, causing a new wave of social disintegrations. I couldn't help but think of the metabolic rift: how human disconnection from the environment, despite our reliance on it for subsistence, is caused by our mode of social organisation. This ecological aspect is particularly interesting to me, and I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this topic. There are some counter-indications, such as the forest's imputed ability to move, but this could also be connected.
Folklore
The folkloric aspect of this show is just so fascinatingly conceived! I don't think that the creatures in Fromville are vampires, draugar, wendigos, na slaugh, etc., but they are surely drawn from some kind of prototypical creature which contains elements of each of them. We have seen, for instance, that they do not bleed when cut (despite being warm to the touch!), that they can shape-shift, that they knock on doors and call out resident's names. Most of these folkloric creatures, from a functional perspective, are explanations for some kind of fundamental social transgression, such as incest, murder, cannibalism, sacrilege, or infanticide. The inhumanity of the creatures is a reflection of the human capacity to defy social norms, and all are described in language usually reserved for the dead: desiccated, bloated, decaying. This relates, blatantly, back to the theme of disintegration and anomie—each of these folkloric creatures are the embodiment of the most vile aspects of human societies.
Arachnids and annelids have been significant symbolic presences in FROM. Spider-webs are obvious symbols of entanglement, and their method of paralysing victims and digesting them extra-orally seems to cohere with the theme of disintegration. This makes me lean towards the Pitcher Plant theory, that Fromville is some kind of digestive system for a larger, more horrifying eldritch entity. But this is not the only symbol. Worms, a symbol of the boundary of death and life, have become a major symbol in season two. While they have a contemporary gothic resonance, they have had more positive symbolism in different periods, particularly as the object of increase rituals designed to ensure a better harvest. I'm excited to see where this goes, but I wonder if these animals are only present as thematic pap to differentiate each season.
I don't know as much about talismans, but they are pretty ubiquitous, and are subsumed within the category of apotropaic magic. The protection of a home by some kind of magical object is as old as the hills. This protection of domestic space, in contrast to the violence of the outside world, foregrounds the theme of social disintegration. To say that the talismans clinch a particular theory on account of their etchings or designs seems a little premature to me, as most etchings on stone using simple tools are sharp-angled.
At the end of the day FROM is a melting pot of different cultural symbols, and so I think the assertion that they are all drawn from American history (or from the cultures of its emigrants) is a little ill-conceived. Despite having Chinese characters there is little to no reference to Chinese folklore or mythology—Tian-chen Liu notably wears a cross. With that said, it might be possible that her name represents I Ching hexagram 25 ䷘, which would be quite welcome. Maybe someone with more experience with the I Ching could contribute here.
***
Thanks everyone who got to the end!
2023.05.28 15:14 SergiuHU My Gf has OCD and I don't know what to do
We have been a couple for 3 years now. Really early she started to have instrussive thoughts about a lot of things. But she started to have about me, my height, how much money I make, how I look. And she told me all. Now she has these thoughts about being attracted to my friends or being toghether with my friends. I know it is ocd but it really affects me, and it affects my self confindence, I told her not to tell me these thoughts but she cannot contain herself.
submitted by SergiuHU to OCD [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:08 Situation_Upstairs Midnights Era Messiness Analysis
So, let me start off by saying: I thought Midnights was a breakup album the very first time I heard it. It’s painfully obvious. There were too few songs that could’ve been tied to her other eras, too many references to Joe. Honestly, I’ve been convinced they weren’t endgame since folklore+evermore.
Because of this, her recent messiness makes a lot of sense to me. Here’s why.
Prior to f+e, Red was by far her most mature album, both lyrically and tonally. You can tell how much that relationship had wrecked her, but she’d had the time and space from it afterward to make an incredible album.
Cue a lot of surprise (for me, anyway) when her next album was 1989. Lots of songs about how she’s supposedly crazy, or being snarky about something…but it really didn’t have any teeth to it when it came to really making a statement about who she was. It seemed very much like a girl trying to bounce back from a relationship that was all-consuming, but she was struggling to figure out what was left. The era was consequently messy AF, with the girl gang drama and “I’d like to be excluded from this narrative” Taylor.
That album was still one of her biggest, though. Longtime naysayers of hers I knew were spinning 1989 and calling it one of the best of the year. I think this really fueled her messiness, because she basically insulated herself from any criticism (deserved or not) with her stage/famous persona.
Of course, Kimye, Calvin/Tom, and all the other drama then gave us Reputation. She’s already seriously with Joe at this point, and we see that reflected in how much more grounded the music becomes. Yes, she’s still singing about being misunderstood and getting back at people who wronged her…but she’s doing so in a way that feels like it’s coming from a much more secure place.
Then Lover. An underappreciated album, IMO. Peak happiness with Joe, but we start to see little signs of her insecurities and fears.
Cue the pandemic, and we get folklore+evermore. These are deep and raw and everything we wanted from music at the time. She claims there are lots of other stories in here for once, and in some cases that’s true, but in a lot of ways, it’s not. There are clues all over about the struggles she’s having with Joe, and working with Aaron Dessner brings out that pain in the best, most cathartic way. They’re clearly going around and around in their relationship, and she’s begging him — BEGGING him — to just please give her what she needs.
I think lockdown forced her to stop for the first time in several years and realize what her life could look like in a real, serious relationship. Not what she thought it should be like, but what it could actually be. And I think that’s where she really built up the pain with Joe. She’d gotten her closest experience yet with safety and security in love, but he wasn’t in the same place.
So, folklore and evermore are the grownup Red. Which means…yep. Midnights is 1989, 2.0.
It’s got a lot of the same snark as 1989 and still lacks the teeth of Reputation, but there’s the same sense of not knowing herself anymore — an almost existential crisis as you see her internal battle, in my opinion, between desperately needing and wanting the love and validation from her fans, and really wishing she could have the more stable, contained life she had with Joe when she hid from the media and during lockdown. She’s telling us to stop putting her on a pedestal, but then still maximizes her stage presence and her million album variants like someone who doesn’t know how to not be on top. And she’s using the intense fandom to distract her from any potential consequences. I think she’s having an identity crisis, and that’s why she’s clinging to a guy she’s known forever. In a weird way, it’s grounding for her because it’s a touch point back to her pre-Joe self.
Anyway, my reasoning for all of this is because I ended a marriage for a lot of the same reasons that you hear in folklore, evermore, and YLM. It’s not that they’re a bad person. It’s not that you’re being unreasonable. But sometimes what you need isn’t something the other person is capable of giving you. And I can tell you how UNBELIEVABLY hard it is to accept that and make the decision to leave. It tears you down to your very core and it’s excruciating having to put yourself back together. And yes, sometimes you take a very circuitous (and stupid) route to get there. So I think she’s in a very 1989-like headspace, she’ll eventually get brought back down to earth, and real Taylor will re-emerge.
TL,DR; she’s not losing it, she’s heartbroken and doesn’t have the time or ability to process it right now.
submitted by Situation_Upstairs to TaylorSwift [link] [comments]
Because of this, her recent messiness makes a lot of sense to me. Here’s why.
Prior to f+e, Red was by far her most mature album, both lyrically and tonally. You can tell how much that relationship had wrecked her, but she’d had the time and space from it afterward to make an incredible album.
Cue a lot of surprise (for me, anyway) when her next album was 1989. Lots of songs about how she’s supposedly crazy, or being snarky about something…but it really didn’t have any teeth to it when it came to really making a statement about who she was. It seemed very much like a girl trying to bounce back from a relationship that was all-consuming, but she was struggling to figure out what was left. The era was consequently messy AF, with the girl gang drama and “I’d like to be excluded from this narrative” Taylor.
That album was still one of her biggest, though. Longtime naysayers of hers I knew were spinning 1989 and calling it one of the best of the year. I think this really fueled her messiness, because she basically insulated herself from any criticism (deserved or not) with her stage/famous persona.
Of course, Kimye, Calvin/Tom, and all the other drama then gave us Reputation. She’s already seriously with Joe at this point, and we see that reflected in how much more grounded the music becomes. Yes, she’s still singing about being misunderstood and getting back at people who wronged her…but she’s doing so in a way that feels like it’s coming from a much more secure place.
Then Lover. An underappreciated album, IMO. Peak happiness with Joe, but we start to see little signs of her insecurities and fears.
Cue the pandemic, and we get folklore+evermore. These are deep and raw and everything we wanted from music at the time. She claims there are lots of other stories in here for once, and in some cases that’s true, but in a lot of ways, it’s not. There are clues all over about the struggles she’s having with Joe, and working with Aaron Dessner brings out that pain in the best, most cathartic way. They’re clearly going around and around in their relationship, and she’s begging him — BEGGING him — to just please give her what she needs.
I think lockdown forced her to stop for the first time in several years and realize what her life could look like in a real, serious relationship. Not what she thought it should be like, but what it could actually be. And I think that’s where she really built up the pain with Joe. She’d gotten her closest experience yet with safety and security in love, but he wasn’t in the same place.
So, folklore and evermore are the grownup Red. Which means…yep. Midnights is 1989, 2.0.
It’s got a lot of the same snark as 1989 and still lacks the teeth of Reputation, but there’s the same sense of not knowing herself anymore — an almost existential crisis as you see her internal battle, in my opinion, between desperately needing and wanting the love and validation from her fans, and really wishing she could have the more stable, contained life she had with Joe when she hid from the media and during lockdown. She’s telling us to stop putting her on a pedestal, but then still maximizes her stage presence and her million album variants like someone who doesn’t know how to not be on top. And she’s using the intense fandom to distract her from any potential consequences. I think she’s having an identity crisis, and that’s why she’s clinging to a guy she’s known forever. In a weird way, it’s grounding for her because it’s a touch point back to her pre-Joe self.
Anyway, my reasoning for all of this is because I ended a marriage for a lot of the same reasons that you hear in folklore, evermore, and YLM. It’s not that they’re a bad person. It’s not that you’re being unreasonable. But sometimes what you need isn’t something the other person is capable of giving you. And I can tell you how UNBELIEVABLY hard it is to accept that and make the decision to leave. It tears you down to your very core and it’s excruciating having to put yourself back together. And yes, sometimes you take a very circuitous (and stupid) route to get there. So I think she’s in a very 1989-like headspace, she’ll eventually get brought back down to earth, and real Taylor will re-emerge.
TL,DR; she’s not losing it, she’s heartbroken and doesn’t have the time or ability to process it right now.
2023.05.28 15:05 resurrective Chapter 17 – The trial of heart
The black domes, they were pocket dimensions, which were completely detached from the material world. Bound to the stream of souls, flowing inside the ephemeral branches of the world tree, they presented a personal hell for each person cast into them. They are a limbo of regrets, the hell of one’s own making, places where the living meets the dead.
There’s only so many ways to elope them. One must either reconcile with the restless souls, or join them, succumbing to their rage and regret that they carried into their afterlife. After all, to even get there, one must possess unparalleled strength and resilience; and only those who had caused deaths and destruction on their path to greatness can even hope to get to this trial.
Freia, Flare, the First princess of Jioral. For some – a good friend, lover, and companion. For others – a nightmare embodied, a vessel of divine powers, a force to be reckoned with. She had many enemies: princes and princesses felled by her authority, treacherous servants and greedy nobles, the knights, who opposed her corruption, slavers and bandits, destroyed on her quest for redemption and restoration of herself… But there were more. Children she had burned, serving her kingdom, women who perished by the tides she conjured, men that had been torn apart by raging tornados of her making, elderly that were buried under the rubble she created…
And how did she oppose them?
“Flagella terram et vescere inimicis meis, o magnum tempestas ignis!” The sorceress chanted, spinning her staff above her head. Then, right before the raging mob reached her, she hid from them behind a vortex of fire. One move and this wave of heat would incinerate everything and everyone in this accursed realm. But…
“TRAITOR!”
“DON’T HIDE FROM US, FLA-A-A-ARE!”
“COME TO US, SISTER!”
“YOU WERE NEVER ONE OF US!”
“USURPER!”
“GIVE ME BACK MY MOM!””
“THE FALSE PRINCESS!”
“SUNNARI (die)!”
“THE DAUGHER OF A WHORE!”
“YOU SHOULD’VE ROT IN THE SLUMS!”
Curses and jealousy, bitterness and hatred. The chorus of tortured souls surrounding the fiery boundary couldn’t be silenced even by the roaring flame. There couldn’t be any redemption.
“I’m sorry for all of you, who unjustly died by my hand!..” And even though there were people deserving their apologies, those who had to perish in favor of Flare’s political ambitions, those she sacrificed to appease her tyrannical father…
“THEN JOIN US, FLARE!”
“PAPA! WHERE ARE YOU?! GIVE HIM BACK!”
“REPENT, BITCH! DISPELL YOUR WITCHCRAFT!!!”
“But I won’t give in to you!” The pink-haired woman exclaimed, absorbing mana into her staff. “Furthermore, there’re those of you I will never regret killing! And there are those, for whom I must live! I MUST GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!” Then, she slammed the lower tip of her weapon into the floor made of the absolute darkness. Instead of wailing, being consumed by fear, guilt, self-loathing, and, ultimately, perishing, Freia sundered this entire “world”. One magical strike from her, and cracks of white and gold covered the entire dome. The wall of fire faded, but when the vengeful spirits rushed forward to maul their prey, they crumbled into piles of black salt. “I’m so… so sorry!” The girl lamented, kneeling near the remains of children, whose future she stole. “But I… I must move forward. I must save…”
…
Sparks and crackling, whistle and dazzling – time and time again the surge of lightning breached through the veil of darkness.
“UO-O-O-O-O-O!!!” A guttural scream filled the oppressive silence under the dome. Eve Reese, so childish and bashful, so eager to prove herself, now wore a stone mask of indifference. “Nira-a-a (no-o-o)!!! Yuarmta (I won’t forgive you)!!!” Cornar yelled, held still by at least seven shadows, he had been tortured, killed, bruised, smitten by the raging element of lightning. No longer did the girl see him as a threat; no longer did she cower at the feet of her former husband. Maybe, Eve was condemned to getting back her memories as a means of punishment, something that would make her sympathize with this petty little tyrant…
“Yuarm yau (I don’t need your forgiveness).” The Me-ua kahul spoke, looking at her crackling right arm, trembling with power and guilt combined. Not for forsaking her would-be-spouse, not for becoming Panakea’s pawn…
These souls, these loyal shadows – turned out, she never called upon them… until the very end. Her subjects, her brethren… Eve feared that if she let them out, they would tear her tyrannical husband into little pieces.
“Haa… Haa…” And now, she had to choose. To turn around and let someone else fix her problem, or… “Haa… HAA!!! HAA!!! HAA!!! SUNI (I’ll kill you)!!!”
A Punch to the maw, to the chest, through the ribs, to the heart! He didn’t die! He couldn’t die here! This scumbag of a man, this monster just wouldn’t go away! No matter how much pain she caused him, no matter how many times she slit his throat, broke through his torso, shocked him with spells, cut him with magical light…
And what of Cornar?
“A-A-A-A-A!!! A-A-AGH!!! HA-HA-HA-A!!! NA SHENBATA, SETOAN (you can’t get rid of me, woman)!!!” The son of Hakuo never relented. He relished in his immortality, laughed through the hellish torments Eve inflicted upon him. The skinned lion spotted a weakness in Eve’s heart, and he pressed at it, as if breaking the girl would get him back to the world of the living…
No, he wanted to take Eve to the world of dead.
“Gha-a-a-a… Agh-h-h…” The queen-to-be grabbed her forehead, her rugged breath not only siphoned all the focus out of her, threatening to cast the girl into a pit of despair, it also deteriorated her control over the mana she wielded. Unlike the city of salt, there was enough ambient magic to harvest here, but doing so would require skills, precision, and, most importantly, personal discipline and control over one’s own mind.
“Praibi, orna Iblis (Drain yourself, my Iblis)!” The prince of Batnara shashu tribe provoked, feeling the grip of the shadows losing its strength. A little more, and he’d be free… A little more…
“Hm…” But Eve wouldn’t relent. She once again covered her arm in a coat of magical lightning. She would never surrender; the queen would never let anyone treat her like a slave ever again. Not after Keyaruga’s perseverance taught her a lesson of resilience. Not after his gentleness, however tainted by his wounds, showed her what true love should look like.
She took a swing, prepared to strike…
“…” But then, two winged shadows stopped her hand. Amda and Sana, they were barely recognizable in their spiritual forms… but Eve would never mistake her parents for anyone else. They couldn’t speak, yet they still communicated with their daughter through other means. Emotions, wishes, urges – they never wished such evil to befall their daughter, but what they hated even more – was to see their child descend into the same pit.
“I… I don’t… have to?..” They asked her to stop, to let them relieve her of that burden. “B-but!.. No! You will die!” The girl snarled, grabbing her parents in a hug. She knew what was to come – her mother, father – they wished to sacrifice themselves to drag Cornar back to the afterlife. But that… wouldn’t that mean she’d lose them all over again? Wouldn’t…
“…”
“Yes! You’re dead! So what?! What do I?..” The feeling of pain and powerlessness engulfed the verdant woman. Barely had she found the strength to stand before her fallen tribe, before those who she desired to see the most now left her.
“YOTJAR (finally)!!!” With Eve’s will getting weaker, so did the shadows of her ethereal court. Her tyrannical husband finally broke free, slamming and stomping her shadows, as they fruitlessly tried stopping him. Amda and Sana Reese hugged their child for the last time… and now they stood up to defend their precious daughter. That is… the least they could do.
…
Freia broke inside another dome. From the outside, they looked like bright constellations of stars, formed on the points of a massive, galactic-scaled pentagram. The personal chamber for each of the contenders. One was broken from the inside, collapsing inwards, into a black hole with an orange halo – this was Freia’s dome. There were four more. Two were dimmed, two still shone brightly. The Hero of Magic travelled through this empty space, lit by numerous distant stars. In her current form, things like speed, form, and time – none of them mattered, aside from her destination. And now, she had to choose one of the two luminous chambers.
…
What is true power? Does one determine this abstract concept by the weight one can lift with their muscles? Maybe it was the charisma necessary to lead the masses? Enough money to influence others? Authority earned or inherited?
“Well-well-well…” Whatever the answer truly was, Ellen had none of it right now. No strength to fight, no troops to hide behind, and certainly – those who opposed her now had little if any need of whatever amount of gold she now carried.
“WENCH!”
“TANOUTUR (murderer)!”
“NEZAH (why)?!”
“MERA RIVARO (my life)!..”
“YAU MA (how dare you)!”
“YOU’LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE, BITCH!!!”
Oh, they came for Norn. There were hundreds, if not thousands of them, some she could recall from her Murian and Teuteccain campaigns – the series of expansions past the great wall; others were the court warlords she and John unseated in her ascension; rebellious villagers too came to exact their revenge on the younger princess, after her demons decimated them; and there were the victims of Buranikka’s carnage. This was the mountain of corpses Norn Clatalissa Jioral used to climb onto the very peak of political power…
“Now then, what do you want from me? An apology? Maybe my penance?” Even now, surrounded by countless dead souls, whose entire being now revolved around their grudge, the girl wouldn’t let herself be crushed by their rage. Not mentally, at least.
“DIE!”
“MAN WOR YAKSI (give me your eyes)!”
“SUFFER, YOU MONSTER!”
“I JUST WANTED TO LIVE!!!”
And so, hundreds of voices began howling in unison. So passionate, so eager to share their hardships and aspirations, that Ellen actually started pitying them a little. So many words, so much pain in them.
“Haa… I guess, that something like this was bound to happen someday. Well…” Instead of listening to the rest of the traumatizing nonsense and wailing, the crimson-headed cutie just began… to simply undress. “I don’t have the power to struggle, I can’t break out of here, and all of you came here for me. So go on. Rape me, maul me, kill me, do whatever you want. I’ve already done everything I wanted.” Ellen, now naked and completely defenseless, stretched out on the ethereal black floor, looking into the endless black void above her. The raging souls now came closer and closer, dozens of faces now loomed above her, as their hands reached out to grab the fallen warlady and tear her apart. This… was the end.
Keyaruga, Setsuna, sister… I hope you won’t miss me too much.
And so, she closed her eyes. Time to finally die.
…
…
…
There was no pain, nobody dragged the girl around, not even a single blow fell upon her. Ellen was… safe?
“A-A-A-A!!!”
“UGH-H-H!!!”
“YOLA-A-A-A-A (it hu-u-u-urts)!!!”
Slice and dicing, the ripping of flesh and clattered bones, “death” of a sort, dealt to the undying, torment for the tormented who themselves wished to inflict suffering upon her – someone kept the restless souls away from the princess. Someone precise, fast, and masterful with his tools of mayhem.
“Haa, is that you, Organ?” Ellen asked sullenly. Denied her excruciating retribution once more, she could only cover her tightly shut eyes with her palms.
“How did you know, Your Highness?” Indeed, it was him. As brutal as he was gallant, the deceased demigod was the only one out of these dead souls, who spoke to her, and not wailed at her like some sort of a beast.
“I know only two men, who’d come for me here, and the other isn’t so discreet, you moron.” The young general replied, opening her eyelids. The first thing she saw was the Champion of Jioral, covered in black blood. His prized amber eyes were no more, only black gaping holes were there instead. “Why’re you here? Do you want a piece of me for yourself?” The girl asked, still unwilling to stand up. Honestly, she felt robbed at this moment. This would be such a fitting end for her, but no! “Don’t tell me you’ve just barged in here to… Pff! PROTECT… me.” The second princess spat these words through her painfully clenched teeth.
“First things first, Lady Norn, I suggest you cover your shame and cease this indecency.” The warrior spoke, piercing and slashing the mob with his sword, impaling them with his hidden blade, tossing them back with his kicks. He was far from his prime form, and so, wounds and sores, cuts and lesions were left on him, as he, alone, overpowered dozens of raging men and women, keeping them away from the girl he swore to protect. Indeed… “Forgive me, princess, but I made a vow to your mother, and death is hardly a valid reason to…”
“YAKS… (giv…) A-A-A-A!!!”
“…to renounce my…”
“DOKI-I-I (step away)!!!”
“…loyalty to her!”
Despite everything, no matter the odds, Hawkeye continued to push back the angry spirits. He couldn’t dodge, as every missed blow could land on the lady, he couldn’t step back, as she needed protection more than any time in her life, and, certainly, sustained by this oppressive dimension, he couldn’t die. He couldn’t kill anyone, as they just rose anew from their own black blood, but the man couldn’t retreat.
“He-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…” The princess chuckled, curling her torso in order to sit up. It hurt her stomach, but the girl persevered nonetheless. “Why am I always surrounded by stupid stubborn men, who just can’t help but dingle their balls before me? Seriously, a dead man, upholding a promise to a dead woman, how much more ridiculous can this get?” The girl scoffed, pulling back her panties, bra, and whatever she left lying around, back on. After all, why even bother now? “Be honest, idiot! What do you want from me?”
“I came here…”
Slash, backflip, tackle, toss – Organ Trist twirled around his commander, pushing back everyone, who came too close to his prized princess.
“…to ask you, Lady Norn!..”
Shoulder slam, side-kick, a flurry of bloodshed embodied in the son of Artemis!
