Best 410 shotgun for turkey hunting

My Gaige reached the mid-40s after doing most of the dlc quests in Normal Mode, so I figured she was ready for True Vault Hunter Mode for that extra boost to lvl 50, and the game kicked my ass for rushing the story mission. (I hate the beacon mission so much.)
I think the issue is that I'm not finding the right gear for her; I found a 35 quad on my normal playthrough that carried her through the whole post game, but I haven't found any other Jakobs shotguns that can outdamage it. From what I can tell, The Orphan Maker and the Triquetra are my two best options, but I'm a little worried about heading into the DLC since I've read that DLC's scales with the players level instead of having level limits like in Normal Mode. The right answer is to grind for weeks and eventually find another quad, but I really don't want to do that.
Is it better on TVHM to go through the whole Zaford-Hodunk questline to get the gun at its set level, or should I grab the Orphan Maker because it doesn't really matter?

Selling 2 Drake tickets in Chicago on July 7th. Was super excited to go because I haven't seen him yet but I can't make it anymore. Seats aren't the best (Section 333 Row 9) but Ticketmaster has all of the stupid fees that take money out of the buyer and sellers pocket. Willing to sell for cheaper than what I paid for ($410 each). Please message me if you're interested.

What's this, a weapon tier-list more than a decade after the game is published?
Yes.
I have Dead Space on the brain and I misspent many hours of my young adulthood on this game, so please suffer through my autism rant. My truth yearns to be told. I've stress-tested solo runs of every weapon back in the day and ran them through the Transit Hub fight as a testing ground to learn all the mechanics. And it needs escape after being penned-up for a decade. I love this franchise.
What's surprising about Dead Space 2 is that most of the guns are actually viable and fun. So even guns lower down on the list can comfortably beat the game if you know what you're doing. And there are very few actual truly bad weapons.
That said, here we go:
#1 Pulse Rifle (S-tier)
Best gun in Dead Space 2. Blasphemy. I know, I know, I love Plasma Cutter as much as the next guy, but after many many many playthroughs in Hardcore and Zealot, I have to narrowly award this the best gun.
Plasma Cutter is almost as good as the Pulse Rifle, but Pulse Rifle has a grenade launcher. So it has a built-in panic button that can just delete Necromorphs in a hurry. And like the cutter, has infinite range, fast reload, good damage and ammo capacity.
With the Cutter, I just leave it on horizontal cutting 100% of the time and never interact with the alternate fire mode. So the simple fact that there is a nuclear option on the Rifle puts it over.
You can animation cancel the Pulse Rifle to interrupt the burst to only fire one bullet. You do this by starting the firing animation then dropping the ADS midway. So you can always get pinpoint precise one-bullet shots doing this.
It's a bit hard to pull off under stress, but it's a great way of saving ammo if you have time to pick shots or just don't want to waste ammo on smaller and weaker targets. (The children Necros, for example.)
#2 Plasma Cutter (S-tier)
This needs no explanation. Plasma Cutter is the gold standard by which the other guns in this game are measured by. You can solo the entire game with this weapon and it's entirely self-sufficient and versatile in every situation.
While Plasma Cutter doesn't have a real "alt fire" mode, Stasis more than makes up for it. So that's not a real problem. And even so, it's an excellent gun if you position correctly. You don't really need "shotgun" support because the Cutter really is just that strong on its own.
#2 Javelin Gun (S-Tier)
The Javelin is just straight-up the superior version of the Seeker Rifle in every way. There's no tunnel-vision from scoping. It has pinpoint accuracy, high damage and high rate of fire. You can just kill Necromorphs by double-tapping Necromorphs in the chest. Weaker types just die in one-hit when fully upgraded. Also, it's ammo is stupidly cheap.
On top of that, it's alt-fire mode electrifies the last javelin you fired and then detonates it. So it's also an AOE explosive. You can also animation-cancel javelins to get them to detonate prematurely by firing another spear off.
Basically: This gun is just about spamming death spears without caring about cutting off the limbs mechanic. If one spear doesn't kill it, then two or three will. Who cares? High ROF and cheap ammo. If you somehow have terrible aim, don't worry, just buy more.
The only reason it isn't higher on this list is because it has a low magazine capacity and it's just a bit awkward to deal with swarm enemies. But it's still an S-tier gun. It's entirely self-sufficient and can deal with any situation in the game.
#3 Force Gun (A-Tier)
I'm dropping this gun down to A-Tier for a couple reasons.
First, it's not entirely self-sufficient. There are a few cutscene events where this gun will not do any damage. So you're forced to complement it with other weapons as companions to get through those parts.
Second, it has inferior range to every gun in S-tier. It's still very good range. It just isn't theoretically infinite.
