Did dwayne hickman die

Under the Authority: chapter two

2023.06.04 23:40 traveller-16-16- Under the Authority: chapter two

I wake up in an unfamiliar place, the color of a light red fills my vision, it’s almost pink as my eyes groggily search the room. It looks almost identical to a stereotypical hospital room aside from the color, and the strange alien technology surrounding me. So I'm not dead, I think as I see a holographic screen displaying imagery of an earth field, with green trees in the background and the occasional car passing by every minute or two, what's that about? The room has a large circular couch, thing, it looks like a couch but the design is off somehow. There is also what looks to be a heart rate monitor and an IV going into my right arm. I look to my left arm when I remember what had just happened, a piece of red metal appears to have replaced my shoulder with a small cylindrical protrusion where the arm would normally begin, the fuck, I reach over and touch the foreign object, it’s warm, not too warm but just like touching skin, aside from the smooth texture and the hard metal.
As I sit there examining myself and the surroundings I hear voices outside a smooth green door, voices I can understand, but they aren't speaking English, or any other human language for that matter “so what the hell happened to this one?” a gravely even voice somewhere between male and female sounding asked.
“Report says one of the newbies took off his left arm after she saw the poor thing with a knife. I feel bad for the male, you can see the utter terror in his eyes on the body cam footage.” This voice is higher but still gravely, assuming they worked the same way, this one is definitely a female.
“That boneless bitch, a fucking knife? Their hand guns didn’t even pierce the breastplate let alone a knife! Even if the man got close enough to stab in the weaker areas, they are stab and slash immune.” I don’t know if I am being pitied or talked down to at this point.
“Well you better make it clear you're on his side, it will be hard for him to realize he’ll have to pay a shit ton or just keep the metal. Good luck, and please give him a good uplift name.”
“I will I will, already have one in mind”
The door slides to the right, into the wall and in slithers an alien who has four eyes with similar positioning to humans, orange skin smooth as ours but with no hair, what looks like a wound down the middle of its face yet you can tell it isn’t in a strange way, it doesn’t have ears or a nose, and it’s wearing a skintight green suit that ends a few inches below the “hips” and a black skin tight sleeve down the rest of its tail? Body? Snakes are always confusing on that. The same species that shot my fucking arm off, no tits though so maybe a male? I will find out soon as much to my dismay, it starts talking. “Hello human, I am Mr. Ullgo, your nurse for the time being, how are you feeling?”
If I’m being honest, physically nothing hurts or even feels odd, my metal shoulder is strange to look at, sure, but it doesn’t feel any different than my normal shoulder, I wasn’t about to give them credit though. “Like hell.”
“I see, that is unfortunate, I can’t imagine what you're going through, I'm sure you have questions, please ask any now.”
“Where the fuck am I and why can I understand you?”
“Firstly: you are in an orbital hospital around earth for treating troops and civilians, and your neurons have been modified in a way that you speak and understand Ikotac, the standard language for the Argochurian Authority.” he sounds very matter of factly
“You did fucking what!” I shout lifting myself up for the first time.
“My dear sir, pride ourselves on a smooth integration and this is the best way to do it.” he says putting a hand on his chest, there are two fingers on each side of the palm, strange
“Real fucking smooth, show up, blast a city into ash, blow a man’s arm off in his own home, kidnap him and mess with his brain, fuck you pal.”
“I apologize for the wretched behavior made by our military but I have no part in it, I just heal the injured.” sounding almost sincere
“Yeah? Then whats with the fucking scar on your face and why did I hear you talking about reports?” I spit out
“What I talk about is none of your concern sir, and it’s not a scar it’s a nose.” that’s weird, maybe it gets translated into the equivalent
“Whatever, can I go home?”
“Likely yes, if you answer my questions.”
“Whatever, shoot.”
“I will not be injuring you sir.” the nurse replies with a confused look
“It means start, you overgrown snake.” they really kinda look like snake people just without the scales
“I see, very well, first question I will know if you're lying, if given the opportunity to leave your world to work and live somewhere else, would you.” he seems like this thing has asked these questions many time
“So long as it’s away from you fucks, sure.”
“Second question, what kind of job would you like to have if you got to choose.”
“I don’t know, my old job on Earth.” what kind of question is that
“And lastly, would you like to stay on your world?” this time he looks me dead in the eyes with a curious look
“If this is what the galaxy is like, then yeah, fuck leaving”
“Alright, thank you, I’m uploading the results now,” a couple seconds pass and he starts to frown, “I apologies sir but, it appears that The Authority needs you off world.”
“What the hell, fuck you no I’m staying on earth!”
“My humblest apologies but nobody on this station can change the results, but as is tradition, you now must receive a new set of names.” he smiles, it’s such a genuine smile like he’s happy for me. Wait, new names what? He places a small and smooth device on my head. “This is just so you remember your new name as your name, which is now, Yagak Grolgem!” there is a sharp shock and hissing sound as he says my name, wait no that's not my name! My name is… is… why can’t I remember?
“What the fuck did you just do you bastard?!” I grab the device and slam it into the floor, and it breaks apart into several pieces
He jumps, as much as a thing without legs can jump, “eep, I’m sorry sir, it’s required to have a new name to unchain you from your past.” he sounds scared, pitiful, confused
Suddenly a 7 foot tall, jacked female alien with red skin and a similar outfit to Ullgo, bursts into the room, and points a vaguely pistol shaped device with a yellow end at me, “stop right there human” she yells, slithering closer to me, “I don’t want to taze a man but I will!”
“Whoa, ok ok” I raise my hand up, I already got shot once by an alien, I don't want to lose another limb.
“Ullgo get behind me.” she commands the male who seems to frown even deeper
“He won’t do anything, plus he’s missing an arm”
“Then what was that crash?” she turns to him but still keeping the gun on me
The male slithers over to the right of the bed and picks up the pieces of the device, “the neural rewriter, I am once again sorry Mr Grolgem, but it is necessary for the uplifting process.”
This bastard, “curl up and die.” I growl with as much venom as I can, “when do I get to leave this place”
“Later this evening, after you get your arm that is, oh and please leave Hogerchek”
“But…” she starts but is cut off
"now” and with disappointment clear on her face she turns and leaves, “apologies, she is jumpy due to the amount of violent patients as of late” he seems genuine at least, “please follow me to the bionics branch, that's where you can get a new arm.”
I nod, at least I’ll get a badass replacement of my missing limb, wonder if I can get a knife on the end of it like the doom slayer, probably not, why would they give me a weapon after mutilating me. I stand up as I take the blanket off of me. I see that I too am wearing a skin tight suit that appears to be made specifically for humans, but not for human males as my bulge is very clearly pronounced on the thin material. I step off the bed and the nurse begins to turn a deeper shade of orange before turning away, “my apologies, we don’t have anything looser so we just gave you a bipedal plantigrade pair of sleeves” he looks very bashful as he stares at the wall. I chuckle at the bizarre display, how is this guy a nurse if he can’t handle looking at someone else’s private bits, oh well, I’m suddenly feeling better about the situation, 
“what’s the matter, four eyes? Aren’t you a nurse, you should be used to looking at another man’s dick.” I say vying for a reaction.
“Agrochurian penises stay inside the body when not in use, and I’ve only been dealing with human females so far, not a fellow male.” he slithers over to the door as I follow, “a short walk and you may return to your room,” he already seems to have mostly recovered from a couple seconds ago, what a strange creature.

submitted by traveller-16-16- to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:37 thercery A word of warming for binge drinking

I recently relapsed after 2 months sober (and nearly 2 years sober before that). I had a sexual advance at work which upset me.
It started with a visit to a brewery where I had three drinks and thought it would be fine. That same evening I snuck away to Kroger and bought more.
I began drinking 10-20 drink servings a day, for two weeks or so (mind you the strongest was 8% seltzecider but still. I was drinking the full-sized boxes of the weaker seltzer in one-two days, plus some more)
First off, how screwed am I? This wasn't my first sort of behavior doing this, but I'm also in the throes of the anxieties of withdrawal and am convinced I'm going to die any second. The night terrors, high BP, and palpitations were terrible day one, but I'm nearly back to normal (with only an elevated heart rate eith hovering around 80-110 at rest give or take stress) now. My symptoms are getting better day by day, but it's still a frightening hell.
It reached the point where I stepped into a rehab and they recommended a weekly program, but advised that my withdrawal did not seem to the extent that I'd need to stay with them in-house.
Yall see all of that stress? My fatalism? This is what you get after a relapse, please do not let prior fears fade and think "a couple drinks will be fine". It likely wont.
I'm genuinely curious how bad you all think this is/how extreme this is, or if I'm making more of drinking (admittedly quite a lot) of seltzer and beer.
submitted by thercery to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:37 WhitneyJames Today I finally believe the things he calls me. I want to die. How did I allow this? To get to this point of self hatred and sadness

submitted by WhitneyJames to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:35 imustconfess-- I just want the struggle to end

