So I think this may seem like a naive question but lately I have been studying the evolution of the scientists as a social class throughout history and we see first an indipendent but more theoretical research during renaissance and then the interaction of science with politics and the nationalization of scientific research (Reactionary Modernism) during the World Wars and more practical research to improve warfare technology etc. but I am curious to know how the situation is now not about science as an aspect of society but about the people who actually do research from all fields, do you actually care about the success of specifically the national laboratory, the industry or the company you work for or you care simply about pursuing the advancement of scientific knowledge and of technological progress regardless if you are working for example in the Department of Defense of the United States or in the one of the Russian Federation? When we asked the people who builded the atomic bomb why they carried out that project they said that was for scientific progress, same goes with the psychologists of the MK Ultra, however we have also seen as I said a policy of nationalizing science, especially during Nazism and Fascism seeing it more as just a tool for that specific country to optimize himself and not as something to make us understand reality. So what is the situation now? Just to clarify one thing when I say if you care or not about the success of the institution you work in I mean in the abstract sense, if you for example are an engineer working for The US DOD obviously you care about your work especially if it's hypercompetitive but why other than for money you do research activity because you want to help the USA or because of simply the development of tech? This was only one example but I want to know this on an extended scale.

I'm a data scientist with 5 years of professional experience and the other 5 years at academic. However, due to variety of non-work related reasons 6 months ago I accepted to work for a company with 12 lpa. Got hiked to 18lpa as of this Apr.
I have genuine exp and sought-after skills but I've been depressed before and could not care less about my career in the past. Now I am becoming ambitious on the work and that reflects on my salary expectations as well. In view of such circumstances, how do you negotiate with couple of companies interested in me (reached and have HR rounds scheduled this week, starting tomorrow) and successfully breach 100% to go uptil 36 lpa? My peers with similar experiences are making significantly more and they were hopping companies to get to where they are in pay scales while I was not.
I welcome any honest way to discuss with HR and reason with them to look beyond the mumbo-jumbo of industry standard of 30%, and drive home the point that if they hire me and keep me from my pursuit of better pay, they must be more fair with their evaluation of salary?

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I was hesitant to post here due to relevance, but this post is made for budding psychics like me hitting a wall in their groundwork, so I think this does fit under development. If it's not relevant enough, then that's fair. There's a few resources, but not many for psychics who struggle with ptsd which inspired me to create this post.
Mentions of lucid dreaming, awakening, basic psychic groundwork, astral projecting, shadow work and mentions of metaphysical sources.
​
Cw: brief mentions of trauma and trauma related topics. Brief mention of a NDE without details of event.
I am not a mental health professional. Most of what is below are anecdotal with sources added. I am also not a professional spiritual practitioner. I’ve only practiced spiritually for over a year. I don’t do readings for others at the time of this post.
Below I will talk about my experiences with ptsd/c-ptsd and the struggle with basic mindfulness practices. Even looking for free resources online, I see articles claiming that mindfulness is a solution to dealing with trauma, but it’s not that simple. If you have ptsd and have found yourself struggling with basic mindfulness you are not a failure. This is common for those who have experienced severe and/or prolonged trauma. You just need to go about your practice in a different way. I will also talk about how visualization isn't universally accessible to everyone.
Let’s start out with visualization. As much as I love Psychic Witch by Matt Auryn, he relies heavily on visualization. One of the reasons I appreciate The Illusion of Method by Mark Gurrian is that he acknowledges some of us can’t visualize. Some may read my anecdotes and only get words on a page, versus seeing a man/woman dealing with the situations that I describe. In his book, Mark(technique originally created by Robert Bruce) describes an aphantasia/ low-vision- friendly way on how one would astral project by meditating on the sensation of climbing a rope out of their body.
Even though I don’t have aphantasia, this inspired me to utilize sensation over visualization for when my anxiety made visuals hard. The feeling of knowing I’m connected to the earth and the consciousness that runs through all things can get me grounded. The sensation of warmth in my chest concentrating as I call my energy to me can make me feel centered. The sensation of a click of energy around me can make me feel shielded.
I also have the privilege of insight in the low-vision and blind community as my partner is low-vision. Both she and her fully blind friend are advanced lucid dreamers. I will link the free MILD guide below along with other resources on lucid dreaming. I won’t speak personally on this because I’m not a good lucid dreamer and wouldn’t do it justice.
Mindfulness and trauma:
When I was a teen, I sought out a middle school counselor. She recommended meditation, breathwork, and yoga. I remember trying my best, but couldn’t. Terrifying imagery appeared when I shut my eyes. Focusing on my breath reminded me of a NDE I had and she did not teach me to reorient my focus onto something else that wasn’t triggering. She also wasn’t aware how different posture and poses were triggering for me (and I didn’t know better to tell her). One time, she did yoga with me, instructing me to focus on my breath. I started to panic and she told me to tell her what I was experiencing. She guided me straight into a panic attack. The whole day I was dissociative and shaky, having intrusive thoughts about my body suddenly dying.
Around the same time I sought massage therapy on my own for pain and the therapist told me she had never seen a kid who couldn’t relax or was as tense as me before. She recommended meditation, but I explained that for some reason I couldn’t do it. She was baffled because she never heard of meditation causing a panic attack before, either. Also not helpful were my parents' lack of an appropriate reaction to my NDE and their beliefs that my chronic problems weren't real.
These practices were too much for me and I didn’t find anyone who understood complex and severe trauma. What was going on was that these basic mindfulness practices were outside of my window of tolerance, which is described in David Trevealen's Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness. I knew the school counselor couldn't provide what I needed- a trauma informed therapist. I never got correct treatment for my issues until I was an adult because my parents were resistant to what I wanted. I was on my own, reading books of other people that lived tough lives to gain some sort of validation. Overall, this left me feeling like I was a failure. Then as I got older I would scoff at anyone who recommended meditation. My partner experienced similar issues and we both came to the conclusion meditation just wasn't a solution everyone made it out to be for anxiety. What I didn't know from teenage through young adult years was that I was going about mindfulness the wrong way for my specific issues.
In his book Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness, David Treleaven talks about how mindfulness can actually exasperate PTSD symptoms. For the survivor, the mind is no longer a safe place. We are locked in a fight, flight, or freeze state. Our brains are hypervigilant for cues that might indicate we're in danger again. When we close our eyes with nothing to distract ourselves, we see those triggering images again.
A lot of the time, we are flip-flopping between states of anxiety and reactivity to numbness and dissociation. David talks about the sweet spot between the two as the window of tolerance. An experience doesn't have to be pleasant, but tolerable. It's important for us to recognize when we're going too far in either direction. Cognitive behavior therapy can be helpful here if you lack the tools to self regulate (like me). David talks about the scale of arousal. My psychologist uses a SUDS scale. Basically, a way for you to determine where you are emotionally so you can be mindful of it.
Getting a little older and out on my own, I started to realize I had a problem. My plastic pitcher fell on me while I was cleaning one day. I swung uselessly in the air and then grabbed my pitcher before slamming it onto the floor and shattering it. I then burst into tears because that was my only measuring cup and I was broke. There were holes in the walls and doors from several one man fights.
I didn't like the person I was and felt like my outbursts were making things uncomfortable for my best friend despite her support.
I went to a nearby school for psychology where I got counsel for free.
This was the first person who recognized my PTSD and taught me a grounding exercise when I'd be confronted with imagery and felt I was in danger.
"What are three things that you see in this room?"
"What are three things you hear?"
"What are three things you smell?"
"What are three things you can feel?"
I found myself back in session, no longer face-to-face with family. I was back. The more I used this exercise, the easier it became to regulate myself. I eventually could watch the fight or flight surge through me like a wave as if an objective observer. I was in control.
I still use this technique for when I'm unwell. Currently, I pay attention to my bodily sensations like what is mentioned in the above paragraph, then to my environment, and where I am in space and time- that I’m safe. When I finish up astral projecting, I’ll hone in on what I’m experiencing with my senses to integrate with my body again.
In Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness, David talks about this grounding technique in his first chapter with a client that had outbursts like mine. He instructed him to focus on the sensation of the chair against his back and his feet firmly planted to keep himself grounded in present reality.
While I could ground myself back down, I struggled with more mindfulness- especially breath work. The student counselor at the time would try to ease me into it, but it reminded me too much of my NDE- even 7 years post. She also wanted me to do a Body Scan where I would focus on my body, relaxing different parts from head to toe. This sustained attention on my body was also too much for me. We kept hitting walls. Some of my issues with my body and pain were not relatable to most of those students. I was recommended to look into SSRIs, but at the time I didn’t have insurance or any way to afford it. It was a great service, but it was time to move on.
Eventually landing a solid career meant I could have normal healthcare. Finding the right SSRI was tricky, but once we found it, it was a whole new world.
My anxiety was 80 percent better. After over a decade of locked in fight or flight, I could finally relax. I think it was starting this SSRI all those years ago that made it possible for me to even begin mindfulness involving breathwork last year and I can still incorporate breath work today to elevate or decrease my state depending on where I was emotionally.
There are many forms of breathwork techniques- if they work for you. It's important to stay within what's tolerable and be honest with yourself, then be gentle with your answer.
In Matt Auryn's Psychic Witch there are numerous techniques like elemental, solar, and lunar breathing. Some do well with square breathing. I was recently advised to utilize breath work to bring me back to equilibrium. If I was dissociative and numb, to extend the inhale and then breathe out. To bring myself back down from anxiety to breathe, hold, and extend my exhale.
Another way I enjoyed breath work in the very beginning of my spiritual practices was to take advantage of the mammalian diving reflex. In the tub, river, or pool, I would dunk my head and slowly exhale through my nose. The roaring bubbles would also drown out the sound of my heartbeat, which I couldn't tolerate.
In Consorting With Spirits Jason Miller's description of becoming your breath in meditation made the trance state click with me when I first started.
With my window of tolerance even lower than before, right now I gravitate to forms of mindfulness that involve movement, which has proven to be helpful for those of us with ptsd. I like yoga, where I can look at and hear an instructor. I can also be extremely picky and choose the one who is most comfortable. I can’t do yoga in a studio, but I can do it in the safety of my home in front of a computer with no eyes on me. There’s many styles of yoga available for free online on youtube if this also speaks to you. You may also enjoy the free Tai Chi lessons there, too.
Sometimes mindfulness can be a challenge for well seasoned practitioners, too. A traumatic event could take place and cause an avid meditator to no longer tolerate their practice. If this is you, be kind with yourself. You might only tolerate short meditation sessions, or to meditate with your eyes open. Maybe you need to hear music, or a guide who will talk you through it. If you can’t tolerate it at all, put your practice aside or find a method that’s tolerable for you or take a break altogether.
Starting last year, my budding practice was what kept me here. I was experiencing an awakening during a stressful time. I stubbled a lot and still do, but my meditation game was starting to get a foothold. When I finally learned Ground, Center, and Shield I did it everyday. I started using meditation to work on my issues and got breakthroughs in how I was seeing myself and my emotions. Parts of me were coming back. I was finally able to feel my heartbeat in my chest (for short amounts of time) without terror for the first time in 16 years.
I was excited and passionate, but I’ll talk more about overdoing shadow work in another post. Just know that if you’re not mindful of where your tolerance is, you can re-traumatize yourself, which is why Shadow work is recommended to be done with a trauma-informed style of therapy.
Overall, mindfulness can be a great resource to those of us with trauma in order to heal, though it needs to be done in a way that’s sensitive to our triggers and catered to our individual needs or it can do more harm than good. You may recommend meditation to a friend, but they struggle with it. They may not tell you they have trauma, but use language like “I can’t focus”, “or “maybe it isn’t for me” because that’s easier to say. Maybe it isn’t trauma, but the majority of resources are visual and that isn’t accessible to them for whatever reason. There needs to be a sense of choice in how a survivor chooses to practice because we have already lost our autonomy through trauma. It may look a little different from how others practice. We need to feel safe in our practice and sometimes for us our body and minds are not safe. I think we should be sensitive to those who struggle with mindfulness, including ourselves.
Additional information:
What is ptsd -> https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disordesymptoms-causes/syc-20355967
What's the difference between c-ptsd and ptsd?-> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/12/14/the-difference-between-ptsd-and-c-ptsd-and-why-it-matters/
Trauma-informed mindfulness (ft David Treleaven)-> https://psychcentral.com/health/trauma-informed-mindfulness#can-mindfulness-cause-harm
What is a SUDS rating scale?-> https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-suds-rating-3024471
What is astral projecting? ->https://www.gaia.com/article/what-is-astral-projection
What is Anphantasia?-> https://www.webmd.com/brain/what-is-aphantasia
What is lucid dreaming? -> https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/lucid-dreams-overview
Skyfall Blind Dreamer MILD guide(lucid dreaming)-> https://skyfalldreams.net/guides/skyfalls-mild-guide/
Stephen LaBerge's article on MILD(creator of MILD)->https://docs.google.com/document/d/1J0EwChB45i3bLFKsc3JUMUy6iaMyRkYic2QMRGjIg_E/edit
Other techniques on lucid dreaming-> https://www.ldguides.com/techniques.php
Books mentioned:
Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness by David Treleaven
Illusion Of method by Mark Gurrian
Psychic Witch by Matt Aurnyn
Consorting with Spirits by Jason Miller
Additional Recommended reads:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Traumaby Bessel van der Kolk
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
Soul Retrival by Sandra ingerman