But all that aside, it's a very comfy space shotgun. The primary fire zones enemies in your face and the secondary fire is a large blast that goes up to a good distance and does good amounts of damage. It's very forgiving and bypasses the need to aim at specific limbs. Counterintuitively, the primary fire is the utility while the secondary is the actual damage.
There is a bit of a charge delay to fire off the secondary, but I haven't found this to be a real drawback in actual stress-testing in gameplay. It's an easy weapon use to get excellent results.
#4 Flamethrower (A-Tier)
Yes. Flamethrower is a weapon players have been sleeping on. Yes it's better than everything lower on the list. Mald. Like the Force Gun, this weapon excels in medium to close ranges.
And by medium range, it's further than you think. The mistake most players (and myself) have made is that you underestimate its reach. It goes out a good distance so you need to fire a little early.
It like the Force Gun and Javelin gun doesn't care about aim. Just wash it over everything in reach and you will stunlock everything to death in a pretty short amount of time, even in Zealot. It's very good at zoning and controlling everything in reach. It has high capacity so you don't feel it's "wasted" on weaker enemies.
The alt-fire also throws a fire bomb canister as an AOE explosive. And it will pretty much one-shot most enemies. That said, it's strictly just a worse version of the the Pulse Rifle grenade because it doesn't detonate on impact, bounces for a bit and is a bit slow to fire and reload. Still, it's nice that you have the option.
Another downside is that it's not self-sufficient in all cut-scenes so you will have to companion it some of the time.
#5 Seeker Rifle (B-Tier)
This gun is extremely fun to use, but has a high skill ceiling to get the same results as better guns. You have to just completely change your playstyle altogether to solo-run the entire game with this.
It's good in all situations theoretically, but really really hard to master. It has a medium rate of fire, low magazine cap and high damage. You can just body shot enemies to death because it does so much damage. The ROF is just low enough that you really can't make too many mistakes.
I've figured my way around this by just keeping the Seeker Rfile on full-magnification. I only pull up ADS when I'm ready to acquire a target rather than tunnel-visioning at all times. It's definitely a weird mentality to approach the game, but it taught me to start doing that on other guns since it's easier to maintain peripheral vision if you're not hard-scoped all the time.
#6 Line Gun (B-Tier)
It's just a worse Plasma Cutter.
Sorry, I want to like it, but I don't. It's theoretically self-sufficient in all situations, but its rate-of-fire is painfully slow and its alternate timed explosive is extremely awkward and slow to place. On paper, it sounds like a great weapon, but the details of its implementation suck.
It has a higher skill ceiling for worse results than any other gun above this one. There are a lot of situations where Necromorphs slip in between the pacing of my shots. And that's no accident. Every gun above this one can basically just stagger stunlock enemies with a high rate-of-fire, then follow up the stuns with more precise killing shots at a low investment in time/cost.
You cannot miss with the Line Gun. You have to be perfect to never take damage. And its high damage and forgiving width doesn't justify how clunky it is overall. It's a good gun held back by a few major flaws.
Keep in mind, I just listed two guns that are pretty much AOE weapons and are braindead to the point of never needing to aim. And here? You have a slow gun you have to aim. And on top of all that, those other guns just have better alternate fire modes.
The more precise guns higher up on this list don't need to be precise all the time. You can just hammer the chest of a Necromorph to stunlock it then slowly creep your shots over to a killing shot. Just that barrage of shots will kill faster than you think.
#4 Ripper (C-Tier)
So take all the complaints I had so far and apply it to this gun.
The primary fire only zones a tiny space in front of you. The Flamethrower and Force Gun far outclass it here. It also has a very low damage over time effect and you can lose the sawblade if you're hit by an enemy.
So yeah, you lose your defensive zoning if you're hit. The number of times I've had an enemy just jump past my sawblade to hit me is too numerous to count. This is not an issue with the other short-range guns.
It's alt fire is theoretically mid-ranged projectile. Just inferior in every way to every other gun above this one. Line Gun sweeps a larger area without any projectile drop off. Javelin has high ROF, pinpoint accuracy and raw damage. Flamethrower just blankets a cone that you can sweep back and forth while stunlocking anything caught by it. Force Gun has better AOE hitscan coverage.
This gun is the most overrated gun in the Dead Space fandom. It's a fun gun but it's just a security blanket for bad players. A crutch. I almost want to put it lower on the list out of spite, but it's technically viable without wanting to pull out all your teeth.
Oh and it's not self-sufficient because it won't work in all cutscenes. Just to add insult to injury.
#5 Contact Beam (D-Tier)
It's just a worse version of the Seeker Rifle and Javelin.
Yes it one shots enemies. But has a longer charge time than the Force Gun, which does pretty close to the same damage in most situations. The difference is the Force Gun barely needs to be aimed.
Seeker Rifle can basically pop off two shots in the same time. Javelin could hurl out 2-3. The Pulse Rifle probably can just more cost-efficiently spam grenades at everything.