“…to save my…”
Stabbing enemies with that hidden blade, crushing their skulls with the handle of his blade, ripping their eyes out and tossing them away – however useless this double-sided brutality may seem, Hawkeye had purpose, skill, and, most of all, conviction, that allowed him to push the mob away.
“…daughter! Save Marianna!”
After all, what can be stronger, than a father, eager to protect his dear child?
“And you think keeping me alive will help you with that? You, moron, this bloated pigeon trapped me here! I have only one way out – fucking death!” The second princess, now properly clothed again, yelled however loud she could. Unable to comprehend the reasoning behind this idiocy, the girl just stood there, pulling her crimson hair. “Also, you’re severely mistaken! I’m not Norn! Norn’s dead! My name is…”
“…Elly! Elly-y-y!!!” Barely had the princess opened her mouth; before the dome had been breached from the outside. The Hero of Magic emerged above the ground. She levitated, using magical blue flames; she secured her sister by forming a wall around her, a barricade made from powerful ice spears. The sorceress even went so far as to send one into the undead Champion, it was one he easily avoided, though. “Step away from my sister, Organ!!!” The raging magician demanded, pulling her sibling towards her with a gust of mystical wind.
“Ghh! Oh, hey there, Friea!” The fallen warlady spoke, bracing herself against the dizziness her brief flight had caused. Still, this didn’t look good. The last time those two met, Hawkeye severely injured the pink-haired girl, and she just wouldn’t live through it again, unless two gods appeared to help her. This time, though, it was her turn to be a deity-savior.
“Get away! You’ve bested me once, but this time, I can crash this entire realm down onto your head!” The Hero of Magic promised, putting her staff between her sister and her enemy.
“Aw shit, this just gets better and better…” The little genius lamented, nervously shaking her head. Not only was her glorified suicide rudely interrupted, but now this situation threatened to kill her sister as well. Still…
“Elly, Elly… Ellen? Ellen the Adopted?” Despite Freia’s expectations, Organ Trist was more interested in the new name she called Norn, rather than anything else, really. He already had his fair share of battles, after all. “Ho-ho-o! I guess, in the end, you really did become the better version of yourself! And the ‘brother’ in question – is that sir Keyaru?” The blinded man asked with the same smugness he once boasted with in his grandiose life.
“What’s the point of answering you now? Aren’t we just traitors to you?” The heroine replied with every bit of animosity she had in her. “Hold on, Elly, I’ll get you out of here.” Freia stated, charging her staff with the magic that shaped this entire “world”.
“Heh, aren’t you afraid of what that damn poisoned pigeon might do to you for breaking her rules?” The crimson-haired cutie scoffed, witnessing the entire black dome covering with cracks.
“I don’t care about her rules! All I want is to see you safe!” The sorceress spoke with even more defiance toward Caladrius than Norn ever had in her. If needed, she would challenge this feathered nightmare to a duel, anything, just to save her family.
“I see…” Hawkeye uttered, kneeling before the two girls. All that time, rather than monitoring Freia’s moves, his supernatural senses were aimed outside, to make sure no restless souls cross the fence of magic ice. But now… “I see your eyes, Princess Flare, they’re just like hers. I’m sure; you’ll make Lady Reeharoze proud of you yet.” Now, before he once again departs to the other side, there was one last thing to tell them. First praise, then a claim… “Lady Ellen, I beg of you. The life of Marianna now lies in your hands.” …and finally a plea. With all that said, Organ Trist crumbled, his body turned into black salt. And with it, the entire realm began to collapse in itself…
“Hold tight, Elly…”
…
And now, there was only one dark dome left. Arguably, the worst of them all, this particular world was to be the prison for Keyaruga… or his cemetery. No doorways to run into, no windows to jump from. He was alone, trapped with hundreds of those who were slain by his hand. Those poor bastards – the restless souls, their minds were so obsessed with hatred, and their grudge – powered by the sheer immortality of their ethereal blackened bodies. This was hell in its purest form. The question is – a hell for who, exactly?
“YE-E-E-E-E-EAH!!! IT’S HEALING TIME!!!” Keyaruga snarled and began splattering blood all over the place. Everyone who was touched by that substance became horribly mutated – their heads bloated, their muscles strained so much, they crushed their very bones! “WHAT’S WRONG?! KILL ME!!! KILL ME NOW!!!” The man demanded, dancing around his would-be tormentors with his blade, blessing his foes with the exquisite gift of perpetual agony! Saber in his right hand, Georgius on his left, one complementing another.
Despite what the lad asked, nobody could bring him down. His immortal flesh defied any blade, his bones healed in an instant, his mad frenzy alleviated any pain.
He thought he could kill his enemies for the second and final time, give them proper death in the most excruciating manner. He was wrong…
“DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND ALL OVER AGA-A-A-A-AIN!!!” The hero yelled chopping off heads and severing limbs! He killed so many, he couldn’t even count the slayings! He murdered the same people over and over, each time their agony being more exquisite then the last!
Kill a man once, he won’t even notice, his rage will only rise! Kill him thrice – he’d waver! Five – and the seeds of fear are sown. Ten – and he’s broken completely!
Keyaruga just couldn’t help himself, he hated these scum so much, he just couldn’t contain all his passionate hatred. It was so strong, that the feeling of pure, raw, primordial wrath transcended every possible modification he had put into himself.
“A-A-A-A-A!!! UGH-H-H-H-H!!!” A soldier was weeping, hugging his boot. “S-S-S-S-SPA-A-A-ARE ME-E-E!!!”
“YO-O-OU!!! I remember you!” The healer spoke, raising the cretin by his neck. “My first kill! You watched me being raped, drugged… BEATEN!!!” The man yawped, slicing off his upper face with one nimble slice. “AND YOU NEVER!!! EVER!!! EVER FUCKING HELPED ME!!!” The lad, tainted by black and red blood, slammed the sentry into the ‘floor’…
“A-A-A-A-A!!! PLE-E-E-EASE!!!” …and gleefully sliced off his arms, ignited sparked his left armored hand into a gauntlet of blazing heat!..
“GU-GHH-GUU!!! UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!” And finally, cauterized the wounds, just so that the retard wouldn’t die too soon.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!!!” The crazed avenger yelled, grabbing Leonard, so conveniently nearby, weeping. “YOU SAID, I’VE DONE NOTHING FOR THIS FUCKING KINGDOM?! I’LL SHOW YOU, WHAT I CAN DO NO-O-OW!!!”
And so he did, the madman rested his two fingers on the sadist’s forehead. A second passed, and a purple spark had announced the richest form of suffering.
“Oh… U-u… Uo-o-o-o-o-o… Khh…” Indeed, although it wasn’t as vocal as previous ones, Keyaruga was more than pleased with the result. He knew of a human having specific nerves, specifically for reacting to pain. And he just overloaded them. Toxic spiders, dangerous medusas, venomous snakes and scorpions – all of them could do that with their poisons. Hell, even Keyaruga could brew neurotoxins. But damn, this thing had one ultimate merit compared to all of those – the instant effect, so potent, in fact, that the victim can’t even cry out from the excruciating pain!
“He-e! That’s a neat trick.” The lad mumbled, approaching a maid, lying on the “floor” like an embryo. Flare’s bodyguard shivered and sucked her thumb, completely lost to this twisted world. Just one little touch… “Pam! You’re already dead!” Keyaruga sneered tapping his armored fingers by her temple.
“Uh… Uh… Ugh… W… Wha-?.. A-A-A-A-A-A-AGH-H-H!!!” The woman grabbed her skull, but it was too late. All the blood, bile, and even marrow now came into her brain, bloating it, up until it burst in a fountain of black blood and shining entrails.
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!” The deranged healer laughed so loud, and his presence was so overwhelming now, that nobody even dared to come close to him, let alone attack, unless they wished to become a victim of a new twisted experiment. Oh, their fear, this agonizing panic! They’re giving me a fucking boner! I wanna fuck! I want a woman! Oh, this! This will do nicely!
And so, Keyaruga dropped his saber, unfastened his belt, ripped the dress, slapped that ass which he had found, grabbed it, pushed it in! The woman with a blackened tail was slowly dying of blood loss, but that barely concerned the lad. He grabbed her pelvis and began to move, so fast, so frantic, and so mindless, that no one could see a human in him. No-o, this was a wild beast, slamming his bulging cock into the defenseless female, too tired to react, let alone resist somehow. She wasn’t even tight, just barely warm, but even that was enough. A few minutes of such suffering inflicted on her, and he came, this was a brilliant orgasm, deeply perverted, and twisted to the very core…
Oh, that’s the fucking best! I love it so much!
Keyaruga grabbed her hand, wiped his penis with it, pull back his pants, and…
I don’t remember her. I wonder, who that is.
He pushed the body, rolling it to the back.
“Ha-a-a… Hello again, Kailia…” The mad lad recognized her instantly. An agent, sent to find and assist Eve Reese in her quest, hired by someone named Carol. But that alone wouldn’t be enough to get Keyaruga to brutally rape her. “You’ve killed my Norn, but I spared you. Heh, after Kali left, I tasked you to ward off whoever they sent after my Eve, but… It seems like you’ve failed. Really, really sad.” The healer spoke, resting his left hand on her dying flesh, recovering it in an instant. And just like that… “Oh, fuck!” She nearly stabbed him with a knife. Gods only knew where she got it from… “Sit still.” But then, Keyaruga just pressed his finger on her forehead, and completely shut down her limbs functions. He pitied her… but could do nothing for this miserable leopard woman.
“Haa… Damn, it’s getting boring here.” The hero lamented, picking up his weapon of choice. At this point, he just put it back in its sheath. Only then did he spot a couple of new faces in the crowd of weeping bastards. “You there! You don’t look like you should be here. What’s… wait…”
“STAY AWAY FROM ME, MONSTER!!!” The woman cried, she was weeping into her man’s now tainted shirt.
“Heh! He-heh! No-no-no-o! Oh no-o-o!” Keyaruga frantically shook his head, unable to believe what he just saw. This was the worst. This… “Anna! Kurt! What… What’re you even doing here?! I… I avenged you! You shouldn’t have…” His parents were there, they stood among the thugs, slavers, robbers, bandits, zealots, murderers… But they… they weren’t one of them…
“You killed us, traitor. You raped my wife, after everything she’s done for you. You’re disgusting little shit!” The mighty harvester told him, pointing his war-scythe at the hero. The only thing that held him at bay, though, was his spouse, loudly crying with black tears pouring from her eyes.
“Heh… You… really think I’d…”
“No. But you’ve proven it.” Kurt spoke with the coldest possible rage in his voice. Keyaru’s cruelty couldn’t be doubted, after all. Not after everyone he maimed this day. “I don’t give a fuck, what the hell is wrong with you, but I’ll slice your guilty ass as many times as I need.” The older man spoke, pushing Anna aside. And then, he lunged.
Kurt struck as a true warrior – he was swift, accurate, precise – his war scythe – basically a reforged farming tool, grazed Keyaruga’s torso, cut his leg, he even stabbed his foster son through his chest. But… there was no blood.
“Calm down, you two.” The hero demanded, stoically taking hit after hit, like the heavy glaive-like blade was nothing. While Anna crumbled to her knees, lost in her weeping, Kurt wouldn’t stop attacking. “You can’t kill me, I’m immor-…” Barely did the lad say so; before his foster father grabbed the handle in a wide grip, and just swept his head off with one precise strike.
“NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!” Strangely enough, despite all of the delusions his parents had about him, Anna just couldn’t stand seeing her child being killed so brutally. “A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!! WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y?!!!” As Keyaru’s head rolled on the ground, the thugs, at least those who weren’t affected by any of hero’s inventive afflictions, started to get rallied again.
“You had it coming, you ungrateful dipshit!” Kurt spat through tightly closed teeth. He couldn’t watch, couldn’t face what he had to do with his adopted prodigy. Even if he was a criminal. Even if…
“I really did…” But the bastards weren’t enjoying the show for too long. Right when the healer seemed to fall, a new body started to grow from his neck-stump, the clothes, the pouches, the weapons – everything turned into ash just to materialize again on the proudly standing conqueror of death itself.
“What devilry is this?” Kurt’s reaction was understandable. A mix of fear, anger, and disgust, was all over his tainted face. In turn…
“KEYARU-U-U-U!!!” Anna just dashed forward to hug her child. No matter, how disgustingly atrocious his resurrection was, without even looking at the beheaded body that now lied nearby, the woman just went ahead and embraced the lad. She… didn’t seem to be in her right mind, even for a dead soul.
“Anna, I… I…” The shivers began taking a hold of him. His hands, his knees – they trembled so much, this simple touch he though he lost forever, this… This was enough to make him cry. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so, so, so-o-o sorry!..”
“DIE, FUCKER!!!”
“THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE ME DOING THIS!!!” Keyaruga yelled, grabbing Leonard by his wrist. Just a little pressure – and he dropped his sword, the weapon faded into nothingness. Then, the man pushed Anna back, punched his foe in the gut, and proudly showed his captive to his family. “Haa… He-heh! He-e-e… This… This is Leonard, Flare’s… right hand…” The hero spoke, this time trying to maintain his sanity, as his parents now cautiously looked at him. “I… I came from the future! I had to rewind time’s flow itself… Because Flare was evil, and he…” Then, the man put his hand onto the barely struggling imbecile, thus transforming him into Keyaru, the motionless child, whose entire mobility, except for breathing, was shut down for the ease of what he was about to do. “I killed Flare! And he took my guilt. Then…” Afterwards, the healer went ahead and summoned raging flames upon his free hand. Kurt and Anna watched motionlessly, as he placed the magic-shrouded palm onto his ‘own’ face, burned it, scourged the blackened flesh with the sorcery he ‘learned’ from Flare… “My trick was revealed, and he headed out to our village, looking just like me. The rest… you know the rest.”
And finally, Keyaruga dropped the motionless doll, unable even to cry out from the excruciating pain the Hero of Healing inflicted upon it. He then faced his parents, still shocked by such a display of merciless brutality, they couldn’t even properly reply, this entire spectacle of bloodshed, mayhem, rape, torture, demonstration of immortality, and now – proofs of metamorphosis – all of that left them utterly silent.
“Kurt, Anna… I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you… But I can’t let you, or any one of these fuckers keep me here! I… I have a family! Freia, Setsuna, Ellen, Eve – I so wanted you to meet them… But you can’t now. You… might not believe me, and I understand that.” The red-eyed lad uttered, as his posture slouched more and more, along with his fading bravery. “This is what it’s like to be a man! I must be strong! I have to be ruthless now, so that nobody would challenge me in the future!” The man added, now turning his back to his foster parents. He stood straight, he stretched his shoulders, took a deep breath, and… “LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKING MONSTERS!!! WHAT YOU’VE FELT NOW IS BUT A TINY BIT OF WHAT I’LL DO TO YOU, ONCE I’M FUCKING DEAD!!! NOW YOU WILL GO INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL, AND WHEN YOU’RE THERE, PRAY I DON’T FUCKING DIE ANYTIME SOON!!! BECAUSE WHEN I FINALLY KICK THIS SHITTY BUCKET, I’LL FIND EACH OF YOU, AND WE’LL BE PLAYING FOR THE WHOLE OF ETERNITY!!! BUT WHY WAIT, WHEN WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN NOW, HU-U-U-UH?!!!”
The speech was told, the impact made. His words were so zealous, so passionately intimidating, that the weeping fools now reached a whole new depth of despair.
“GET US OUT OF HERE!!!”
“SAVE ME-E-E-E!!!”
“HE’S THE DEVIL!!! DE-E-EVIL!!!”
“UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!”
“KUUNDA (I’m so scared)!!!”
“HE-E-E-E-E-ELP!!!”
And so, this entire crowd, this mob of immortal corpses, just ran away. Everyone, who could still stand on their feet, began fleeing in panic, trampling each other in the process. What they failed to notice, though, is that the dome is endless only for its main victim. Everyone else just came up against the invisible wall.
The Trial of Heart – its goal is twisted, to be certain. To pass it would mean releasing the dead souls from their grudge toward you. A saint would shift it to forgiveness, but the deranged avenger pumped so much fear in those criminals, that their hatred was replaced by the purest and most animalistic terror. Still, with the task done, the souls began to dissipate in a white light. They would finally be free…
“REMEMBER!!! YOU’VE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!! WE’LL MEET AGAIN, YOU FUCKING SHITBAGS!!!” Unfortunately for them, though, Keyaruga’s long shadow still loomed above them all. And such, even in relief, the crowd continued to cry, to sob, to wail, to…
“Keya… ru…” But not all left because of dread. When the avenger turned around, his foster mother, crumbling into white flakes, stood on her tiptoes to give him a last kiss on the cheek. “You’ve grown… so much…”
And so, she faded. Kurt quickly followed, although it wasn’t forgiveness or benevolence that filled his raging soul. No, it was an impotent acceptance. He saw Keyaruga as a mirror, in which he saw himself, before he deserted the royal guard and found himself in Alban.
“Someday… you’ll follow my path…” And this was what the man spoke at last, dropping his war-scythe to the ethereal ground. With no souls to redeem in the most twisted of ways, the dome of blackness quickly turned insufferably bright.
The Trial of Heart had been passed.
submitted by resurrective to RedoOfHealer [link] [comments]
There’s only so many ways to elope them. One must either reconcile with the restless souls, or join them, succumbing to their rage and regret that they carried into their afterlife. After all, to even get there, one must possess unparalleled strength and resilience; and only those who had caused deaths and destruction on their path to greatness can even hope to get to this trial.
Freia, Flare, the First princess of Jioral. For some – a good friend, lover, and companion. For others – a nightmare embodied, a vessel of divine powers, a force to be reckoned with. She had many enemies: princes and princesses felled by her authority, treacherous servants and greedy nobles, the knights, who opposed her corruption, slavers and bandits, destroyed on her quest for redemption and restoration of herself… But there were more. Children she had burned, serving her kingdom, women who perished by the tides she conjured, men that had been torn apart by raging tornados of her making, elderly that were buried under the rubble she created…
And how did she oppose them?
“Flagella terram et vescere inimicis meis, o magnum tempestas ignis!” The sorceress chanted, spinning her staff above her head. Then, right before the raging mob reached her, she hid from them behind a vortex of fire. One move and this wave of heat would incinerate everything and everyone in this accursed realm. But…
“TRAITOR!”
“DON’T HIDE FROM US, FLA-A-A-ARE!”
“COME TO US, SISTER!”
“YOU WERE NEVER ONE OF US!”
“USURPER!”
“GIVE ME BACK MY MOM!””
“THE FALSE PRINCESS!”
“SUNNARI (die)!”
“THE DAUGHER OF A WHORE!”
“YOU SHOULD’VE ROT IN THE SLUMS!”
Curses and jealousy, bitterness and hatred. The chorus of tortured souls surrounding the fiery boundary couldn’t be silenced even by the roaring flame. There couldn’t be any redemption.
“I’m sorry for all of you, who unjustly died by my hand!..” And even though there were people deserving their apologies, those who had to perish in favor of Flare’s political ambitions, those she sacrificed to appease her tyrannical father…
“THEN JOIN US, FLARE!”
“PAPA! WHERE ARE YOU?! GIVE HIM BACK!”
“REPENT, BITCH! DISPELL YOUR WITCHCRAFT!!!”
“But I won’t give in to you!” The pink-haired woman exclaimed, absorbing mana into her staff. “Furthermore, there’re those of you I will never regret killing! And there are those, for whom I must live! I MUST GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!” Then, she slammed the lower tip of her weapon into the floor made of the absolute darkness. Instead of wailing, being consumed by fear, guilt, self-loathing, and, ultimately, perishing, Freia sundered this entire “world”. One magical strike from her, and cracks of white and gold covered the entire dome. The wall of fire faded, but when the vengeful spirits rushed forward to maul their prey, they crumbled into piles of black salt. “I’m so… so sorry!” The girl lamented, kneeling near the remains of children, whose future she stole. “But I… I must move forward. I must save…”
…
Sparks and crackling, whistle and dazzling – time and time again the surge of lightning breached through the veil of darkness.
“UO-O-O-O-O-O!!!” A guttural scream filled the oppressive silence under the dome. Eve Reese, so childish and bashful, so eager to prove herself, now wore a stone mask of indifference. “Nira-a-a (no-o-o)!!! Yuarmta (I won’t forgive you)!!!” Cornar yelled, held still by at least seven shadows, he had been tortured, killed, bruised, smitten by the raging element of lightning. No longer did the girl see him as a threat; no longer did she cower at the feet of her former husband. Maybe, Eve was condemned to getting back her memories as a means of punishment, something that would make her sympathize with this petty little tyrant…
“Yuarm yau (I don’t need your forgiveness).” The Me-ua kahul spoke, looking at her crackling right arm, trembling with power and guilt combined. Not for forsaking her would-be-spouse, not for becoming Panakea’s pawn…
These souls, these loyal shadows – turned out, she never called upon them… until the very end. Her subjects, her brethren… Eve feared that if she let them out, they would tear her tyrannical husband into little pieces.
“Haa… Haa…” And now, she had to choose. To turn around and let someone else fix her problem, or… “Haa… HAA!!! HAA!!! HAA!!! SUNI (I’ll kill you)!!!”
A Punch to the maw, to the chest, through the ribs, to the heart! He didn’t die! He couldn’t die here! This scumbag of a man, this monster just wouldn’t go away! No matter how much pain she caused him, no matter how many times she slit his throat, broke through his torso, shocked him with spells, cut him with magical light…
And what of Cornar?
“A-A-A-A-A!!! A-A-AGH!!! HA-HA-HA-A!!! NA SHENBATA, SETOAN (you can’t get rid of me, woman)!!!” The son of Hakuo never relented. He relished in his immortality, laughed through the hellish torments Eve inflicted upon him. The skinned lion spotted a weakness in Eve’s heart, and he pressed at it, as if breaking the girl would get him back to the world of the living…
No, he wanted to take Eve to the world of dead.
“Gha-a-a-a… Agh-h-h…” The queen-to-be grabbed her forehead, her rugged breath not only siphoned all the focus out of her, threatening to cast the girl into a pit of despair, it also deteriorated her control over the mana she wielded. Unlike the city of salt, there was enough ambient magic to harvest here, but doing so would require skills, precision, and, most importantly, personal discipline and control over one’s own mind.
“Praibi, orna Iblis (Drain yourself, my Iblis)!” The prince of Batnara shashu tribe provoked, feeling the grip of the shadows losing its strength. A little more, and he’d be free… A little more…
“Hm…” But Eve wouldn’t relent. She once again covered her arm in a coat of magical lightning. She would never surrender; the queen would never let anyone treat her like a slave ever again. Not after Keyaruga’s perseverance taught her a lesson of resilience. Not after his gentleness, however tainted by his wounds, showed her what true love should look like.
She took a swing, prepared to strike…
“…” But then, two winged shadows stopped her hand. Amda and Sana, they were barely recognizable in their spiritual forms… but Eve would never mistake her parents for anyone else. They couldn’t speak, yet they still communicated with their daughter through other means. Emotions, wishes, urges – they never wished such evil to befall their daughter, but what they hated even more – was to see their child descend into the same pit.