TW: self-harm / suicide
I, M19, have a kid. I am not with the mother anymore. Mother doesnt give me much time of day anymore. She has no intent on letting me be part of my child's life. I dont have the means to make it a legal matter right now, and in the state I live, men never win these cases anyway. I have been busting my ass for a long time to move out of the abusive home I was living to get stable with a job and a place of my own to help take care of him. I am now in a terrible position because of this. I moved into a 'boarding home' (loose wording there) where the landlord nickels and dimes everyone and does not respect human rights. I haven't been able to hold down a job and I am constantly getting fired from jobs so my checks barely cover my rent and I end up needing absurd loans from my older sister, that make me feel like scum to ask for, to pay my rent. Last week, my boss at my job gave me a heads up that he wants to fire me. Already. Just got the job two weeks ago. All I have done is bust my ass and try my best, 110%, but I am supposedly 'just too slow' and 'I always look lost', and I am 'just too weak'. I have scoliosis and I am very stick thin, I am severely underweight due to poor eating recently, and I am very bad at lifting weight because of these factors. You can see my skeleton through my skin very easily when I do not have my shirt on. He said I have until next Friday to 'shape up' or I am fired. For context, it is a construction gig.
As of yesterday I have been given my eviction notice by my landlord. I was making food, just butter toast, and had a knife in my hand, and I suppose I accidentally pointed it at my roommate when I had walked out of the kitchen and shouted at him and another roommate to go into their rooms, because they were shouting at each other late at night and one of them was drunk. The one whom I mistakenly pointed the knife at reported me to the landlord for 'threatening him with a knife and forcing him into his bedroom.' This is a god damn 52 year old man, framing me, a teenager. Long story short, the landlord believed him without question because he has been renting from her for a few years at this point and I have only been here for a number of months now.
I have until the first of next month to find a new place to live. I have zero savings. I have until this Friday to 'get stronger' or replace the job entirely or else I'll be stuck with the measly pay I have earned at work so far to get an apartment or something with, which would be absolutely impossible. I dont have credit either. My sister does not have means to help me much this time after all the help she has already given.
I feel like a miserable leech and a drain on everyone. I feel worthless for not even being able to hold down a fast food job, I dont know what the hell I'm thinking trying to get into construction. I am absolutely fucking worthless in the workforce. I am too much of a failure to hold a job.
Who the hell was I kidding thinking I could parent a child? I dont even know how to drive yet still.
I just want the hurt to end. I just want to have a stable job and be financially, and take care of and raise my child and develop a happy, healthy parent-child relationship with him. That is all I want. I cannot do any of this. I'm not capable. I'm too worthless. My child does not deserve me for a father. My child deserves better than me. His mother always tells me to not worry, or bother for that matter, because he is well taken care of with her and has all the love and financial support he needs already. She basically says that I am superfluous in his life.
If I am so superfluous, why did I bother with any of this? Why am I continuing to bother with it? Why should I even bother waking up tomorrow?
All I find myself wanting to do is walk down to the grocery store, buy a nice thick steak, a lemon, some asparagus, maybe some Pepsi. Go home. Cook it up and enjoy one last meal while watching my favorite movie ever. And then, take my life.
All I ever think about is dying anymore. Its all I dream about. I havent even been dreaming about my child recently, I just dream about dying. I look forward to the day I can rest in peace.
I am heavily contemplating this for myself, tonight. I may finally go through with it tonight. I cannot handle this stress. I cannot handle this pressure.
I am only 19, man. I am just a kid. I am not yet equipped with the tools needed to deal with these problems I have foolishly chosen to burden myself with. I am just a kid, with a kid. While my peers are enjoying their college years, having the best time of their lives, I am sitting here having what may be the final time of my life. I haven't even been alive for two decades yet.
I am just a kid. Make it all stop.
submitted by imustconfess-- to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:33 BundleOfHighVibras I (F25) feel completely alone in my relationship with my girlfriend (F28) and every time I try to express myself it doesn’t go anywhere

I’ve been dating my first WLW girlfriend for about 2 years. My girlfriend is one of the best people I know, and when we first started dating I was super insecure as to why she would want to date me since she is super rich and has her shit together. Whereas I’m middle class, college graduate but continuing my education. She would always tell me she thought I was so cool and wise for my age, and our connection was almost immediate but since it was the first girl I had a relationship with, I wanted to take it very slow.
Our first year was nothing but fun. We travelled, we went on dates almost every weekend, we hung out with her friends and my friends, we went to so many raves and concerts, it was extremely nice to experience all that with her. Now entering 2023, she is focusing on growing her business and I’m taking classes again so our schedules are basically non-existing since she works 7am-7pm and I’m working full time and taking classes. Before our schedules got super busy, we were already hitting a rocky road because both of our parents are huge homophobes. Down to the point that one day I was sleeping over her house and her mom barged in the door to curse me out and kick me out of the house. That happened about 2 months ago and ever since then it’s been harder to see her since I can’t necessarily go over her house anymore (which was the main place we would hang out and sleep over).
After leaving my last relationship a year before meeting her I prayed that I would meet someone who had their shit together, was motivated and I could genuinely see a future with (since all my ex’s) were slobs. Now I meet the perfect woman and I’ve never felt more alone because I feel like I can’t express myself to her. She’s the type of woman that doesn’t like to hear things twice because if she spoke about it once she doesn’t want to discuss it again. And I’m an over thinker so I like to talk about things all the time, also for reassurance but to air things out. After the whole incident with her mother cursing me out, we spoke about it maybe two times and she never wanted to bring it up again. If I did, she would get annoyed because to her the problem was obvious and there’s nothing to change about what happened. Not that I want to change what happened but discuss how that effects our relationship.
Her getting annoyed when I brought up that situation led to me not wanting to tell her things because I felt like me expressing something that really hurt me was going to be dismissed. For example: my aunt died 3 weeks ago and I was distraught, I told her I wasn’t okay multiple occasions and she said some nice words but never continued the conversation to ask me how I was doing. I had to tell her I wasn’t doing okay because I needed her to know that. Did it change anything? No.
I don’t know why I’m still with her at this point. I feel so alone and maybe it’s the fear of not finding someone as cool as her again. Or being that it’s my first girlfriend. Or just having hope that things will go back to the way they were last year.
TLDR; not having the space to talk about my feelings with my girlfriend is making me feel super alone and I don’t want to leave but I don’t know what to do
submitted by BundleOfHighVibras to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:33 Just4TheSpamAndEggs No idea how to feel better