Art of Simone's upgraded power armor and crystal sword!
Chapter Sixty Five: Allies and Scritches.
Looking around, the redhead finds herself standing in the middle of a dark and damp forest. But despite the gentle waves of the breeze moving the flora, there’s no sound. To the Terran’s recognizing eye as well, the plant life appears to be a blending mingle of those on the Gratt homeworld and the fateful operation on the Whista owned world.
Moving forward, her surprisingly lucid mind comes to the conclusion that she is once again ‘dreaming’, no doubt being brought on by the growth in her braincase.
She finds a loose path reminiscent of an overgrown hunter's trail that snakes her deeper into the silent landscape. Although something instinctual in her demands to be fearful of the situation, Simone can’t help to be more curious than anything due to the fact this hasn’t happened in a little while.
After some time of traversing the blending path she catches something glinting off past nearby foliage. Freezing for a moment she stares it down in an attempt to make out what it is. When it proves to not be a barrel of a weapon, she approaches it and reaches out. Her bare hand touches the glint, causing it to fully take form before resting in her palm. In a light dug she draws the dangling object free from a thin branch and brings it up close to her face.
On a thin necklace chain is a bent dog tag and a small grimy triangular device. Manipulating the tag, Simone is not at all surprised to find her own name on it. But as for the device, she surmises that it’s very similar to the thing implanted to her forehead after being kidnapped by the children of Gaia, though clearly a differing model with possibly a very different purpose.
For a moment Simone is almost compelled to put the triangle to her head, but knowing better than to trust the bits of a Manarian mad scientist in her brain she resists and decides to continue down the path. But to her concern the path is no longer there when she turns around. Instead before her is a cliffside overlooking a wide field of absolute chaos.
Down in the valley she overlooks is an expanse of a visceral battle playing out. No longer silent, the explosions and cries of vocals are significantly muffled as if her own hearing was going out.
Still, she steps closer to the drop to get a fuller view. Far down below, yet in perfect clarity to her dream eyes are various sized armies of every known species defending incoming forces from the dark encircling treeline. From the trees themselves are lines of armored Manarians consistently pressing more and more into the valley. From all sides the defenders are overwhelmed from their foes. Few Manarian’s drop in their compressing march. Simone witnesses that as they approach individuals of other species, the defenders throw down their arms before kneeling in surrender. Like an aura of instant submission, those who don’t fall in battle give in to the invaders in an instant. More and more the Manarians gain ground, only seeming to slow as Deathworlders put up the most fight.
Finding the location of the Terrans, Simone’s heart sinks. A small but effective population is fighting against the bulk within their own lines. Disarray ensues as the Terrans divide their bewildered attention from within and what approaches, unable to give support to others or eventually themselves.
Suddenly the majority of the Cali forces turn to their neighboring species and join in on the Manarian’s side. In the midst of this they release a devastating additional army of Malchite that help carve the Manarians an easy path towards the most united and powerful section of the defenders.
In mere moments, ‘Central’ falls, sending a cascading wave of despair to all the remaining defenders. Before the Manarian’s even get close now, swaths of species begin to surrender seeing their best chance at maintaining a defense is obliterated.
Thankfully the Terrans have seemed to have taken care of the internal conflict, but unfortunately it's far too late for it to matter as they practically stand alone in this fight.
Some species flee to bolster and hide behind the Terran’s lines. To their credit, if not for a moment, they fight back hard enough to pause the Manarian advance. There’s moments of grim yet heroic sacrifices, ground freely given in order to lure the enemy into effective traps, and some Terrans manage to not give into the aura of submission long enough for others to run. It’s damn inspiring to see the unstoppable force stall.
But of course, it’s not enough.
Lines break, encampments burn, leaders fall.
Eventually Terrans are reduced to a single circular formation as they stand shoulder to shoulder in defense of the little they have left.
They hold until their ammunition and other supplies run dry. Expecting surrender the Manarains extend the option to stop the fighting then and there.
In a moment of consideration, the Terrans under the flag of their last standing leader charge outwards in a hopeless defiant melee. The fighting is visceral and brutal, but eventually only one Terran stands against an entire universe.
The individual has no energy left to strike out. In their grasp is a tattered and burned flag that can no longer be made out. But the Terran stands, using it as a brace.
A Manarian leader comes up and hammers the final Terran to the ground demanding submission. A few now utterly silent moments pass by before the Terran drags themself up the flagpole into a standing position.
With another blow the Manarian strikes them down again.
But the Terran refuses, and gets up once more.
Having run out of patience the Manarian shoots a leg cleanly free from the Terran.
Yet with a scream, they remain standing, utilizing the pole even more.
Deciding that it’s no longer worth trying, the aggressor levels their weapon to the Terran’s face.
Just before being vanquished for good, Simone realizes that through the cracked open helmet of the Terran that they were looking straight up at her. Despite the distance, the two sets of eyes lock together. There is not pleading in the wounded Terran’s eyes, no fear, no judgment, nothing Simone would ever expect.
What the redhead sees in them can only be expressed in one simple word;
Hope.
As the final shot sings out the valley is encompassed in shadow, resembling more of an massive endless pit.
“I know what’s at stake. Why am I being shown this? You of all people should be elated that this is coming.” Simone thinks for Sharra to possibly pick up.
But instead of an expected occurrence, she feels a warmth from behind her.
Turning her back from the void she immediately sees a small campsite. There’s a tent, a stack of scavenged firewood and a strange cliché knight sitting on a log by a roaring fire.
Feeling her heart skip a beat Simone practically runs to him, expecting it to be an aspect of her father. But she soon realizes that the person’s frame is far too small to be an avatar of him.
Noticing her, the armored individual raises a hand in greeting before staring at the fire. The area behind their visor still pitch dark.
“What is this?” Simone skeptically says in her mind, not trusting this in the slightest.
The knight then speaks up.
“A fire.” they say.
“I mean… all of this… What’s going on?” the Terran presses.
You’re dreaming, and thus your mind is molding things in the manner minds do when slumbering.’ the knight states.
“Okay… so what are you supposed to be? Because with what’s going on with my head a lot of things I ‘dream’ are actually literal things affecting me, like you actually answering my question so directly is pretty suspicious. This a Sharra thing? Usually it’s my dad in the knight get-up, so what are you?” Simone responds in questioning.
“Nothing of substance at all. Or… something vitally important. That’s really up for you to decide really. This is your mind after all, I’m simply here because your mind thought it necessary to conjure me.” the Knight replies.
“But this isn’t how dreams are normally supposed to work, even more lucid ones… right? This is getting real fucking weird.” the redhead argues.
“Then perhaps your mind’s ailment is affecting your mind quite a bit.” the Knight shrugs.
“No fucking kidding…” Simone agrees as she steps up closer, “So… you wouldn’t know where I can talk with whatever’s left of Sharra?”
To answer this, the knight bends to the side and digs their hand into loose soil. Sitting back up they begin to massage it back out to the forest floor.
“Bits and pieces everywhere. Constantly trying to pull together, but is simply unable to be whole. Destined to eventually drive you mad.” they explain.
“Wait, what? How?” Simone asks.
“You have been affected by her unconsciously, have you not? Wanting to viscously bite your lover? Speaking in her tongue? Symptoms of her gradually melding into you. Although she’s not complete, you will eventually start to forget who you really are. Two minds sharing one consciousness… it spells disaster for ‘Simone Thatch’. I suggest you find a way to avoid this.”
“But… but Vermis told me that she’s too far gone to be a problem.” the redhead points out.
“She can’t take your body from you, but she’ll still seep. Regardless if she can even intend to or not. Your mind will survive, but your identity will slip to some degree.”
“Shit…” Simone responds as she plants her face to her hands, “So… your part of my subconscious that is telling me something is wrong?”
“Possibly. Makes sense if that’s the case.” the knight grants as Simone can hear the helmet be removed from the individual.
She attempts to pull her hands away, only to realize she was stuck in this realm of pitch black.
-
Simone’s eyes open from what was meant to just be a brief nap. Her brain was foggy, and the details of her dream was loose enough to question her actual lucidity during or if her dream simply tricked her into thinking she was in fact lucid.
Rubbing her face she sits up to see Chak having a conversation with Sonla across the hotel room.
“Hey hun, how long was I out?” she asks as she swings her legs off the side of the bed.
The princess stands up and begins moving over to the Terran.
“Just a few hours, I was planning on waking you in another hour anyway so don’t fret. You really needed it after everything.” Chak replies with a giggle as she reaches out to address her lover’s bedhead fur.
Allowing the Cali to fix what she can, Simone sighs out of soreness.
“Yeah, I did.” she agrees in a chuckle, “Our new infiltrator caught up to speed?”
“I haven’t shared certain details, but she knows that we are perhaps going to have a less than legal encounter with the Terran President. That won’t harm the president, hopefully.” Chak reports before finishing up with the Terran’s fur, “Oh, and I have purchased some new clothes for you to wear on our trip back. They were delivered not a standard half hour ago. Simple pants and shirt. Your dress has been cleaned and repaired as well.” she notified as she pointed to the closet area.
SImone leans out and kisses the Cali in a tender peck.
“You’re the best hun.” she whispers before standing up and stretching out the ache before striding over to the neatly folded pile of clothes.
“Only second to you.” Chak coyly replies as she enjoys the view for a few moments before snapping to it, “I’ll have our transport summoned.”
…
Before the three can even depart out the front door, as the elevator door opens there’s a crowd of people waiting for them in the lobby. Simone opens her mouth to ask what was going on, but Chak swiftly presses the indicator to re-close the door.
“Chakalata’motaas! One moment of your time!”
“Princess there’s some questions regarding public property damage!”
“When was the last correspondence you had with your father!”
“Is the Terran really your fiance or a roleplay consort?”
Among other raising voices upon seeing the Cali the reporters swarmed towards the elevator just before the door closed and started to go up a level.
“Wow…” Simone utters, “I thought we’d be a bit more shielded from them?”
“If they reserved rooms at the hotel after learning we were here… then there’s not much that can be done.” Chak replies a bit troubled, “We just need to find another way-”
As the door opens again, even more people stand in wait.
“Oh princess! Was your appearance on Thorba the truthful’s podcast really you or did he use A.I to replicate your voice?”
“Was it you present on Kamoi roughly a standard year ago where a restaurant was destroyed in a terrorist attack? Were you the target?”
“What business do you have in Central? Are you going to appeal to have your father’s authority be unrecognized?”
“Have you spoken at all to the Cali Ambassador?
“Care to share any details over the events that transpired with Ambassador Zrreak’s son last night?”
“Is the Vorook also a lover of yours?”
“Is your chitin really deep-dyed?”
“Are you still in fear for your life?”
“Are Terrans-”
The elevator door sealed again, this time needing Simone to hold back people from potentially creeping into the elevator.
“I guess we’re going back down to make a run for it?” Simone huffs in immense annoyance.
“Unfortunately that appears to be our only option.” Chak nods, her patience being tested as well.
“Want me to make big explosion as a distraction?” Sonla offers.
“No need for that.” Chak replies quickly.
“Here. I’ll march us out. Sonla, get on my back.” Simone says before she kneels down and scoops up the Cali in her arms, “Still as light as a feather.” she winks.
Chak’s eyes flash.
“They’ll be given quite the show.” she chuckles.
As told, Sonla clambers up the back of the Terran and gets a firm hold around her neck.
“If an explosion is needed, I’m ready!” she declares just before the doors open for the final time.
Using her cradling arm under the Cali’s back, Simone uses her curled up hand to protect Chak’s head as she marches straight into the crowd.
None wanting to test to see if the bulky Terran considers trampling a valid option, a path is cleared. However the barrage of questions does not let up in the slightest as they followed the trio towards the front doors.
“What was the intention of your stay here?”
“When and where will your wedding to the Terran occur?”
“Is it true that Simone Thatch is a war criminal?”
“Have you suffered any injury while being intimate with a Terran?”
“How many Terrans have you mated with? Are all the ones you brought with you your harem?”
“Are you certain that you are the last survivor of your family?
“Are the Gratt to be trusted?”
“Have you encountered any bouncy hunters in Central?”
“Is the famed Admiral Chucknuq still in your service?”
“Have you been hiding out this whole time on Vapor’perna?”
“Are you planning on commencing a civil war?”
“How much are you paying the Terran to be your mate?”
To the dismay of Chak and Simone, the crowd only grew upon leaving the hotel’s premises. And even contributed around where their shuttle was landing.
Although not completely serious about it, SImone started to humor the idea of Sonla causing a distraction before sharp roaring barks erupts from nearby.
The questions all stop and even a few calls of distress ring out as everyone catches sight of a dozen uniformed Z’ah’tucks approach. In a wide line formation they release warning -though no doubt perceived as outright ‘threatening’- vocalizations. More cries ring out as they unleash fur covered mammalian quadrupeds that run ahead to the trio and begin guiding the reporters away through fear alone.
Simone couldn’t help but laugh aloud at the sight of the Terran shepherd dogs doing what their breed did best.
A Tromple recoils in pale terror as they worm away from one of the canines, who did nothing but exist with an authoritative attitude.
Very effectively parting the crowd away from the three, the lead Z’ah’tuck waved Simone to come to her.
Seeing little reason not to, considering the rescue, the Terran nods and hurries the two other women on her to the line of dinos.
“Thanks, but… what’s this about?” she asks.
The pack of a dozen dinos encircle the three and start walking them away to another shuttle landing zone. The dogs loyally come back to their owners as they make sufficient distance.
“As an apology for you having to get involved with last night’s events, Ambassador Zrreak wishes to personally escort you back to your designated apartment.” she answers as three shuttles await them in the zone. The biggest and most armored of which opens up for the three to enter.
“Oh…” Chak utters in thought before Simone lets her down to enter the vessel.
As the princess steps on in, it’s clear this vessel is meant to fit many guests within on a regular basis considering the scuffing and scratch marks. But at this moment there is only one individual within.
Looking much like his son, Zrreak is of the larger variant of his species. Covered in various deep scars across his scales and adorned in high quality drapery he pets a smaller breed of dog in his lap.
“Thank you for accepting my invitation, Princess.” he greets with a respectful bow of his head.
“Of course, we very much appreciate your assistance with the media swarm.” Chak replies before she finds herself a seat.
“You can get off now…” Simone informs Sonla before following the Cali in.
The Vorook slowly slides down the Terran and does her best to position herself to hide behind the redhead as much as possible, eventually sitting down in a seat that has the larger frame of the Terran between her and the ambassador.
Simone looks the ambassador in the eyes with a hint of weariness. Although she isn’t necessarily suspicious, with the still very significant bounty on her fiance’s head… one can never be too careful. She waits until the seal of the shuttle door clicks shut before speaking up herself.
“Cute corgi, does it have a name?” she inquires.
“Hmmhmm” the Z’ah’tuck hums in amusement as he lightly scratches the canine on it’s rump, causing it to lift its head and perk its ears, “His name is Zioakaa, a play on the Z’ah’tuck title meaning ‘One who has seen the Abyss, and made it weep’. Such a title is usually reserved for artists or passionate leaders. People who can invoke a great shift of public morale, whether it be for sorrow, fear or hope. This dog? Although he is no small part of my public image, he has shifted my morale extraordinarily.” he answers in a relatively reminiscing voice.
Seeing his genuine soft appreciation for the animal is clear as day to Simone, she allows herself to relax as the shuttle takes off with two additional escorts.
“Dogs are pretty great, huh?” Simone chuckles.
“Possibly the best of everything your people have brought to the stars.” the man agrees, “Despite losing a long war with Terrans, Z’ah’tuck certainly gained from it in some aspects.”
“Crazy how that hashes out. And hey, more dogs in the universe? I’ll take it.” the redhead replies before peeking over to Sonla, who was tucking her legs up to make her silhouette smaller.
“Oh, how is your son fairing Ambassador Zrreak? And the others in his and his wife’s company?” Chak asks pleasantly.
“He has been advised to be in bed for a few days, but will make a full recovery. The others will recover as well, but those more substantially injured will of course need a fair bit more recovery.”
“That’s very good to hear. Be sure to pass along our best wishes.” the Princess replies with a nod of her head.
“I will. Though I must apologize for your involvement in his incident. Such business should have been avoided in the first place.” Zrreak says as he extends one of his hands out to Chak, which she accepts sooner than he would have expected from a Cali.
“Thank you for the gesture, the involvement was voluntary, I assure you. Believe it or not Ambassador, I have conducted myself in more perilous situations as you can no doubt imagine.” Chak says pleasantly, “Though I have a feeling you’ve brought us aboard your own personal shuttle with other motives in mind, yes?”
Simone tenses up again as the Ambassador’s raptor eyes focus on the Princess for a moment.
Tilting his horned head, Zrreak then lets out a ‘caught me red handed’ snicker before pulling his hand away.
“Yes, yes you’re right indeed. Though I assure you it has little to do with the price on your head. As much as I still enjoy a good hunt, I’m not one to prey upon my own allies. No, what I hope to discuss is ensuring you are reinstated as the prime monarch of the Cali people.” he reveals.
“Oh… pardon Zrreak… what exactly do you mean by that?” Chak asks as she recovers from such a bold notion.
“I’ve decided to place my bets on you, Chakalata’motaas. I bring you an offer already officiated over by my people’s leaders for you to respond. May I officially present it to you in this rather unofficial setting?” he inquires.
“Very well, but I cannot make a promise that I’ll be receptive to what you offer.” Chak grants as she crosses her lower limbs in her lap.
Zrreak presses an indication in a side datapad, activating a hardlight screen to appear along the middle open area of the shuttle. The text on the screen outlines the terms of the proposal to which the ambassador presents it aloud.
“This proposed bargain has been rattling around the Z’ah’tuck trade leaders since the coup of your father. Though it hinged on whether or not you or any of your siblings survived. Seeing you are indeed alive and making concerted efforts towards freeing your people from his tyrannical rule one way or another you fit the criteria. And so here it is; The Z’ah’tuck Conglomerate will publicly support your right to the Cali throne, and it is prepared to dedicate one-sixth of its war fleets and the Third-fang battalion to aid in the likely event of military conflict.” he pauses to let that settle before continuing, “In return, the Conglomerate requests that the Cali government agree to contribute Ten percent more Natural-grade product and twenty five percent more Clone-grade product to the Z’ah’tuck meat market trade for the next fifty standard year period. Secondly it is also requested that Cali shipyards produce Twenty five hundred trade-ships by Conglomerate provided specifications in the next five standard years. Thirdly, permit Z’ah’tuck trade businesses to set up shop on Cali colonies. Fourth and finally, vote and publicly advocate for the Z’ah’Tuck people to be officiated out of ‘Associate Species’ into ‘Member Species’ status in Central.” he finishes.
Chak scratches the sides of her head with her lower graspers as she seriously considers the alliance deal. It’s an incredible opportunity. With the Z’ah’tucks big economic pull among the carnivorous species of Central -despite them currently being of ‘Associate’ status- this could be very advantageous. But the cost for the support was fairly high, yet not totally unreasonable.
“Your offer is rather tempting, Ambassador. Though I cannot see myself agreeing to it as it stands. You see if open civil war does break out, then I fear my people will need a period of time to stabilize, especially economically. People will need to be fed, buildings rebuilt, and damage to our world repaired. So here’s my counter offer for your consideration;” she says as she reaches out in request for the datapad, of which is candidly handed to her for her to revise the terms for consideration, “Lower the twenty five percent for cloned product to twenty. Provide charitable relief shelter camps where displaced Cali can be warm and well fed during the war campaign, which may prove to be a great source of building up positive relations with not only my people but many others sitting in Member Central seats. And finally agree to grant Cali trade ships official access to Conglomerate trade routes with reduced fines by thirty percent. The rest of your terms are acceptable.” she responds.
“Hmmm…” Zrreak mumbles as he stares at the screen. He brings a claw to his armored muzzle, dragging it along a deep old scarring, “I have the authority to negotiate the terms within reason, and although I know a few trade managers will be disgruntled I believe your counter terms are acceptable.” he nods before transferring the developed agreement to the datapad for both parties to sign.
The Z’ah’Tuck signs first before handing the pad over.
Suppressing her eyes from blasting light to not give away how she honestly felt about this deal, Chak re-reads the entire agreement twice to make absolutely certain that there are no possible term manipulations. The Z’ah’tuck are known to be honerable in terms of business, but one can never be too careful in this realm of dealing.
Once she is certain of all the terms, Chak signs as well and hands it back.
“Your gamble on me is appreciated, Ambassador. I will do everything in my power to ensure that my father is deposed. With your aid, I see the path towards that even more clearer.” she assures.
“Time will tell. And to be honest, we stand to lose little until conflict is certain. The biggest risk we run is a prolonged open war with the Cali. Central history is not kind to Deathworlders declaring war on non-deathworlders, even under these circumstances we may risk being ousted completely from Central. Though I’m doubtful considering our stranglehold on the meat markets. Who else would they turn to? The Truba? With their reputation and recent enormous debacle? I don’t think so.” Zrreak chuckles as he returns to petting his lap dog.
“Such a travesty…” Chak agrees, “Is there more you can share regarding that situation?”
“Just that these Squilla understandably don’t have much of a government. They dwelled in deeper waters and complex cave systems in their comparative ‘iron age’. They are incredibly fast learners, however. Which gives most of the Central council the impression that the Truba have been suppressing the Squilla’s growth as a people for literal ages. I don’t think anything like this has ever happened in known galactic history. It’s still all a mess unfortunately, but important first steps have been taken. I’ve spoken to the representative of the Squilla only a few times, and seeing him come to terms with reality is bittersweet.” the ambassador explained.
“I see. Perhaps I may have a chance to meet him while I’m in central.” Chak says with a shrug.
“It’s a long line to privately meet in an official manner, which is to no surprise I assume?” Zrreak informs.
“Of course, perhaps not then.” Chak concedes.
Wide eyed, Simone looks back and forth between the two.
“Sorry, uhm… I feel like what just happened earlier is a pretty big fucking deal… Military support? Not that I’m complaining, but I’d imagine something like that having a bit more bureaucracy? A quick back and forth and it’s a done deal?” she questioned, utterly bewildered.
“This is how backroom deals tend to go, Simone, you know that.” Chak replies as she reaches a hand to take hold of one of the redhead’s.
She then squeezes in trembling excitement to show that she was putting up a polite professional act.
“Right. Yeah.” Simone corrects herself as she huffs a pant of jubilated air.
The ambassador turns to look at the Terran directly.
“Simone Thatch. If you're at liberty to confirm, through some dealings we have received interesting intel regarding a Terran group that calls itself the ‘Children of Gaia’. Have you encountered them previously?” he inquires.
“Ah, uhm… I know about them. But that’s all I’m really willing to share at this time. What sort of dealings are you referring to exactly?” the Terran responds.
“Nothing nefarious, at least at the surface. We have traded for strange breeds of dogs, tracing their origins to that group. We suspect that they are these ‘pirates’ that invaded the Gratt homeworld. Would that be correct?” Zrreak presses, now looking back and forth between the Terran and Cali.
Chak sighs but nods.
“That would be correct.” she admits.
“Why hide that fact?” the ambassador asks.
“Well, there's a reason to. And I’m afraid we can’t share why, but rest assured their identity will be broadly revealed in due time. Soon, if we can help it, but we have to secure a few things first.” Chak explains, “Apologies for withholding information from you, but I ask that the Conglomerate not share intel of the group for the time being.” Chak requests.
“I can’t promise such, but if it’s in your interest to wait, then it is likely ours as well.” Zrreak grants, “But if we found what we have, others are likely to as well. So I hope whatever you are planning comes around soon, Princess.” he adds.
“As do I, and trust me I understand.” Chak says as she squeezes Simone’s hand once more, “They are our enemies and what we intend to do is to dismantle them.” she assures.
“Ah, I hope you don’t mind a single stop before arriving at your apartment. I have a gift that I wish to present to you.” Zrreak announces after he seems to have received a notification on his Lens.
“Oh, how kind of you. What manner of gift?” Chak inquires.
“One that in some small way may bolster your personal security.” the ambassador vaguely answered a bit coyly.
“Oh joy…” Simone says, unsure if they’d be able to comfortably take on another staff member on the Kwip-chap.
…
Soaring down into a tight one way entrance tunnel, the shuttle eventually comes to a latching stop before being lifted up into an unloading room.
“Come, step out. It’s being brought to us.” Zrreak instructs as he stands and strides out.
Preparing themselves to politely turn his offer down, Simone and Chak step out after him. Sonla on the other hand decided then would be a perfect time to raid the fancy meat snacks she’d been eyeing for most of the trip.
As the three stand just outside the shuttle in wait, it takes only a few minutes for a Z’ah’tuck to turn a corner and enter the room.
“Unfortunately I don’t think we’ll have room to properly accommodate-” Chak begins to say before feeling her legs freeze up in sudden numbness as a beast comes trailing behind the Z’ah’tuck.
Simone’s eye tufts lift in surprise as she looks upon what she initially mistakes as a damn hyena as it shares the rusty red-brown color, stripes and even a shallow mohawk of longer fur going down its back. Though its pitbull-esk face and body structure clues her in that it is indeed a dog.
The thickly muscled domestic canine assertively pats its clawed paws across the floor towards them, passing up the handler it stopped and politely sat ten feet away.
Bending down, Zrreak sets down his corgi which without hesitation stamps quickly over to the comparatively titanous brethren. Sniffing up and around his new friend the loaf of a dog ran a circle around the other unbothered canine before splaying forward in a ‘play’ pose in front of it. Before then running off as if to invite a chase.
“Her name is Zrume, meaning ‘Wall of fangs and talons’. She is only two years of age, but understands commands in Galactic standard and is perfectly trained to guard her charge with her life.” Zrreak introduced before notifying the uncertain fright in the Princess, “She is also trained to assist as an emotional support companion. She can provide more Service-oriented work, but that hasn’t been a primary focus of her training. I thought that may suit someone of your nature, Princess.” he added before addressing the dog directly. “Zrume, at ease.”
The dog’s ice-blue eyes spark with hyper excitement as she breaks her statue pose to spaz out before engaging in play with the corgi, sniffing him in return greeting after easily catching up.
“She isn’t the best I can offer, but I believe she’d be perfect for you. May she approach to meet you?” the ambassador inquires.
“Uhm…” Chak utters before looking up to Simone for an opinion.
Biting her cheek, the redhead gave a tentative nod back.
“Oh, alright.” the princess agrees.
“Zrume, come.” Zrreak instructs.
Turning away and all but ignoring the corgi again, Zrume approaches much closer to the three. Her circular blue eyes look up at the ambassador loyally, only taking side glances of the two women.
“Transfer.” the Z’ah’tuck commands as he points to Chak first and then to Simone.
The head of the dog looked up at Chak, its head pretty much as large as hers.
“D-do I pet her?” Chak inquires.
“Of course, though I strongly recommend that you limit her social interaction to a minimum when she’s on the job. When she’s off, tell her ‘at ease’ so she knows.” Zrreak answers with an amused but serious tone.
“O-okay… Hello… Zrume… uhm… at ease? At ease.” Chak says directly to the animal.
Zrume sinks her head slightly forward to gently press against between the Cali’s lower arms. Looking up with her crisp blues she starts to wag her tail and lightly stamps her front paws.
Chak’s racing hearts start to relax as a familiar admiration feeling rises up within her. Glancing up at Simone, she caught her inwardly biting her lips to resist the broad smile from breaking out.
Looking back at the dog, Chak lifts all of her limbs and begins scritching at the places that she saw these animals enjoy in the media. Behind the ears, under the chin and the sides of the thick neck.
Zrume closes her eyes as her tail aggressively pats against the floor like a happy baton. And Chak swears the dog’s closed mouth smiled, though that could have been a trick to the angle she is viewing her.
“What do you think?” the ambassador asks, seeming to already know the answer.
“She’s so sweet…” Chak replies in giggle, “I don’t think I can say no…”
“Then in that case, I’ll have her supplies loaded up for you.”