“I… I don’t… have to?..” They asked her to stop, to let them relieve her of that burden. “B-but!.. No! You will die!” The girl snarled, grabbing her parents in a hug. She knew what was to come – her mother, father – they wished to sacrifice themselves to drag Cornar back to the afterlife. But that… wouldn’t that mean she’d lose them all over again? Wouldn’t…
“…”
“Yes! You’re dead! So what?! What do I?..” The feeling of pain and powerlessness engulfed the verdant woman. Barely had she found the strength to stand before her fallen tribe, before those who she desired to see the most now left her.
“YOTJAR (finally)!!!” With Eve’s will getting weaker, so did the shadows of her ethereal court. Her tyrannical husband finally broke free, slamming and stomping her shadows, as they fruitlessly tried stopping him. Amda and Sana Reese hugged their child for the last time… and now they stood up to defend their precious daughter. That is… the least they could do.
…
Freia broke inside another dome. From the outside, they looked like bright constellations of stars, formed on the points of a massive, galactic-scaled pentagram. The personal chamber for each of the contenders. One was broken from the inside, collapsing inwards, into a black hole with an orange halo – this was Freia’s dome. There were four more. Two were dimmed, two still shone brightly. The Hero of Magic travelled through this empty space, lit by numerous distant stars. In her current form, things like speed, form, and time – none of them mattered, aside from her destination. And now, she had to choose one of the two luminous chambers.
…
What is true power? Does one determine this abstract concept by the weight one can lift with their muscles? Maybe it was the charisma necessary to lead the masses? Enough money to influence others? Authority earned or inherited?
“Well-well-well…” Whatever the answer truly was, Ellen had none of it right now. No strength to fight, no troops to hide behind, and certainly – those who opposed her now had little if any need of whatever amount of gold she now carried.
“WENCH!”
“TANOUTUR (murderer)!”
“NEZAH (why)?!”
“MERA RIVARO (my life)!..”
“YAU MA (how dare you)!”
“YOU’LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE, BITCH!!!”
Oh, they came for Norn. There were hundreds, if not thousands of them, some she could recall from her Murian and Teuteccain campaigns – the series of expansions past the great wall; others were the court warlords she and John unseated in her ascension; rebellious villagers too came to exact their revenge on the younger princess, after her demons decimated them; and there were the victims of Buranikka’s carnage. This was the mountain of corpses Norn Clatalissa Jioral used to climb onto the very peak of political power…
“Now then, what do you want from me? An apology? Maybe my penance?” Even now, surrounded by countless dead souls, whose entire being now revolved around their grudge, the girl wouldn’t let herself be crushed by their rage. Not mentally, at least.
“DIE!”
“MAN WOR YAKSI (give me your eyes)!”
“SUFFER, YOU MONSTER!”
“I JUST WANTED TO LIVE!!!”
And so, hundreds of voices began howling in unison. So passionate, so eager to share their hardships and aspirations, that Ellen actually started pitying them a little. So many words, so much pain in them.
“Haa… I guess, that something like this was bound to happen someday. Well…” Instead of listening to the rest of the traumatizing nonsense and wailing, the crimson-headed cutie just began… to simply undress. “I don’t have the power to struggle, I can’t break out of here, and all of you came here for me. So go on. Rape me, maul me, kill me, do whatever you want. I’ve already done everything I wanted.” Ellen, now naked and completely defenseless, stretched out on the ethereal black floor, looking into the endless black void above her. The raging souls now came closer and closer, dozens of faces now loomed above her, as their hands reached out to grab the fallen warlady and tear her apart. This… was the end.
Keyaruga, Setsuna, sister… I hope you won’t miss me too much.
And so, she closed her eyes. Time to finally die.
…
…
…
There was no pain, nobody dragged the girl around, not even a single blow fell upon her. Ellen was… safe?
“A-A-A-A!!!”
“UGH-H-H!!!”
“YOLA-A-A-A-A (it hu-u-u-urts)!!!”
Slice and dicing, the ripping of flesh and clattered bones, “death” of a sort, dealt to the undying, torment for the tormented who themselves wished to inflict suffering upon her – someone kept the restless souls away from the princess. Someone precise, fast, and masterful with his tools of mayhem.
“Haa, is that you, Organ?” Ellen asked sullenly. Denied her excruciating retribution once more, she could only cover her tightly shut eyes with her palms.
“How did you know, Your Highness?” Indeed, it was him. As brutal as he was gallant, the deceased demigod was the only one out of these dead souls, who spoke to her, and not wailed at her like some sort of a beast.
“I know only two men, who’d come for me here, and the other isn’t so discreet, you moron.” The young general replied, opening her eyelids. The first thing she saw was the Champion of Jioral, covered in black blood. His prized amber eyes were no more, only black gaping holes were there instead. “Why’re you here? Do you want a piece of me for yourself?” The girl asked, still unwilling to stand up. Honestly, she felt robbed at this moment. This would be such a fitting end for her, but no! “Don’t tell me you’ve just barged in here to… Pff! PROTECT… me.” The second princess spat these words through her painfully clenched teeth.
“First things first, Lady Norn, I suggest you cover your shame and cease this indecency.” The warrior spoke, piercing and slashing the mob with his sword, impaling them with his hidden blade, tossing them back with his kicks. He was far from his prime form, and so, wounds and sores, cuts and lesions were left on him, as he, alone, overpowered dozens of raging men and women, keeping them away from the girl he swore to protect. Indeed… “Forgive me, princess, but I made a vow to your mother, and death is hardly a valid reason to…”
“YAKS… (giv…) A-A-A-A!!!”
“…to renounce my…”
“DOKI-I-I (step away)!!!”
“…loyalty to her!”
Despite everything, no matter the odds, Hawkeye continued to push back the angry spirits. He couldn’t dodge, as every missed blow could land on the lady, he couldn’t step back, as she needed protection more than any time in her life, and, certainly, sustained by this oppressive dimension, he couldn’t die. He couldn’t kill anyone, as they just rose anew from their own black blood, but the man couldn’t retreat.
“He-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…” The princess chuckled, curling her torso in order to sit up. It hurt her stomach, but the girl persevered nonetheless. “Why am I always surrounded by stupid stubborn men, who just can’t help but dingle their balls before me? Seriously, a dead man, upholding a promise to a dead woman, how much more ridiculous can this get?” The girl scoffed, pulling back her panties, bra, and whatever she left lying around, back on. After all, why even bother now? “Be honest, idiot! What do you want from me?”
“I came here…”
Slash, backflip, tackle, toss – Organ Trist twirled around his commander, pushing back everyone, who came too close to his prized princess.
“…to ask you, Lady Norn!..”
Shoulder slam, side-kick, a flurry of bloodshed embodied in the son of Artemis!
“…to save my…”
Stabbing enemies with that hidden blade, crushing their skulls with the handle of his blade, ripping their eyes out and tossing them away – however useless this double-sided brutality may seem, Hawkeye had purpose, skill, and, most of all, conviction, that allowed him to push the mob away.
“…daughter! Save Marianna!”
After all, what can be stronger, than a father, eager to protect his dear child?
“And you think keeping me alive will help you with that? You, moron, this bloated pigeon trapped me here! I have only one way out – fucking death!” The second princess, now properly clothed again, yelled however loud she could. Unable to comprehend the reasoning behind this idiocy, the girl just stood there, pulling her crimson hair. “Also, you’re severely mistaken! I’m not Norn! Norn’s dead! My name is…”
“…Elly! Elly-y-y!!!” Barely had the princess opened her mouth; before the dome had been breached from the outside. The Hero of Magic emerged above the ground. She levitated, using magical blue flames; she secured her sister by forming a wall around her, a barricade made from powerful ice spears. The sorceress even went so far as to send one into the undead Champion, it was one he easily avoided, though. “Step away from my sister, Organ!!!” The raging magician demanded, pulling her sibling towards her with a gust of mystical wind.
“Ghh! Oh, hey there, Friea!” The fallen warlady spoke, bracing herself against the dizziness her brief flight had caused. Still, this didn’t look good. The last time those two met, Hawkeye severely injured the pink-haired girl, and she just wouldn’t live through it again, unless two gods appeared to help her. This time, though, it was her turn to be a deity-savior.
“Get away! You’ve bested me once, but this time, I can crash this entire realm down onto your head!” The Hero of Magic promised, putting her staff between her sister and her enemy.
“Aw shit, this just gets better and better…” The little genius lamented, nervously shaking her head. Not only was her glorified suicide rudely interrupted, but now this situation threatened to kill her sister as well. Still…
“Elly, Elly… Ellen? Ellen the Adopted?” Despite Freia’s expectations, Organ Trist was more interested in the new name she called Norn, rather than anything else, really. He already had his fair share of battles, after all. “Ho-ho-o! I guess, in the end, you really did become the better version of yourself! And the ‘brother’ in question – is that sir Keyaru?” The blinded man asked with the same smugness he once boasted with in his grandiose life.
“What’s the point of answering you now? Aren’t we just traitors to you?” The heroine replied with every bit of animosity she had in her. “Hold on, Elly, I’ll get you out of here.” Freia stated, charging her staff with the magic that shaped this entire “world”.
“Heh, aren’t you afraid of what that damn poisoned pigeon might do to you for breaking her rules?” The crimson-haired cutie scoffed, witnessing the entire black dome covering with cracks.
“I don’t care about her rules! All I want is to see you safe!” The sorceress spoke with even more defiance toward Caladrius than Norn ever had in her. If needed, she would challenge this feathered nightmare to a duel, anything, just to save her family.
“I see…” Hawkeye uttered, kneeling before the two girls. All that time, rather than monitoring Freia’s moves, his supernatural senses were aimed outside, to make sure no restless souls cross the fence of magic ice. But now… “I see your eyes, Princess Flare, they’re just like hers. I’m sure; you’ll make Lady Reeharoze proud of you yet.” Now, before he once again departs to the other side, there was one last thing to tell them. First praise, then a claim… “Lady Ellen, I beg of you. The life of Marianna now lies in your hands.” …and finally a plea. With all that said, Organ Trist crumbled, his body turned into black salt. And with it, the entire realm began to collapse in itself…
“Hold tight, Elly…”
…
And now, there was only one dark dome left. Arguably, the worst of them all, this particular world was to be the prison for Keyaruga… or his cemetery. No doorways to run into, no windows to jump from. He was alone, trapped with hundreds of those who were slain by his hand. Those poor bastards – the restless souls, their minds were so obsessed with hatred, and their grudge – powered by the sheer immortality of their ethereal blackened bodies. This was hell in its purest form. The question is – a hell for who, exactly?
“YE-E-E-E-E-EAH!!! IT’S HEALING TIME!!!” Keyaruga snarled and began splattering blood all over the place. Everyone who was touched by that substance became horribly mutated – their heads bloated, their muscles strained so much, they crushed their very bones! “WHAT’S WRONG?! KILL ME!!! KILL ME NOW!!!” The man demanded, dancing around his would-be tormentors with his blade, blessing his foes with the exquisite gift of perpetual agony! Saber in his right hand, Georgius on his left, one complementing another.
Despite what the lad asked, nobody could bring him down. His immortal flesh defied any blade, his bones healed in an instant, his mad frenzy alleviated any pain.
He thought he could kill his enemies for the second and final time, give them proper death in the most excruciating manner. He was wrong…
“DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND ALL OVER AGA-A-A-A-AIN!!!” The hero yelled chopping off heads and severing limbs! He killed so many, he couldn’t even count the slayings! He murdered the same people over and over, each time their agony being more exquisite then the last!
Kill a man once, he won’t even notice, his rage will only rise! Kill him thrice – he’d waver! Five – and the seeds of fear are sown. Ten – and he’s broken completely!
Keyaruga just couldn’t help himself, he hated these scum so much, he just couldn’t contain all his passionate hatred. It was so strong, that the feeling of pure, raw, primordial wrath transcended every possible modification he had put into himself.
“A-A-A-A-A!!! UGH-H-H-H-H!!!” A soldier was weeping, hugging his boot. “S-S-S-S-SPA-A-A-ARE ME-E-E!!!”
“YO-O-OU!!! I remember you!” The healer spoke, raising the cretin by his neck. “My first kill! You watched me being raped, drugged… BEATEN!!!” The man yawped, slicing off his upper face with one nimble slice. “AND YOU NEVER!!! EVER!!! EVER FUCKING HELPED ME!!!” The lad, tainted by black and red blood, slammed the sentry into the ‘floor’…
“A-A-A-A-A!!! PLE-E-E-EASE!!!” …and gleefully sliced off his arms, ignited sparked his left armored hand into a gauntlet of blazing heat!..
“GU-GHH-GUU!!! UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!” And finally, cauterized the wounds, just so that the retard wouldn’t die too soon.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!!!” The crazed avenger yelled, grabbing Leonard, so conveniently nearby, weeping. “YOU SAID, I’VE DONE NOTHING FOR THIS FUCKING KINGDOM?! I’LL SHOW YOU, WHAT I CAN DO NO-O-OW!!!”
And so he did, the madman rested his two fingers on the sadist’s forehead. A second passed, and a purple spark had announced the richest form of suffering.
“Oh… U-u… Uo-o-o-o-o-o… Khh…” Indeed, although it wasn’t as vocal as previous ones, Keyaruga was more than pleased with the result. He knew of a human having specific nerves, specifically for reacting to pain. And he just overloaded them. Toxic spiders, dangerous medusas, venomous snakes and scorpions – all of them could do that with their poisons. Hell, even Keyaruga could brew neurotoxins. But damn, this thing had one ultimate merit compared to all of those – the instant effect, so potent, in fact, that the victim can’t even cry out from the excruciating pain!
“He-e! That’s a neat trick.” The lad mumbled, approaching a maid, lying on the “floor” like an embryo. Flare’s bodyguard shivered and sucked her thumb, completely lost to this twisted world. Just one little touch… “Pam! You’re already dead!” Keyaruga sneered tapping his armored fingers by her temple.
“Uh… Uh… Ugh… W… Wha-?.. A-A-A-A-A-A-AGH-H-H!!!” The woman grabbed her skull, but it was too late. All the blood, bile, and even marrow now came into her brain, bloating it, up until it burst in a fountain of black blood and shining entrails.
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!” The deranged healer laughed so loud, and his presence was so overwhelming now, that nobody even dared to come close to him, let alone attack, unless they wished to become a victim of a new twisted experiment. Oh, their fear, this agonizing panic! They’re giving me a fucking boner! I wanna fuck! I want a woman! Oh, this! This will do nicely!
And so, Keyaruga dropped his saber, unfastened his belt, ripped the dress, slapped that ass which he had found, grabbed it, pushed it in! The woman with a blackened tail was slowly dying of blood loss, but that barely concerned the lad. He grabbed her pelvis and began to move, so fast, so frantic, and so mindless, that no one could see a human in him. No-o, this was a wild beast, slamming his bulging cock into the defenseless female, too tired to react, let alone resist somehow. She wasn’t even tight, just barely warm, but even that was enough. A few minutes of such suffering inflicted on her, and he came, this was a brilliant orgasm, deeply perverted, and twisted to the very core…
Oh, that’s the fucking best! I love it so much!
Keyaruga grabbed her hand, wiped his penis with it, pull back his pants, and…
I don’t remember her. I wonder, who that is.
He pushed the body, rolling it to the back.
“Ha-a-a… Hello again, Kailia…” The mad lad recognized her instantly. An agent, sent to find and assist Eve Reese in her quest, hired by someone named Carol. But that alone wouldn’t be enough to get Keyaruga to brutally rape her. “You’ve killed my Norn, but I spared you. Heh, after Kali left, I tasked you to ward off whoever they sent after my Eve, but… It seems like you’ve failed. Really, really sad.” The healer spoke, resting his left hand on her dying flesh, recovering it in an instant. And just like that… “Oh, fuck!” She nearly stabbed him with a knife. Gods only knew where she got it from… “Sit still.” But then, Keyaruga just pressed his finger on her forehead, and completely shut down her limbs functions. He pitied her… but could do nothing for this miserable leopard woman.
“Haa… Damn, it’s getting boring here.” The hero lamented, picking up his weapon of choice. At this point, he just put it back in its sheath. Only then did he spot a couple of new faces in the crowd of weeping bastards. “You there! You don’t look like you should be here. What’s… wait…”
“STAY AWAY FROM ME, MONSTER!!!” The woman cried, she was weeping into her man’s now tainted shirt.
“Heh! He-heh! No-no-no-o! Oh no-o-o!” Keyaruga frantically shook his head, unable to believe what he just saw. This was the worst. This… “Anna! Kurt! What… What’re you even doing here?! I… I avenged you! You shouldn’t have…” His parents were there, they stood among the thugs, slavers, robbers, bandits, zealots, murderers… But they… they weren’t one of them…
“You killed us, traitor. You raped my wife, after everything she’s done for you. You’re disgusting little shit!” The mighty harvester told him, pointing his war-scythe at the hero. The only thing that held him at bay, though, was his spouse, loudly crying with black tears pouring from her eyes.
“Heh… You… really think I’d…”
“No. But you’ve proven it.” Kurt spoke with the coldest possible rage in his voice. Keyaru’s cruelty couldn’t be doubted, after all. Not after everyone he maimed this day. “I don’t give a fuck, what the hell is wrong with you, but I’ll slice your guilty ass as many times as I need.” The older man spoke, pushing Anna aside. And then, he lunged.
Kurt struck as a true warrior – he was swift, accurate, precise – his war scythe – basically a reforged farming tool, grazed Keyaruga’s torso, cut his leg, he even stabbed his foster son through his chest. But… there was no blood.
“Calm down, you two.” The hero demanded, stoically taking hit after hit, like the heavy glaive-like blade was nothing. While Anna crumbled to her knees, lost in her weeping, Kurt wouldn’t stop attacking. “You can’t kill me, I’m immor-…” Barely did the lad say so; before his foster father grabbed the handle in a wide grip, and just swept his head off with one precise strike.
“NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!” Strangely enough, despite all of the delusions his parents had about him, Anna just couldn’t stand seeing her child being killed so brutally. “A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!! WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y?!!!” As Keyaru’s head rolled on the ground, the thugs, at least those who weren’t affected by any of hero’s inventive afflictions, started to get rallied again.
“You had it coming, you ungrateful dipshit!” Kurt spat through tightly closed teeth. He couldn’t watch, couldn’t face what he had to do with his adopted prodigy. Even if he was a criminal. Even if…
“I really did…” But the bastards weren’t enjoying the show for too long. Right when the healer seemed to fall, a new body started to grow from his neck-stump, the clothes, the pouches, the weapons – everything turned into ash just to materialize again on the proudly standing conqueror of death itself.
“What devilry is this?” Kurt’s reaction was understandable. A mix of fear, anger, and disgust, was all over his tainted face. In turn…
“KEYARU-U-U-U!!!” Anna just dashed forward to hug her child. No matter, how disgustingly atrocious his resurrection was, without even looking at the beheaded body that now lied nearby, the woman just went ahead and embraced the lad. She… didn’t seem to be in her right mind, even for a dead soul.
“Anna, I… I…” The shivers began taking a hold of him. His hands, his knees – they trembled so much, this simple touch he though he lost forever, this… This was enough to make him cry. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so, so, so-o-o sorry!..”
“DIE, FUCKER!!!”
“THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE ME DOING THIS!!!” Keyaruga yelled, grabbing Leonard by his wrist. Just a little pressure – and he dropped his sword, the weapon faded into nothingness. Then, the man pushed Anna back, punched his foe in the gut, and proudly showed his captive to his family. “Haa… He-heh! He-e-e… This… This is Leonard, Flare’s… right hand…” The hero spoke, this time trying to maintain his sanity, as his parents now cautiously looked at him. “I… I came from the future! I had to rewind time’s flow itself… Because Flare was evil, and he…” Then, the man put his hand onto the barely struggling imbecile, thus transforming him into Keyaru, the motionless child, whose entire mobility, except for breathing, was shut down for the ease of what he was about to do. “I killed Flare! And he took my guilt. Then…” Afterwards, the healer went ahead and summoned raging flames upon his free hand. Kurt and Anna watched motionlessly, as he placed the magic-shrouded palm onto his ‘own’ face, burned it, scourged the blackened flesh with the sorcery he ‘learned’ from Flare… “My trick was revealed, and he headed out to our village, looking just like me. The rest… you know the rest.”
And finally, Keyaruga dropped the motionless doll, unable even to cry out from the excruciating pain the Hero of Healing inflicted upon it. He then faced his parents, still shocked by such a display of merciless brutality, they couldn’t even properly reply, this entire spectacle of bloodshed, mayhem, rape, torture, demonstration of immortality, and now – proofs of metamorphosis – all of that left them utterly silent.
“Kurt, Anna… I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you… But I can’t let you, or any one of these fuckers keep me here! I… I have a family! Freia, Setsuna, Ellen, Eve – I so wanted you to meet them… But you can’t now. You… might not believe me, and I understand that.” The red-eyed lad uttered, as his posture slouched more and more, along with his fading bravery. “This is what it’s like to be a man! I must be strong! I have to be ruthless now, so that nobody would challenge me in the future!” The man added, now turning his back to his foster parents. He stood straight, he stretched his shoulders, took a deep breath, and… “LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKING MONSTERS!!! WHAT YOU’VE FELT NOW IS BUT A TINY BIT OF WHAT I’LL DO TO YOU, ONCE I’M FUCKING DEAD!!! NOW YOU WILL GO INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL, AND WHEN YOU’RE THERE, PRAY I DON’T FUCKING DIE ANYTIME SOON!!! BECAUSE WHEN I FINALLY KICK THIS SHITTY BUCKET, I’LL FIND EACH OF YOU, AND WE’LL BE PLAYING FOR THE WHOLE OF ETERNITY!!! BUT WHY WAIT, WHEN WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN NOW, HU-U-U-UH?!!!”
The speech was told, the impact made. His words were so zealous, so passionately intimidating, that the weeping fools now reached a whole new depth of despair.
“GET US OUT OF HERE!!!”
“SAVE ME-E-E-E!!!”
“HE’S THE DEVIL!!! DE-E-EVIL!!!”
“UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!”
“KUUNDA (I’m so scared)!!!”
“HE-E-E-E-E-ELP!!!”
And so, this entire crowd, this mob of immortal corpses, just ran away. Everyone, who could still stand on their feet, began fleeing in panic, trampling each other in the process. What they failed to notice, though, is that the dome is endless only for its main victim. Everyone else just came up against the invisible wall.
The Trial of Heart – its goal is twisted, to be certain. To pass it would mean releasing the dead souls from their grudge toward you. A saint would shift it to forgiveness, but the deranged avenger pumped so much fear in those criminals, that their hatred was replaced by the purest and most animalistic terror. Still, with the task done, the souls began to dissipate in a white light. They would finally be free…
“REMEMBER!!! YOU’VE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!! WE’LL MEET AGAIN, YOU FUCKING SHITBAGS!!!” Unfortunately for them, though, Keyaruga’s long shadow still loomed above them all. And such, even in relief, the crowd continued to cry, to sob, to wail, to…
“Keya… ru…” But not all left because of dread. When the avenger turned around, his foster mother, crumbling into white flakes, stood on her tiptoes to give him a last kiss on the cheek. “You’ve grown… so much…”
And so, she faded. Kurt quickly followed, although it wasn’t forgiveness or benevolence that filled his raging soul. No, it was an impotent acceptance. He saw Keyaruga as a mirror, in which he saw himself, before he deserted the royal guard and found himself in Alban.