I am constantly miserable. I'm just functioning. But, I have no one, which is making this all worse. I really, badly, just need a chance to vent and get it all out. Please don't comment if you are just going to make me feel worse. No comments at all are fine. I just need to get it out.
My life has been unfortunate. It could have been worse. It could have been better. But for many many years now it has just been nothing but stress, disappointment, and frustration. I have reached a point where I no longer have anything to get me excited for the future, nothing to look forward to, this is just my life now and I'm trying to figure out how to be okay with that.
Years ago my children were still young and sweet. They loved me. Every time they saw me they were happy and I was a good and active mom. I went back to school. I did well in school. I started working outside the home again. I wasn't in phenomenal shape but I was at least average and could do this like take my kids to the pool. I had such high goals and dreams for myself. I knew I just had to work hard and I was ready! I have always had strong work ethic.
But, everything has been an unfortunate series of events ever since with very little happiness in between. My career and school goals were totally derailed. Originally my husband was studying for an additional certification that would have made major changes for us. But, he decided to "let me" have my time in school instead. He ended up having a bad accident and was bedbound or close to it for many years afterward. It became impossible for me to finish my original career path and school AND work AND keep up with the kids, house, pets, yard, etc. So, I settled for a lesser certification and not an additional degree so I could focus on family.
I found a job that I was in love with. They made me think I was going to go so far. Constantly told me I was their "star employee". I loved my position. But, I quickly started to see the overturn rate, that management gossiping a lot, and that it was a toxic environment to work in. I still tried. I tried SO hard. I was a great employee. I really wanted to prove that I could be the employee tough enough to take it and still shine. But when someone else at work grabbed me "as a joke" and then I was belittled for going to management about it and told I encouraged it? It was time to quit. Really, I don't think my mental health has ever recovered from my time there.
I quit my job. I went to work in a different type of environment hoping it would give me a positive change. I hated it. LOATHED it. I was good at it but I hated every moment of it. After my husband was walking again and able to help with the kids I brought up going back to school. I shifted my focus since my health won't let me work the way I used to. I worked really hard... only to find that my chosen degree won't get me anywhere in my state. Due to all my state guidelines I basically do not have a degree that relates that anything I would be happy doing.
Currently, I went back to work at the place I was last content. I can't stretch as far as saying, "happy". Those days still had struggles. It isn't the same. I know I eventually need to find another job but I have no idea where to look or what to do. I feel like I can't find anything and whatever recruiters are contacting me for pays terrible and I know I would be so unhappy doing. I have 0 direction. No idea what to do. I can't work part-time forever.
My kids are growing. They don't want to spend time with mom anymore unless I'm giving them money or taking them somewhere. I try to have fun and joke around with them like we used to and they just get irritated with me now. I lost all my friends. How could I not? It has been years since I have been able to go do "fun" things. My responsibility level was too high. I have no one to talk to. I used to call one of my parents but now they are dying so that really isn't an option and also another huge source of stress.
My physical and mental health are greatly deteriorating. It is getting harder and harder to just live day to day. I'm a robot just completing actions with no real goal. Once my husband was healthy I encouraged him to get out and about since he was stuck for so long. I was worried about the quality of his life. He is back working out, has lost a tremendous amount of weight, he is buying himself new name brand clothes, has new hobbies, goes out with friends, and has continued to recieve raises and promotions at work on a steady basis. Although, admittedly he hates his current position. But, constantly reminds me of interviews or offers he has from other countries and the significant salaries that will go with it.
I try to open up to him about how I'm feeling and he gets mad. He gets frustrated with me. He snaps or yells and tells me to stop making him feel guilty for having a life. That I CAN go out. I CHOOSE not to. Even though I keep trying to remind him that I don't have any friends to do things with. He throws out names of people that I barely know, haven't spoken to in years, or his friend's wives like they would just immediately accept me. If I'm frustrated about work he tells me to just suck it up and find a position, get experience, and figure the rest out later. That he makes enough money anyway so I can take the pay cut. Or when he's really mad, "God, you need help."
I have put on weight. I look disgusting. Most days I'm embarrassed to even be seen in public because I have just let myself go so bad. I panic having to go to events, especially with people I know, trying to seem "normal" at events puts me in a depression for days. I have managed to only have to go places once or twice a year. Mainly just things like funerals. I can't stand that people can just look at me and know that I am a failure in life. I don't want people to ask me how I'm doing, how is school (I didn't tell anyone I graduated because I'm embarrassed by my degree), how is my marriage, how are my kids, how is work? I don't have a good answer for any of it. I just try to do the basic hugs and hello and then find a way to put myself back in a corner and try not to be noticed or put the focus on the other person.
My house is falling apart and I'm struggling to keep up with the home repair but we can't afford to have other people come fix stuff. My mind just isn't good. I can't take most medications because of my health issues. I take what I can. I take supplements. My job is physical. I'm trying to get back into working out but my family is always around and I'm too embarrassed to work out in front of them. I cook healthy meals. I have leftovers available. I have a music Playlist that I listen to that helps me get through my emotions or at least let's me cry because I fight crying so much. My sex life is definitely going downhill. He has a million excuses why when I can tell the reason is just that he is sick of me.
I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm hopeless. I have 0 idea what to do. Therapy does not work for me. I have tried it so many times and it routinely makes me feel significantly worse than better. I have tried to join groups to make friends and just end up with creepy dudes wanting to talk and within 5 lines it is just sex. I try to plan going out but can't find anyone to go with. Any time for "hobbies" is spent doing home repair.
Like... what do I do? How do I get back having hope this will get better? I know things aren't getting better from here. At the age that I'm at in not going to magically become more pretty. Even if I do exercise I'm never going to be "thin". No, I can't go back to school again. We physically cannot afford it again. I can't force my children to spend time with me. I can't fault my husband for being sick of being stuck with the ugly, depressed, burr of a wife he has stuck to him, which is why I encourage him to go do things away from me. I can keep chipping away at my house, but that is just chores. I'm basically just trying to fix it up well enough to sell. I listen to Hz frequency music for mood elevation. I try to watch funny animal videos or save funny memes.
I don't know what to do. I'm just lost. I'm just tired of being me.
submitted by Just4TheSpamAndEggs to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:31 DeffNotTom Do you guys remember the NYC USNS Mercy conspiracy theories?

Do you guys remember the NYC USNS Mercy conspiracy theories? submitted by DeffNotTom to Qult_Headquarters [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:28 Sour_strawberry07 Moving three times in less than 6 months

Hi everyone! I’m new to the sub so don’t know if this has been talked about before…
Did it bother anyone else when they finally moved out of an apt into a house which Shanta had been dying for forever, but like 2 or so months later moved (up north I think?) so she would have family to help her but then a couple months later AGAIN moved back to where they originally were?
I just feel like she only worried about her own well-being during all this and didn’t take into consideration a single bit how moving 3 times in half a year would affect 4 small children. Also having to take Jax out of school multiple times also had to be super tough on him.
I just know she’s the type that would come to tiktok/ig asking for help when her kids are stressed/acting out and wouldn’t have a clue why.
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2023.06.04 23:28 radar_byte I Just Don't Know what I'm Doing Anymore

So where do I start?....
Guess best place is when I finished my bachelor's....My dad had Parkinson's. He had been going downhill after 2015. I mean REALLY downhill and we were taking care of him on our own without getting any outside help. Then it came to a head when my mom was starting to have a lot of problems and she opted to get him in Assisted Living. No more than a couple weeks later? Dies of a heart attack. I spent the next year with my nan and my mom trying to fix up what I left off and move on with my life.
Doesn't work out as well as I hoped
And then SURPRISE! Another dying family member. My nan got diagnosed with terminal breast cancer then checked out of life the summer of the following year. We did our best sure, but that still hurt. It was stressful, and it sucked.

So then we spend the pandemic years with it being just us. Enjoying the time we have. My mom and I made it work. Then surprise, surprise Mom gets diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Late stage even and then I completed the set.

And now? I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to function, but when you've been a caregiver three times over... I mean really what do I do? Because I honestly have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I feel like I should've moved out. Except I didn't

I should have gotten a job at some point, but I didn't.

I look at my damn house. The house I grew up in, and I feel like I should know what to do when I look at all of it. Except I don't.

And I am so, SO tired.
submitted by radar_byte to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:27 Hiding_In_The_Back How do you chose who to walk you down the aisle when the only person you want is dead?

My fiancé and I are planning a small, cheap wedding, that’ll happen around this time next year. Ever since we got engaged in 2021 I’ve been dreading deciding who will walk me down the aisle. I love my dad more than I love most people, and I want him to walk me so bad but unfortunately he died in September of 2020. How do I chose someone else? How do I know I’ve chosen the right person? I have a few options, there’s my Papa but he walked my cousin down the aisle at her wedding (my uncle died a few weeks after my dad). I also have a few of my uncles I really love and my amazing step dad but I just don’t know how or who to chose. It all hurts so much. For people who had to chose someone else, how did you do it?
submitted by Hiding_In_The_Back to weddingplanning [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:26 Skywolf111 [OC] The weekly game I started playing with has the players take turns writing a recap for each session. I decided to write mine as a journal entry by my character (a Firbolg cleric, inspired by everything Jim Henson). I had a lot of fun with it. (Full entry in comments)

From the Journal of Caroll Meadowhome:
I was going to write the date here. but You know what….I’m not actually sure what the date is on this plane….I should really ask someone how the calendar works here…..
If you are reading this, you are either me from the future, or you completely ignored the big “DO NOT READ!!!” on the cover of this book, and you have no regard for others’ privacy, but you are also from the future… Either way, 
How’s it hanging? Is the future scary? I hope it’s not scary. It’s probably not scary…
I am supposed to be sleeping right now because if there is anything this group needs, it is a healer that has plenty of energy in them to heal, and I’m kind of tapped at the moment. But I promised myself I would make time to write in this journal, and if I don’t actually “make” time, it will never happen. It will probably be fine. I still haven’t used my “big boy” spells yet, and it's not like we will get jumped in the middle of the night or anything…I set a trap that has no way of failing!
Well, I guess I’ve got to start somewhere. Because I don’t want to be here all night, I'm just going to pick an arbitrary point that is probably going to feel like the middle of the story, but If I started at the beginning 350 years ago, there would be no way I'm ever going to finish this journal. Instead, I'm going to start from a few hours ago. That seems doable. After fighting the evil bush, with hygiene issues, we found this underground Fire Giant military encampment, and there was definitely stuff happening here; if you tried to explain it to someone, they would think you’re some conspiracy nutjob or somethin’. It’s always interesting to see how the old Giant ancestors differ from one another on the different planes, like from what I gather, the Giants of this plane of existence didn't even have green skin, and their nose was much more like the smaller races and not like mine, “Cow like” as Jumbo has called it. I really got to see these cows. The way he explains them, they seem like pretty chill creatures…. 
Anyways, the Fire Giants on this plane don’t seem very chill at all (no pun intended), but they did seem like they were very advanced craftsmen and scientists. I mean, we rode on an elevator that's gotta be at least a few thousand years old, and the damn thing didn’t make so much as a squeak on the way down! And the toilets…..Look, in my 350 years, I have seen some profoundly poor excuses for bathrooms, but if my ass was a bit bigger….these toilets seemed like they would be a dream. The group looks excited to be around Fire Giant stuff, especially Carlyn. She seems kind of like a Fire Giant Fangirl. But it;s always nice when a smaller race takes interest in the big guys. Weird sometimes, but nice. She doesn't seem like one of the weird ones though. She is always very respectful. Pretty handy with fire herself too. I think the Fire Giants are part of some puzzle related to their quest, but to tell you the truth, I have no clue what the hell is going on; I’m just along for the ride…I’m sure I’ll pick it up eventually through context clues… Jumbo, the fearless little guy he is, has taken the lead in exploring this place. It's always admirable how he walks straight into a new room without so much as looking through it before entering, despite just having been ambushed by a bunch of drow. He marched straight into the Executive suite without a second thought. I could take a lesson from his book; sometimes, I feel like I’m a little paranoid. It’s like, “It’s fine, Caroll. We don’t need to be so cautious of the broom closet!” Like much of this place, it has held up remarkably well, but a thousand years is a thousand years, and time has a way of aging things. The first room we entered didn’t have much, a table leaning on the wall…bits of chair legs, and dust all over. OH! And some bone shards….you know, like someone just randomly died…in a hallway…it’s probably fine. The next room we entered seemed to be where the real action was at! It had it all, more broken furniture, like a bed, a table, a work desk with some drawers and two of those crystal constructs like the one we saw in the other room that seemed like a corporate training video liket I’ve seen on other planes. One of the constructs seemed really damaged but the other still had an intact tube. I immediately told Jumbo to touch it, but we decided as a group that it was best if we didn’t set it off because there might be more drow around, and we are banking on the fact that they didn't hear the first one go off.
submitted by Skywolf111 to DnD [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:24 Excellent_Click_1967 Tyler has always been pro choice