French Open 2023 TV channel and live stream: How to watch grand slam tournament
LIVE LINK>>French Open Tennis 2023 Live
LIVE LINK>>French Open Tennis 2023 Live
With the first round of the 2023 French Open set to get underway on May 28, tennis fans around the world will be starting to get excited for all the action during the year's second grand slam event.
Returning champions Novak Djokovic and Iga Swiatek will be keen to claim another title this time around, though both will come under huge pressure with Carlos Alcaraz, Holger Rune, Aryna Sabalenka, Elena Rybakina and plenty of other talented players all circling.
The men's side of the tournament will be without record 14-time champion Rafael Nadal for the first time since 2004, however, as the veteran Spaniard was forced to pull out through injury.
For all the details you need on how to best watch the 2023 French Open, The Sporting News has you covered.
MORE: French Open 2023 schedule: Draw bracket, seedings and results for men's and women's singles
How to watch the 2023 French Open in the US?
TV channel: NBC, Pea****, Tennis Channel
Live stream: Fubo, Hulu, DIRECTV & others
Tennis fans in the US have a number of different ways to watch the 2023 French Open on TV. That's because this year, NBC, Pea**** and the Tennis Channel will split coverage of the tournament.
In terms of live streaming the event, there are also various different options stateside. The following streaming sites will all show coverage of the tournament: Hulu + Live TV, DIRECTV, Fubo, Sling TV, Pea****, YouTube TV and Tennis Channel Plus.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in the UK?
TV channel: Eurosport
Live stream: discovery+
As has been the case for a few years now, the French Open will be broadcast live on Eurosport. All the action across all the rounds will be shown live on either Eurosport 1 or Eurosport 2.
As for streaming, tennis fans in the UK will need to subscribe to discovery+ to catch the action. The correct plan for the tournament — Entertainment & Sport — is available for £6.99 a month or £59.99 per year. You can also add the same package to any Amazon Prime account as an add-on fee.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in Australia?
TV channel: 9Gem
Live stream: Stan Sport, 9Now
The 2023 edition of the French Open will be broadcast live and free on 9Gem.
Coverage will start each day at 6:30 pm AEST and run until the early hours of the morning. Commentary for select matches will come from Nine’s Wide World of Sports team, featuring Roz Kelly, Todd Woodbridge, Jelena Dokic, Samantha S****r, Brenton Speed and Brett Phillips.
For streaming options, Australian tennis supporters can pay to catch all of the action on Stan Sport. Fans down under can also stream the action for free via 9Now, which will show the standard free-to-air broadcast.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in Canada?
TV channel: RDS, TSN
Live stream: TSN Direct
In Canada, fans of star player Felix Auger-Aliassime can catch the action TV with both RDS and TSN after the French Federation for Tennis signed an agreement to broadcast the tournament live with those outlets as partners.
As for streaming the tournament, Canadian tennis fans can catch the action via TSN Direct.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in India?
TV channel: Sony TEN
Live stream: SonyLiv
Tennis fans in India only have a few options when it comes to catching all of the action at the 2023 French Open.
In terms of television channel, Sony TEN will show matches whilst from a streaming perceptive, fans will need a SonyLiv subscription to watch.