“Someday… you’ll follow my path…” And this was what the man spoke at last, dropping his war-scythe to the ethereal ground. With no souls to redeem in the most twisted of ways, the dome of blackness quickly turned insufferably bright.
The Trial of Heart had been passed.
2023.05.28 15:01 Teguterror An Honest Dominion Ch. 10
There is some violence in this one. Struggle snuggles are briefly mentioned, but nothing descriptive. There is nothing bad enough to warrant a NSFW tag.
The Nature of Predators is made by u/SpacePaladin15
Previous/ First/
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Memory transcription subject: Varce, Cattle Farm Δ12
Date [standardized human time]: January 1, 2137
Delicious, succulent piles of meat laid before me. Fresh yellow blood still dripped from fatty livers. Chitin appendages were begging me to crunch into them. Stacks of scrumptious eggs oozed with slime, undoubtedly laid last night. I could barely contain myself as we all sat down to begin our morning breakfast.
Tarth, being the greedy Arxur that he is, started begging. “So. Your sharing, right? I mean, you do have three days worth of food in front of you.”
I gave him a curt “No” as I began digging into my mountain of food. Al and Kyra snickered at the abrupt rejection. The tender liver broke down into small fragments as my teeth sunk through it. My starved brain exploded with endorphins as the rich, flavorful food slid down my throat. Every drop of tangy blood felt like absolute bliss, seasoned by near crippling hunger. I was so enraptured by the delights before me, I barely even noticed Al watching me with a stupid grin.
I looked him over. “What?”
He broke out snickering. “Sorry. I can’t help it. I don’t quite have a word for it, but it’s nice to watch you enjoy yourself so much.”
Eh. Weird human stuff. I continued to feast on a crunchy appendage when my human callously stole an egg from one of my plates.
I snapped at him. “Hey! Put that back. You’ve got your own eggs.”
He continued to smile like an idiot. “Open your mouth.”
I humored him, albeit somewhat annoyed. Once my mouth was agape, he tossed the egg he was holding onto my tongue. My jaws slammed shut with a pop.
Al excitedly did a little cheer. “Aw. That was awesome.”
Tarth tried to get in on the action. “Do me now.”
Before I could say anything, Al responded. “No. You’re not getting any of Varce’s food.”
Tarth replied with an overly dramatic head turn. “I see how it is.”
--------------------------------
My division sat around the “kitchen” after a long morning of work. All of our equipment had been cleaned and stowed for the time being. Al’s injury brought his productivity to a crawl despite his best efforts. He couldn’t cut, carry, or clean with just one arm so he mostly just acted as moral support. He answered any human questions that were in my inbox, but it had been almost a month since the guide was put out. Barely anyone had any interest in humans at this point.
I sat with my back against the wall while casually scrolling through my news feed. My human was sitting to my left with his head propped against my ribs. He was focused on my screen as I had various images slide by. We were looking for any updates on the situation with the UN armed forces.
Apparently, a few thousand humans were being reported to be under federation custody. A planet with a human shipyard was captured by prey. I’d hazard a guess that not many of those humans are still alive, though I wouldn’t say such a thing with Al around. While he has made it thoroughly clear that he is team Arxur, he still cares for the well being of his own species.
Al let out a slow exaggerated sigh as he slumped further into me. “Hey Varce. Do you think humans are going to survive?”
I considered lying, but decided against it. “Probably not. You did say some ark ships got sent out though. So there’s that.”
“I’m probably going to be the last living human in this part of the galaxy here pretty soon.” He strummed his fingers against my knee. “It’s… A really weird feeling.”
I took one of my hands away from my holopad and ran it through his blonde hair. I looked at his blue eyes for a moment before returning to the holopad.
“For what it’s worth. You’ll always be welcome to stay with me.” A small condolence, but it was what came naturally.
“Thanks”
After about a half-hour, a live broadcast forced itself onto everyone’s holopad, including mine. The image displayed 23 restrained Arxur on their knees with armed guards standing behind them. Chief Hunter Shaza entered the screen and stood at a podium.
She looked over them before speaking. “Today I will pass judgment and punishment onto these Arxur before me. Due to their negligence and incompetence, a total of 508 captive humans have died with an unknown amount of humans dying while being captured. In addition to this, 35 loyal Arxur have died along with an additional 112 being wounded.”
Al and I looked to each other in concern. That was upwards of a quarter of the humans that we had captured in total. What the hell happened?
Shaza continued. “First, you three that were in charge of testing and approval of the tranquilizers used on humans. You falsified data and gave approval to a tranquilizer that has led to deaths in almost every cattlefarm. These tranquilizers were used by human capture parties and resulted in an unknown number of human fatalities that could have been used for trading. Your sentence is death.”
She pulled a ceremonial sword from out of the podium and walked behind the three. She took a swing at the first ones neck and cleanly passed through. However, she over swung and got the tip lodged into the skull of the second one. The second one violently spasmed and screamed as he tried to get away. He fell to the floor when Shaza jammed the blade further into his brain. She extracted the sword and cut down the third with no issue. She walked back to the podium, sat down her sword, and continued with her judgment.
“Vice Admiral and Human Welfare Officer of Cattlefarm Δ9. You disregarded any recommendations about human nutrition and fed them raw herbivore food. Then, when it was discovered that the herbivore food is toxic to humans. You continued to feed them herbivore food and ate the water bug meat that was sent to you. All 225 humans under you care have died due to the toxicity of the herbivore food. Your punishment is death.”
Shaza walked to the two with sword in hand. She carefully swung at each of their necks, being sure to not over-swing again. She walked back to her podium and readied herself to speak again.
Al spoke up while his eyes were locked on the holopad. “She’s nervous. I mean, she was a little nervous before that fuck up. Now she’s even more nervous. I think it’s a safe bet that Prophet Descendant is watching this.”
Shaza scowled this time. “Vice Admiral, Master-at-arms, and Human Welfare officer of Cattlefarm Δ2. You three disregarded all security recommendations and placed all 241 of your humans in a single cage. They crafted weapons known as shanks and killed guards. They then claimed the guard’s firearms and ultimately immolated themselves in the facility. This resulted in the deaths of 35 Arxur, severe injury of 112 Arxur, and the loss of an estimated 800,000 pounds of food and breeding stock. Your punishment is death.”
With sword in hand, she walked behind them. She held the tip of the weapon with her off hand and drove it through. The metal stuck out of the first one’s upper abdomen. His liver was most certainly cut open. She violently yanked out the blade and repeated the process two more times. She left them to bleed out and returned to the podium.
Words could not describe to sheer anger on her face as she addressed the last 15 Arxur. “You disgusting degenerates of Cattlefarm Δ6. A total of 34 human females committed suicide while under your custody. If we find more evidence, I promise more will be executed by my hand. 34 human females are dead because you forcibly mated with them. You destroyed all video evidence, so you knew exactly what you were all doing. Your punishment is death.”
She walked away from the podium without her sword this time. She strolled past the line of corpses and looked over the first Arxur. Shaza turned to the closest guard and took the rifle from their grasp. She placed the muzzle of the weapon into the lower center of the creep’s back. She pulled the trigger with a splatter of blood. She destroy his spine and ruptured his intestines. He wouldn’t be going anywhere while he had his slow death. Shaza repeated this over and over until all 15 of them were crumpled on the ground slowly dying. She returned the rifle to the guard and took her position on the podium.
She stared into the camera. “This fleet functions because I have confidence in those that operate below me. When there are errors, I expect those to be reported to me. The people here lied and hid things from me. Those that reported incidents to me still have their heads and positions because they did not betray my trust. As Chief Hunter, all of you are my responsibility. All I ask is that you do not violate my trust. Now get back to work.”
With that said, the live stream ended. Everyone in the room was dead silent after witnessing the execution. I wasn’t really certain on how to process what I just witnessed. Especially that last group. What would even bring an Arxur to even consider doing something like that with a human? I wouldn't be surprised if they did that kind of stuff with their prey too. Putrid fucking animals.
Al interrupted my train of thought when he started talking. “Those that self reported didn’t lose their positions? That’s a load of shit. She totally tried to boot you. What a fucking liar.”
My holopad began pinging me with an incoming video call from my vice admiral. I accepted it without hesitation and was presented with an image of vice admiral in his stateroom. He raised an eye ridge before speaking.
“Human Welfare Officer Varce and Hall” Al nodded his head in submission. Oh right, he’s more or less cuddling with me right now. Not a great look. “Did you see the live execution just now?
I replied. “Yes vice admiral. It appears you’re suspicions were correct. Though I wish they weren’t.”
“Over 500 captive humans dead. If you’d like, you can pat yourself on the back.”
The hell is he implying? “I’m sorry sir. I don’t think I follow.”
“We just got a view of what would have happened at all of the cattlefarms had it not been for you and Hall. I just felt it appropriate to congratulate you on all of the humans you effectively saved.”
“Huh… That’s one way to look at it sir.”
The vice admiral gave me a grin. “Don’t sell yourself short. If you hadn’t become my Human Welfare Officer, I might have been in that line up. I’ll have you know that I strongly prefer my head attached to my body. Could you imagine the disaster that would have happened if that idiot had been in charge?”
Al forced himself into the conversation. “Speaking of. How’s the brig treating the spoon smuggler?”
Spoon Smuggler? The shithead? Why the hell does Al know about what happened to that moron when I don’t even know?
Vice admiral continued. “The half rations are thinning the troublemaker down. I’ve yet to find an unfortunate ship to pawn him off onto. I am however, considering the possibility of sending him to work on a waste management ship.”
Al started giggling. “Do it. That sounds hilarious.”
I re-entered the conversation. “I second the waste management idea.”
Vice admiral decided to wrap up our conversation. “As much as I’d like to rejoice over the fact that I’m alive. I have much work to do still. So have a good day Officer Varce. You as well Hall.”
With that said, the call cut out leaving me with my human. Over 500 captive humans dead. Their care was in the hands of the Dominion. And well… We failed them. They suffered abuse and mistreatment at the hands of Arxur. They were treated like cattle. Some even worse… I understand why Arxur go through the struggles that we do. We have more people then meat. It’s simple math… But this is just outright wrong. They were given the supplies they needed. It was just the torture and death of sapients for the sake of it. What is wrong with some of these people. Sure, humans aren’t as impressive as an Arxur physically, but that doesn’t mean they’re some mindless prey. Ouch!
I looked down to my human who was pinching the softer scales around my armpit. “What was that for?”
Al smiled at me. “You were spacing out there. I figured I’d drag you back to reality.”
I sighed a little. Might as well not dwell on the human thing. “How did you know what happened to the ‘spoon smuggler’? I thought he just disappeared.”
Al continued to tug at my loose skin. “The guards told me. Unlike you, I make a point of rubbing elbows with the folks around here. I know all of the gossip and rumors.”
A perk of being born a social predator I suppose. I’d tire of the endless chitchat long before any human would. I wrapped my left arm around the goofy human’s neck and brought him into a loose choke hold of sorts. My other hand grabbed at his hair and pulled at it lightly.
I put on the best sarcasm voice that I could. “Are you suggesting that you are better at social interactions than me? I’ll have you know that I am an Arxur, the apex predator of the universe. I’m perfect at everything all the time. To even suggest otherwise would be peak foolishness. I-”
Al started to poke at my muzzle with his good hand. Naturally, I retaliated by “biting” down on his hand to keep it still.
“Eww. You have no idea where that thing has been. Seriously. I only have one functional arm right now, so what do you think I’ve been using that thing for?”
I promptly spit out the filthy appendage. It was nice to see him enjoying himself. With all the death that’s going on right now, I’d imagine that he’s probably really stressed out.
I released his head. “So. How are you holding up?”
“I’m doing as well as I could hope to.” He softly rammed his head into my ribs. “Thanks.”
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submitted by Teguterror to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
The Nature of Predators is made by u/SpacePaladin15
Previous/ First/
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Memory transcription subject: Varce, Cattle Farm Δ12
Date [standardized human time]: January 1, 2137
Delicious, succulent piles of meat laid before me. Fresh yellow blood still dripped from fatty livers. Chitin appendages were begging me to crunch into them. Stacks of scrumptious eggs oozed with slime, undoubtedly laid last night. I could barely contain myself as we all sat down to begin our morning breakfast.
Tarth, being the greedy Arxur that he is, started begging. “So. Your sharing, right? I mean, you do have three days worth of food in front of you.”
I gave him a curt “No” as I began digging into my mountain of food. Al and Kyra snickered at the abrupt rejection. The tender liver broke down into small fragments as my teeth sunk through it. My starved brain exploded with endorphins as the rich, flavorful food slid down my throat. Every drop of tangy blood felt like absolute bliss, seasoned by near crippling hunger. I was so enraptured by the delights before me, I barely even noticed Al watching me with a stupid grin.
I looked him over. “What?”
He broke out snickering. “Sorry. I can’t help it. I don’t quite have a word for it, but it’s nice to watch you enjoy yourself so much.”
Eh. Weird human stuff. I continued to feast on a crunchy appendage when my human callously stole an egg from one of my plates.
I snapped at him. “Hey! Put that back. You’ve got your own eggs.”
He continued to smile like an idiot. “Open your mouth.”
I humored him, albeit somewhat annoyed. Once my mouth was agape, he tossed the egg he was holding onto my tongue. My jaws slammed shut with a pop.
Al excitedly did a little cheer. “Aw. That was awesome.”
Tarth tried to get in on the action. “Do me now.”
Before I could say anything, Al responded. “No. You’re not getting any of Varce’s food.”
Tarth replied with an overly dramatic head turn. “I see how it is.”
--------------------------------
My division sat around the “kitchen” after a long morning of work. All of our equipment had been cleaned and stowed for the time being. Al’s injury brought his productivity to a crawl despite his best efforts. He couldn’t cut, carry, or clean with just one arm so he mostly just acted as moral support. He answered any human questions that were in my inbox, but it had been almost a month since the guide was put out. Barely anyone had any interest in humans at this point.
I sat with my back against the wall while casually scrolling through my news feed. My human was sitting to my left with his head propped against my ribs. He was focused on my screen as I had various images slide by. We were looking for any updates on the situation with the UN armed forces.
Apparently, a few thousand humans were being reported to be under federation custody. A planet with a human shipyard was captured by prey. I’d hazard a guess that not many of those humans are still alive, though I wouldn’t say such a thing with Al around. While he has made it thoroughly clear that he is team Arxur, he still cares for the well being of his own species.
Al let out a slow exaggerated sigh as he slumped further into me. “Hey Varce. Do you think humans are going to survive?”
I considered lying, but decided against it. “Probably not. You did say some ark ships got sent out though. So there’s that.”
“I’m probably going to be the last living human in this part of the galaxy here pretty soon.” He strummed his fingers against my knee. “It’s… A really weird feeling.”
I took one of my hands away from my holopad and ran it through his blonde hair. I looked at his blue eyes for a moment before returning to the holopad.
“For what it’s worth. You’ll always be welcome to stay with me.” A small condolence, but it was what came naturally.
“Thanks”
After about a half-hour, a live broadcast forced itself onto everyone’s holopad, including mine. The image displayed 23 restrained Arxur on their knees with armed guards standing behind them. Chief Hunter Shaza entered the screen and stood at a podium.
She looked over them before speaking. “Today I will pass judgment and punishment onto these Arxur before me. Due to their negligence and incompetence, a total of 508 captive humans have died with an unknown amount of humans dying while being captured. In addition to this, 35 loyal Arxur have died along with an additional 112 being wounded.”
Al and I looked to each other in concern. That was upwards of a quarter of the humans that we had captured in total. What the hell happened?
Shaza continued. “First, you three that were in charge of testing and approval of the tranquilizers used on humans. You falsified data and gave approval to a tranquilizer that has led to deaths in almost every cattlefarm. These tranquilizers were used by human capture parties and resulted in an unknown number of human fatalities that could have been used for trading. Your sentence is death.”
She pulled a ceremonial sword from out of the podium and walked behind the three. She took a swing at the first ones neck and cleanly passed through. However, she over swung and got the tip lodged into the skull of the second one. The second one violently spasmed and screamed as he tried to get away. He fell to the floor when Shaza jammed the blade further into his brain. She extracted the sword and cut down the third with no issue. She walked back to the podium, sat down her sword, and continued with her judgment.
“Vice Admiral and Human Welfare Officer of Cattlefarm Δ9. You disregarded any recommendations about human nutrition and fed them raw herbivore food. Then, when it was discovered that the herbivore food is toxic to humans. You continued to feed them herbivore food and ate the water bug meat that was sent to you. All 225 humans under you care have died due to the toxicity of the herbivore food. Your punishment is death.”
Shaza walked to the two with sword in hand. She carefully swung at each of their necks, being sure to not over-swing again. She walked back to her podium and readied herself to speak again.
Al spoke up while his eyes were locked on the holopad. “She’s nervous. I mean, she was a little nervous before that fuck up. Now she’s even more nervous. I think it’s a safe bet that Prophet Descendant is watching this.”
Shaza scowled this time. “Vice Admiral, Master-at-arms, and Human Welfare officer of Cattlefarm Δ2. You three disregarded all security recommendations and placed all 241 of your humans in a single cage. They crafted weapons known as shanks and killed guards. They then claimed the guard’s firearms and ultimately immolated themselves in the facility. This resulted in the deaths of 35 Arxur, severe injury of 112 Arxur, and the loss of an estimated 800,000 pounds of food and breeding stock. Your punishment is death.”
With sword in hand, she walked behind them. She held the tip of the weapon with her off hand and drove it through. The metal stuck out of the first one’s upper abdomen. His liver was most certainly cut open. She violently yanked out the blade and repeated the process two more times. She left them to bleed out and returned to the podium.
Words could not describe to sheer anger on her face as she addressed the last 15 Arxur. “You disgusting degenerates of Cattlefarm Δ6. A total of 34 human females committed suicide while under your custody. If we find more evidence, I promise more will be executed by my hand. 34 human females are dead because you forcibly mated with them. You destroyed all video evidence, so you knew exactly what you were all doing. Your punishment is death.”
She walked away from the podium without her sword this time. She strolled past the line of corpses and looked over the first Arxur. Shaza turned to the closest guard and took the rifle from their grasp. She placed the muzzle of the weapon into the lower center of the creep’s back. She pulled the trigger with a splatter of blood. She destroy his spine and ruptured his intestines. He wouldn’t be going anywhere while he had his slow death. Shaza repeated this over and over until all 15 of them were crumpled on the ground slowly dying. She returned the rifle to the guard and took her position on the podium.
She stared into the camera. “This fleet functions because I have confidence in those that operate below me. When there are errors, I expect those to be reported to me. The people here lied and hid things from me. Those that reported incidents to me still have their heads and positions because they did not betray my trust. As Chief Hunter, all of you are my responsibility. All I ask is that you do not violate my trust. Now get back to work.”
With that said, the live stream ended. Everyone in the room was dead silent after witnessing the execution. I wasn’t really certain on how to process what I just witnessed. Especially that last group. What would even bring an Arxur to even consider doing something like that with a human? I wouldn't be surprised if they did that kind of stuff with their prey too. Putrid fucking animals.
Al interrupted my train of thought when he started talking. “Those that self reported didn’t lose their positions? That’s a load of shit. She totally tried to boot you. What a fucking liar.”
My holopad began pinging me with an incoming video call from my vice admiral. I accepted it without hesitation and was presented with an image of vice admiral in his stateroom. He raised an eye ridge before speaking.
“Human Welfare Officer Varce and Hall” Al nodded his head in submission. Oh right, he’s more or less cuddling with me right now. Not a great look. “Did you see the live execution just now?
I replied. “Yes vice admiral. It appears you’re suspicions were correct. Though I wish they weren’t.”
“Over 500 captive humans dead. If you’d like, you can pat yourself on the back.”
The hell is he implying? “I’m sorry sir. I don’t think I follow.”
“We just got a view of what would have happened at all of the cattlefarms had it not been for you and Hall. I just felt it appropriate to congratulate you on all of the humans you effectively saved.”
“Huh… That’s one way to look at it sir.”
The vice admiral gave me a grin. “Don’t sell yourself short. If you hadn’t become my Human Welfare Officer, I might have been in that line up. I’ll have you know that I strongly prefer my head attached to my body. Could you imagine the disaster that would have happened if that idiot had been in charge?”
Al forced himself into the conversation. “Speaking of. How’s the brig treating the spoon smuggler?”
Spoon Smuggler? The shithead? Why the hell does Al know about what happened to that moron when I don’t even know?
Vice admiral continued. “The half rations are thinning the troublemaker down. I’ve yet to find an unfortunate ship to pawn him off onto. I am however, considering the possibility of sending him to work on a waste management ship.”
Al started giggling. “Do it. That sounds hilarious.”
I re-entered the conversation. “I second the waste management idea.”
Vice admiral decided to wrap up our conversation. “As much as I’d like to rejoice over the fact that I’m alive. I have much work to do still. So have a good day Officer Varce. You as well Hall.”
With that said, the call cut out leaving me with my human. Over 500 captive humans dead. Their care was in the hands of the Dominion. And well… We failed them. They suffered abuse and mistreatment at the hands of Arxur. They were treated like cattle. Some even worse… I understand why Arxur go through the struggles that we do. We have more people then meat. It’s simple math… But this is just outright wrong. They were given the supplies they needed. It was just the torture and death of sapients for the sake of it. What is wrong with some of these people. Sure, humans aren’t as impressive as an Arxur physically, but that doesn’t mean they’re some mindless prey. Ouch!
I looked down to my human who was pinching the softer scales around my armpit. “What was that for?”
Al smiled at me. “You were spacing out there. I figured I’d drag you back to reality.”
I sighed a little. Might as well not dwell on the human thing. “How did you know what happened to the ‘spoon smuggler’? I thought he just disappeared.”
Al continued to tug at my loose skin. “The guards told me. Unlike you, I make a point of rubbing elbows with the folks around here. I know all of the gossip and rumors.”
A perk of being born a social predator I suppose. I’d tire of the endless chitchat long before any human would. I wrapped my left arm around the goofy human’s neck and brought him into a loose choke hold of sorts. My other hand grabbed at his hair and pulled at it lightly.
I put on the best sarcasm voice that I could. “Are you suggesting that you are better at social interactions than me? I’ll have you know that I am an Arxur, the apex predator of the universe. I’m perfect at everything all the time. To even suggest otherwise would be peak foolishness. I-”
Al started to poke at my muzzle with his good hand. Naturally, I retaliated by “biting” down on his hand to keep it still.
“Eww. You have no idea where that thing has been. Seriously. I only have one functional arm right now, so what do you think I’ve been using that thing for?”
I promptly spit out the filthy appendage. It was nice to see him enjoying himself. With all the death that’s going on right now, I’d imagine that he’s probably really stressed out.
I released his head. “So. How are you holding up?”
“I’m doing as well as I could hope to.” He softly rammed his head into my ribs. “Thanks.”