Tyler has always been pro choice submitted by Excellent_Click_1967 to u/Excellent_Click_1967 [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:22 Imaginary-Jeweler514 Why happy ending

husband and I have a decent sex life. We are only in our 20s. While traveling to a South America country he told me he is going to get food while I stay at the hotel. It’s been over an hour and I cannot reach him. He finally comes back and says he threw up and the “tourist police” forcefully took him to the ER and his phone died so he couldn’t call me. I’m immediately suspicious because a) why wouldn’t he ask someone to call me or use their phone b) he’s 6 ft there’s just no way he was forcefully taken to the ER c) he has lied many times before so I had a gut feeling something was off. As he hopped into the shower, I checked his phone and it was at 70%. I asked why he said it died and he said oh it seemed like it was dead he doesn’t know how it just turned on. from that point I just knew he went for a massage. There were a bunch of happy ending massage places around us and I suspected that’s what happened. I asked if he went for a regular massage and he denied it. For two years I had this suspicion and I couldn’t stop bringing it out. Every time I brought it up, he would get mad at me for not caring about him or his health and I’m selfish paranoid crazy. While going through our finances one day, I see multiple cash withdrawals while he’s at work. He claims his card was”stolen” and he will dispute what charges. After literally going crazy and being so drained and anxious, one day he owns up to it and says he did go for a massage during the trip and continued to get massages here n there. He claims it wasn’t a happy ending but why would you lie for two years about it if it wasn’t? We have gotten so many massages together so it doesn’t make sense but his excuse is he was afraid of how I would react. I do react aggressive sometimes. Even though he told me the truth finally, now I can’t stop wondering if he did get a happy ending or not. This was 2 years ago. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it.
submitted by Imaginary-Jeweler514 to Marriage [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:22 sas_2022 F by Ferragamo - Bad Batch?

F by Ferragamo - Bad Batch?
I purchased this as a blind buy tester EDT. It was only $25. The smell is great, but I was expecting better performance.
I cover myself in it and it dies within an 1 hour, can barely smell on skin.
Does anyone else have the same experience? Or did I get a bad batch?
submitted by sas_2022 to Colognes [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:21 axalilsk AuDHD and Grief

Trigger: mentions of attempt
So I had a lot of people pass away before I turned seventeen and found I’d gone to way more funerals and gone through more late life (as they call it) trauma than my peers.
At the time of it happening I didn’t understand the concept of death and my ability to feel empathy was highly impaired due to my autism.
So badly in fact, I laughed at my grandad’s funeral because the sounds people made when crying was funny to me (I excused it as nervous laughter). I stifled it because it was not appropriate but also when my brother was crying (sobbing more like) I didn’t understand why until he screamed at me, saying I was emotionless and a psycho if I couldn’t cry over my grandad and aunt dying in the same month.
As I got older, two years later and before my diagnosis, my Nan’s brother died, my grandad’s brother-in-law. He was like a father to me and after that clicked: the concept of never seeing someone again, I’ve struggled with grief.
ADHD and the autism has made this so hard and suddenly, out of nowhere it feels that the grief I should’ve felt is washing over me in harsh bursts. Like now, I heard a song on tiktok, it mentioned attempting and I recalled my own and then it clicked that if I did see my uncle, the last time he saw me was only a few months before, I knew if I did he would be expecting a story of lifetime, that’s why I’m here today.
Now I’m here, crying for three days so far whenever I’m alone.
I haven’t told anyone about this, including my family because they’ve dealt with it. I don’t understand, I don’t get why this is happening.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? I’m not in a crises (as the rules could construe), I’m fine, I just wondered if people struggled with grief more than people without ADHD and autism.
submitted by axalilsk to ADHD [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:18 ThrowRAeew23645 I [20M] want to have an equal relationship with my controlling guardians [43M] [44F]

So I (20M) have been under my guardian's care since 2019 when both my parents died. We had a decent relationship, but when I was taken under their care when I was a freshman in high school, I was a gaming addict, and my grades were average. (Way below average to high performers like them)
I wish I could get into the mess that happened, but essentially, my high school years were stressful. Covid happened, they kept moving, so every year I went to a different school.
Moreover, they thought it was best if they took my electronics away, and isolated me from friends and family because of my game addiction, and essentially made school my only focus. Plus, they had really high standards on every aspect of life, Physical, mental, spiritual and used food/sleep as punishments if I didn't meet them. (almost never, everything was my fault, even if its out of my control)
They got me diagnosed with conduct disorder (long story), treated me as a criminal, (cameras in house, chair under their door at night). Sent me to a group home to "teach me a lesson" (which I liked more than being with them) so they took me back. Plus, they withheld me from going to college because I didn't show that I was "responsible enough". Even the counselor that They got for me agreed that this was a toxic relationship, and they needed to loosen control in some respects.
Even so, not being responsible was total BS because they later kicked me out, and I've been just fine on my own: found a cheap place to rent, have a decent amount of savings to last a few months without my job, started investing, learned how to draw as a hobby, instead of games, and started writing as a way of self-reflection.
After some time to myself to clear my head, I started getting back with them for the past 6 months, so I could get back on track for college. However, they wanted my previous counselor to approve of me before I could officially meet with them. I did all of that, and met with them recently. However, recent events proved that they still want control. (taking away electronics, and isolating me for a short week with family) Which I made it clear was a no go for me. I hated that time.
So, after a year of self reflection, I unwound all of those experiences and I guess I got a revelation that its not all of my fault. It was my fault for acting out, being a spoiled brat who only wanted to play games, and I truly believe that they had good intentions, cause I was way out of control when I first went under them. However, I don't agree in their continuation of extreme methods, even after I had the gaming addiction washed out of me year one.
I honestly don't know what to think, cause even though it was awful, a lot of good came out of it, and I know what I want in life now. I still believe that they have good intentions at heart, and even if they aren't good nurturers in my opinion cause they're super busy with their jobs but still want control, they're awesome teachers responsible for my academic growth, and some morals/values, and I, admittedly, look up to them in some respect.
However, I'm done being their financial and emotional hostage, and losing control of my personal life/hobbies. (they are the executors of my parent's will, which left me with and education trust fund and more, but I doubt I can get any besides the education fund, cause I stupidly signed a few things)
I'm honestly considering just leaving the money behind if I can't have an equal relationship. I don't doubt that they wouldn't give it back to me, cause they're rich af, but I don't want to be controlled isolated by them as a condition.
I'm gonna go to my counselor with this issue, but am I able to rebuild this relationship if there is no trust or respect for boundaries? (I want to get as many perspectives as possible.)
TLDR: My guardians and I had a toxic relationship growing up and split last year, but I want to get back with them cause they're pretty cool people and have control over my college funds.
Edit: Grammar
submitted by ThrowRAeew23645 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:16 _The_Sorcerer_ I need some feedback on my guide to datura consumption