Hi, five days ago I had bilateral laparoscopic mesh inguinal hernia repair surgery with a bonus vasectomy, and I want to share as much info about the procedure as I can recall while everything's still sort of fresh. Reading Reddit experiences was very helpful in my preparation. I'm just going to scribble down the basics for now, but I'm happy to edit and respond to any particulars and changes over time...
PRE-SURGERY. I had a routine colonoscopy early this month, and the prep for that was definitely way worse. The day before surgery, I packed my hospital bag for an overnight stay (slippers, chargers, devices, cables, food (unnecessary) and a pillow (glad I had it)) My surgeon called to confirm I wanted the vasectomy and hernia repair on both sides. I got all the last-minute questions answered, too — do I need to show up ready to pay something (no), is there a chance I'll be catheterized to pee (miniscule). Great. My left hernia was more of a weakness than a proper hernia, I wondered if I should wait until it got worse to come back... maybe the mesh and lapro tech will be better in 5 years? Surgeon said no, probably not worth banking on that, so I said sure to bilateral. Then I ate some Thai food and went to bed early.
DAY OF SURGERY (DOS): Left home at 6:30 a.m., got to hospital before 7 a.m., went very quickly through intake, changed into gown, took a painkiller (Novalgin/metamizole, didn't know what that was). Then was wheeled off to a little pre-operating room with anesthesia people. Nice woman asked if I picked out some good dreams. They strapped me down. I don't know what happened after I left that room but I was likely in the O.R. by 7:30 a.m.
About 9:45 a.m. I came to in post-op, lower abdomen had been totally shaved, I had three small bandages and my mouth was dry. They monitored me and within an hour my hospital bed was wheeled up to my room. The room was reserved for two nights, but my surgeon said I'd probably only be there for one. They took my pulse, blood pressure, and temperature again, this was done pretty regularly, every hour or two. So far no pain, I felt pretty good. They wanted me to fill a jug with urine, no problem doing that.
Around noon I ate some potato soup or something and a piece of bread. I drank about a liter of water that afternoon. For dinner I had two pieces of bread, a little soft cheese, and a yoghurt. Lots more water. Pain level was like a 1-2 on the 1-10 scale. More discomfort than anything, because I had like zero muscle power from belly button to hips. It's wild.
Surgeon came, said it was all a success. Left hernia was way worse than expected, so good thing I got it done. "Oh, by the way, don't be alarmed if your testicles swell up and turn blue or purple, totally normal!" Er, okay... He said tomorrow I'll feel like I did 10,000 situps. Anyway, I was cleared to stand up with a nurse. No problem there. I went to the bathroom in my room very slowly a couple times. Nurse cleared me to walk the floor with hydration fluids attached. No pain, was glad to be mobile. Nurse cheered me on, said it was important to move. Next nurse emphasized taking it easy, so no consensus there.
First night, I slept a normal amount of time, but it was in shifts. Maybe three hours on each side, another hour or two in some other position. It was hard getting comfortable, but wasn't painful, just felt like pressure.
This whole time I was only taking half my pain pills and stashing the rest. Turns out they were just metamizole and acetaminophen, but I didn't know that at first.
DOS +1: I was seen by surgeon and discharged by about 8:30 a.m. Took a shower first without any help. I took the bus home so I could stay standing. Sitting in a car would have been hell, let alone getting in and out. Couldn't carry anything at all. Came home and managed to lay down in bed. So far pain still in the 1-3 of 10 range. I had been expecting worse. Getting up and down from a bed was not easy but walking around and eating a little normal random food was not hard.
Twice when taking steps after getting out of bed I experiencing searing pain like 4-6 on the 10 scale. It was momentary, but I had to stop moving and take deep breaths. I attributed that to some kind of gravity settling things.
Ice packs on my abdomen felt GREAT. Again, slept through the night in shifts, moving carefully from side to side to get comfortable.
Took maybe 3-4 Advil this day. My leftover metamizole was awesome, pain totally vanished with that. I took two all day.
DOS +2: Mostly still in bed, a couple sharp stabbing pains again when standing after being in bed. This time 4-5 on the 10 scale, so already less alarming but I was still holding the wall for support for a few seconds. I worked on a computer for a few hours, standing for most of it. Still very weak in the midsection, getting in and out of bed using arms and legs. I was getting freaked out about constipation, only eating liquids, oats, and prunes. Sitting on the toilet didn't feel comfortable. They tell you not to strain, but it wasn't really an option, still no abdominal strength at all. Took 3-4 Advil just to stay ahead of any pain.
DOS +3: A friend was in town from overseas, so I sucked it up and got up and hobbled around town for a few miles. Drank a beer. First bowel movement since day before surgery came mid-afternoon, HUGE relief, after that I was over the hump I think. Went out for dinner. Winced a lot but wasn't really painful beyond a 3 at most. Took 2-3 Advil for the day.
DOS +4: Tried to take it easy. Two Advil all day. Felt one disorienting rush of discomfort but smaller still. Otherwise recovery seemed to be progressing. All new to me.
DOS +5 is today. Definitely still hammered but my midsection can handle motion again, getting in and out of bed quickly. When I put my hands on my belly it feels tender but not alarmingly swollen or damaged. I think I'm healing. Already I feel like I'm exiting the experience, though. I can pick things up from the floor, that wasn't remotely possible two days ago.
And that's my story so far. I hope the numbing details help you sleep. I hadn't stayed in a hospital for my own care since I was born, so I didn't know what to expect. I don't know if I'm still fertile, hopefully not, but I do know as far as the hernia repair I already feel like I'm better held together, even if my lower abdomen is hamburger for the moment. Good luck with whatever you're in for!