Its alternate fire is just garbage. Again it one-shots in an AOE, but who cares? It locks you into the animation to execute and you will and can take damage during it. Stasis is just better in most situations.
Oh and all the ammo is expensive. There's just no point to this gun. Spamming Javelins is way cheaper and does more damage.
#6 Rivet Gun (F-Tier)
This is the DLC weapon. Again, fun for meme runs, but it's just a bad gun. It has a high rate-of-fire and high capacity but somehow does less damage and is less forgiving than the Ripper or Plasma Cutter. It's like the worst combination of every weapon.
The alternate-fire mode is wonky and inconsistent with its physics. Basically it explodes all the nails you've already shot into an enemy, but even this doesn't guarantee a kill. While other alternate fire modes just don't need all this set-up to instantly delete enemies.
#7 Detonator (Worst Gun)
Okay, in fairness this gun isn't supposed to be a primary weapon. I think its intent is to be this minelayer gun that you can use to prep the battlefield.
It's just bad at that too.
The Detonator basically sets lasers in a line. It fires projectiles if anything trips those lasers. Also I think it explodes? It's been awhile since I played the game, much less used this weapon. I just remember hating it.
It will explode if you manage to hit it perfectly on an enemy. But if you miss it'll just latch onto wherever it lands.
So you can't theoretically use it as a direct fire weapon. But it's hitbox is small and you'll miss a lot. And it won't guarantee a kill even if you do land the shot.
As a trap, it just isn't practical. You could spend the entire game mining every vent. But this is boring and unfun. Not every vent will spawn an enemy. And even if it does, the lasers are so precise and finicky that you can't guarantee that an enemy will trip it, let alone die instantly from tripping one.
You'll have to metagame to even use the weapon properly and it'll still suck.

this is a prototype Yugen Glyph (hunt for my previous post lol or my medium article here ). Magic is not yet ready, this is just a prototype for capturing full concepts, I think instead of making it it's own language, it should act as a wrapper for all existing languages.
Put numbers where the text in the example is, put that numbered up version of the graph, on the front page of a document or sub-document, and then use bulleted paragraphs, or bulleted hyperlinks to parallel documents, and in each paragraph or parallel document: be as detailed or vague as is your accurate impression of the subject.
for example someone who really loves mathematics, will have a very detailed and huge document tree centered around this graph about their impression of math, and what is the opposite of math? for some folks the opposite is literal Nothingness with a capital N because math is Everything with a capital E. For others, the opposite of math is social studies, or art (people who think math and art are opposites, I mean I'd like to have a word with them, and would like to impress upon you that I think they are WRONG!! because perspective and symmetry and even the chemistry of the optics of our perceptions and neurochemistry of our impressions- all of art, is just layers... and layers... of math, but at the same time I feel why they may be misguided into that perception, because math not as a subject but as discipline is rather rigid whereas art is like Bob Ross' TV persona, it embraces mistakes as a part of the process whereas math as a discipline sternly rejects them! but math the subject and math the discipline are two different animals, math the subject is just pattern recognition and construction taken into the furthest reaches of human capacity as an elevated artform. so math the discipline is a bit like professor Snape from Terfy/Harry Potter, math the subject is a friggin kaleidoscopic rainbow of infinite imagination and possibilities, math professors create worlds with the best of em man. Like portraits of possibility written out like the rules to an otherwise inconceivable game! I love math! I hate being taught it, but I LOVE exploring it!!!! Just as much as I love a good anime or trip to the art museum or a fun creative novel or cool visual patterns on cute clothing Math Art what's the difference really, art is just math with fun inaccuracies, math with wiggle room, but they'll always be two heads attached to the same Demogorgon)
I rambled... where was I.... Yes, I may disagree with someone who thinks art and math are opposites but disagreement, truckloads of it, all of the disagreement that is physically capable of existing in the same place at once without collapsing into a blackhole, none of it will invalidate their experience and that's what this linguistic wrapper is about. It's about...
...Dreams Nightmares The Holy Spirit, Trips to the depths of Hell, good days and bad days, weird experiences that last only a fleeting instant and leave a deep impression. All of that.
Doesn't matter if you believe in it or not, because the it as it was perceived may not exist, whilst at the same time (and read this maybe a few times) the it as a perception is irrefutable.
Peoples WRONG >-( feelings are still valid man... I mean you may think drinking your own pee kept you hydrated in the desert and drinking alcohol kept you warm in the tundra, you'd be oh so very wrong (to the point of nearly killing yourself) but that comfort you felt when you thought you were surviving in the wilderness like a pro, that was real, the way misinformation was munched on by your brain like it was the good stuff, that was also very real and you, yourself are valid no matter what.
Like what is reality? that's a linguistic question more than a scientific one.