This is a guide to safely using datura be it for recreational or spiritual purposes.
I will first clear some misconceptions before going into the actual guide.
1 Datura is not dangerous (to the extent that hospitalization would be required or death could occur) so long as it is properly dosed as will be described in this post.
2 The physical effects of datura cannot last for weeks, they may at most last for 3-4 days if you overdose. It’s unlikely that datura will cause permanent damage (noticeable at least) unless you take lethal doses or you take hallucinogenic doses too often.
3 Technically you can get high from seeds that you bought but practically >not really<. The seeds you buy have been usually left sitting for years causing them to lose all their potency. Furthermore to properly dose with datura, hundreds if not thousands of seeds will have to be sacrificed in the testing process to find the appropriate dose with the desired effects so unless you can buy in bulk thousands of seeds, ingesting them is a waste of money.
4 Effects from datura intoxication can’t randomly hit 12 hours after initial consumption.
5 The majority of negative trip reports come from individuals who had false expectations of datura in other words they expected a psychedelic or other experience instead of a deliriant one and from people who did not follow the basic principles of harm reduction for datura.
Now onto the actual guide.
Symptoms of datura intoxication
It is essential to know what you’re getting when going into datura. It’s surprising how so many people have written stories about their hallucinations but haven’t bothered to inform their readers of the extreme poisoning they experienced to reach that delirium. In my list of symptoms I will separate them on categories according to how high your dose of datura needs to be consumed to experience them. You will see that delirium is reached only when you are suffering a very severe case of poisoning.
1 In microdoses datura can help enhance your mood and it reportedly also enhances your dreams. Microdoses are also useful in combination with other drugs that cause nausea.
2 In low doses dehydration begins to set in causing you to experience dry mouth, your saliva turns to foam and then it stops being produced entirely making it difficult and eventually impossible to swallow food. You will generally experience a pleasant high at this stage, similar in many ways to alcohol but with nausea replaced by dry mouth.
3 Medium doses. At such doses, you will experience extreme dizziness, dehydration will worsen, the dryness reaching all the way into the esophagus, making breathing and speaking incredibly painful. Pupils will begin to dilate, your skin will become dry and irritable, body temperature will rise causing fever and heart rates will increase. Water will also begin to taste like chemical waste, making the only relief to the dehydration feel like a form of torture. You may experience urinary retention and difficulty walking at this point.
4 High doses. At this point (if you’ve consumed sedating datura species) you will likely become paralyzed and will pass out. You may at times feel freezing and at times feel like you’re boiling (which you will actually be boiling). The pain you will be physically experiencing might be greater than any of those you have experienced throughout your life yet you will find no difficulty in sleeping even at that state. You may also experience some anxiety (for example feeling like you’re dying). Convulsions may occur and if you’re awake your mind will be in complete disarray, it will feel as if it’s a radio station and you’re scrolling through all the stations as fast as possible.
5 Hallucinogenic doses. Congratulations if you didn’t reach this point by accident. At such doses, you will no longer be able to tell apart dream from reality. You may witness the most impossible scenarios unfold before you without being able to tell they’re hallucinations. Depending on your luck and preparation you will be apathetic to them, meaning that you will treat them like you would in a dream. If it doesn’t go like that, then there is a chance the hallucinations will be scary. The greatest threat of datura intoxication is losing almost complete control over your body and consciousness. This unique experience to some might be forgotten to a great extent due to the amnesia you will experience once you regain consciousness. If you consumed sedating datura species, then you might not even experience this stage as you will be sleeping through it.
Sum up of the positive effects you can get: a unique experience, some of the most interesting and intense hallucinations, (extreme sedation depending on species), heavy intoxication, potent anxiety relief and anti emetic effects.
Now that you are aware of all the symptoms datura can cause you, an important question must be asked:
Why do you want to take datura?”
Do you want to take datura recreationally, or do you want to get a unique experience?
If you want to take datura recreationally then your best bet is smoking it or using it topically, not consuming it by any of the other means.
If you want to trip on datura, then the only viable way is through ingestion.
A word of warning: datura is a deliriant, it’s a drug that will not appeal to most people. It has little recreational value because trips involve physical discomfort and depressant properties. Even when administered in its milder forms such as smoking and ointment, it’s still not a party drug or at least, it’s a poor choice for a party drug. The reason someone would come back to datura having already obtained the unique experience of delirium, is for the peace of mind that datura offers in high doses, for a lot of people getting severely poisoned isn’t worth it to obtain that, for some it is.
Onto the guide to dosing then
How to dose on datura
First off some general information on datura that should be taken into consideration when it comes to dosing.
1 Different species of datura vary in potency and they may also differ in their effects to some extent. Generally speaking innoxia and wrigtii are thought to have a higher scopolamine to atropine ratio making them more mellow (less toxic) while stramonium is thought to have a lower ratio making it more toxic and more stimulant than the others. All species of datura and brugmansia are predominantly depressants but they have some stimulant properties (such as tachycardia). Stramonium should be avoided as a first time species because it increases the chance of the user being energetic while on it and wreaking havoc. There are contradicting reports about brugmansia some stating that it’s more mellow while others stating that it’s more aggressive than datura, I would place brugmansia species between innoxia and stramonium.
2 The different parts of datura have different potencies. Generally, the seeds are considered to be the most potent, then follow the roots, then the flowers and then the leaves.
3 Each plant differs in potency. No, you won’t have to learn to dose with each plant or species differently (except maybe for the accursed stramonium) but when you start dosing, until you become accustomed enough to datura, it’s best to only use a single plant. When you’re familiar enough with datura then you’ll be fine using and blending different plants; you may occasionally be caught off guard by weaker or stronger doses but this isn’t cause for concern, datura allows plenty room for mistakes, it’s only those that are blatantly careless who get punished (usually).
4 Tolerance to the mental effects of datura builds extremely fast even if you don’t experience said effects. If you consume datura more often than once per week, then you will slowly begin to become immune to its deliriant properties, even if your doses aren’t strong.
5 If you’re consuming medium+ doses, then you will need to make sure you have the day after the trip off. If you consume a delirious dose, the delirium itself will usually last for ~12hours, you will remain poisoned for 2 days and your sight may be blurry for up to 3 days. The effects of non hallucinogenic doses should be resolved within a day.
Seed ingestion
This is the one and only method everyone wanting to hallucinate with datura should start with. Dosages are easy to calculate with seeds and you don’t need to consume a lot of plant matter to get effects.
I should note that brugmansia seeds are not worth using with this method: it takes too much effort to remove their shell and eating them with it is impractical. (Swallowing them whole will probably cause them to not even be digested, they are basically chunks of wood.)
With seed ingestion you can easily and safely find your hallucinogenic dose with the following method:
1 You start from a dose of 1-10 seeds
2 Chew the seeds or grind them so that they’re easier to digest and absorb the alkaloids
2 Each time increase your dose by 2-5 seeds until you get the desired effects
3 Between each dose of less than 30 seeds you will wait at least 3 days
4 Between doses of over 30 seeds, you will wait at least a week
This process will probably take you over 2 months but by the time you find your hallucinogenic dose (or quit) you will be accustomed to the symptoms of datura. There will be nothing to catch you off guard and you’ll avoid having a bad trip (well, all datura trips with high doses could be considered unpleasant but the experience and the aftereffects are what determine whether a datura trip was good or bad.)
Now onto a less safe but much faster way of dose testing with seeds:
1 You start from a dose of 10-30 seeds (No, 30 seeds can’t kill you or cause you permanent damage even if they’re the most potent seeds in the world.)
2 If you experience no symptoms then you are free to double your dose
3 If you experience dry mouth then you may increase your dose by 20-40% at a time
4 Between each dose which causes dry mouth you will need to wait at least a week for your tolerance to reset
In all instances, symptoms should kick in within 1 hour of consumption and they should peak within 6 hours.
Tea consumption
The beauty of making datura tea is that it is easy to consume and it can be made extremely potent. It is also not limited to seeds but can make use of the entire plant, giving anyone who has access to a decent sized plant an endless supply of plant matter to trip on.
Its downside? It can only vaguely be dosed. For that reason, you should only begin using tea once you’re confident enough to say “fuck it” when it comes to dosing (in other words when you’re already too far gone).
When making tea, the best parts of the plant to use are its flowers, they give it a pleasant fragrance and do not have an unpleasant flavor. Flowers generally have consistent sizes so they can be dosed with.
Leaves may be used but I suggest you do so when they are dried. Making tea out of fresh leaves will give it an extremely unpleasant smell and taste. Leaf sizes are completely inconsistent so they’re difficult to dose with.
Seeds can be used in tea form; they should be grinded before being added. Seeds will add a chemical flavor to the tea, it’s quite unpleasant. Brugmansia seeds can practically only be used for tea making like this (Literally, brugmansia seeds have no other use, even in gardening, you’re much better off with cuttings).
To make the tea, you simply put the ingredients in the water and let it boil for a bit. You can add some honey or sugar to help with the flavor.
Effects should kick in within 1 hour after initial consumption (in fact, in my experience they hit a bit faster than when ingesting seeds).
Consuming datura raw
I don’t understand why anyone would make themselves go through the pain of eating datura leaves or flowers raw. It’s an impractical way to consume them and in my little experience with this method, it almost always caused me some gut pain the following day. The taste of the flowers is bearable, not so much of the leaves.
Making datura wine
If you’re bold enough, you can mix in alcohol with datura by putting dried leaves and flowers inside bottles of alcohol. The alcohol makes a surprisingly good job of absorbing the alkaloids and its potency is on part with its tea equivalent. I’d advise against using alcohol stronger than wine for this purpose. Datura has on its own certain depressant properties and so adding more depressants into the mix might be a dangerous choice to make.
The properties of the wine will not be lost even after months.
Effects will set in within an hour of consumption.
Smoking datura
This is the best method of consuming datura if you’re doing it for recreational purposes though don’t get your hopes high. Smoking destroys most of the alkaloids in datura making it extremely weak in comparison to other routes of administration while at the same time allowing the user to instantly feel the effects and gauge whether they can or cannot take more, in other words it is almost completely harmless for everyone. Smoking will get you high while only giving you slight effects of dehydration. The high produced from smoking is similar to weed but much more subtle and drowsier.
Because a big chunk of datura’s toxins are burnt with this method, it is not possible to experience delirium with it.
You may grind dried leaves and flowers and smoke them on their own or along with weed for a pleasant high.
The effects will set in very fast ~5 minutes should be more than enough, making it a lot easier to dose with this method (not that you really need to).
Making ointment
It is possible to make datura ointment/extract which can be used transdermally (or orally if you’re insane). This is a relatively safe way of using datura as only scopolamine can cross the skin.
The effects caused by the ointment are pain relief, numbness, elevated body temperature and mild intoxication depending on the potency of the ointment. (It should be able to become potent enough to create the sensation of literally flying, though to get such a potent ointment would probably require a lot of care and skill).
Ointment can be made by mixing the grinded parts of the plant with oil and leaving them to sit for days, then straining the liquid and repeatedly performing this process. This can be done with water too but it is way easier for bacteria to grow in it than it is in oil. For maximum potency use enough grinded plant matter to absorb the entire volume of the oil.
The oil may then be applied over blood vessels or wherever you feel pain, it may take over an hour for any serious effects to hit and large quantities will usually be required. This is an arduous process which is not worth if you’re trying to get high or hallucinate.
It is also possible to chemically extract the alkaloids off of datura but by that point, you’re no longer consuming datura.
What to do before/while/after tripping
You can take certain steps to make sure or at least try to make your trip more comfortable.
First off, I am not in favor of the idea of trip sitters because it is very easy for them to mess up your hallucinations/taint your first experience. That said, a trip sitter is the only guarantee that you won’t piss your neighbor’s window in the middle of the night.
Before any effects set in, make sure you have water at close vicinity from any place you might sit or lay down at. It may prove at times too difficult to even extend your arm to reach a glass of water.
It is also crucial that you have a full stomach before consuming datura. Attempting to eat solid food during a trip will result in you choking. Furthermore, the day after the trip, you will likely have lost your appetite so you must be prepared to not eat any food for up to 2 days.
Wear comfortable clothes, you may not even realize how quickly the effects have set in before you can barely stand. If you are sitting down, especially if you’re fixed on screen, you won’t know how severely intoxicated you are until you stand up. You may be unable to take off or change your clothes at that point.
Treating symptoms
It is very difficult to treat datura intoxication as it has both symptoms of depressant and stimulant drugs. For example, if you attempt to treat the sedation and paralysis with coffee, your heart rate which is already high will skyrocket and potentially cause heart failure. If you on the other hand take painkillers to treat your fever and pain, you might die from respiratory depression. There is little to be done to treat the symptoms of the poisoning, if they are unbearable, you are better off sleeping them away. For the dry mouth and sore throat, juice from citrus fruits might be of some help. For the fever, your best bet is wet towels on your forehead; it is especially important to treat the fever as your body can reach temperatures of over 40 degrees Celsius and cause brain damage. If you desperately need food to calm your stomach, you might be able to drink a smoothie. You can at least find some comfort in the fact that it’s difficult to die from datura -if- you followed the previous instructions on dosing. It is easy to suffer poisoning from datura but much more difficult to die from it. The underlying threat of the experience adds a sort of beauty to it.
Now if you’re going through all this pain for the hallucinations, you might need to set up an alarm in the middle of your trip. If you’ve been using sedating species of datura, then chances are that you pass out at the peak of your trips. You can attempt to wake yourself up using an alarm or a friend at that point so that you can experience hallucinations. (I must note here that a friend of mine had someone clapping their hands above her face to no avail, so whether you succeed in waking yourself up or not is uncertain.)
Whether you’ll remember or not your hallucinations is yet another issue. Treating this one is difficult, if you had success have good dream recall, then this might be easier for you(seeing as dreams and delirium are much alike). Practicing recalling dreams may be the only way to treat this issue. Practice makes perfect but in this case, regular practice with the actual substance will prove detrimental to the user’s health.
Despite popular belief, you can make away just fine on your own even in delirium, that is if you can outsmart your deliriant self. You might literally be required to troll yourself to prevent your deliriant self from pissing that neighbor’s window. Locking your door and hiding the keys is important but don’t underestimate your deliriant self. You can leave notes and marks on your door which will help yourself realize what you’re about to do. Sharp objects are best hidden away though I have to say that the deliriant self does not act out of character so if you don’t mess around with knives, then such precautions are not necessary, if on the other hand for some reason you have self harming tendencies, then god forbid you try this plant in the first place. Also make sure your car keys are well hidden as well. If you want to be extra cautious, you can turn off the power for kitchen appliances in case you get really hungry during delirium and burn your place.
Now with all these said, don’t go tripping on entire seedpods for your first time and then writing about how you had a terrible experience on datura. This is a safe plant for those who are patient and cautious and it can give you some unique experiences.
submitted by _The_Sorcerer_ to SacredNightshades [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 23:15 Zlpv7672 Courtney Sithe