French Open 2023 TV channel and live stream: How to watch grand slam tournament
​
LIVE LINK>>French Open Tennis 2023 Live
​
LIVE LINK>>French Open Tennis 2023 Live
​
With the first round of the 2023 French Open set to get underway on May 28, tennis fans around the world will be starting to get excited for all the action during the year's second grand slam event.
Returning champions Novak Djokovic and Iga Swiatek will be keen to claim another title this time around, though both will come under huge pressure with Carlos Alcaraz, Holger Rune, Aryna Sabalenka, Elena Rybakina and plenty of other talented players all circling.
The men's side of the tournament will be without record 14-time champion Rafael Nadal for the first time since 2004, however, as the veteran Spaniard was forced to pull out through injury.
For all the details you need on how to best watch the 2023 French Open, The Sporting News has you covered.
MORE: French Open 2023 schedule: Draw bracket, seedings and results for men's and women's singles
How to watch the 2023 French Open in the US?
TV channel: NBC, Pea****, Tennis Channel
Live stream: Fubo, Hulu, DIRECTV & others
Tennis fans in the US have a number of different ways to watch the 2023 French Open on TV. That's because this year, NBC, Pea**** and the Tennis Channel will split coverage of the tournament.
In terms of live streaming the event, there are also various different options stateside. The following streaming sites will all show coverage of the tournament: Hulu + Live TV, DIRECTV, Fubo, Sling TV, Pea****, YouTube TV and Tennis Channel Plus.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in the UK?
TV channel: Eurosport
Live stream: discovery+
As has been the case for a few years now, the French Open will be broadcast live on Eurosport. All the action across all the rounds will be shown live on either Eurosport 1 or Eurosport 2.
As for streaming, tennis fans in the UK will need to subscribe to discovery+ to catch the action. The correct plan for the tournament — Entertainment & Sport — is available for £6.99 a month or £59.99 per year. You can also add the same package to any Amazon Prime account as an add-on fee.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in Australia?
TV channel: 9Gem
Live stream: Stan Sport, 9Now
The 2023 edition of the French Open will be broadcast live and free on 9Gem.
Coverage will start each day at 6:30 pm AEST and run until the early hours of the morning. Commentary for select matches will come from Nine’s Wide World of Sports team, featuring Roz Kelly, Todd Woodbridge, Jelena Dokic, Samantha S****r, Brenton Speed and Brett Phillips.
For streaming options, Australian tennis supporters can pay to catch all of the action on Stan Sport. Fans down under can also stream the action for free via 9Now, which will show the standard free-to-air broadcast.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in Canada?
TV channel: RDS, TSN
Live stream: TSN Direct
In Canada, fans of star player Felix Auger-Aliassime can catch the action TV with both RDS and TSN after the French Federation for Tennis signed an agreement to broadcast the tournament live with those outlets as partners.
As for streaming the tournament, Canadian tennis fans can catch the action via TSN Direct.
How to watch the 2023 French Open in India?
TV channel: Sony TEN
Live stream: SonyLiv
Tennis fans in India only have a few options when it comes to catching all of the action at the 2023 French Open.
In terms of television channel, Sony TEN will show matches whilst from a streaming perceptive, fans will need a SonyLiv subscription to watch.

Operation Lazarus introduction
I remember the first news of the war. I was sitting in my home when I heard over the radio that the decision was made to finally invade Yavik-4. It had been around twenty-eight years since the first federation war. After losing our people, we were ready to fight for any cause to regain our pride. We needed to boost the economy to pay off the debt from the war. We have been observing a faraway planet for years now. After sending many spycraft and probes, we found an abundance of resources. If we could claim this planet, it might fix our problems. Most of our population agreed. The lines were outside the door at the enlistment stations. Operation Lazarus will take place 3 months from now. I had secured my spot on the transport to Yavik-4. I wasn’t told much about the operation. We all thought it would be a right of passage, a time to learn and help our world. It was no adventure; the government knew the threat the planet posed. It was never supposed to be an easy in-and-out operation. But we didn’t know that, and that’s what matters to them. 4 months later, as I lie still in the cold, bloody mud of the trenches. Everything around me is drowned out. The horrible sounds of my comrades dying, shells exploding, the sound of jets flying by, and the screams of the damned Yet I still sit there, like nothing is happening. I remember my family at home and all of the people I had to leave behind. When suddenly my trance is broken as one of those things jumps down into the trenches, He doesn’t seem to spot me, taking advantage of the moment I stand up and draw my weapon, barely getting a grip on the sweat-covered, muddy handle. I put it on the back of his head. He slowly began to turn around; he appears to be a young one. Tears rolled down his face as he locked eyes with me. He pulls a picture out of his pocket; it appears to be a picture of him and his family. He shows it to me as he begs for mercy. I hesitated to pull the trigger, giving me time to think. I decided to put my gun down and let him go; he was a young man like me. We came to his world and killed his people; he had every right to burn every last one of us. We started a horrible war that pinned man on man, face to face. We may be from different worlds but we aren’t very different.