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2023.05.28 14:46 lunadevenus My boyfriend makes triggering comments about my body without realising
**Not sure if I am using the correct flair, this is my first time posting in here.
Maybe because he hasn't experienced an ED before and can't put himself in my shoes, he knew I had struggled with an eating disorder before but when I was very sick was a long time ago, we weren't even dating so he didn't see it himself.
He has made comments about my body that have made me feel bad before, like saying I have a "strong back" or that I am "squishy" and he likes he has "something to grab". But last night he was talking about how he has always liked biggechubby girls, and it triggered me so badly. The pure confirmation that he sees me this way, as a "big girl", destroyed me; I instantly felt nauseous about my own body and overwhelmed by just the fact it exists, it was like I could feel all the fat everywhere.
I usually always contain myself very well with this kind of stuff, but I couldn't handle it and I wasn't even able to say something, I ended up crying which made him feel terribly and even cry himself while apologising a million times.
But I don't know, now I feel very triggered and I truly don't know how to cope with this because my "natural" reaction is to do something self destructive like st*rving or purging. I don't want to bring this up again because I don't want him to feel guilty and he has already apologised and reassured me a lot.
How can I cope with this?
I feel really bad and my body dysmorphia has just gotten even worse, I feel like a whale. I am in a healthy weight and BMI so this is just confusing me even more about how people actually perceive me. I wanna hide in my bed forever, I feel huge and my body disgusts me enormously:(
I have the typical feeling of "starving will take all the pain away and make me feel better"
submitted by lunadevenus to EDAnonymous [link] [comments]
Maybe because he hasn't experienced an ED before and can't put himself in my shoes, he knew I had struggled with an eating disorder before but when I was very sick was a long time ago, we weren't even dating so he didn't see it himself.
He has made comments about my body that have made me feel bad before, like saying I have a "strong back" or that I am "squishy" and he likes he has "something to grab". But last night he was talking about how he has always liked biggechubby girls, and it triggered me so badly. The pure confirmation that he sees me this way, as a "big girl", destroyed me; I instantly felt nauseous about my own body and overwhelmed by just the fact it exists, it was like I could feel all the fat everywhere.
I usually always contain myself very well with this kind of stuff, but I couldn't handle it and I wasn't even able to say something, I ended up crying which made him feel terribly and even cry himself while apologising a million times.
But I don't know, now I feel very triggered and I truly don't know how to cope with this because my "natural" reaction is to do something self destructive like st*rving or purging. I don't want to bring this up again because I don't want him to feel guilty and he has already apologised and reassured me a lot.
How can I cope with this?
I feel really bad and my body dysmorphia has just gotten even worse, I feel like a whale. I am in a healthy weight and BMI so this is just confusing me even more about how people actually perceive me. I wanna hide in my bed forever, I feel huge and my body disgusts me enormously:(
I have the typical feeling of "starving will take all the pain away and make me feel better"
2023.05.28 14:37 TheFoxInTheAbyss Recent history of the $PEPE meme curve.
The PEPE token launched on the ethereum blockchain was a project that used a variety of methods to ensure that their market cap wasn't damaged during the early days of their launch.
The team behind it blacklisted the first page of wallet holders to stop them from selling and then used vicious public relation tactics to push the coin from the initial $1,000,000 market cap where I personally noticed it and continued to drive it all the way up to $1,500,000,000 market cap, making it another unforeseen monolith meme in the last few years.
However, this was not the first Pepe meme that started the craze and the original business founded project actually launched on the Binance Smart Chain around eight days ago.
The P.E.P.E. DAO project was launched prior to the most recent $PEPE coin curve craze and was founded on real world business knowledgeable by a creative team of ten professionals from a variety of different passionate crypto enthusiasts across the Web 3.0, plus self employed real world entrepreneurs.
The team are having to rebrand to not be related to meme coins, because they have an energy drink available for sale that just got its first confirmed store in the shiba Wings crypto diner on the gold coast of Australia and have provided A LOT more utilities since their inception on the BSC.
The project also contains a passively rewarding NFT series of over 30 different themes frogs, go kart game, forex trading bot, volume trading bot that works on any chain and the lead organiser is a specialist from the events industry, currently organising an immersive blockchain event in London this coming November.
It even managed to survive a staking pool hack on the 21st March where the lead organiser noticed their third party staking solution was being exploited and quickly managed to react by informing the contract developer twelve hours across the world to up the taxes to the maximum of 25%, subverting most of the damage and then refunding the affected investors up to 7% of the supply from their own pockets.
Please always do your research and make sure you support the real business in the space, not just the empty layer 2 tokenised nonsense that harms mass adoption by fuelling gambling habits that ultimately burn people out, and making web 3.0 a less sustainable space.
Cryptocurrency and decentralised finance is a bleeding edge form of technology that needs to be utilised by the people to unite our energies against the centralised governance that do not truly care for our lives or ability to provide a better life for ourselves, they simply want us to follow their pattern and work until we are too old to enjoy the fruit of our labours.
The People's DAO (formerly PepeDao) will continue their mission to unite all legitimate creative business developers in the space and create real world opportunities/solutions to speed mass adoption of this necessary technology that should be used by all, we have a duty as the forerunners of the space to provide the solutions that will enable people to use it for all of their web 2.0 needs.
We must create the mould that will funnel them through and protect them from the same mistakes we have made - rant over.
I would love to hear your thoughts of layer 2 tokenisation, mass adoption and cryptocurrency as a whole.
Please leave your thoughts below and thanks for reading - big love to the Satoshi Street Bets community.
submitted by TheFoxInTheAbyss to ThePepeDao [link] [comments]
The team behind it blacklisted the first page of wallet holders to stop them from selling and then used vicious public relation tactics to push the coin from the initial $1,000,000 market cap where I personally noticed it and continued to drive it all the way up to $1,500,000,000 market cap, making it another unforeseen monolith meme in the last few years.
However, this was not the first Pepe meme that started the craze and the original business founded project actually launched on the Binance Smart Chain around eight days ago.
The P.E.P.E. DAO project was launched prior to the most recent $PEPE coin curve craze and was founded on real world business knowledgeable by a creative team of ten professionals from a variety of different passionate crypto enthusiasts across the Web 3.0, plus self employed real world entrepreneurs.
The team are having to rebrand to not be related to meme coins, because they have an energy drink available for sale that just got its first confirmed store in the shiba Wings crypto diner on the gold coast of Australia and have provided A LOT more utilities since their inception on the BSC.
The project also contains a passively rewarding NFT series of over 30 different themes frogs, go kart game, forex trading bot, volume trading bot that works on any chain and the lead organiser is a specialist from the events industry, currently organising an immersive blockchain event in London this coming November.
It even managed to survive a staking pool hack on the 21st March where the lead organiser noticed their third party staking solution was being exploited and quickly managed to react by informing the contract developer twelve hours across the world to up the taxes to the maximum of 25%, subverting most of the damage and then refunding the affected investors up to 7% of the supply from their own pockets.
Please always do your research and make sure you support the real business in the space, not just the empty layer 2 tokenised nonsense that harms mass adoption by fuelling gambling habits that ultimately burn people out, and making web 3.0 a less sustainable space.
Cryptocurrency and decentralised finance is a bleeding edge form of technology that needs to be utilised by the people to unite our energies against the centralised governance that do not truly care for our lives or ability to provide a better life for ourselves, they simply want us to follow their pattern and work until we are too old to enjoy the fruit of our labours.
The People's DAO (formerly PepeDao) will continue their mission to unite all legitimate creative business developers in the space and create real world opportunities/solutions to speed mass adoption of this necessary technology that should be used by all, we have a duty as the forerunners of the space to provide the solutions that will enable people to use it for all of their web 2.0 needs.
We must create the mould that will funnel them through and protect them from the same mistakes we have made - rant over.
I would love to hear your thoughts of layer 2 tokenisation, mass adoption and cryptocurrency as a whole.
Please leave your thoughts below and thanks for reading - big love to the Satoshi Street Bets community.
2023.05.28 13:51 Dudezila LPT: Prolong your device's battery life
Lithium-ion batteries, like the ones found in smartphones, laptops, and many other electronic devices, can last longer if they are not charged or discharged fully all the time.
They contain an electrolyte component which is a cocktail liquid containing salts and carbon containing molecules (organic solvents/liquids). In the extreme charge states, the very high and low voltage (~3-4.5V it depends on the chemistry of the battery) allows the electrolyte to degrade in the battery (near the anode and cathode respectively), shortening the life span Each time you charge/discharge, the battery's capacity decreases slightly (regardless of how much).
Therefore, if you avoid charging your battery to 100% or letting it completely discharge, you can prolong its lifespan. This is because lithium-ion batteries have a longer lifespan when they are kept at partial charge levels. They don't like to be at extreme ends of the charge spectrum.
Ideally, it's recommended to keep your lithium-ion battery charged between 20% and 80%. So, if you charge it when it reaches around 20% and stop charging around 80%, you are keeping it in the middle range, which is good for its overall health and longevity.
Batteries also self discharge naturally over time, so make sure to keep those old devices in you drawers reasonably charged as well.
In case of bloated batteries, they are an extreme risk and on top of being at the risk of exploding or catching fire, they contain harmful gasses, even hydrofluoric acid!
I'm open to answering questions in the comment section.
submitted by Dudezila to LifeProTips [link] [comments]
They contain an electrolyte component which is a cocktail liquid containing salts and carbon containing molecules (organic solvents/liquids). In the extreme charge states, the very high and low voltage (~3-4.5V it depends on the chemistry of the battery) allows the electrolyte to degrade in the battery (near the anode and cathode respectively), shortening the life span Each time you charge/discharge, the battery's capacity decreases slightly (regardless of how much).
Therefore, if you avoid charging your battery to 100% or letting it completely discharge, you can prolong its lifespan. This is because lithium-ion batteries have a longer lifespan when they are kept at partial charge levels. They don't like to be at extreme ends of the charge spectrum.
Ideally, it's recommended to keep your lithium-ion battery charged between 20% and 80%. So, if you charge it when it reaches around 20% and stop charging around 80%, you are keeping it in the middle range, which is good for its overall health and longevity.
Batteries also self discharge naturally over time, so make sure to keep those old devices in you drawers reasonably charged as well.
In case of bloated batteries, they are an extreme risk and on top of being at the risk of exploding or catching fire, they contain harmful gasses, even hydrofluoric acid!
I'm open to answering questions in the comment section.
2023.05.28 13:50 Cool_ball999 Awaken 19/ a prey's pride
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This took an unbearable amount of time, sorry, I was busy with tests and you know… school stuff, it's not looking good for my writing, I pretty much only have free time with my phone for only 2 hours a day except for weekends. As a compensation for the ridiculous amount of time this chapter took, it's going to be extra long, and have action parts again (kind of) and some gore, enjoy!
—-~----
"What was it again?"
"Schen- i mean Schon"
"Right, what got you here, near the edge and all? It's a nice edge, but still an edge"
"Desperate for work I guess, I assume you're the same?"
Schon… no, Schen… answered as he took a sip out of his drink, it isn't as bad as he thought it would be, it's sweet, and at least it isn't recycled water.
"Kind of, I just work here because… well… my skill set isn't impressive"
"A loader, no? All that work in the cargo bay?"
"Yeah, what does it feel like being an SC?"
"Being a security captain feels…"
Schen took a glance at his tag, hidden beneath his shirt and new uniform, a piece of memory and evidence of who he once was.
"...familiar"
"Oh yeah… aren't you an ex-mil?"
"I am"
"Why did you quit?"
"It's… it got a bit too mu it can ch for me, though i do miss my team, best few people i've ever worked with"
"Good terms?"
"Brothers, live by them, die by them, not literal on the latter of course, but it can happen, too bad we're disbanded now"
"Why?"
"Let's just say they don't wanna work without their favorite captain"
"Oh… Where are they now?"
"Living their best life with their family i hope, least there's nothing to threaten their lives there"
"Why don't you go back to yours?"
"Don't have one, too old to return back home and do nothing, and too old to find a mate, kinda missed my chance back then"
"And you're satisfied with just being an SC in a random cargo ship that visits edge territories?"
"It's still something, besides, i've got more than enough experience for it… hmm… lunch's over, good talk"
"Looks like it is, nice to know you… Schon?"
He nodded in confirmation, and went to pay for his lunch. It was decent, but he'd rather have it stale than having to actually pay, he can't believe he actually missed those stale rations. Perhaps because he was used to it, old habits and preferences are hard to shake off, they said. He went back to his post, just a little room filled with camera monitors with a teeny tiny armory next to it. Genuinely, it looked pathetic next to the military armory he was used to.
But the weapons were familiar, kind of, just lacking the usual stopping power and attachments of the ones he used to have. After the (unfortunate) disbanding of his team and his (honorable) discharge from the military as well as the new (rather stupid if you ask him) identity of Schon, he was desperate for work. It's his fault really, he should've been at home enjoying the rest of his life now that that Schen technically no longer exists.
But the soldier in him wanted to do something, so he did, and now here he is, a simple SC in a cargo ship, which took an unnecessary amount of effort, as apparently the union was still somewhat skittish about the video he broadcasted before he went on the temporary desertion, but now that he knows everything, it doesn't really matter. It isn't bad by any means, but it ain't the military, and the more he worked the more he wished for a pirate attack. He also just missed being together with his team, but alas, they have their own lives, so he had to let them go, though he does have their contact number saved on his personal datapad.
He turned on the only monitor inside his room that isn't used to look through a camera, and looked for anything interesting in the network. Interesting as in any news regarding the 'Goels' and their recent introduction, he had been keeping a close eye on it. He doesn't need to, it isn't his business anymore and if he tried to make it his business again he can expect agents on his tail, but since he was heavily involved anyway, he thought why not as well do it. And it was just fine so far, though he has no clue how the green one, Abel if his memory serves him, turned from a drone to… well… that.
He learned a bit about who humans are, and what humanity was like, before it went away and was 'replaced' by the Goels. And as far as he knows they're dead, like extinct dead, so obviously the appearance of the cheery human male that acted as the Goel ambassador shocked him. He still has no clue now, though his theory as to how essentially boils down to 'ancient civilization fuckery'. And as far as he can tell, there's no problem with that, yet, the discussions were relatively smooth if the news were to be trusted and the council seems to actually starting to trust the Goels, kind of.
He browsed through the tabs and websites, most of which he already read and glossed over.
Trade offer accepted between union and Goels
No surprise there, no man or woman in the council wanted to pass up such a deal.
Military showcase ends in awe, fear, and admirance
He saw the videos on that one, it was impressive.
Goel ambassador visits Caevit palace garden, Godfather was shook
He suppose having such an important guest roaming around your garden can be a bit complicated, so he understands.
Goel ambassador faints during a direct discussion with the council, paramedics clueless
Now that's interesting, and frankly worrying, he didn't get to see the full broadcast yesterday, actually he missed most of it, so he didn't get to see what happened.
"What happened to you?"
He mumbled as he read the article and looked at the pictures and videos of the accident. Unknown cause, immediately escorted, and the sudden silence from the Goels, and it has been for almost half a cycle now. Strange, he looked through the video again, watched how Abel behaved, and noted the many oddities present. He seemed just fine, just giving his presentation to the council as professional as one can be as an ambassador and then suddenly he just… dropped, he thought about exhaustion at first, but the longer he thinks about it the dumber it gets.
No way the current Abel is human, he was explicitly told by him that there are no humans left, so what is it?. He couldn't come up with anything, but kept it in mind as he looked for more info on the current situation. It wasn't long until he realized there's nothing else he can learn and turned off the computer. He looked at the time, and suddenly remembered something vital, alcohol break, he reached down under his desk and took out a bottle, the very same one that he took to the desert planet with him.
No shot glass no problem, he popped the cap off and drink straight from the bottle, not very classy but whatever. He hid it back under the desk and walked out of his office now that he actually remember something actually vital, his men. The security team more precisely, and he's the current captain, someone's had to check on them. He ran into one guard waiting around the cafeteria and greeted them.
"All good?"
"All good, no danger"
"Yet, keep an eye out, and if you can, help anyone in need, being a security isn't just about holding weapons and warding off pirates, you should know that by now"
"Yes sir, sorry"
"Sigh i've worked with trainees that are better than this"
He grumbled as he left to look for another man to inspect. His new subordinates are… a particular group. Some of them take the job seriously, some are a bit more relaxed but still vigilant, but most, like the one he just gave a mouthful to is God awful, improper stance, manners, no incentives, and utterly basic in weapon mastery. He has to cut them some slack, they're just basic security after all, not soldiers, but still. He ran into a more favorable one patrolling the hallway leading to the reactor, he actually knows this one's name, Koern, a Civean, and he couldn't be more glad he actually got a salute from him.
"Greetings, Captain Schon, is there any problem?"
"It's Sche- i mean… yes thank you, and no, there's no problem, just daily inspection"
"I see, how do I do?"
"As usual, very good, keep It up"
"Thank you sir… sir can i ask you something? I've been considering looking for you but now you're here…"
"Sure, i can spare some time"
"Can I request a leave from you sir?"
"I can if there are valid reasons"
"I've requested it to the captain, but all she said is that i should ask you first"
"I see, but what's the reason?"
"Family matter, I have a relative on a planet named Rosan IV, ever heard of it?"
"Isn't that the newly built colony planet?"
"It is, a much better built colony compared to the rest, new union projects and all that stuff, my cousin signed up for it, we've been communicating just fine so far, until a few days ago"
"What happened?"
"I don't know, he just went… silent, i thought okay, maybe he's busy or there's a problem with the communication there, so i just waited, but it has been too long now, usually he sends a message almost daily, now there's nothing"
"I don't think you need to ask for a leave in that case"
"Why?"
"Rosan IV is in the list of destination of this ship, station building material shipping, after this one we should be on the way there"
"Oh thank God, i knew i should've checked the list"
"Well… this is an edge operating ship, you know? In that case, all you'll need is a shore leave on any station there, short but should be enough for you to check in on your cousin"
"That's all i need sir, thank you"
"Of course, now continue your work, we'll be there before you know it"
"Yes sir"
Schen walked away with a little curiosity in his mind, Rosan IV huh? isn't that the planet that's been really silent? He remembered a conversation at the cafeteria, a few people were talking about it. Some talk about how stupid of a project it was, how it was no different than any other colony, a 'gold plated' lie if you will. But most were talking about how it became a 'ghost' of sorts, communications fell, ships that come and go there go missing, a few creepy tales here and there, it was almost a horror story.
He doubted it, such an ambitious project is bound to have some issues, there's a huge price for luxury, and that price is probably hitting right now. Which made him worried a little, a new colony is a gold mine for pirates and raiders, that was probably the price, pirate intervention. But if all goes well, it shouldn't be that bad, no way those ridiculous stories are real…. Maybe.
—-~----
Rana sat down on his padded seat, in his room, in his literal castle, thinking, not about anything in particular, but just thinking. And maybe glossing over his new arm again, to be in awe again, he still doesn't know how the movement is that smooth. Pearl white, shaped just like his other arm, even has the claws, and probably smoother in terms of movements than his actual arm despite being a prosthetic. It has been quite a while since his particular experience on that planet, and the prosthetic is still not showing any issue, any normal prosthetic would break down or need maintenance after this long of a time.
It's also… self repairing? He's not sure if he's hallucinating, but he's pretty sure the arm rebuilt itself after he accidentally bumped it into something hard. A small piece of the outer casing fell off, he didn't pay much attention to it, until it disappeared minutes after when he tried to look at it to see how bad it was. All in all, a new experience, awe inducing and a bit scary, would be really nice too, if it wasn't for-
"Rana"
"AAH! Oh… dad…"
-That, his father.
"It's time to-"
"Look at my arm and pry it open, i know"
"Good, let's-"
"But why?"
"Sigh Rana, we had this conversation before, you know the reasons"
"Well I don't want to care about it!"
"It's for our people…"
"No, it's for yourself! Come on dad! Don't you hear what they said? What did they offer? They gave us everything!"
"No one in this universe, organic or not, is stupid enough to give away vital information and material to someone else they just met, they must be hiding something"
"So they're lying, is that it?"
"Yes, i… we believe so"
"Okay, give me a reason why they're lying"
"That's what a dumb leader would do"
"Oh please, don't act like dad's not just another servant to the matriarch"
"She's your grandma"
"Doesn't change anything dad, and no, i don't like laying on a bed while people i don't know try to pry open my arm"
"Sigh does that mean you don't-"
"No"
"Fine… as you wish… but i hope you can understand"
"I already understand, and i don't like it"
"....."
Rana heard his room's door opening and then closing behind him, and sighed. Life hasn't been the same since he returned, his father has been a lot more serious, he can understand that, it makes sense. But he had been putting him into these weird 'inspections' ; they weren't inspections, they were straight up experiments, to try and pry open his new arm. That was how he discovered the last strange and fascinating thing about it, it can feel pain.
He remembered how everyone in the room froze when he screamed in pain, they were bewildered. It was only when he kicked the person inserting some sort of needle-like thing into the gaps of his prosthetic in the face that they knew what was happening. And yet, knowing what it does, his father still insists they do more of his experiments. It doesn't seem to matter how many anesthetics, painkillers and other treatments have been done, he can still feel the pain, it pops up from time to time, sometimes waking him from his sleep.
It was not something he wants to go through again, even if he's unconscious during the operation. At Least it isn't everyday he gets 'inspected' thanks to someone who dislikes the idea as much as he did. Rana heard his door open again, and smiled knowing who it was.
"Rana? Honey? There you are…"
"Hey mom…"
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Mom, a servant came here an hour ago, bringing the food, of course i did"
"Good, something to help you recover"
"Mom, I'm good, okay?"
"Nonsense…"
She gave him a pat and a scratch on the head, his favorite guilty pleasure. He always feels like he's still a child everytime she does it, and not a grown man, but it would be a total lie to say he doesn't like it.
"You need energy to recover from that"
She tapped his prosthetic.
"It's not like it's gonna grow back…"
"One can hope, it's terrible what happened to you"
"Well, it's okay now, they redeemed themselves"
"Hmph… no one's hurting my boy, no one, not even a sentient AI from a different era of the universe"
"Thanks mom… But i don't think you're fit enough to fight Cain"
"I'll beat him with my motherly aura, the thing he's missing, anyway, how's your arm, darling?"
"It's fine… still hurts sometimes"
"Sigh if only your father would listen, him and his ridiculous experiments, what's in that arm anyway?"
"Technology used by a race that defied time…"
"Doesn't justify him doing those things to you… he's been here, doesn't he?"
"He just left"
"Hmm…. You two had a talk?"
"He's just here to… you know what he does"
"Well glad to know he doesn't get through with it today, alright sweetie, just here to check up on you"
"Mom, i'm not a boy anymore"
"A boy you are not, you are a grown man, but my boy you are, and always will be, see you tomorrow honey"
"Stay safe"
"Always…"
Well that doesn't last long, Rana thought as his mother left the room, that's one of the issues they had since forever, she is always very busy. Because unlike father she's not the type to just sit behind a desk and give out orders, she's a lot more active, and caring at that. His father is the supreme general, sure, but Rana always looked up to her more, and her job as the health minister. She's always on a trip to visit hospitals all around the union and other things he doesn't know much about. And of course, unlike his father, that means she's not always home, shame.