When I joined this Rankdown, I had three characters I really wanted to write for but of course that all depends on the way the cuts fall so I wasn't expecting much. Today however, I get to fulfill my first desired character as I get to cut Courtney Sithe, the indisputable lesser culprit of Case 2-3. From cutting the jurors of this case to a culprit, oh yeah I'm moving up! And for as much as I've written about this Case I honestly have a lot of appreciation for it. There's just two glaring blemishes in its execution. I've already talked about the case’s disappointment of a final jury trial. Now it's time to talk about the other thing, the surprise second culprit and the real killer of Odie Asman, Scotland Yard Coroner, Dr. Courtney Stevens Sithe.

A Dissection of Her Character

The game formally introduces Courtney Sithe in the second day Investigation of Case 2-3. We see her talking to Stronghart where he divulges even more on his reliance on forensic science, and from there we are granted access to Sithe’s laboratory. Not much is taken away from our interactions with her on this investigation segment as we are focused more on finding Enoch Drebber, thanks to Harebrayne’s information at the end of the trial. In fact, the only reason you are supposed to go here for the plot is to see her expense ledger and to get a quick cameo from her daughter. You can talk to her but she’s extremely cold and stand-offish not divulging too much of anything helpful. Now we’ve had characters like this in Ace Attorney before, with her exact attitude being similar to Dee Vasquez in Turnabout Samurai. Unfortunately, unlike Vasquez her appearance in the case comes out of nowhere for the Investigation. In Samurai’s trial prior, Sal Manella, let her identity slip and revealed that she was present the day of the incident, but quickly assured us that she was not able to access the crime scene. That is until Cody Hackins reveals where the crime scene truly was and now Vasquez is important, so it makes sense as a player to seek her out. Dr. Sithe is not mentioned once in the entire first half of this case. We get mentions of Drebber and the Professor so them being continuing threads in the second half make sense but to suddenly introduce a brand-new character this late in the case with so much coincidental relevance is just breakneck pacing in terms of character writing. In fact, we don’t even get that much introduction to her character in this Investigation as I pointed out before. The only thing of note is her final appearance to apprehend Drebber after confronting him in his workshop, yet again just interjecting herself into the plot suddenly and being the start of Ryunosuke’s persistence to tie her and Drebber together.
This leads into the second trial day, starting with a Sholmes providing us with a little more information on the Professor. It’s at this point some shrewd players can read it and see a particular name in the documents but of course this information will be necessary later. We get Drebber’s testimony and after revealing the truth to the kinesis machine and its use in Asman’s murder, Ryunosuke concludes Drebber had to have an accomplice. Now who in the world could the accomplice be? Is it Harebrayne our defendant, that’d be a good twist. Maybe Madame Tusspells the Waxwork Museum curator since she’d have access to it and has been pulling some strings behind the scenes. No, instead it’s the only obvious character clumsily introduced to us halfway through the case. However this case has one last thorn to throw at us. Despite accusing Sithe after the very first testimony in this trial we have to go through two more segments and into the second half to finally get her on the stand. This is like Quercus Alba levels of frustrating to just let us get anywhere with the obviously suspicious character. First we have to do the only Summation Examination with the disappointment of a jury which helps her be even more suspect by tying her to the Professor and the Waxwork thanks to those documents. However, van Zieks instead wants to focus on the Waxwork by calling in Tusspells instead. At least the game has the courtesy to answer its reluctance to get Sithe on the stand.
Before the trial resumes, Sithe converses with the group in the lobby about Stronghart giving her immunity to testify. See they’ve pulled this kind of switcheroo before with Rise from the Ashes and getting Damon Gant to testify. Instead we have to use Lana to get around his right to remain silent. However, unlike Sithe, Gant has had almost a whole case to build up his character, and this diversion is just another facet to how smart of a culprit he truly is. Sithe meanwhile doesn’t have that buildup instead, the case is just cowardly hiding her until there is literally nowhere left to go. Although…that’s not entirely true. Remember how I said I do have a lot of appreciation for this case and that comes from the incredibly crafted story behind the night in Baclay Cemetary and the Enoch Drebber’s incident from ten-years-ago. While I may insinuate that we’re wasting time not confronting a very suspicious witness, I can’t say that this detour is completely unnecessary. It provides the means to tie Drebber to Sithe more concretely and shows a possible cover-up involving her and the Professor. This finally gets her to take the stand….where she’ll just stand there and be cold to us so we have to focus on Drebber and his backstory somemore. Courtney Sithe only finally speaks when we’ve done all the deduction and expositing for her and only does so to throw Drebber under the omnibus for masterminding Asman’s murder. This absolves Harebrayne, but Ryunosuke won’t let the trial end as he wants to confront Sithe directly about her involvement. After probably the most esoteric objection since Turnabout Big Top we finally reveal the truth that Asman survived Drebber’s initial murdder attempt and was permanently silenced by Dr. Courtney Sithe herself. Why you may ask? Well remember that ledger we had to examine back in her laboratory, well that was proof that Asman was blackmailing Sithe on her cover-up of the Professor just like Drebber. And with that Sithe finally breaks down as the true culprit and exits the court only to be seen again in prison as one of the few (or maybe only) culprits Ace Attorney’s ever shown in the game’s credits sequence, talking with her daughter, Maria Gorey.
Also let's touch on Sithe and Gorey's relationship for a second. I'd be hard pressed to say she does anything that motherly Considering she's only one of two mothers we actually meet in the game and Evie Vigil is a lot more motherly than she is. I know Ace Attorney is known for exaggerated characters but the brief encounter we have with Sithe and her daughter shows almost nothing about their relationship. The only conversation Sithe has with her is stopping her from cutting up Ryunosuke and Susato. Quite the parent there, Courtney; looks like Justine Courtney is the superior "Courtney" mother. The game doesn't even give Sithe the decency to think about her daughter during her breakdown, and confession. You'd think she'd mention that maybe all this secrecy and cover-up to keep her head forensics position would have been to provide for her daughter who is just as enthusiastic about the science, but nope, not a word. Sithe shows no physical on screen love for her daughter until the credits. Sure you could say that's how she just is as a person, cold and serious. However, that is similar to Athena's relationship with her mother Metis and while we never see physical motherly care, it's at least implied by her actions which lead Athena to resent her mother at first and get over her death. Maybe this is why Gorey so nonchalantly gets over her mother being incarcerated so easily.l, except we clearly see she has deep appreciation for her mother when you talk with her in 2-4. This is probably now stemming more into Gorey's character which will be discussed further when she is cut.
Now with Courtney Sithe’s actions all laid out in front of you, let’s analyze why she’s at least made it this far in the Rankdown. To be honest her concept as a character, that being the surprise true killer with Drebber just being the mastermind culprit is not a terrible idea in the slightest. Not only does her existence give us more insight on the night of the Professor’s execution which will be imperative for a certain witness next case, but her role as the killer provides excellent stakes to Drebber’s character. He not only took revenge on a man by coercing this woman to help him by threatening to reveal the truth but it turns out the victim had been doing the same thing to that woman all these years which is yet just another way Drebber becomes more like his victim, though those similarities will be touched on more when he is eventually cut (hopefully not anytime soon). The main problem is Courtney Sithe had no presence as a character for any of those involved in the case. She apparently has comradery with both Gregson and Sholmes but we barely see it besides the passing mention. Ryunosuke has no emotional attachment to her either which means he doesn't feel any struggle when it comes to accusing her or pursuing her for the truth and in turn neither does the player. The best thing I can say is she provides good development for van Zieks as he continues to go more and more against Stronghart’s orders, similar to Edgeworth with Gant. However, it’s not like Gant, it’s not even like Godot for continuing the trial to pursue the real killer, because Courtney Sithe does not have the character development to make you care if she’s really a killer or not. She’s there to provide more narrative to the Professor mystery and make Drebber fight as hard as he did, but honestly it makes you wonder if he would have fought like that even without her. Although that would make him a little more annoying to deal with, so I guess I can also thank Sithe for making sure Drebber was a good culprit; too bad she couldn’t be as well. But you know Sithe didn't have to be this disappointing character and lackluster twist killer. She had maybe the easiest potential to be a truly worthwhile character in Resolves with just a little tweak.