Hey. I don't really have anyone to share this with, so I hope it's okay if I share it here. I'm a recovering neet and I just want to put this out there. Maybe it can serve as some inspiration for others looking to get out of neetdom or something. Anyways.
I would've dropped out of high school if I had gone to a regular one. Thankfully I ended up going to an alternative school because my mental health was so poor, and they supported me really well.
After I graduated I got a retail job and it sucked to hell. Quit after a couple months. Fall was coming up so I decided to go to community college. Did that for a year as my mental health was once again rapidly declining, and then I just... Stopped attending.
I did nothing until I was 23. It was great at first. Thankfully my dad is very soft in the heart and while he would verbally worry about me, he also probably would have let me live with him doing nothing for the rest of my life. I loved playing video games all day and sleeping into the evening.
But as time went on, it started kind of sucking. I had no money, I stopped getting enjoyment out of doing anything other than playing games, my social anxiety got 500% worse, I gained a lot of weight, and worst of all, my relationship with my boyfriend was deteriorating.
I was in therapy for a bit, but she had to drop me due to her clinic no longer accepting my dad's insurance. My boyfriend, who lived with me and my dad, was kind and patient, but I could tell his patience and hope for me was wearing thin after a few years of me doing absolutely nothing to help myself.
At the end of 2021 (I think), I got on some meds that actually work pretty well for my anxiety. I also tried shrooms a few times, which made me realize a some things.
Firstly, that my greatest wish of moving out wasn't going to happen if I didn't do anything to make it happen. We wouldn't be able to live off my boyfriend's salary alone. Also, I wouldn't want him to have to work that much.
Second, that was what led me to the realization that my lack of drive was putting some strain on our relationship. Of course, he doesn't think not having a job is a bad thing, as evidenced by the fact that he stayed with me all throughout my ~4-5 years of neetdom. It's more about how he would have to work so much to sustain us if we ever wanted to leave.
And third, I... Wanted to do more than survive. I wanted to be able to afford to do things like take trips and eat sushi and live in a decent place. I'm a big Disney parks fan since I grew up with my parents taking me all the time, so I want to be able to keep going even into my adulthood. I know that sounds stupid to a lot of people, but it's important to me and part of what motivates me (I'm just autistic lmao don't worry I loathe Disney as a company)
During the summer of 2022, I decided (to the delight of my dad and boyfriend) that I would go back to community college. I signed up for one math class to ease myself back in.
To my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I remembered. The people around me were younger than me, but I'm still pretty young still and am often mistaken for a teenager, so that wasn't a problem for me. I didn't really socialize. The atmosphere of my college was too high school-like for me to feel comfortable socializing.
But the class itself was... Lowkey kinda fun? I realized that I actually enjoy learning math. And that was when, after also researching anxiety-friendly well paying jobs, I decided I would transfer to a university, where I would major in computer science and get a job programming or something like that.
I took another class in the winter, applied to the university as a transfer, and after some hassle, I'm incredibly happy to say that at 24 years old, I'm starting at the university this fall! My then boyfriend, now fiance and I decided we want to get married, AND we're moving out of my dad's house since the school is across the state. My tuition is being funded by grants and the housing is being funded by my wonderful, generous fiance, and we'll be moving out in less than a month!!
One of the weirdest things I've realized is that I was so, SO bored when I was neeting. Having things to do in the real world, goals to attain, actually made me feel like a real person. Like I wanted to go out into the world and like, do something. I also feel like I can enjoy video games and stuff a lot more now.
I'll always be supportive of neets, those who are neet by choice and those who aren't, and I'll never judge anyone for being one. But that life isn't for me anymore. I'm happy to have my tax dollars go to a neet who needs it more, and once I'm working, I want to let my fiance decide what he wants to do. If he wants to play vidya all day, that's fine, the goal is to make enough money for him to be able to do that. And if he wants to pursue college or something, I'll be able to support him financially.
Him and my dad are literally the only people in my life right now. My social anxiety got so bad as a need that I ended up cutting everyone off. I hope trying to make new friends ends up being worth it. And in college, I'll be sure to take on less of a workload/take breaks if I need to. I don't want to go back to the way things were.
Anyways, I know this is long as shit, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it. Let me know your thoughts, questions, etc if you have any. Much love and wishing the best for everyone.
(Also just want to add that I realize how lucky I've been here. I'm by no means trying to say it's easy to stop being a neet, or that you should even have to at all. In a world where machines could do much of the work, there's no reason to force people to work if they don't want to or can't. I'm antiwork. My happiness lies not with becoming a wagecuck, but in being able to support my partner and be able to do things like move out and afford to go on vacation. Everyone finds their own happiness in life. If your happiness is being a neet, more power to you!)

As an international student, I am told that only On Campus jobs are legal. In that case, what are our options(what kind of roles) and what are the pay scales per hour? (approx)
I was also told that there are very few slots available for such roles, is that right?

Hey guys.
So when I check the NSLSC website, there are two loan types under the Ontario Integrated Student Loan portion which are Canada Student Loan (I guess this is a Federal portion?) vs Ontario Loan Amount. (To be more speecific, Canada Student loan = about $15000, Ontario = $890.)
So let's say I make some payment online, does it pay off Canada Student Loan or Ontario Loan? I mean, seems like Ontario has a 7.7% interest rate but Canada's Student Loan Interest Rate is 0% so I think it's better to pay off Ontario portion first.
But when I pay it off Online and if it pays off Canada Student loan first... does it also still apply interest rate for that? Sorry this might be a bad question but I am a bit confused lol

TLDR at the end.
Scroll down to START HERE if you dont wanna read the backstory stuff.
So I got rather long winded sorry. First of all, some background, I've been smoke free since march 2022 after smoking for 18 years, started at 16 years old. Like an absolute fool, I consciously decided to start smoking. I was going thtough hell and legitimately thought to myself "smoking relieves stress, I'm stressed out, all my 'friends' smoked, why shouldn't I?"
Anyways, after that I'd tried to quit many times, I got kicked out for it, which lead to a traumatizing incident, and that wasnt even enough for me to quit. I was very mentally weak, and while I wanted to not smoke, I enjoyed smoking.
It was a fidget before fidgets were cool, it elliviated my anxiety before anxiety was talked about. I loved being able to extract myself from uncomfortable situations to go have a smoke. Still miss that sometimes. Mostly because it seems more socially accepted than "I'm going to go stand outside and twiddle my thumbs for 5 minutes." But figuring out what was so alluring to me about smoking really helped me to address those issues before I started to quit again.
Anyways, after much trauma and stress I decided I was going to try again. This is how I did it.
START HERE
1- I spent a few weeks telling myself at every cigarette "this is gross, I dont even want it" and trying to put it out a few puffs before I normally would. I believe this helped me mentally get passed it.
2- I used a pill that was prescribed to block the nicotine receptors in my brain. I used Apo-varenicline, but the branded one is called champix. I had used it before, and other than vomiting if I hadnt eaten BEFORE I took it, I didnt really struggle with the side effects, (which CAN be bad).
I was warned off of this one because I already struggle with poor mental health, but I wanted to try anyways because I had used it before and quit for 3 weeks in my early 20's. Other than the vomiting (which only happened once because I took the pill and then ate instead of the other way around), I also had vivid dreams, but not the nightmares that they warned of. Mostly I remember my sister ballroom dancing with a giant cockroach...I've seen worse haha.
I had also previously used Escitalopram, but that did not work well for me. The side effects were worse on escitalopram than on champix or the off brand ones.
3- I used the pill in tandem with a book called Allen Carrs Easy Way to Quit smoking. I had also read this book about 8 years ago and had quit for 3 days, but I was travlleing and really didn't want to quit. (Smokes are only 2 bucks a pack! How could I pass that up?? Weak ass mentality).
This book is great because it breaks down 'why' we smoke. You are supposed to smoke while reading it as at some parts its tells you to light up and pay attention to the taste, the feeling, etc..
Its also great because it talks about both the physical addiction and the mental addition, and I dont believe you can quit without adressing both.
4- I started the book and the pills on the same day about 2 weeks before my 'quit date'. You're supposed to smoke for the first week or two on the pills, and while you read the books, so it may be a struggle to time it right, but if you're really ready, I believe it'll work out for you. I started both of them and didn't finish either, but I hung onto the pills just in case. And the book I was reading online(for free, I just googled around for an online version, but you can also get it from the library or use the Libby app (library app that you use with your library card).
I also recommend pacing out the book. Im a fast reader and probably could have finished it in a day or 2...give yourself the week or two so that your brain can really retain the information and ponder over it while you still smoke.
5- I've also made some lifestyle changes so that if I were to try smoking again, it wouldn't really fit in my life anymore. I live in a non smoking building. I deep cleaned my car and made it smell nice, my place of work doesn't know me as a smoker. I got rid of my ash trays as well.
I had 'quit' many times before and it never stuck. I used to say "I'm great at quitting, but I'm better at starting". That used to sound funny to me, now it just sounds dumb. This time I used the language that I was 'stopping smoking'. I feel like saying "I'm quitting" feels like I'm taking something away, but "stoping" just meant I was gonna do something else.
While it hasnt had the life altering effects that I'd hoped it would, (I still get winded going up stairs...or walking on flat ground for that matter, and I'm still overweight and dont like exercise), I have way less shame working around kids, I know that I smell better. I can taste and smell things better (being able to smell better is not always a good thing, lol but it mostly is). And I'm very happy that it feels like ita stuck.
TDLR: I quit by changing the words and mentality I used around smoking, using a prescribed medication that blocks the nicotine receptors in my brain, and reading Allen Carrs Easy Way to quit Smoking as well as making some lifestyle changes.

Hey guys, I’m a 21 y/o USMC Vet (Honorable Early Discharge because of covid vax refusal).
I’ve been working as an HVAC Tech/Plumber for 2 years now at a company my dad has been a Foreman Pipefitter at for 30 years now, so he convinced me to join the company and convinced me it was my best choice. The benefits are good, pay is decent but I’ve always seen myself doing something that makes a lot more than what’s on the scale for me as a Journey HVAC Tech, and the longer I’m there the more I dislike my job.
Now I’ve realized this job isn’t for me, and that I want to be a Lineman. The itch to become a Lineworker hasn’t gone away for 8+ months now. I’ve debated going to a line school, getting my certs and traveling as a contracting lineman, but I’ve decided to work for Consumers Energy in MI because, from what I’ve gathered, they’re utility and mainly home every night but still travel on storms every once in a while.
They have 2 main ways to join. Either through their UMAP Electric Lines Bootcamp for Military Vets, which I was originally wanting to do, but I have a feeling they won’t be running it next year because of how big their other program is. The other program is their Empower Program through local community colleges which I’ve decided to do. It’s about 4-5 classes to get you knowledgeable on the basics of electricity and safety, then a couple small climb courses, followed by their 11-week climb school.
I start my classes this August and finish end of December, but can’t start my climb courses til Fall of 2024 because of how full they are, but I’m willing to wait knowing how demanding the job is even being such a fast growing field.
My questions are, has anyone here been through this program, or anything similar, and how is it? I hear about 95% of people who complete the program are offered a job at Consumers, and I’m assuming that’s based off of how high you rank after completion? How does the storm call/on call rotation work here? Is there a list rotation every couple weeks where you have to go, or do they ask everybody with no penalties if you say no? I’m totally willing to work long shifts, overnight shifts, and travel as needed, so can apprentices go out on call/on storm as much as they want with this company? What are normal work days like? 5-8s, 4-10s, etc? When does time and a half/double time kick in?
I apologize if this is too much for an entry post. Just haven’t been able to find answers to these questions anywhere. Thank you all for any help!

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822

★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300

★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629

★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326

★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233

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★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840

★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784

★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156

★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544

★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318

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★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287

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★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461

★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436

★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353

★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212

★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

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★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

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★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

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★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

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★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

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★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

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★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

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★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

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★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

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★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

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★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

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M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

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ADEA says " The most common types of loans used by dental students are the federal direct unsubsidized loan and the federal direct PLUS (formerly known as Grad PLUS). "
And title 9 loans include federal direct unsub loans. How do students pay for CNU? Is this really a big deal or are there alternatives to these loans?