Rana thought about it, and suddenly remembered his interaction with Lnaia that night when he first woke up to discover his arm missing. He never told it to her, but the reason she felt familiar is that both her and his mother have the same job, making sure of people's wellbeing. He thought maybe she would know, but maybe not everyone knows that the current Qrid health minister is married to the supreme general, it isn't exactly a super popular thing.
Sometimes Rana gets reminded of who his parents were everytime he looks at any news regarding the Goels, about Cain and Abel. Just how unironically similiar they are, to be so far apart in mindset and goals and yet so close to each other through love… well… atleast Cain and Abel did, he's not so sure about his parents, not anymore.
—-~----
Faen sat in his office, stressed out of his mind, everything has been a mess, Abel's incident at the councillor station, the countless interviews asking for his opinion, it was, somehow, getting a bit too much. Faen expected everything, but Abel passing out in the middle of a speech for no reason is not one of them, and for the Goels to go completely silent after, just what in the world is happening?. He doesn't like it, he doesn't like being out of control, out of the know, not knowing anything makes him uncomfortable, knowing that it can decide the fate of his kind made it near unbearable.
He founds himself scratching his own desk with his claws from all the stress, he stopped, and sighed as he brushed off the wood chips. Maybe he should he take his medications again, he opened a drawer on his desk and took out a small plastic container with labels on it, a medication for high blood pressure, he took one pill and set it back inside the drawer.
"Still on your meds, love?"
A voice came out of nowhere, it trigerred his instinct to reach for the concealed handgun next to him, but as he aimed towards whoever's in front of him, he realized it was a mistake.
"Yana…"
"Still as nimble as i remember, though you got a bit stiff on the arms there"
"I thought you already left…"
"Come on Faen, both you and i know i wouldn't leave without at least saying goodbye to you"
"Is that all you're here for?"
He said as he put the gun away, coming back to a more calm demeanor.
"Of course not, i'm here to check up on our son, and talk to you"
He raised his eyebrow a bit at that.
"Rare…"
"Not as rare as you making a call to me, we need to talk Faen"
"About?..."
"Sometimes i wonder if you take all the medicine i prescribed for you…of course about our son!"
"Sigh is this about-"
"Yes! What makes you think it's a good idea to probe our son like he's some sort of foreign creature?"
"I've taken every precaution, he's been given anesthetics and-"
"Oh i don't care, it's not about how bad of a pain he's experiencing, or how subdued it is so it's not dangerous, this is about him experiencing it in the first place! that's not supposed to happen!"
"Yana, please, we have the best doctors working on him"
"Well I don't believe you…"
"Why?"
"Because I'm the health minister and I need to see their license, and if I don't… i see them as unqualified as to even hold a needle, but i'm here not to hear you say what or… how you do this, we've been there, it doesn't matter… he's still our son and i disagree, what i want to know is why"
Faen massaged his forehead out of annoyance.
"Because-"
"You're scared…. I know"
"What?"
"You're scared of the Goels, of their ways"
"Anyone would"
"I know… and you're trying to do something about it…"
She sat down on the chair right in front of his desk, it was preserved for only other generals and the matriarch herself, incase of a private meeting, her sitting there is technically illegal.
"....But does that change anything? Change the fact that they offer help?"
"You can't trust anyone just like that, they're hiding something"
"And you can't just distrust them for the same reason, it goes both ways, even if they are, is that really a reason for you to dissect our son?"
"It's just his arm"
"So what? You're trying to take it off and leave him armless?"
"It's not the only prosthetic in the world"
"And yet the finest! You have to admit it, they are superior in many ways, they are thousands of years ahead of us, I have never seen such a sophisticated prosthetic before, you know me, this is my field, and that thing on him makes our best prosthetic look ancient!"
"But then what am I supposed to do? Do nothing? Sit there as those things do whatever they want to us? to the union?"
"No! you work with them… i heard what you two were fighting about, i was outside, about why the Goels have no reason to lie, and i agree with him"
"Then what?"
"Here's the thing Faen, there's a difference between being exploited, and working together… they're looking forward to working with you, giving the union their technology and helping it improve… you on the other hand… want to exploit them, learn what they can do and how they did it and then see if you can do it for yourself, i get the point, but why would you steal something that is given out for free?"
"Do I really have to say this again? It's because-"
"Pride… It's because of pride… looks like the old sentiment that caused the great war all those years ago are still here… shame, i thought we would be better as a species, turns out we never change, what a disappointment"
She uttered those last words with bitterness and a flat face, and left the room without another word, she didn't look back, or say goodbye as she is probably leaving, as if she doesn't care anymore. Faen was half stunned, half angry at what she said, that was just her assumption, he reasoned to himself. But now he can't stop thinking about it, as much as he tries to deny it, is that really him? Is that what she thinks of him? A disappointment?
submitted by Cool_ball999 to HFY [link] [comments]
This took an unbearable amount of time, sorry, I was busy with tests and you know… school stuff, it's not looking good for my writing, I pretty much only have free time with my phone for only 2 hours a day except for weekends. As a compensation for the ridiculous amount of time this chapter took, it's going to be extra long, and have action parts again (kind of) and some gore, enjoy!
—-~----
"What was it again?"
"Schen- i mean Schon"
"Right, what got you here, near the edge and all? It's a nice edge, but still an edge"
"Desperate for work I guess, I assume you're the same?"
Schon… no, Schen… answered as he took a sip out of his drink, it isn't as bad as he thought it would be, it's sweet, and at least it isn't recycled water.
"Kind of, I just work here because… well… my skill set isn't impressive"
"A loader, no? All that work in the cargo bay?"
"Yeah, what does it feel like being an SC?"
"Being a security captain feels…"
Schen took a glance at his tag, hidden beneath his shirt and new uniform, a piece of memory and evidence of who he once was.
"...familiar"
"Oh yeah… aren't you an ex-mil?"
"I am"
"Why did you quit?"
"It's… it got a bit too mu it can ch for me, though i do miss my team, best few people i've ever worked with"
"Good terms?"
"Brothers, live by them, die by them, not literal on the latter of course, but it can happen, too bad we're disbanded now"
"Why?"
"Let's just say they don't wanna work without their favorite captain"
"Oh… Where are they now?"
"Living their best life with their family i hope, least there's nothing to threaten their lives there"
"Why don't you go back to yours?"
"Don't have one, too old to return back home and do nothing, and too old to find a mate, kinda missed my chance back then"
"And you're satisfied with just being an SC in a random cargo ship that visits edge territories?"
"It's still something, besides, i've got more than enough experience for it… hmm… lunch's over, good talk"
"Looks like it is, nice to know you… Schon?"
He nodded in confirmation, and went to pay for his lunch. It was decent, but he'd rather have it stale than having to actually pay, he can't believe he actually missed those stale rations. Perhaps because he was used to it, old habits and preferences are hard to shake off, they said. He went back to his post, just a little room filled with camera monitors with a teeny tiny armory next to it. Genuinely, it looked pathetic next to the military armory he was used to.
But the weapons were familiar, kind of, just lacking the usual stopping power and attachments of the ones he used to have. After the (unfortunate) disbanding of his team and his (honorable) discharge from the military as well as the new (rather stupid if you ask him) identity of Schon, he was desperate for work. It's his fault really, he should've been at home enjoying the rest of his life now that that Schen technically no longer exists.
But the soldier in him wanted to do something, so he did, and now here he is, a simple SC in a cargo ship, which took an unnecessary amount of effort, as apparently the union was still somewhat skittish about the video he broadcasted before he went on the temporary desertion, but now that he knows everything, it doesn't really matter. It isn't bad by any means, but it ain't the military, and the more he worked the more he wished for a pirate attack. He also just missed being together with his team, but alas, they have their own lives, so he had to let them go, though he does have their contact number saved on his personal datapad.
He turned on the only monitor inside his room that isn't used to look through a camera, and looked for anything interesting in the network. Interesting as in any news regarding the 'Goels' and their recent introduction, he had been keeping a close eye on it. He doesn't need to, it isn't his business anymore and if he tried to make it his business again he can expect agents on his tail, but since he was heavily involved anyway, he thought why not as well do it. And it was just fine so far, though he has no clue how the green one, Abel if his memory serves him, turned from a drone to… well… that.
He learned a bit about who humans are, and what humanity was like, before it went away and was 'replaced' by the Goels. And as far as he knows they're dead, like extinct dead, so obviously the appearance of the cheery human male that acted as the Goel ambassador shocked him. He still has no clue now, though his theory as to how essentially boils down to 'ancient civilization fuckery'. And as far as he can tell, there's no problem with that, yet, the discussions were relatively smooth if the news were to be trusted and the council seems to actually starting to trust the Goels, kind of.
He browsed through the tabs and websites, most of which he already read and glossed over.
Trade offer accepted between union and Goels
No surprise there, no man or woman in the council wanted to pass up such a deal.
Military showcase ends in awe, fear, and admirance
He saw the videos on that one, it was impressive.
Goel ambassador visits Caevit palace garden, Godfather was shook
He suppose having such an important guest roaming around your garden can be a bit complicated, so he understands.
Goel ambassador faints during a direct discussion with the council, paramedics clueless
Now that's interesting, and frankly worrying, he didn't get to see the full broadcast yesterday, actually he missed most of it, so he didn't get to see what happened.
"What happened to you?"
He mumbled as he read the article and looked at the pictures and videos of the accident. Unknown cause, immediately escorted, and the sudden silence from the Goels, and it has been for almost half a cycle now. Strange, he looked through the video again, watched how Abel behaved, and noted the many oddities present. He seemed just fine, just giving his presentation to the council as professional as one can be as an ambassador and then suddenly he just… dropped, he thought about exhaustion at first, but the longer he thinks about it the dumber it gets.
No way the current Abel is human, he was explicitly told by him that there are no humans left, so what is it?. He couldn't come up with anything, but kept it in mind as he looked for more info on the current situation. It wasn't long until he realized there's nothing else he can learn and turned off the computer. He looked at the time, and suddenly remembered something vital, alcohol break, he reached down under his desk and took out a bottle, the very same one that he took to the desert planet with him.
No shot glass no problem, he popped the cap off and drink straight from the bottle, not very classy but whatever. He hid it back under the desk and walked out of his office now that he actually remember something actually vital, his men. The security team more precisely, and he's the current captain, someone's had to check on them. He ran into one guard waiting around the cafeteria and greeted them.
"All good?"
"All good, no danger"
"Yet, keep an eye out, and if you can, help anyone in need, being a security isn't just about holding weapons and warding off pirates, you should know that by now"
"Yes sir, sorry"
"Sigh i've worked with trainees that are better than this"
He grumbled as he left to look for another man to inspect. His new subordinates are… a particular group. Some of them take the job seriously, some are a bit more relaxed but still vigilant, but most, like the one he just gave a mouthful to is God awful, improper stance, manners, no incentives, and utterly basic in weapon mastery. He has to cut them some slack, they're just basic security after all, not soldiers, but still. He ran into a more favorable one patrolling the hallway leading to the reactor, he actually knows this one's name, Koern, a Civean, and he couldn't be more glad he actually got a salute from him.
"Greetings, Captain Schon, is there any problem?"
"It's Sche- i mean… yes thank you, and no, there's no problem, just daily inspection"
"I see, how do I do?"
"As usual, very good, keep It up"
"Thank you sir… sir can i ask you something? I've been considering looking for you but now you're here…"
"Sure, i can spare some time"
"Can I request a leave from you sir?"
"I can if there are valid reasons"
"I've requested it to the captain, but all she said is that i should ask you first"
"I see, but what's the reason?"
"Family matter, I have a relative on a planet named Rosan IV, ever heard of it?"
"Isn't that the newly built colony planet?"
"It is, a much better built colony compared to the rest, new union projects and all that stuff, my cousin signed up for it, we've been communicating just fine so far, until a few days ago"
"What happened?"
"I don't know, he just went… silent, i thought okay, maybe he's busy or there's a problem with the communication there, so i just waited, but it has been too long now, usually he sends a message almost daily, now there's nothing"
"I don't think you need to ask for a leave in that case"
"Why?"
"Rosan IV is in the list of destination of this ship, station building material shipping, after this one we should be on the way there"
"Oh thank God, i knew i should've checked the list"
"Well… this is an edge operating ship, you know? In that case, all you'll need is a shore leave on any station there, short but should be enough for you to check in on your cousin"
"That's all i need sir, thank you"
"Of course, now continue your work, we'll be there before you know it"
"Yes sir"
Schen walked away with a little curiosity in his mind, Rosan IV huh? isn't that the planet that's been really silent? He remembered a conversation at the cafeteria, a few people were talking about it. Some talk about how stupid of a project it was, how it was no different than any other colony, a 'gold plated' lie if you will. But most were talking about how it became a 'ghost' of sorts, communications fell, ships that come and go there go missing, a few creepy tales here and there, it was almost a horror story.
He doubted it, such an ambitious project is bound to have some issues, there's a huge price for luxury, and that price is probably hitting right now. Which made him worried a little, a new colony is a gold mine for pirates and raiders, that was probably the price, pirate intervention. But if all goes well, it shouldn't be that bad, no way those ridiculous stories are real…. Maybe.
—-~----
Rana sat down on his padded seat, in his room, in his literal castle, thinking, not about anything in particular, but just thinking. And maybe glossing over his new arm again, to be in awe again, he still doesn't know how the movement is that smooth. Pearl white, shaped just like his other arm, even has the claws, and probably smoother in terms of movements than his actual arm despite being a prosthetic. It has been quite a while since his particular experience on that planet, and the prosthetic is still not showing any issue, any normal prosthetic would break down or need maintenance after this long of a time.
It's also… self repairing? He's not sure if he's hallucinating, but he's pretty sure the arm rebuilt itself after he accidentally bumped it into something hard. A small piece of the outer casing fell off, he didn't pay much attention to it, until it disappeared minutes after when he tried to look at it to see how bad it was. All in all, a new experience, awe inducing and a bit scary, would be really nice too, if it wasn't for-
"Rana"
"AAH! Oh… dad…"
-That, his father.
"It's time to-"
"Look at my arm and pry it open, i know"
"Good, let's-"
"But why?"
"Sigh Rana, we had this conversation before, you know the reasons"
"Well I don't want to care about it!"
"It's for our people…"
"No, it's for yourself! Come on dad! Don't you hear what they said? What did they offer? They gave us everything!"
"No one in this universe, organic or not, is stupid enough to give away vital information and material to someone else they just met, they must be hiding something"
"So they're lying, is that it?"
"Yes, i… we believe so"
"Okay, give me a reason why they're lying"
"That's what a dumb leader would do"
"Oh please, don't act like dad's not just another servant to the matriarch"
"She's your grandma"
"Doesn't change anything dad, and no, i don't like laying on a bed while people i don't know try to pry open my arm"
"Sigh does that mean you don't-"
"No"
"Fine… as you wish… but i hope you can understand"
"I already understand, and i don't like it"
"....."
Rana heard his room's door opening and then closing behind him, and sighed. Life hasn't been the same since he returned, his father has been a lot more serious, he can understand that, it makes sense. But he had been putting him into these weird 'inspections' ; they weren't inspections, they were straight up experiments, to try and pry open his new arm. That was how he discovered the last strange and fascinating thing about it, it can feel pain.
He remembered how everyone in the room froze when he screamed in pain, they were bewildered. It was only when he kicked the person inserting some sort of needle-like thing into the gaps of his prosthetic in the face that they knew what was happening. And yet, knowing what it does, his father still insists they do more of his experiments. It doesn't seem to matter how many anesthetics, painkillers and other treatments have been done, he can still feel the pain, it pops up from time to time, sometimes waking him from his sleep.
It was not something he wants to go through again, even if he's unconscious during the operation. At Least it isn't everyday he gets 'inspected' thanks to someone who dislikes the idea as much as he did. Rana heard his door open again, and smiled knowing who it was.
"Rana? Honey? There you are…"
"Hey mom…"
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Mom, a servant came here an hour ago, bringing the food, of course i did"
"Good, something to help you recover"
"Mom, I'm good, okay?"
"Nonsense…"
She gave him a pat and a scratch on the head, his favorite guilty pleasure. He always feels like he's still a child everytime she does it, and not a grown man, but it would be a total lie to say he doesn't like it.
"You need energy to recover from that"
She tapped his prosthetic.
"It's not like it's gonna grow back…"
"One can hope, it's terrible what happened to you"
"Well, it's okay now, they redeemed themselves"
"Hmph… no one's hurting my boy, no one, not even a sentient AI from a different era of the universe"
"Thanks mom… But i don't think you're fit enough to fight Cain"
"I'll beat him with my motherly aura, the thing he's missing, anyway, how's your arm, darling?"
"It's fine… still hurts sometimes"
"Sigh if only your father would listen, him and his ridiculous experiments, what's in that arm anyway?"
"Technology used by a race that defied time…"
"Doesn't justify him doing those things to you… he's been here, doesn't he?"
"He just left"
"Hmm…. You two had a talk?"
"He's just here to… you know what he does"
"Well glad to know he doesn't get through with it today, alright sweetie, just here to check up on you"
"Mom, i'm not a boy anymore"
"A boy you are not, you are a grown man, but my boy you are, and always will be, see you tomorrow honey"
"Stay safe"
"Always…"
Well that doesn't last long, Rana thought as his mother left the room, that's one of the issues they had since forever, she is always very busy. Because unlike father she's not the type to just sit behind a desk and give out orders, she's a lot more active, and caring at that. His father is the supreme general, sure, but Rana always looked up to her more, and her job as the health minister. She's always on a trip to visit hospitals all around the union and other things he doesn't know much about. And of course, unlike his father, that means she's not always home, shame.
Rana thought about it, and suddenly remembered his interaction with Lnaia that night when he first woke up to discover his arm missing. He never told it to her, but the reason she felt familiar is that both her and his mother have the same job, making sure of people's wellbeing. He thought maybe she would know, but maybe not everyone knows that the current Qrid health minister is married to the supreme general, it isn't exactly a super popular thing.
Sometimes Rana gets reminded of who his parents were everytime he looks at any news regarding the Goels, about Cain and Abel. Just how unironically similiar they are, to be so far apart in mindset and goals and yet so close to each other through love… well… atleast Cain and Abel did, he's not so sure about his parents, not anymore.
—-~----
Faen sat in his office, stressed out of his mind, everything has been a mess, Abel's incident at the councillor station, the countless interviews asking for his opinion, it was, somehow, getting a bit too much. Faen expected everything, but Abel passing out in the middle of a speech for no reason is not one of them, and for the Goels to go completely silent after, just what in the world is happening?. He doesn't like it, he doesn't like being out of control, out of the know, not knowing anything makes him uncomfortable, knowing that it can decide the fate of his kind made it near unbearable.
He founds himself scratching his own desk with his claws from all the stress, he stopped, and sighed as he brushed off the wood chips. Maybe he should he take his medications again, he opened a drawer on his desk and took out a small plastic container with labels on it, a medication for high blood pressure, he took one pill and set it back inside the drawer.
"Still on your meds, love?"
A voice came out of nowhere, it trigerred his instinct to reach for the concealed handgun next to him, but as he aimed towards whoever's in front of him, he realized it was a mistake.
"Yana…"
"Still as nimble as i remember, though you got a bit stiff on the arms there"
"I thought you already left…"
"Come on Faen, both you and i know i wouldn't leave without at least saying goodbye to you"
"Is that all you're here for?"
He said as he put the gun away, coming back to a more calm demeanor.
"Of course not, i'm here to check up on our son, and talk to you"
He raised his eyebrow a bit at that.
"Rare…"
"Not as rare as you making a call to me, we need to talk Faen"
"About?..."
"Sometimes i wonder if you take all the medicine i prescribed for you…of course about our son!"
"Sigh is this about-"
"Yes! What makes you think it's a good idea to probe our son like he's some sort of foreign creature?"
"I've taken every precaution, he's been given anesthetics and-"
"Oh i don't care, it's not about how bad of a pain he's experiencing, or how subdued it is so it's not dangerous, this is about him experiencing it in the first place! that's not supposed to happen!"
"Yana, please, we have the best doctors working on him"
"Well I don't believe you…"
"Why?"
"Because I'm the health minister and I need to see their license, and if I don't… i see them as unqualified as to even hold a needle, but i'm here not to hear you say what or… how you do this, we've been there, it doesn't matter… he's still our son and i disagree, what i want to know is why"
Faen massaged his forehead out of annoyance.
"Because-"
"You're scared…. I know"
"What?"
"You're scared of the Goels, of their ways"
"Anyone would"
"I know… and you're trying to do something about it…"
She sat down on the chair right in front of his desk, it was preserved for only other generals and the matriarch herself, incase of a private meeting, her sitting there is technically illegal.
"....But does that change anything? Change the fact that they offer help?"
"You can't trust anyone just like that, they're hiding something"
"And you can't just distrust them for the same reason, it goes both ways, even if they are, is that really a reason for you to dissect our son?"
"It's just his arm"
"So what? You're trying to take it off and leave him armless?"
"It's not the only prosthetic in the world"
"And yet the finest! You have to admit it, they are superior in many ways, they are thousands of years ahead of us, I have never seen such a sophisticated prosthetic before, you know me, this is my field, and that thing on him makes our best prosthetic look ancient!"
"But then what am I supposed to do? Do nothing? Sit there as those things do whatever they want to us? to the union?"
"No! you work with them… i heard what you two were fighting about, i was outside, about why the Goels have no reason to lie, and i agree with him"
"Then what?"
"Here's the thing Faen, there's a difference between being exploited, and working together… they're looking forward to working with you, giving the union their technology and helping it improve… you on the other hand… want to exploit them, learn what they can do and how they did it and then see if you can do it for yourself, i get the point, but why would you steal something that is given out for free?"
"Do I really have to say this again? It's because-"
"Pride… It's because of pride… looks like the old sentiment that caused the great war all those years ago are still here… shame, i thought we would be better as a species, turns out we never change, what a disappointment"
She uttered those last words with bitterness and a flat face, and left the room without another word, she didn't look back, or say goodbye as she is probably leaving, as if she doesn't care anymore. Faen was half stunned, half angry at what she said, that was just her assumption, he reasoned to himself. But now he can't stop thinking about it, as much as he tries to deny it, is that really him? Is that what she thinks of him? A disappointment?
2023.05.28 13:33 affinityow Stone Tablets Transcribed
Just figured I put these down in writing. You can find the stone tables in the sky [Islands that look like flowers, some you need to zoom in to see.)
I'm putting down both how they're written and Wortsworth's own translation:
Wortsworth's Take:
"This is an account of a party from those days. It says King Rauru and his older sister sang and danced together while Queen Sonia looked on. We think of royalty austere and reserved, but these nobles amused themselves with song and dance. But what a vivid recounting of a scene never before related in any history book...The descriptions of their personalities and expressions made this ancient past feel alive again. This stone tablet is a first-class find. Well done, dear Chamberlain in leaving behind this account for us."
Wortsworth Take:
"This one looks to be about Queen Sonia. it claims that Sonia was a priestess before marrying Rauru. Despite his status as Zonai, a people popularly thought to be gods, she would counsel him without any trepidation. Moreover, Rauru heeded this counsel. This account gives us firsthand knowledge of the nature of Queen Sonia and King Rauru's relationship."