One Simple Procedure

While this may not fix everything that is wrong with Courtney Sithe's character there is one fix that one: could have easily been implemented into the game with only a few tweaks to the story and two: would have provided her the screen time to have an impact….put her in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro!
The very first thing you learn about her character is she's the coroner then what other character would make more sense to collect Shamspeare's "corpse." Instead of Gregson shooing Ryunosuke and company out of the room THIS is when we should have been introduced to Courtney Sithe. This reasoning stems perfectly from Memoir's place in the timeline and the game.
Let's start with how her being introduced here is beneficial to the characters. After being surprised by Shamspeare coming back to life, Sithe takes a bit of a back seat in the case but only because we're no longer dealing with a dead body. However, Ryunosuke is able to visit her laboratory and verify information on Shamspeare's poisoning. Confirming that is really was strychnine poison inside Shamspeare's system and there's no room for doubt even with the delayed effect. She proves to the group just how committed she is about forensics and that's really all she would be doing in this case. However, it's going to be a step in the right direction for Ryunosuke once 2-3 comes around. Sithe comes up again but now everyone knows of her plus they trust her expertise. This isn't just blind trust in some Stronghart flunky but confident trust in a past compatriot in their ability to analyze the victim's body. It now becomes an actual emotional dilemma for Ryunosuke to accuse her of being part of Asman's murder or even covering up the Professor's escape. Instead of that frustratingly stubborn refusal to take the stand, it now becomes reluctance that maybe Ryunosuke is wrong, and she really is innocent. Maybe instead of being extremely cold to Ryunosuke she is sterner and to the point similar to Stronghart playing it off of this incident at the Great Exhibition having negative effects on the future of forensic science. Still a little jarring to deal with but no longer incredibly suspicious. Or how about she acts maybe a little more motherly towards Ryunosuke. Instead of feeling threatening when confronting him, she's just sterner and more cautious. Showing how she could care for the wellbeing of the lawyer like she would her own daughter. Yeah, in the end she's lying to his face just to protect herself but what Ace Attorney character hasn't done that, on and off the stand.
Giving Sithe an appearance in 2-2 also provides a much more cohesive experience for the player too. Taking Resolve as its own game for a moment, recall the first case is in Japan so any characters introduced are merely for tutorial purposes (besides Jigoku). Next case however is Memoirs and we're introduced back to the London cast. We get Gregson again, with Sholmes yucking it up as usual; Soseki's also our defendant so it's business as usual. What better time for the game to introduce Courtney Sithe. Her appearance here, while minor, can lead the player to thinking she'll be a new important character in all the cases. She is on the cover art after all. It's making you believe this will be the new dynamic for this game. So now Return of the Great Departed Soul comes around, and we see Sithe again, but this time as a player, she's no longer jarring or incredibly suspicious. She's just making her seemingly normal case appearance for the game. This is when you bring in all these questions about her. In Memoirs she was your forensics friend but in Return her dark past is being uncovered. Not only will this make the pacing better for Sithe's character but will also make her reveal as a murderer hit harder. This person we've worked with before has now turned out to be a criminal, good thing that will never happen again……oh wait.
And speaking of tying narratives. By introducing Sithe in 2-2 and letting us visit her laboratory, you've actually given her laboratory its own character development. It's no longer a dark seedy looking autopsy room, but just another eccentric location. Starting in 2-2 as our introduction to its atmosphere but in this case neither it nor Sithe are suspicious so it's not going to feel off when we visit again next case. Now it's a semi-friendly environment, with just a new ledger to see and the introduction of Sithe's daughter. This makes the investigation of it not feel as important but is ultimately going to be a major part in the twist. Finally after 2-3 the laboratory gets a new caretaker in the form of Maria Gorey, as she transforms the atmosphere of the lab. Plus now Ryunosuke has actual emotional attachment to the lab. It was helpful in two cases now so it's a shame to see its owner be so corrupt. This gives the group an opportunity to help Gorey breathe new life into the lab. To move past Sithe's tenure together, and feel real emotional weight to their future partnership in the final case. The lab goes from a place of curiosity, to trust, to betrayal, to a new hope for the future. It all could've been possible if Sithe was allowed to be more present in this game. Alas she is not and here we are.

The Conclusive Findings

It would be a lie to say Dr. Courtney Sithe is the worst killer in the Chronicles Duology although she is the first killer to be cut besides Klint. Still, she is far from it because she at least always had potential to be great. To be there on the witness stand alongside Enoch Drebber in a truly memorable double culprit case. Not only that but she had potential to really drive home the main themes of Resolve. The call for vigilantism and the betrayal of those you could rely on. She didn’t need much, just some time to interact with the cast and allow the player to appreciate her screen presence in a prior case. That isn’t even touching on her fantastic design that not only would have greatly contrasted the wackiness of Shamspeare’s outfit but also would have not made it so obvious when the tall pale Bayonetta knock-off witch doctor is partnered with the tall pale steampunk android man in the next case. But that’s all just wishful thinking as this is one game autopsy that won’t be updated.
Also, just to settle this supposed naming convention plot-hole the order of the timeline would be as follows: Courtney Stevens marries a man whose last name is Gorey some 19+ years ago. They have a daughter. Then at most 9 years later Mr. Gorey dies, or they separate, and she retakes back her maiden name Stevens, but little Maria is old enough to still want to keep her first father’s last name. Courtney remains unmarried until after the Professor incident when sometime later she meets and marries her second husband Mr. Sithe. They are still married today with Maria being Courtney’s biological daughter and Mr. Sithe’s stepdaughter. Sorry, this didn’t really have anything to do with the cut; it just always bugged me that others were so confused by the naming differences.
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2023.06.04 23:14 catJiJi I just dont know (what to call this)

Hey there :), first of all even though it might sound like it i am not considering Suicide.
I hate it. Everytime ive had a really good day and i come home i just start hating myself, my living situation, my looks, the way i interact with ppl and basically anything i could hate about myself. After telling myself what kind of a shitty person i am i conclude that i dont want to exist anymore (not die but like leaving this world without anyone knowing i ever lived) but on the next day i just act like everythings normal, i meet friends i go after my hobbies and so on. I just dont know what im supposed to do cause there is a lot of happiness in my life but then again every time a day was better than normal i start hating myself at the end of it. Also why dont I fucking get up and do something against the shit i hate about myself? Like if i hate my looks why dont i just do something about it? If i hate the patterns in which i interact with ppl why dont i change it? If i hate that theres Mold in my sink and im too lazy to clean it why dont i just get the fuck up and clean it? Why do i procrastinate every task that comes up? Hating myself for shit like this doesnt fix anything it just makes it worse. And why do I hate on myself for so much i wouldnt even give a single shit if someone else did it? I really want to change but everytime i tried ive failed. I know therapy could mbe help with that but i am tired of waiting forever and at the end being told that there sadly is no spot for me currently availalbe, but we wish you the best of luck for finding something else.
Sorry for anyone trying to get through that block of Text but i just wanted to write everything down and am currently unable to format that Junk. Thanks for reading though.
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2023.06.04 23:14 ThrowRAshittyex I (40m) want to apologize to my ex (41f) but it feels almost selfish.