What’s up everyone! Happy Memorial Day Weekend. I have some goodies for y’all. Yolo trumps PM & or Chat. Let me know if you have any questions! All payments are PayPal f&f. Will send out first thing Tuesday (USPS is closed on Monday). NO TRADES PLEASE
Timestamp:
https://imgur.com/a/qHP8OSx

1. Heretic Manticore X SMKW Exclusive Recurve in Magnacut. This baby is in awesome shape. Pocketed a couple of times but I’m not into OTF’s anymore so this one has to go. Very minor wear thats hard to see. Opened a couple letters with it. Paid $560 for this not that long ago. SV: $400 NEW PRICE $370 pp f&f

https://imgur.com/a/TRRohRb

1. Shirogorov Hati Gen 3 Marbled CF. This bad boy is mint. Flipped it a bunch & the action is buttery smooth. Never cut or carried this one. Comes with everything pictured. SV: $830 NEW PRICE $800 pp f&f

https://imgur.com/a/8QaXJ0A

1. CKF Evo 2.0 w/ New Tim Clip. Second owner on this bad boy. Last owner carried it & used it lightly. It’s in great shape. OG pocket clip shows a bit of wear but I installed the Timascus pocket clip from CKF & never used or carried it. SV: $840 NEW PRICE $800 pp f&f

https://imgur.com/a/nCzckne

1. Serpent Run Custom Hinderer xm-18 Tri-Way Recurve 3.5. This baby was sent to Serpent Run Customs by my buddy to fully customize it. It looks awesome. Was carried a bit. Has an aftermarket scale as well as the OG red scale. Doesn’t come with the Hinderer box. Only comes with what’s pictured. SV: $415 NEW PRICE $380 pp f&f

https://imgur.com/a/sga370p

1. MEFP Hinderer Eklipse in 3V steel. Second owner on this baby. This beauty was used to open a few boxes. There is a couple marks on it from opening the boxes but the edge is still great. Doesn’t come with box only the baggie with washers. Action on this baby is amazing! Losing on this so won’t be mad if it doesn’t go. SV: $650 NEW PRICE $610 pp f&f

https://imgur.com/a/rclyJLJ

1. Purple Microtech Ultratech D/E. This baby is in great shape. A bro on here sold it to me a while back and I never used or carried it. He changed the blade on this. Amazing action I will say. Grew out of OTF’s Quick. SV: $210 pp f&f NEW PRICE $185 SOLD SOLD!!!

https://imgur.com/a/acUwoLK

I'm not really a math wizard but my assumption is I can refinance out of a fed inflated interest rate if I buy. If I lease I cannot.
This is my predicament.
I need an SUV to tour the country in pulling a 5000 lb camper trailer.
I've narrowed it down to a GLS or GLE. I hate buying cars when they're just about to release a new body style so this rules out used for the GLE.
The other issue with lease vs buy is this. Logically touring the country a lease sounds like a horrible idea. But I have no commute. Any and all driving is for leisure. So I could probably make 20k miles a year work and if I go over then I'll pay for it....
But I'm genuinely wondering based on the rapid depreciation of these cars, at 25 cents a mile and beating the shit out of it towing all the time, I almost feel like I'm getting a bargain just paying that to walk away in 3 years versus buying and then trying to sell it with high miles before the warranty is up.
What do you guys think, would a lease in my situation be better if I'm planning on putting ridiculous miles on the cars? I could always buy it out if the difference between the trade in value and the buyout price is less than the mileage overage fees.
Bottom line if I buy it will be a used GLS 2022 or newer. If I lease it will be a brand new 2024 GLE 450.