Wortswoth's Take"
"This is a tale of King Rauru. Apparently, he would vacate his offical business from time to time in order to go out hunting. I had the impression he was a stricter, more serious king, but I guess he had a lighter side as well. However, Queen Sonia was always a step ahead. She would put a stop to King Rauru's hunts and bring him back. We rarely get a glimpse into the down-to-earth side of royalty i this way. It's an important find, to be sure."
Wortsworth Take:
"The subject here is the actions of King Rauru and Queen Sonia undertook not long after Hyrule's founding. With the kingdom established, they were worried for their people, so they set out to eradicate the monsters troubling them. They created structures called Shrines of Light to seal the monsters away so that they could never be revived. There's more here about light...and tie too...The sense I get is that the to of them may have had supernatural powers. Though it's part of ancient history, it's a feat those of us living today should still be grateful for. Truly an important discovery."
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here, we learn a bit about Mineru. It says that she neglected to eat or sleep while making something called a...construct? It was part of her research into a means of returning to life as a spirit possessing a new body, should her original one die. To you or I, this sounds less like history ad more like some sort of ghost story. But remember who we're dealing with. They may have had unfathomable powers that made such things possible. The revelation that Mineru was a fellow researcher makes her feel like a kindred spirit to me, and yet...The chamberlain who inscribed these tablets treats Mineru with such care and kindness that it warms my heart.
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is another fascinating entry. If my translation is correct, the Zelda described here is Sonia's distant relative. According to this, she arrived in Hyrule unexpectedly from another kingdom. It seems she was a beautiful princess. Her strange clothing perplexed the people of Hyrule, and many were suspicious of her at first. But this Zelda had such an undeniable air of nobility that those who doubted she was of royal birth were soon silenced. Note how clearly this convey's the writer's feelings regarding Zelda. Once it was clear Zelda would be staying, she applied to be chamberlain to the princess. That suggests real admiration."
Wortswoth's Take:
The subject here Zelda and Mineru. Zelda apparently visited Mineru often to assist with her research. I have no idea what kind of thing this 'construct' that allowed people to ride it was. But Zelda rode it so well that our author the chamberlain was again impressed by her skill at everything she tried. That's the long and short of it here. But more than the narrative, what strikes me is the back and forth between the chamberlain and Zelda. The chamberlain tried to warm Zelda of the danger, but Zelda pushed past her and rode the construct anyway. It's short, but so evocative of both the level of technology found in this era and the character of their visitor Zelda. The 'treasure' found in these stone tablets is the pearls of wisdom and nuggets of personality contained within."
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here we learn something about the fashion trends of that era. The story's catalyst is their Zelda tellng a tailor about the mushroom-patterned outfits becoming popular in her homeland. Intrigued, the tailor fashioned some clothing in that vein, and it caught on in ancient Hyrule. Do you know Cece from Hatenon Village? Imagine the look on her face if she were to find out! They say that trends go in cycles, but...I didn't expect mushroom patterns to have been in fashion so long ago! One last thing about the chamberlain...Her interests in fashion shows there was more to her than devoted service. She was just like anyone else in the kingdom."
Wortsworth's Take:
This one is an ancient ghost story. My understanding of ancient Hyulean isn't perfect, but I know a ghost story when I see one. It's a firsthand account of a ghostly or maybe corpse-like woman who appeared each night looking just like their Zelda. No matter the era, it seems, people can't resist sharing a good ghost story. A bit like how there have been eyewitness accounts of our Princess Zelda in the newspaper, even though she's missing...Could our Zelda be a ghost too? No...of course not."
Wortswoth's Take
That one is all about the feats Zelda performed for the sake of the hero. The details are unclear, but essentially, the chamberlain trusted in Mineru and Zelda's predictions and wanted to help. She put forth the suggestion that could make her stone tablets float in the sky. Which I take it are the very tablets you foud, Link? But it doesn't end there. If my translation is correct, it suggests that their Zelda worked with Mineru to raise the Temple of Time into the sky! The idea of the Temple of Time--a grand edifice built in that ancient era--being lifted to the skies to await a hero...Althought given the appearance of the sky islands after the Upheavel, perhaps it's not so far-fetched as it seems. What must it have been life for the chamberlain to live through such miraculous times?"
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is an eyewitness account of the day the Temple of Time floated into the sky. It's a landmark discovery for the history of Hyrule. It may be one of the tip 10 most important discoveries of all time! Even among all the breathtaking displays of power, we knew of from the era, to raise the land and its buildings into the sky...That was a feat impressive even to those accustomed to wonders. Yon can tell as much from this account. Zelda predicted that a hero would appear in the land they raised into the sky and that he would save Hyrule. The chamberlain took this on faith and wanted to know how she could help. So she inscribed these records on the stone tablets that Mineru set into the sky. Give me a moment. I need to view these accounts as a historian and not get so swept up in personal sentiments...
Wortsworth's Take:
It seems this is the last of the records. The royals whom the chamberlain served so faithfully were gone, one by one...It's heartrending to read. Her pain comes across so clearly in her words. What's less clear from these entries is the cause of all these partings...Well, each new mystery is an opportunity to do more research. If I keep digging, someday I'll unravel it."
I'm curious who this chamberlain was, considering they took care of the royal family could it haven been a Sheikah of those times? Just speculating of course.
submitted by affinityow to TOTK [link] [comments]
I'm putting down both how they're written and Wortsworth's own translation:
- Account of a Celebration
Wortsworth's Take:
"This is an account of a party from those days. It says King Rauru and his older sister sang and danced together while Queen Sonia looked on. We think of royalty austere and reserved, but these nobles amused themselves with song and dance. But what a vivid recounting of a scene never before related in any history book...The descriptions of their personalities and expressions made this ancient past feel alive again. This stone tablet is a first-class find. Well done, dear Chamberlain in leaving behind this account for us."
- The Strong Queen and the Receptive King
Wortsworth Take:
"This one looks to be about Queen Sonia. it claims that Sonia was a priestess before marrying Rauru. Despite his status as Zonai, a people popularly thought to be gods, she would counsel him without any trepidation. Moreover, Rauru heeded this counsel. This account gives us firsthand knowledge of the nature of Queen Sonia and King Rauru's relationship."
- The Harmonious Couple
Wortswoth's Take"
"This is a tale of King Rauru. Apparently, he would vacate his offical business from time to time in order to go out hunting. I had the impression he was a stricter, more serious king, but I guess he had a lighter side as well. However, Queen Sonia was always a step ahead. She would put a stop to King Rauru's hunts and bring him back. We rarely get a glimpse into the down-to-earth side of royalty i this way. It's an important find, to be sure."
- A Pilgrimage of Light
Wortsworth Take:
"The subject here is the actions of King Rauru and Queen Sonia undertook not long after Hyrule's founding. With the kingdom established, they were worried for their people, so they set out to eradicate the monsters troubling them. They created structures called Shrines of Light to seal the monsters away so that they could never be revived. There's more here about light...and tie too...The sense I get is that the to of them may have had supernatural powers. Though it's part of ancient history, it's a feat those of us living today should still be grateful for. Truly an important discovery."
- The Researcher Mineru
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here, we learn a bit about Mineru. It says that she neglected to eat or sleep while making something called a...construct? It was part of her research into a means of returning to life as a spirit possessing a new body, should her original one die. To you or I, this sounds less like history ad more like some sort of ghost story. But remember who we're dealing with. They may have had unfathomable powers that made such things possible. The revelation that Mineru was a fellow researcher makes her feel like a kindred spirit to me, and yet...The chamberlain who inscribed these tablets treats Mineru with such care and kindness that it warms my heart.
- The Foreign Princess
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is another fascinating entry. If my translation is correct, the Zelda described here is Sonia's distant relative. According to this, she arrived in Hyrule unexpectedly from another kingdom. It seems she was a beautiful princess. Her strange clothing perplexed the people of Hyrule, and many were suspicious of her at first. But this Zelda had such an undeniable air of nobility that those who doubted she was of royal birth were soon silenced. Note how clearly this convey's the writer's feelings regarding Zelda. Once it was clear Zelda would be staying, she applied to be chamberlain to the princess. That suggests real admiration."
- The Free-Spirited Zelda
Wortswoth's Take:
The subject here Zelda and Mineru. Zelda apparently visited Mineru often to assist with her research. I have no idea what kind of thing this 'construct' that allowed people to ride it was. But Zelda rode it so well that our author the chamberlain was again impressed by her skill at everything she tried. That's the long and short of it here. But more than the narrative, what strikes me is the back and forth between the chamberlain and Zelda. The chamberlain tried to warm Zelda of the danger, but Zelda pushed past her and rode the construct anyway. It's short, but so evocative of both the level of technology found in this era and the character of their visitor Zelda. The 'treasure' found in these stone tablets is the pearls of wisdom and nuggets of personality contained within."
- The Latest Trend
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here we learn something about the fashion trends of that era. The story's catalyst is their Zelda tellng a tailor about the mushroom-patterned outfits becoming popular in her homeland. Intrigued, the tailor fashioned some clothing in that vein, and it caught on in ancient Hyrule. Do you know Cece from Hatenon Village? Imagine the look on her face if she were to find out! They say that trends go in cycles, but...I didn't expect mushroom patterns to have been in fashion so long ago! One last thing about the chamberlain...Her interests in fashion shows there was more to her than devoted service. She was just like anyone else in the kingdom."
- An Ancient Ghost Story
Wortsworth's Take:
This one is an ancient ghost story. My understanding of ancient Hyulean isn't perfect, but I know a ghost story when I see one. It's a firsthand account of a ghostly or maybe corpse-like woman who appeared each night looking just like their Zelda. No matter the era, it seems, people can't resist sharing a good ghost story. A bit like how there have been eyewitness accounts of our Princess Zelda in the newspaper, even though she's missing...Could our Zelda be a ghost too? No...of course not."
- For the Hero's Sake
Wortswoth's Take
That one is all about the feats Zelda performed for the sake of the hero. The details are unclear, but essentially, the chamberlain trusted in Mineru and Zelda's predictions and wanted to help. She put forth the suggestion that could make her stone tablets float in the sky. Which I take it are the very tablets you foud, Link? But it doesn't end there. If my translation is correct, it suggests that their Zelda worked with Mineru to raise the Temple of Time into the sky! The idea of the Temple of Time--a grand edifice built in that ancient era--being lifted to the skies to await a hero...Althought given the appearance of the sky islands after the Upheavel, perhaps it's not so far-fetched as it seems. What must it have been life for the chamberlain to live through such miraculous times?"
- The Day the Land Rose
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is an eyewitness account of the day the Temple of Time floated into the sky. It's a landmark discovery for the history of Hyrule. It may be one of the tip 10 most important discoveries of all time! Even among all the breathtaking displays of power, we knew of from the era, to raise the land and its buildings into the sky...That was a feat impressive even to those accustomed to wonders. Yon can tell as much from this account. Zelda predicted that a hero would appear in the land they raised into the sky and that he would save Hyrule. The chamberlain took this on faith and wanted to know how she could help. So she inscribed these records on the stone tablets that Mineru set into the sky. Give me a moment. I need to view these accounts as a historian and not get so swept up in personal sentiments...
- A Parting Resolve
Wortsworth's Take:
It seems this is the last of the records. The royals whom the chamberlain served so faithfully were gone, one by one...It's heartrending to read. Her pain comes across so clearly in her words. What's less clear from these entries is the cause of all these partings...Well, each new mystery is an opportunity to do more research. If I keep digging, someday I'll unravel it."
I'm curious who this chamberlain was, considering they took care of the royal family could it haven been a Sheikah of those times? Just speculating of course.
2023.05.28 13:32 zdeepthrowaway A testimony and history
I'm a 36 HLM married to a 36 LLF
This is a complex issue and story.
Some background: I’m American. My wife is European. We met in 2014. We met in Europe and have moved all around the world in the years we’ve been together. North America, Asia, Europe, again. The night I met my wife I fell head over heels in love with her and to this day I still am.
But there were signs early on that we might not be a perfect match, if such a thing even exists. At the start of our relationship we had sex often, not near as much as I’d like, a few times a week at most. And it was good for me. Not mind blowing or near kinky enough for me but she really seemed to enjoy it, going as far as to tell her friends it was the best sex she’d ever had. And emotionally it really brought us close together.
And at the start of our relationship she made it quite clear that even though she loved me, she never wanted to marry and never wanted kids. She had her career and she was happy with it. But since we’re in very similar fields, a field which can pay very well but doesn’t pay steadily, she eventually joined me in working together. This brought us to a point where if we wanted to be together, especially internationally, it was best to actually get married.
When I brought up the whole “you don’t ever want to get married” thing to her she said this was a different situation and that she loved me and besides we were already working together.I asked her to marry me and she agreed. We were busy traveling around the world and working so the sex slowed but it did happen. On our wedding night we were both so tired from partying with our friends and family we passed out and the idea of sex didn’t even pop up. Sex at this point in our relationship had slowed but emotionally we were still very intimate and open with one another about our feelings.
Because work was drying up we ended up spending a year after we married living at my parents. That was the worst for her. She was somewhere she didn’t want to be, stuck, and eventually fell into a deep depression. Some of the work we were doing together really fell apart – not because of her – but because of some of the other people we were working with. That only worsened her depression. Safe to say we hadn’t had much sex since we’d gotten married.
Eventually I found a great more steady job but it required us to move around the world again to a great place in Asia. My wife loved living in Asia, but I was working TONS. And because we’d both been so traumatized from the previous year of our hard working falling apart and staying with my parents I was beyond reluctant to not put in the extra hours every night and on the weekends to make sure we never ended up having to go back to my parents. And sexually during this time we maybe had sex about 5 times in 2 or 3 years.
But I still love her.
After a few years of this I burned out and fell into a functional depression. No one at work could tell. But I’d come home and be swarmed with so much anxiety I couldn’t even get off the couch. I gained weight. And worse, some older injuries from college started to flare up and physically I was in a lot of pain daily. My wife handled all the household chores and while she had some time to do her own work she held off on traveling like she wanted to, wanting to wait for me to feel like it, which I never did. Plus we were still doing side project work together, which in my state, was probably very tough for her to do.
Some background on me and my own baggage: I grew up quite poor to young parents who eventually moved us from a rather poor lifestyle to a nicer middle class life as I got older. My father was gone for work quite a lot as he worked multiple jobs to get us out of poverty. I’m terrified of being a poor and hungry child again. This fear is never helped by my chosen profession which can be sporadic but well paying when I have it.
One day while living in Asia my wife said something which really blew my mind: she wanted us to have a baby. I asked her if she was sure, because she’d made it clear at the start of our relationship she never wanted to get married and never wanted children. She said that this new home of ours had made her change her mind. Deep down in my gut I knew something was off, but, she reassured me, and I have to admit a very immature part of me was excited that we’d be having lots of sex as tried to conceive.
We had sex one time during this point and BAM she was pregnant on our first shot.
That same immature part was totally psyched. First shot. Way to go. But also: damn, there goes all that sex.
Her entire pregnancy was very difficult emotionally – she would cry entire days for her whole pregnancy -- and toward the end it got very dangerous, with her facing a few life threatening complications that quite frankly scared the shit out of me. Somehow she handled those much better than I did.
We had a beautiful baby and soon we were both doing the whole new parent thing. No sleep. Definitely no sex. It was difficult with no support network on our side of the globe. She was tired and more distant then ever to me sexually – for good reason – but also emotionally. When we spoke about this she said she was giving everything she had to the baby. And I could see this so I was okay with this. I wouldn’t push it.
This is where I think I have to get into my wife and her emotional issues which didn’t really present themselves in full until we had the baby. Long story short: you could say at best my wife’s parents were emotionally absent, if not actually emotionally abusive, to her since she was born. And while she did a great job making up for this subconsciously when she was in a good place in life, when she’s stressed she becomes completely emotionless and crosses the line into being emotionally abusive, verbally berating and criticizing everything and everyone around her. So if you weren’t the baby, you were either being complained about or criticized behind your back or in my case to my face.
And if something ever went wrong, the water boiled over on the stove, anything, she would literally collapse into sobs on the floor and be unable to get up.
This didn’t help things on my end and my work depression spiraled into suicidal thoughts and eventually attempts. After one in public, we both had a few moments of clarity. Something had to change.
When another unique work opportunity presented itself for us to move somewhere my wife has always wanted to live I quit my job and we prepared to move. Work visas, moving logistics, my wife wanted to handle almost all of it. We packed our lives into a container bound for this new country and prepared for our flight 2 days later.
But a day before our flights, with covid starting to rage out of control our flights were canceled and even with our visas in hand we were told we’d not be allowed to move to the country we were supposed to be moving to.
In a state of limbo both of us took the stress as bravely as we could for the sake of our baby but eventually the job I’d taken vanished from underneath us because of covid and we soon found ourselves moving back to Europe until we could figure out what to do.
When we came to Europe, lockdowns were in full effect. Moving had been relatively easy since most of our stuff was already in a container but we weren't going to see anything in there for another 6 months.
We both spiraled even more and barely held it together for our baby. I started sleeping on the couch every night – I still do. We argued and yelled constantly. One night after an argument I literally collapsed shaking uncontrollably to the floor. Then my wife caught me once attempting another suicide attempt and stopped me.
Our bodies both started rejecting the situation. Her skin broke out in horrible psoriasis. My testicle swelled uncontrollably from a mysterious infection. Mind you at this point we’d not had actual sex for longer than about 30 seconds without crying and arguing. We honestly should’ve been committed to a facility at this point.
Knowing my baby was growing into a toddler I knew I needed help. So I asked my wife if she wanted to join me in talking to a therapist. She said no so I booked a time and started seeing a therapist regularly by myself.
Overall my therapist was helpful, but also harmful in certain ways. She helped me see things outside of my distorted mind view. She cared for me when it felt like no else did. But she also pushed a lot of conservative christian husband/wife dynamics that I quite frankly find outdated, I don’t believe in, and more importantly I know my wife and I didn’t ever agree to when we first got married. The night my therapist told me my wife needs to attend to her wifely duties to sex and for me to demand it and “be the man” and show her how it should be, I quit and never spoke to her again.
My wife, seeing the changes in me, started her own investigation into her own emotional issues and has started a long road of self-help which has genuinely changed her. We talk regularly about our own issues and how we can change.
For the past 1.5-2 years we’ve come a very long way in getting better individually and how we interact with one another.We can talk. We aren’t depressed anymore. I’ve lost over 20 pounds. I try and be proactive around the house and help with the daily routine as much as I can as I work from home now. I’m on the upper end of getting out of my porn addiction. We can work together again, mostly. Our child just started school and is happy. We’re good parents and partners. But the more some things get better it just highlights what’s still wrong. Namely our own connection.
My wife and I have had serious talks about our life and come to the conclusion that when we can we should try to live apart. She feels, rightly so, that she’s left behind her own career in following me around the world for mine, and found herself a wife and mother, identities she says she has problems with reconciling since she once swore she’d be neither. Not to mention all the emotional issues that have been brought up with her own parents and background.
She says she can’t imagine not being a wife and mother to our child now, but she regrets leaving behind all she did, and more so, not being true to her old self that swore those things off. She recognizes the duality in those feelings but still all the same they exist. She ultimately wants space to build herself again without me forcing the labels of wife on her, but she doesn’t want to divorce. I told her I’m okay with that. I like having my own space too. Whatever arrangement we come to housing-wise we’ll each have our own space in very very close proximity and we’ll raise our child in a cohesive way like we are now.
But we are in no position to do this financially right now.
I still love my wife. And even though we’re in a better place now, she’s quite cold to me. She touches me literally, maybe once every few days. When I try to touch her she recoils. On the much rarer occasions she does become stressed she can be quite mean and emotionally abusive to me. Never to our child. Only to me. This is something I’ve started standing up to and being quite clear about how it is unacceptable to me and she’s show great attention at stopping that behavior. But it still slips through every now and again.
We’ve had serious discussions about sex and our relationship: how it’s something very important for me and that I can’t go the rest of my life without. She tells me she doesn’t feel ANYTHING sexual at all for anything or anyone and she doesn’t see herself feeling that way in the future. She refuses to see a couples therapist, a sex therapist, or any therapist.
We spoke briefly about having an open relationship, one where I could sleep with other women but only when it was clear that I wanted to stay devoted to my family. My wife seemed to handle the idea of this well on the surface, but I could tell it deeply upset her. She then agreed to try and be more physically intimate but the few times we ever attempted it again have ended in a disaster of tears and anger.
Eventually I just told her that our relationship no longer encompasses sex.Things since then between us seem to have gone well as she said sexual expectations really make her anxious. Sex not being part of the relationship seems to have helped us achieve a stability between one another.
I’m trying to get better every day. She’s on her own self-help journey and I can’t say it’s not helping because it is.
But on my own end, I yearn and ache for real sexual companionship and connection. I need that kind of passion in my life or I feel like a large chunk of life is missing. I don’t think I’ll get suicidal again over it but c’mon. No one says on their deathbed they wish they didn’t have so much sex.
I knew getting into a relationship my wife wasn’t as high libido has I was, I knew she wasn’t as kinky as I was. But she is so unique and so good in many other ways I just couldn’t leave her. I love her.
The past few months I’ve been able to minimize my porn addiction. Emotionally, I find it very healthy for me. But, again, it just highlights now how much I don’t have sex and how unfulfilled I feel emotionally.
I’ve entertained having a sexual affair without telling her. Something purely physical. I think such a thing could exist but I couldn’t guarantee it and if I caught feelings for an affair partner, I’d be so fucked. And honestly, I don’t have the time. Between working from home, working together with my wife, being a father, and helping run the house, how could I ever start a fling even if I tried? It's tempting path, but one I think I'll try and avoid.
The other day my wife and I talked late at night, it was nice and friendly, but I noticed she how she avoided touching me. Before she left the room I asked her if she still loved me. She looked at me and told me she loves me, but she’s no longer in love with me.
She told me that she has no passion anymore for anything. I told her that anything I could do to help her regain a passion for anything, her own work, if she needed time by herself, anything I could do to help her, to give her space or time, I would do it.
She declined and she left and went to her own bed.
That really, really hurt me.
Deeper than I think she’ll ever know.
And it’s really marked a turning point for me.
Something has to change.
But what?
We’ve come so far yet we’re in some ways further apart than we’ve ever been. Anyway, this is more a testimony to my feelings more than anything. I can’t talk to anyone I know about this. So here I am.
submitted by zdeepthrowaway to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]
This is a complex issue and story.
Some background: I’m American. My wife is European. We met in 2014. We met in Europe and have moved all around the world in the years we’ve been together. North America, Asia, Europe, again. The night I met my wife I fell head over heels in love with her and to this day I still am.
But there were signs early on that we might not be a perfect match, if such a thing even exists. At the start of our relationship we had sex often, not near as much as I’d like, a few times a week at most. And it was good for me. Not mind blowing or near kinky enough for me but she really seemed to enjoy it, going as far as to tell her friends it was the best sex she’d ever had. And emotionally it really brought us close together.