I (40m) feel bad about how I treated my college gf (41f) literally decades ago, and want to apologize
It’s wedding season, my college gf and I are both happily married to other people, both have kids, everything has really worked out for both of us.
I saw her at a wedding last night and will see her at another wedding later this summer too, and probably periodically thereafter as we have the same general broader friend group. We avoid eachother hard even when we’re the only two people on the dancefloor, we go out of our way to not speak or acknowledge one another.
I was a terrible boyfriend in college. I was in a frat and just kind of a dick- exactly what you imagine. She was the stereotypical “good girl”-exactly what you imagine. We barely knew eachother in highschool, then by her misfortune we both went to the same college, she got really cute, etc etc.
I cheated on her, multiple times, I was not a supportive partner ever, I never really opened up about my own insecurities and never really supported her in hers. Did I mention the cheating? I think she assumed when she decided to lose her virginity to me that we’d get married. We did not.
I’ll clarify that I was never physically abusive, by college standards or any other, even in the most critical hindsight.
We broke up in a spectacular fiery weekend implosion during a trip 4 years after we got together, went our separate ways (to ultimately fulfilling careers, marriages, families in different parts of the country), never spoke again.
For lack of a better term, I got better. I asked my now wife if she’d join me for over a year of couples’ counseling prior to our getting married about 12 years ago. I learned how to be a supportive partner, learned a lot about relationships, and am really proud of the marriage and life we’ve built.
Anyway, lately I just feel like I want to apologize to my college ex somehow, but also this feels sort of masturbatory and weird. Is there anything that any pf you ladies would want to hear from a shitty ex almost 20 years later? Any kind of apology that would be better than silence? Do we just keep avoiding eachother and eventually die?
There may be some things I’m just supposed to feel bad about, some things may have no resolution.
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2023.06.04 23:11 JoshAsdvgi The Man They Cannot Hold

The Man They Cannot Hold

Wa-Sha-Xnend or
The Man They Cannot Hold
Wa-Sha-Xnend was a musician and a great hunter, who lived in times long past and gone. For hours and hours he would play on his flute which was made of cedar wood.
Sometimes he would stop and sing, as if he was talking to someone.
He learned, while a small boy, a secret of the medicine men, which came to him while playing the flute.
It was this: "All are possessed of certain influences, although they may not know it.
Some derive their power from one source and some from another.
When we know in what way we are strong and from where we get that power, all we need then is firmness and bravery to succeed.
If we fail, it is not because our Guardian Spirit is not faithful, but because we listen to voices of our enemies and not to our own Guardian Spirit who would lead us aright."
Wa-Sha-Xnend's guardian spirit came from the water Manitou, and by the use of his flute he could summon this Guardian Spirit to him, and receive from him great power, which he could use to influence both man and beast.
So great was his power, that many times all he had to do was desire a thing done and his Guardian Spirit would bring it about.
When he was old enough to be called a man, he had acquired a great deal of fame as a hunter, and to some extent was considered a conjuror or Medicine man, for the people felt that they were drawn to him by some unknown power.
The women of the tribe especially, were very partial to him, and spoke his praises everywhere.
This made the old Medicine men very angry and the young hunters and warriors jealous, so the Medicine men began to contrive some way to get get rid of him by means of conjury, which was often done in those days, when they wanted to kill a person without anyone knowing of it, but all their means failed.
When the Medicine men saw that their conjury failed, they next went to the Sachem and told him of the great powers that Wa-Sha-Xnend possessed, but did not tell the Sachen that they had tried to kill him.
The Sachem went to see Wa-Sha-Xnend but did not find him at home, but saw his mother instead, who was a very old woman.
The Sachem told her he wanted Wa-Sha-Xnend to marry one of his daughters.
The old lady was pleased, for the Sachem was rich and had some very pretty daughters, so she said that she would tell her son when he came home from hunting.
When Wa-Sha-Xnend came home his mother, with joyful face, told him of the Sachem's visit and what he said.
Wa-Sha-Xnend laughed and said: "Mother, they only want to kill me; they have been trying to do this for some time."
The old lady was very sad, but went and told the Sachem that her son refused to marry his daughter.
This made the Sachem very angry, and he said to the old lady: "Wa-Sha-Xnend will never marry anyone then."
The old lady went home crying, and told her son of the Sachem's threats.
Wa-Sha-Xnend admitted that his life was in danger, and told his mother that if he should be killed, to tie his flute to his wrist and then throw his body into the river, so his Guardian Spirit, who lived in the water, would care for him, and under no circumstances to let his body be buried, which the people will certainly want to do.
The Sachem called together his braves and Medicine men and told them of his wrath against Wa-Sh-Xnend and that he wanted him gotten out of the way.
Then they told the Sachem that they had tried all means of cojury they knew, but could not kill him, that Wa-Sha-Xnend was brave and watchful, and it would be dangerous to try to kill him, besides he was very popular, and his friends would avenge his murder.
While they were trying to solve the problem, a woman came to the Sachem and told him she could kill him if they would wait until a certain time.
The woman was a very untidy, good-for-nothing woman, who lived alone and was believed to be a witch, so the Sachem agreed to let her try.
All this time Wa-Sha-Xnend knew what was going on, but he knew too that the water Manitou had greater powers than the evil Manitou, who guarded the witch, and that he was brave and steadfast enough to overcome his enemies in the end, for malice cannot conquer right if we will bravely stand up for right ourselves.
Wa-Sha-Xnend told his mother that the witch was going to succeed in in getting him out of the way, and that she must do as he told her to do with his body; she must not lose courage or hesitate at all.
The next morning when Wa-Sha-Xnend's mother went to wake him, he was dead.
Very soon after, the Sachem came to see him, for the witch had told him he would be dead, and when he heard that Wa-Sha-Xnend was dead, he seemed very surprised and greived and offered to give Wa-Sha-Xnend a magnificent funeral and himself would furnish the burial dress, as he was a great hunter, and besides was well loved by the people.
But Wa-Sha-Xnend's mother said she did not want honors shown for her son, for she believed him to be killed, and therefore should be treated as one who was killed--simply thrown away.
So she tied his flute to his wrist, took him by the feet, dragged him to the river and threw him in.
The Sachem was very much astonished at this action of the mother and he could not drive away the vision of that sight.
The man he had caused to be murdered, dragged to the river by the frantic mother, and thrown away as one would a dog.
He wondered why he had murdered him when he had not done him nor anyone else any harm.
Six days after this, the old lady heard the music of Wa-Sha-Xnend's flute, and she shouthed for joy, for after all her son was not dead, but had been away with the water Manitou, who lived in a great cave, the entrance of which was known to Wa-Sha-Xnend alone, and could only be found by diving in the water.
He told his mother that he was very glad she was faithful to his charge, for had she not done so, she would never have seen him again.
Wa-Sha-Xnend lived with the Delawares a long, long time after this and had many firends, and no one dared to try to do him harm.
But the Sachem and the witch woman soon died, for they never could drive away the horrible vision of his death.
All should remember their fate and never seek to do those harm who have done you no wrong, for even though you may succeed for a while (by the help of the Evil Manitou), your own spirit will weaken at last and you will suffer the most in the end.

Taken from Adams, Richard C., Legends of the Delaware Indians and Picture Writing, Original publication - 1905.
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2023.06.04 23:11 mrmrmrmrbubbles Did I ruin my car?

TLDR: I was driving along the highway, and I switched the gear to Reverse from Drive.
I did this because A. Apparently, I'm an idiot. and B. I was used to driving standard before this car, and it was an automatic reaction, thinking I was going into higher gear... As soon as I realized what I'd done, I switched back into Drive, and the car worked normally.
FYI It's a 2018 Toyota Rav4 FWD. And yes, it made a terrible sound, like sticks breaking. This was a couple years ago now. Wondering if the subtle wobble I've been feeling is due to this. I was hoping I would just keep care of this car and drive it until it dies.
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