My savior human is distraught. I alone would have trouble enough coping with Kit Sutton's absence, but with Nettie Peterson's grief added to mine, it's been impossible to go about my day with any semblance of serenity.
It's quite simple; when Nettie's unhappy, I cannot be content. She finally let me visit her earlier today. That doesn’t mean her overall state has improved, though. We went to talk in the garden, only there wasn’t much talking involved—she merely sat in her mother’s chair, staring blankly at the storm-tossed flower chaos.
“Didn’t you want to fix your plants back up?” I inquired.
“M-hm,” she muttered.
“It’d be a shame if your pretty garden was gonna stay like this.”
“M-hm.”
“If you need help, you let me know, okay?”
“M-hm.”
“I won’t try to eat the geraniums again.”
“M-hm.”
I leaned forward to try and catch her deep brown gaze. “Nettie, please say something. I thought we wanted to share our feelings more.”
“There’s nothing to share,” my savior human answered, her voice dry and monotone. “Kit’s not here anymore.”
“Yes, and I’m upset, too. But either I’m a horribly poor judge of human behavior or there's more to this.” I tilted my head at her. “I’ve never seen you this way. You said you didn’t always want a solution to your problems, and I’d be happy to just sit and listen as well, but you’re not talking either.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“Clearly not.”
Nettie let go of a soft breath. “I didn’t wanna tell you. Not until… It’s just that in the last couple days, Kit and I were getting kind of…” She faltered and trailed off.
“Kind of what?” I prompted.
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Please try, if you can. I want to understand.”
My best friend refused to meet my gaze. “See, that’s what I envy you for sometimes. You have an outsider’s perspective. You only see what’s in front of you and you don’t concern yourself with the rest.”
“I am concerned! I’m really concerned about you right now. You’re my best friend, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like my caretaker, but I wanna be here for you now. Please. Let me.”
“I… I know, that’s not what I was saying…” She adjusted her bra strap, her hand coming to rest on her shoulder as though she was hugging herself. “If there was something I’d kept secret from you—nothing bad, just something personal—would you be mad at me?”
“I can’t even imagine being mad at you,” I replied.
"That's good to know," she murmured, finally lifting her head to meet my gaze. "It doesn't change things for now, but it's… good to know."
After that, she fell silent again, and I left not much later. I was setting out for a pretty gloomy rest of the day when Frankie Preston texted me, asking to come hang out at the hotel. I've only stayed at a hotel twice, when Nettie took me on vacation with her. The first time was to Croatia, the other to the south of France. My savior human speaks fluent French.
Anyways, I was glad to follow up on the server's invitation. I won't describe the exact location of the hotel he'd chosen, but it was a fairly nice place. I took Kit Sutton's car there, which definitely gave me a weird feeling. In a way, it was nice. It felt like her. The worn seats, the ancient scent tree, the assortment of guitar picks in the cup holder. The empty takeout bag lying in the footwell. When I pulled up to the hotel parking lot, I was almost reluctant to get out. When I eventually did and entered the lobby, I found that I didn't quite know where to go. I opted to simply walk up to the front desk. There was a man sitting behind it, but he didn't look up from his computer screen upon my approach.
"Mm-yes?" he muttered, and it took me a moment to realize he was addressing me.
"Hi," I began.
Something about my voice must have caught his attention, as he abruptly lifted his head to meet my gaze. "Hi," he echoed, a smile forming on his face. I couldn't help but take note of the silvery gleam of his blond hair. It was long and wavy, tied back behind his head. I wondered how it felt. "And you are…?" he prompted, taking me in.
"Sunshine," a voice rang out from behind me. I whirled around, giving Fran a bright smile which, to my delight, he reciprocated. "You have no idea the kind of acquaintance you just made."
I glanced between the two in confusion. The receptionist spoke up first. "Oh. Oh, I see! This is her, isn't it?"
"Yes. Eva, this is… one of the many banes of my existence. He's my younger brother, but only in the most remote sense of the word, I assure you." The waiter gave the receptionist a look that was somewhere between contemptuous fondness and pure contempt.
The other man grinned. "Oh Frankie, my Frankie, you are just the most bitter piece of work there is."
"Younger? You look far older than Frank," I remarked.
"Ouch. But what are looks, really?" He waved me off. "And what is age with creatures like us? Frankie tells everyone he's twenty-two, I say I'm twenty-seven. We just made up these numbers to match our faces. He's existed for way longer, though. That's probably why he's so miserable." He leaned forward, twinkling at me. "Me, I see the world through fresher eyes."
I didn't quite know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut.
"Frankie, won't you introduce me?"
The waiter sighed deeply. "This is… Zion. Zion Boyd. I told him it's a perfectly silly name, but he wouldn't listen. I'm glad Rhonda picked mine for me."
Zion Boyd laughed quietly. "You're an asshole."
"You're an idiot."
"You wanted to hang out?" I reminded Fran.
"Right!" He grabbed my wrist and began steering me towards the winding flight of stairs in the back of the hall. "Ignore him. Forget him entirely, if possible. You're not missing out.”
He brought me up to his suite, a pleasantly large, open space. The tall windows let in the light of the setting sun, painting blushing hues upon the wallpaper. I sat down on the living room couch, switching on the TV not because I was in the mood to watch anything but rather for the background noise. Frankie joined me after a second, placing before me a glass of cold coconut water as he regarded me through thick lashes. "You got something on your mind, don’t you?”
"Your brother."
"Aw crap. That smarmy, handsome piece of shit…" Fran clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly. "I knew this would happen."
"What? No. I was wondering about what he said," I clarified, shifting uneasily in my seat.
His hands stilled. "Oh." He smiled brightly. "Do tell."
"He called you creatures. And there was something else in there about your ages."
"So? What do you think? Any grand theories?"
I shrugged. "I could probably try to piece things together. But I'd rather hear it from you."
"Ah, would you. Well, I'm sorry, Sunshine, but it doesn't work like that."
"Don't you think I need to know?"
He reached out to poke my sternum with his finger. "No. I give you everything you need. When I decide you need more information, I'll give that to you, too."
I frowned at him, but hadn't yet regained the ability to speak when my phone rang. I reluctantly fumbled it out. It was an unknown number, but I recognized the voice that greeted me from the other end. “Mary Markov?”
“Miss Shirley! Nice talking to you again.”
“To be honest, this is a bad time…”
“That’s of no relevance. Remember when I told you I might get back to you?”
“Yes.” I exchanged meaningful looks with Frankie, who rolled his eyes. He scooted closer to me and pressed his cheek up to mine to listen to the phone call. His skin was almost unnaturally smooth. I swallowed thickly when I felt his jaw working on his bubble gum, moving against mine.
"Miss Shirley?" Mary Markov asked. "Are you still there?"
"Did you say something?"
A sigh. "Look. You want money, I want your help. Come to the address I’m sending you now. It’s a big parking lot by a hiking trail in the woods. I have business there, and I could use the extra manpower.”
“Right now? I’m kind of on a…”
“You can bring the misanthropist with you.”
“What’s a misanthropist?” I inquired.
“She means me,” Fran supplied.
"She does," Miss Markov confirmed.
"We're coming." I ended the call, turning to Frankie. "That's okay, right? Are you with me?"
"Sure. Money's important. It'll be better if you have your own so I won't have to give you mine." He got up to collect our jackets. "At least this way, you won't get stabbed for it."
We took Kit's car over to the meet-up spot. Mary Markov was waiting for us beside a black pickup truck that seemed rather ill-suited for her. She was wearing a blazer, suit pants and dress shoes that were somehow pristine despite the muddy ground.
"There you are," she said, her tone crisp. Pointing her chin at the woods behind her, she added, "I hope you're ready for a bit of a hike."
"What do you need me for?" I asked.
"The Collective you came into contact with. We have reason to believe that they are meeting up here, among other places. There are probably hideouts to be found, and other things, too."
"Like what?" Fran raised a skeptical brow.
"The objects you were hired to guard. They're important; we don't rightly know what they are but they're constantly being kept on the move. There's no doubt the Collective wants them to remain obscure, and they're being clever about it."
"And you're hoping we'll go in there unprepared and just stumble across them?" the waiter inquired.
"Not exactly. There's a particular member of the cult we've managed to keep our eye on, and we followed her here. She's with at least two others, so we believe they're up to something important," Mary Markov explained. "Go in and find them. When you do, stay low and observe. I'll stay here. If anything goes wrong, call me and I will send for reinforcement."
"Why don't you let your agents go in? Why pull Eva into this? Again?"
"Frankie, I'm fine," I assured him, taking a step towards the newsreader. "What do I get paid?"
"You won't be disappointed in the money," she promised, smiling thinly. "To answer your friend's legitimate question—," she glanced over at Frank Preston as though she didn't consider his query legitimate at all, "—you are quite handy. Normally, when humans have to defend themselves and it comes to an altercation, there's… screams. Blood. Gunshots. Bullets are costly. Personnel even more so. When our agents get hurt, it might take months for them to recover. You don't need that kind of time. You're altogether less likely to be injured fatally. Employing you might end up saving us some lives and we'll be sure to make it worth your while."
That's, in short, why I found myself trudging through the mud and brushes alongside a very grudging Frank Preston that night. The storm had taken its toll in the woods, too—our chaotic surroundings reminded me of a larger-scale version of Nettie's garden. Trees had been uprooted and were lying dead in our path like organic roadblocks. The ground was covered with broken branches, twigs and young leaves. The wet soil squashed beneath our shoes every step of the way. With nightfall approaching, there was not much light reaching the forest floor. This certainly protected us from visibility, but it came at the price of my vision. I couldn't really see what was beneath me, so I kept tripping and staggering.
Frankie was somehow as graceful as ever, unbothered as he stepped over roots and rocks as if he could sense them before placing his feet. He was much quieter than me, but he thankfully wasn't smug about it. He kept one hand steady on my shoulder, aptly guiding me away from obstacles and protrusions. After a while, this began to work very well, and I became less noisy the deeper we proceeded into the woods. The server’s grip suddenly turned painfully tight, stopping me in my tracks. I realized why when I caught a glimpse of brightness not too far ahead. My chest tightened when I spotted the beam of a flashlight traveling the forest floor.
“Hush,” Frankie murmured into my ear. “Don’t. Move.”
I stood stock-still, trusting the fingers still digging into my skin.
The light passed over us, nearly reaching us but not quite. I breathed a silent sigh of relief, which died in my throat when a familiar voice carried over to us on the breeze.
“Hurry up already, would you?”
“Don’t… don’t stress me. Why aren’t you helping?” a young woman replied.
“Because it’s your fucking job.”
I felt myself break into a cold sweat. My heart was thumping so fiercely it was beginning to hurt; my pulse racing. Breaking from my rigor, I leaned over to whisper to Frankie. “That’s them.”
“What?”
“The one who stabbed me.”
Fran’s hand disappeared from my shoulder, moving down to quickly grasp mine. The pair before us was still on the move, the light of their torch slowly fading into the distance. “Listen to me,” my partner proceeded to hiss into my ear. “There’s two of them and two of us, but technically it’ll just be you. I’m not gonna leave you on your own, but the most I can do is hold one of them down.”
“But you’re strong…”
“I can’t actually hurt anybody. I gladly would, but it’s literally physically impossible for me. Do you still want to follow them?”
I paused. I didn’t want to. In fact, every fiber of my being was yelling at me to run, to get out of those woods, and yet… “We have to.”
A sigh. “I really feel like I ought to talk you out of this.”
“Don’t.”
“If things get dire, I’ll grab you and bail.”
“I’ll allow it. I’m still doing this.”
“Guess I was wrong. You might get stabbed for your pay this time around, too.”
“This is bigger than just money, Fran.”
His hand wandered back to my shoulder, nudging me forward. “I know. You want to tear this creep apart.”
I paused. “If Markov asks, we didn’t plan on it.”
“Finally, some murderous tendencies in that sunny mind of yours.” The cheer in Frankie’s voice was only a little forced.
I steeled myself as we took up walking once more. Soon enough, we caught up with the two cultists, trailing behind them at a safe distance. I could hear the faint scraping of a wheelbarrow on the uneven ground. The eerie creaking noise was enough to speed up my heartrate once more. Frankie’s words still echoing through my mind, my thoughts were racing. A part of me was convinced I was making a terrible mistake, but there was something driving me on. Whether it was curiosity, an underlying thirst for revenge or illusions of grandeur, I’ll never know. Yet forwards I went. Abruptly, the pair stopped, the wheelbarrow grating to a halt. Frankie instantly dragged me down to hide behind a dead, uprooted tree, and not one second too soon.
The beam of the flashlight roamed the underbrush, its owners remaining blissfully unaware of our presence. “Here we are,” the person who’d attacked me spoke up again.
“Woah,” the woman pushing the cart answered eloquently. Whatever they were looking at was undoubtedly rather impressive.
“You’ve never been here before, have you?”
“No… Does it go as deep as they say?”
“Deeper. It’s a whole-ass tunnel system down there. We’ve spent years prepping for this, remember?”
“Okay. Whew. Well then, off we go. Can you help me lift him up, at least?”
The other person groaned. “Fine.”
Frankie Preston had grabbed my arm. The distant shine from the cultists’ torch bathed him in an almost unearthly glow. He was cowering beside me with tense shoulders, his face a cold, concentrated mask. He wasn’t even chewing on his gum anymore. His wired posture reminded me of a lurking wildcat in a nature documentary. When he turned to look at me, I could almost tell what he was thinking.
Whatever these two had come here to do, it was happening now, meaning that this was our last chance to intervene.
Trying to free my mind from all thoughts of flight, I rose to my feet. Step by step, I made my way out of our hiding spot, instantly drawing the pair’s attention. Two heads whipped around to face me. The flashlight dropped and rolled a little ways across the ground, its wide beam illuminating the small clearing and revealing the reason for the cultists’ venture. There was a dark hole in the ground at our feet, the opening reminiscent of a gaping, toothless maw. My gaze wandered over to the pushcart. Its bulky contents were covered by a large, green tarp. The tall, lanky person slowly raised their hands to their hips, uttering a low, mildly surprised “huh”. The woman, who was stockier and far shorter in stature than them, stood frozen in shock. The eyes that stared at me from behind her black mask were blown wide.
“Hey you,” the tall one said. “I had a feeling we’d meet again soon.”
I didn’t respond. My stomach suddenly burned with a phantom pain. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the person’s gloved hands, trying not to jump when their fingers twitched into the direction of their pocket. Trying to keep my breathing steady, I reached up to unzip my jacket. As it fell to the ground, I felt my tentacles pierce my skin. Simultaneously, my teeth began to elongate, curving outward as they uncomfortably stretched out my gums.
“I had a feeling something like this was gonna happen, too,” my former assailant added, tilting their head at me. “I do love being right.”
The woman, who had been stunned speechless up to that point, let out an ear-shattering scream, but before anything coherent could emerge from her throat, the other person had spun around and struck her square across the face. The blow had come with such force that she crumbled immediately, her shriek dying in a strangled whimper before she hit the ground unconscious. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My mind was spinning, but I forced my eyes to remain hard, praying that my large fangs were twisting my face enough to veil my terror. I lifted myself over the fallen tree, partly employing my extra limbs. The cultist didn’t shrink away, instead taking a large step towards me. Before I knew it, the surface of their mask was scraping against my teeth. Too startled to move, I held their gaze for several seconds. Up close, I could see the only part of them that wasn’t obscured.
There was something very, very wrong with their eyes.
At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Their iris was of a pale, watery color that could not quite be defined as blue. Their surreal milky sheen was enough to send a chill up my spine. And then I realized it. There were only the irises. That black dot that all humans and most other known lifeforms typically have in their eyes, the pupil, it simply wasn’t there.
I stood rooted to the ground, staring into the stranger’s eyes. I thought I could see different colors swirling around in those not-quite-blue orbs. I was abruptly noticing a sudden inability to move on my part. I wanted to lift my arm and shove the cultist away, I wanted to unhinge my jaw and sink my teeth into their flesh, but I couldn’t. I was distantly aware of the heavy rising and falling of my chest, of my heart thundering in my ribcage, but it didn’t feel real somehow. Nothing felt real anymore. The world had turned iridescently turquoise and violent, flashing lights dotting my vision as my breathing grew quicker.
Somewhere in the back of my head, the last waking part of me was screaming.
And then, all of a sudden, everything turned dark again. I blinked furiously, trying to orient myself as the outlines of trees and bushes swam into focus again. The sweet smell of pine needles and damp soil hit me as I emerged from the hypnotic half-slumber. Before me, ramrod straight, stood Frankie Preston, and somehow, the sight of him had triggered the flight instinct in the cultist I had failed to provoke. Our eye contact broken, they staggered back, just as Fran stepped aside. This time, I didn’t throw away my shot. I threw myself at the stranger, lunging forward with my teeth bared. They dodged me by a hair’s breadth, bolting towards the manhole and, within a split second, they had disappeared down the pitch-black shaft. No sound of impact met our pricked ears.
Frankie wordlessly took out his phone, proceeding to place the call to Mary Markov. He walked over to me as they talked, grabbing my hand with his free one and pumping it almost rhythmically like he was trying an unconventional method of resuscitation. His voice and that of the newsreader on the other end sounded strangely far away. After hanging up, he hastily typed something before finally shoving the device back into his pocket. With an almost methodical precision, he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up, holding me close to his chest. My tentacles were hanging limply from my back as my teeth slowly began to reassume their normal size and length. Entangling my trembling fingers in his curls, I must have looked absolutely pitiful. The server sat down on the fallen tree, his grip on me unfaltering as I adjusted to sit on his lap, feeling myself unwind.
We remained like this, not speaking, until we heard steps draw closer. Mary Markov and two of her agents were walking towards us at a speedy pace, the newsreader crouching down in front of us while the two men immediately took to the unconscious female cultist.
“You were in here for quite a while,” she began, her voice drifting in and out of my ears while Frankie’s soothing touch curled around the edge of my senses. “I had a feeling something had gone wrong, so I’d already sent for backup. Good thing, too, I guess.” Her voice held a barely hidden note of accusation.
“Leave her be. She’s obviously in no condition to speak,” the waiter growled.
I would have confirmed this, but I was in no condition to speak.
Mary sighed. “Nevermind then, we’ll discuss this later. For now, let’s check what they were transporting.”
I patted Fran on the back to alert him.
“Feeling curious? Even after all of this?”
I nodded into his nape.
A grunt. “Well, fine. Not like this could have gone any worse, huh.” He stood up and walked us over to the wheelbarrow, closely followed by Mary. The newsreader inspected the tarp, then grabbed one corner and flung it off the cart. A sharp gasp escaped her and I craned my neck to look. Frankie instantly turned around, trying to avert my eyes from the sight that had just been revealed to us, but it was too late. I had already seen the contents. The headless body lying folded in the barrow.
A human with their head removed doesn't look entirely human anymore. I could tell from the stature that it was a male body, but its condition made him feel less like a person. I couldn't help drawing this distinction, even though it made my stomach turn. Rigor mortis having washed over the carcass, he was in a bent, twisted position that would have been painful to anyone still alive. One of his arms, freed from the tarp, was dangling loosely over the side of the cart. One of Mary’s agents gagged and covered his mouth. I shot him a sympathetic glance, though I don’t think he caught it. I was too tired to scream or throw up. Thus quenching any visceral reaction to the gruesome sight, I buried my face in Fran’s shirt once more, closing my eyes.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner

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