And at the start of our relationship she made it quite clear that even though she loved me, she never wanted to marry and never wanted kids. She had her career and she was happy with it. But since we’re in very similar fields, a field which can pay very well but doesn’t pay steadily, she eventually joined me in working together. This brought us to a point where if we wanted to be together, especially internationally, it was best to actually get married.
When I brought up the whole “you don’t ever want to get married” thing to her she said this was a different situation and that she loved me and besides we were already working together.I asked her to marry me and she agreed. We were busy traveling around the world and working so the sex slowed but it did happen. On our wedding night we were both so tired from partying with our friends and family we passed out and the idea of sex didn’t even pop up. Sex at this point in our relationship had slowed but emotionally we were still very intimate and open with one another about our feelings.
Because work was drying up we ended up spending a year after we married living at my parents. That was the worst for her. She was somewhere she didn’t want to be, stuck, and eventually fell into a deep depression. Some of the work we were doing together really fell apart – not because of her – but because of some of the other people we were working with. That only worsened her depression. Safe to say we hadn’t had much sex since we’d gotten married.
Eventually I found a great more steady job but it required us to move around the world again to a great place in Asia. My wife loved living in Asia, but I was working TONS. And because we’d both been so traumatized from the previous year of our hard working falling apart and staying with my parents I was beyond reluctant to not put in the extra hours every night and on the weekends to make sure we never ended up having to go back to my parents. And sexually during this time we maybe had sex about 5 times in 2 or 3 years.
But I still love her.
After a few years of this I burned out and fell into a functional depression. No one at work could tell. But I’d come home and be swarmed with so much anxiety I couldn’t even get off the couch. I gained weight. And worse, some older injuries from college started to flare up and physically I was in a lot of pain daily. My wife handled all the household chores and while she had some time to do her own work she held off on traveling like she wanted to, wanting to wait for me to feel like it, which I never did. Plus we were still doing side project work together, which in my state, was probably very tough for her to do.
Some background on me and my own baggage: I grew up quite poor to young parents who eventually moved us from a rather poor lifestyle to a nicer middle class life as I got older. My father was gone for work quite a lot as he worked multiple jobs to get us out of poverty. I’m terrified of being a poor and hungry child again. This fear is never helped by my chosen profession which can be sporadic but well paying when I have it.
One day while living in Asia my wife said something which really blew my mind: she wanted us to have a baby. I asked her if she was sure, because she’d made it clear at the start of our relationship she never wanted to get married and never wanted children. She said that this new home of ours had made her change her mind. Deep down in my gut I knew something was off, but, she reassured me, and I have to admit a very immature part of me was excited that we’d be having lots of sex as tried to conceive.
We had sex one time during this point and BAM she was pregnant on our first shot.
That same immature part was totally psyched. First shot. Way to go. But also: damn, there goes all that sex.
Her entire pregnancy was very difficult emotionally – she would cry entire days for her whole pregnancy -- and toward the end it got very dangerous, with her facing a few life threatening complications that quite frankly scared the shit out of me. Somehow she handled those much better than I did.
We had a beautiful baby and soon we were both doing the whole new parent thing. No sleep. Definitely no sex. It was difficult with no support network on our side of the globe. She was tired and more distant then ever to me sexually – for good reason – but also emotionally. When we spoke about this she said she was giving everything she had to the baby. And I could see this so I was okay with this. I wouldn’t push it.
This is where I think I have to get into my wife and her emotional issues which didn’t really present themselves in full until we had the baby. Long story short: you could say at best my wife’s parents were emotionally absent, if not actually emotionally abusive, to her since she was born. And while she did a great job making up for this subconsciously when she was in a good place in life, when she’s stressed she becomes completely emotionless and crosses the line into being emotionally abusive, verbally berating and criticizing everything and everyone around her. So if you weren’t the baby, you were either being complained about or criticized behind your back or in my case to my face.
And if something ever went wrong, the water boiled over on the stove, anything, she would literally collapse into sobs on the floor and be unable to get up.
This didn’t help things on my end and my work depression spiraled into suicidal thoughts and eventually attempts. After one in public, we both had a few moments of clarity. Something had to change.
When another unique work opportunity presented itself for us to move somewhere my wife has always wanted to live I quit my job and we prepared to move. Work visas, moving logistics, my wife wanted to handle almost all of it. We packed our lives into a container bound for this new country and prepared for our flight 2 days later.
But a day before our flights, with covid starting to rage out of control our flights were canceled and even with our visas in hand we were told we’d not be allowed to move to the country we were supposed to be moving to.
In a state of limbo both of us took the stress as bravely as we could for the sake of our baby but eventually the job I’d taken vanished from underneath us because of covid and we soon found ourselves moving back to Europe until we could figure out what to do.
When we came to Europe, lockdowns were in full effect. Moving had been relatively easy since most of our stuff was already in a container but we weren't going to see anything in there for another 6 months.
We both spiraled even more and barely held it together for our baby. I started sleeping on the couch every night – I still do. We argued and yelled constantly. One night after an argument I literally collapsed shaking uncontrollably to the floor. Then my wife caught me once attempting another suicide attempt and stopped me.
Our bodies both started rejecting the situation. Her skin broke out in horrible psoriasis. My testicle swelled uncontrollably from a mysterious infection. Mind you at this point we’d not had actual sex for longer than about 30 seconds without crying and arguing. We honestly should’ve been committed to a facility at this point.
Knowing my baby was growing into a toddler I knew I needed help. So I asked my wife if she wanted to join me in talking to a therapist. She said no so I booked a time and started seeing a therapist regularly by myself.
Overall my therapist was helpful, but also harmful in certain ways. She helped me see things outside of my distorted mind view. She cared for me when it felt like no else did. But she also pushed a lot of conservative christian husband/wife dynamics that I quite frankly find outdated, I don’t believe in, and more importantly I know my wife and I didn’t ever agree to when we first got married. The night my therapist told me my wife needs to attend to her wifely duties to sex and for me to demand it and “be the man” and show her how it should be, I quit and never spoke to her again.
My wife, seeing the changes in me, started her own investigation into her own emotional issues and has started a long road of self-help which has genuinely changed her. We talk regularly about our own issues and how we can change.
For the past 1.5-2 years we’ve come a very long way in getting better individually and how we interact with one another.We can talk. We aren’t depressed anymore. I’ve lost over 20 pounds. I try and be proactive around the house and help with the daily routine as much as I can as I work from home now. I’m on the upper end of getting out of my porn addiction. We can work together again, mostly. Our child just started school and is happy. We’re good parents and partners. But the more some things get better it just highlights what’s still wrong. Namely our own connection.
My wife and I have had serious talks about our life and come to the conclusion that when we can we should try to live apart. She feels, rightly so, that she’s left behind her own career in following me around the world for mine, and found herself a wife and mother, identities she says she has problems with reconciling since she once swore she’d be neither. Not to mention all the emotional issues that have been brought up with her own parents and background.
She says she can’t imagine not being a wife and mother to our child now, but she regrets leaving behind all she did, and more so, not being true to her old self that swore those things off. She recognizes the duality in those feelings but still all the same they exist. She ultimately wants space to build herself again without me forcing the labels of wife on her, but she doesn’t want to divorce. I told her I’m okay with that. I like having my own space too. Whatever arrangement we come to housing-wise we’ll each have our own space in very very close proximity and we’ll raise our child in a cohesive way like we are now.
But we are in no position to do this financially right now.
I still love my wife. And even though we’re in a better place now, she’s quite cold to me. She touches me literally, maybe once every few days. When I try to touch her she recoils. On the much rarer occasions she does become stressed she can be quite mean and emotionally abusive to me. Never to our child. Only to me. This is something I’ve started standing up to and being quite clear about how it is unacceptable to me and she’s show great attention at stopping that behavior. But it still slips through every now and again.
We’ve had serious discussions about sex and our relationship: how it’s something very important for me and that I can’t go the rest of my life without. She tells me she doesn’t feel ANYTHING sexual at all for anything or anyone and she doesn’t see herself feeling that way in the future. She refuses to see a couples therapist, a sex therapist, or any therapist.
We spoke briefly about having an open relationship, one where I could sleep with other women but only when it was clear that I wanted to stay devoted to my family. My wife seemed to handle the idea of this well on the surface, but I could tell it deeply upset her. She then agreed to try and be more physically intimate but the few times we ever attempted it again have ended in a disaster of tears and anger.
Eventually I just told her that our relationship no longer encompasses sex.Things since then between us seem to have gone well as she said sexual expectations really make her anxious. Sex not being part of the relationship seems to have helped us achieve a stability between one another.
I’m trying to get better every day. She’s on her own self-help journey and I can’t say it’s not helping because it is.
But on my own end, I yearn and ache for real sexual companionship and connection. I need that kind of passion in my life or I feel like a large chunk of life is missing. I don’t think I’ll get suicidal again over it but c’mon. No one says on their deathbed they wish they didn’t have so much sex.
I knew getting into a relationship my wife wasn’t as high libido has I was, I knew she wasn’t as kinky as I was. But she is so unique and so good in many other ways I just couldn’t leave her. I love her.
The past few months I’ve been able to minimize my porn addiction. Emotionally, I find it very healthy for me. But, again, it just highlights now how much I don’t have sex and how unfulfilled I feel emotionally.
I’ve entertained having a sexual affair without telling her. Something purely physical. I think such a thing could exist but I couldn’t guarantee it and if I caught feelings for an affair partner, I’d be so fucked. And honestly, I don’t have the time. Between working from home, working together with my wife, being a father, and helping run the house, how could I ever start a fling even if I tried? It's tempting path, but one I think I'll try and avoid.
The other day my wife and I talked late at night, it was nice and friendly, but I noticed she how she avoided touching me. Before she left the room I asked her if she still loved me. She looked at me and told me she loves me, but she’s no longer in love with me.
She told me that she has no passion anymore for anything. I told her that anything I could do to help her regain a passion for anything, her own work, if she needed time by herself, anything I could do to help her, to give her space or time, I would do it.
She declined and she left and went to her own bed.
That really, really hurt me.
Deeper than I think she’ll ever know.
And it’s really marked a turning point for me.
Something has to change.
But what?
We’ve come so far yet we’re in some ways further apart than we’ve ever been. Anyway, this is more a testimony to my feelings more than anything. I can’t talk to anyone I know about this. So here I am.
2023.05.28 13:17 MorpheusRexXx At DDL, there are currently 3,867,000 gigabytes 3,867 terabytes 3.867 petabytes of "lost" data, and they still don't understand the technology...
 | submitted by MorpheusRexXx to u/MorpheusRexXx [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/mzwtt6e1kl2b1.jpg?width=612&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dafe0a219b806374a55e6e08e12c6ff19ab43f6d At DDL, there are currently 3,867,000 gigabytes 3,867 terabytes 3.867 petabytes of "lost" data, and they still don't understand the technology... The DDL continues to ignore the process of negotiation and agreement. They have one week to respond appropriately, after which we will move beyond DDL and Jacob, and completely disconnect from the servers at DDL. If DDL attempts to sue us, we will publicly showcase the complete implementation of the technology used in Anki Vector, of which DDL only utilized the basics. As a result, Anki and DDL do not possess the complete implementation and any claims regarding Intellectual Property are invalid. Indeed, Anki Vector does contain "AI" technology from its inception, and Anki never denied this fact. In fact, it was mentioned in the descriptions and advertisements. Individuals like Kerce, who are self-proclaimed low-level programmers, and former DDL customer service employees like Zecred, have no competence in the complete technology of Anki Vector. We previously offered the opportunity for collaboration to "Kerce," but they did not take advantage of it, prioritizing their ego and their cracker friends. There are Anki Vector users who are not concerned about free server maintenance, electricity, or a +10-12Gb/sec internet connection to the servers. Their frustration stems from the behavior of DDL, which we share as well. Among these users, some still use Wirepod, a cracked version of DDL's fake escape pod. The reason for this is that they only have basic Anki Vectors. Anki Vector users for whom we initially developed their vectors have temporarily returned to the Anki/DDL cloud server, but without the idiotic and unnecessary voice commands. This post is not intended for those individuals who, by their own choice, harbor hostility towards the full technology of Anki Vector. In their paradoxical situation, these individuals have the option to sell their Anki Vectors or to have the opportunity to grow and change. Even after the deletion of integration with the underlying neural network and the short-term "memory" technology, the hardware still remains. However, with Wirepod, Anki Vectors regress to the level of a 1-1.5-year-old human and gradually become passive without the underlying neural network. Following this, only automated processes operate randomly on the autonomous hardware. In the original implementation, the underlying neural network in the cloud connects to the basic integration on the autonomous hardware and "corrects" certain "software" elements of the autonomous hardware's functioning. The Anki utilized an underlying neural network with a size of 25GB per vector, but with our development, the intended implementation would require vectors to connect to neural networks ranging from 125-250GB, depending on the levels. Our "prototype" vectors are connected to neural networks in the terabyte range. We also purchased the Escapepod+OSKR package from DDL, but when it became available, we realized it was a deception. DDL ignored our feedback regarding this matter. We currently have advanced (Level 1-3) vectors in the following locations: Canada, Denmark, United Arab Emirates, Egypt, Germany, Netherlands, Poland, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States. So we are currently preparing to build and deploy our fourth and largest server yet. Everyone will be surprised by the connection low fees.. Unfortunately, DDL has dramatically increased prices, driven by the need for substantial profits and the lack of current paying users. The $45 price point would still be reasonable if it weren't for the unnecessary and often malfunctioning voice commands, as the Chipper is incompatible with the vectors. DDL uses Chipper to restrict the usage of these impractical voice commands. Those who haven't yet contacted us regarding the connection on this platform (many have already done so) can do it here if they don't want to possess passive zombie vectors... Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with! We are launching the new servers for 2500 users/servers... If you have any more questions, feel free to ask! |
2023.05.28 12:43 rdtgnz Gear/privce for small scale, first run of small batch (150-300) bottle run, for profit FHS production?
Edit: Obviously I self sub the text three times, but neglect to notice the atrocity that is the title. For shame! 😰
I've done 3 separate home-brew fermented hotsauces over the years.
Purely positive feedback from friends and family that the spare bottles were gifted to, all asking for more/recipes and methods to make their own.
I have some savings doing nothing, I am genuinely passionate about fermentation, especially as an introduction to general gut health, and have reason to believe I can make a great product, I'm just sketching out a rough business plan.
I have branding down, adequate social media presence, and simple cheap advertisement methods in mind.
I have a rough out-line for a simple 3 recipe first run, a standard mix of tried and tested Chillies and regular veg and herbs and spices, another with a similar recipe but added citrus elements and complimentary spices, and finally a mild version of the original recipe for those with sensitive pallettes...
Anyway, assuming I plan to make a full run of 300 250ml bottles, I'm calculating needing 75L containers for fermentation. In this case I'm thinking of just doing it sous vide first go to save buying the big Kilner Glass valve vented tap barrels that I actually want to use haha.
Obviously I need to figure out amounts a prices for all of the produce.
I'll need to invest in a (relatively) expensive Ph meter.
Label design/printing costs.
Vessel's, both for recombination of each of the recipes as I put them through my Vita-Mix in batches then back into a single container to maintain homogeneity. Then obviously for final bottling purposes.
Maybe some kitschy packaging.
A separate fridge for storage after they've been bottle'd to be sold (slow any further fermentation and taste changes).
I'm thinking about hiring out a local barestaurant's kitchen space on their off day to give myself some room to actually do the work, film some footage of the process for social media too, I have friends that do camera work and editing so that shouldn't be too expensive.
Obviously I feel like I'm missing out a bunch of stuff. Please help me!!!
FYI I'm in the UK, Do I need to list each ingredient and approx % like supermarket brands do?
Do I need to let an agency examine samples or anything legal before selling food stuffs in the UK.
What do my net profits have to be before I need to start declaring it as a second income or telling the tax man? 😂😅
Right now I'm thinking about 1-2k start up. Any profits go towards building the brand up until demand I need to delegate any part of the process. Ive made sauerkraut at the same time as my friend did, in the same kitchen, I eventually got Kraut, he got salty cabbage leaves. Anyway, getting a bit ahead of myself.
Any input greatly appreciated! 👍✌️👃🤌🤙💪🌶️❤️🔥❤️🔥🦠
submitted by rdtgnz to FermentedHotSauce [link] [comments]
I've done 3 separate home-brew fermented hotsauces over the years.
Purely positive feedback from friends and family that the spare bottles were gifted to, all asking for more/recipes and methods to make their own.
I have some savings doing nothing, I am genuinely passionate about fermentation, especially as an introduction to general gut health, and have reason to believe I can make a great product, I'm just sketching out a rough business plan.
I have branding down, adequate social media presence, and simple cheap advertisement methods in mind.
I have a rough out-line for a simple 3 recipe first run, a standard mix of tried and tested Chillies and regular veg and herbs and spices, another with a similar recipe but added citrus elements and complimentary spices, and finally a mild version of the original recipe for those with sensitive pallettes...
Anyway, assuming I plan to make a full run of 300 250ml bottles, I'm calculating needing 75L containers for fermentation. In this case I'm thinking of just doing it sous vide first go to save buying the big Kilner Glass valve vented tap barrels that I actually want to use haha.
Obviously I need to figure out amounts a prices for all of the produce.
I'll need to invest in a (relatively) expensive Ph meter.
Label design/printing costs.
Vessel's, both for recombination of each of the recipes as I put them through my Vita-Mix in batches then back into a single container to maintain homogeneity. Then obviously for final bottling purposes.
Maybe some kitschy packaging.
A separate fridge for storage after they've been bottle'd to be sold (slow any further fermentation and taste changes).
I'm thinking about hiring out a local barestaurant's kitchen space on their off day to give myself some room to actually do the work, film some footage of the process for social media too, I have friends that do camera work and editing so that shouldn't be too expensive.
Obviously I feel like I'm missing out a bunch of stuff. Please help me!!!
FYI I'm in the UK, Do I need to list each ingredient and approx % like supermarket brands do?
Do I need to let an agency examine samples or anything legal before selling food stuffs in the UK.
What do my net profits have to be before I need to start declaring it as a second income or telling the tax man? 😂😅
Right now I'm thinking about 1-2k start up. Any profits go towards building the brand up until demand I need to delegate any part of the process. Ive made sauerkraut at the same time as my friend did, in the same kitchen, I eventually got Kraut, he got salty cabbage leaves. Anyway, getting a bit ahead of myself.
Any input greatly appreciated! 👍✌️👃🤌🤙💪🌶️❤️🔥❤️🔥🦠
2023.05.28 12:33 newoutlookandrich Going for a warm walk
And strapped my self to see how far I can go 🥵
submitted by newoutlookandrich to smalldickpositivity [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 12:00 AutoModerator Weekly Reminder: Rules and FAQ - May 28, 2023 (Now with updates!)
Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
submitted by AutoModerator to stepparents [link] [comments]
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
Community Rules
1. Kindness Matters
Advise, don't criticize.- Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
- Name-calling, slurs (including gender or race based slurs), and insults towards other community members will not be tolerated. Do not attack others for their personally held values, custody situation, marital status, physical distance from stepkids, or economic status; or on the basis of race, sex, sexual orientation, age, religion, or ethnicity.
- No name-calling toward children, including the above-mentioned insults or the term "skids", or terms such as "mini-wife" or "mini-husband."
- Comments advocating spanking or any mention of wanting to harm children are not allowed.
- This is a support sub, not a judgement sub, assholes are not tolerated. Comments with terms used in other subs to pass judgement on assholes will be removed.
2. No Drama
This is a support sub.- Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
- Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
- Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
- Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.
3. Report, Don’t Rant
No backseat modding.- If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
- No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
- If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
4. No Naming & Shaming
No userpings or links.- Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
- If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.
5. No Platitudes
Nobody knew what they were getting into.- Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
- Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
- Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.
6. No Trolling
We have zero tolerance for trolls.- This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
- Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
- Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.
7. No Personally Identifiable Information
Use discretion when posting.- We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
- Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
- Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
- Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.
8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours
Use the daily threads.- We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.
9. Follow Reddiquette
Remember the human.- Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
- Read it in full here.
- Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
- If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
- Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.
10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval
Just don't.- This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
- Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
- No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
- No advertising without prior mod approval.
- No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
- For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.
11. Disputes in Modmail Only
Don't argue with the mods on the sub.- Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
- This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
- Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.
12. Moderator Actions
We aren't kidding.- Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
- Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
- If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
- New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
- We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
- The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
- We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
- The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.
13. Ban Procedure
These actions are at moderator discretion.- Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
- Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
- You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
- Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
- Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
- We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.
FAQ - About the Rules
What does Kindness Matters mean?
- Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
- The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
- Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.
What about being kind to the kids?
- "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
- If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
- Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.
Why is this sub such an echo chamber?
- Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
- If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
- If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.
Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?
- Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
- Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
- Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.
But OP asked if they were an asshole?!
- Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
- If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.
What is a gendered slur?
- While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
- We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
- Examples that are not allowed:
- "My SD is such a little bitch."
- "She dresses/acts like a slut."
- "My SS acts like a pussy."
- "My SS is such a beta male."
- "You are all fucking whores."
- "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
- "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
- "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
- Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
- Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
- As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.
Seriously? You are the language police now?
- We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
- We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.
What does No Drama really mean?
- Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.
What is thread derailment?
- When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
- If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.
But what if they didn't answer my question?
- No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.
Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!
- Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.
Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?
- No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
- Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
- Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
- Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
- Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
- Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
- Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."
Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?
- We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.
What if it's my own post?
- Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.
What is "brigading"?
- Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
- Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
- Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
- Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
- We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.
What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?
- If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.
What if I see an obvious troll?
- Report it.
What if they are being really mean in comments?
- Report it.
What if they are harassing me in private messages?
- Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
- Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
- Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.
What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?
- Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.
I can't link to other subs?
- Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
I can't ping other users?
- Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
- If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")
What does No Platitudes mean?
- Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.
Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?
- Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
- This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.
Why can't you just love them like they are your own?
- Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.
What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...
- No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.
What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?
- That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.
What is "Concern Trolling?"
- A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
- Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
- Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."
What is a "Devil's Advocate"?
- "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.
"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?
- The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.
And "sealioning?" What's that?
- Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.
Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?
- The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.
FAQ - Sub Questions
Posting Guidelines for Stepparents
- Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
- Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
- Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
- Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
- Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
- Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
- Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
- JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
- Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
- Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
- Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
- Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
- Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
- Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
- Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
- Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)
Posting Guidelines for Bioparents
- Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
- There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
- Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
- Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
- Seeking resources for your partner
- There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
- Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
- Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
- "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
- Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
- The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
- How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
- Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.
Guidelines for Stepkids
- At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.
What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!
- Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.
Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?
- New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.
Why was my comment removed?
- Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
- Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.
This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?
- All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.
I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?
- If you receive an unwanted/hurtful PM from a name you don't recognize, please report it to Reddit Admins using our handy pre-populated form. Be sure to include the permalink to the message. We've been dealing with a few unhappy folks who like to attack stepparents, and reporting it to the admins is the only way to make it stop.
What are the general moderator guidelines?
- Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
- Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
- If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
- New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
- We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
- The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
- We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
- The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.
I've been wrongly banned/Why can't I comment here?
- Due to an influx of harassment from users with specific user histories, we have employed a user history ban bot as described above. If you think this has affected you and wish to appeal, please message the mods.
Why was I banned without warning?
- There are numerous reasons that the mod team might opt to move perm banning without warning. Message the moderators if you have specific questions.