If you define it as what is felt to be real, then hey, people who remember shit vividly, even when it's factually incorrect, like how myself among many others remember the Bearenstein Bears, whom according to all outside stimuli I generally trust, were actually historically always the Bearenstain Bears, and likely because of the cartoon introduction pronouncing it with a thick accent, and me reading them when my trained mental optical character recognition skills for the english language were at a fledging capacity because I was very very VERY young, my ears hear the woman with the thick accent call them Bearenstein, my eyes were not yet trained to strongly discriminate between "a" and "e". I can safely conclude I remembered it wrong and was the victim of multimodal confusion.
However a good deal of people have come to a much cooler set of conclusions; ready?!
They believe that either A) they are from a parallel history that was destroyed by something and their souls migrated here; B) that a bunch of very skilled book ninjas replaced every book with an identically weathered copy of itself except for small changes to the print, or C) that God did like the ninjas in the previous example did, and either physically changed history but left some of us with a spiritual memory of our alternate history for whatever reason, or to the same effect God just did as the ninjas in the previous example did and used God power to rearrange the ink on every page of the books.
Hey those conclusions are wild, and sometimes when I'm feeling fanciful I do indeed like to imagine or even convince myself I am from a parallel earth where minor details about things are definitely different because I remember them "wrongly" so vividly, it would be MORE fair of a world if my memory was flawless and thus proof that I am a world wrangler of some kind. I don't believe that. that's not my reality.
But that's my point, from an evidentiary perspective trying to prove you are from a parallel universe is like trying help Sisyphus take a break, or trying to reconstruct the 'original' ship of Theseus even whilst the ship is still arguably here. it's not impossible per se, but what does it even mean man? is it even possible? does it even make sense to say outloud? ...or is it just some gnome chopsky meaninful gibberish type stuff?
mind-blown... but whilst they might not be from a alternate universe, because that would imply that evidentiarily there would be some kind of coordinate to visit where they come from... is it really wrong to say they're from an alternate reality? I'd argue no, reality is a word that linguists bitch about, because in English we use the same word and spread it over a couple of separate concepts, the physical present as the arithmetic mean of measurers' consensus has it, and then present internal personal experience. both are reality.
I mean if you stick something friggin cold on my skin, I might experience an internal reality of paradoxical heat, whilst someone peeping through a thermal imaging cam would experience a physical external measurement of me being exposed to extreme cold.
which one is "true"?
well for us, "us" the cold is true, but for me, myself, I, alone; the hot was what I felt most vividly, that's "my truth" as the south of the USA annoyingly puts it. (the idea that truth isn't singular still annoys me).
(TRUTH is singular, but I'd argue TRUTH is also beyond the perceptual capacity of mortals)
we don't converge on truth we converge on measurable contemporary consensus about our perceived external reality, which as luck would have it is practically the same as truth but slightly different. We'll never know if the universal constants we take for granted are just one click away from some cosmic teenager tweaking a couple setting on their screensaver and erasing us from existence, and since we can't measure this cosmic teenager, we don't bother about them, but hey, maybe someday they'll get bored of their current screensaver, we'll all just kind of disintegrate like when Thanos Snapped in the Marvel End Game event.
Just minding our own business and then atoms all over the world turn to jelly when exposed to sunlight or something. not likely according to what we know, but we know we can't know everything, so just be grateful it isn't our current reality and continue taking thing for what they appear to be for now I guess.
As for internal reality, that's what's driving me to write this. that's what drove you here for whatever reason. we have more direct contact with internal reality, external reality is just some consistent pattern pattern we or you or I feel internally as if we have less control over it than we do over our thoughts, so it feels external, whether or not reality warpers that can bend reality just as easily as you can choose to compose a naughty joke in your head exist, that's a matter for science fiction writers and philosophers and fringe bio-physics researchers.
And subtractively some people have more intrusive thoughts than controlled thoughts, some people have and other people don't have inner voices; some people have high resolution internal imaging software for pictures and sounds that they vividly hallucinate at will, other people have very delicate and subtle to no imagination capacity, if we can subtract from inner reality it makes sense to imagine that adding to it is not out of the question.
is control and perception of your limbs inner reality? yes, but does it have some small interference effect on this external reality we feel exposed to... (rather than as familiar with as a bodily or mental sensation) ...sometimes, not if you're percieving the movement of a severed or paralyzed limb though.
what about dreams, they can feel just as external as the waking world, but with this weird capacity to exist on a scale of externality to internality, a lucid dream, is basically what the external world would be like if your thoughts could reshape it at will. I find that depressing, so maybe my soul if you believe in that sort of thing cordoned off its godlike powers to enter a simulation (this place) willing so that it could feel the comfort of a world that is managed by relatively firm seeming laws, rather than one where my intrusive thoughts might erase things from history or change the people I love without their consent, maybe this "external"/"physical" universe is like a mental hospital for reality warpers who have intrusive thoughts, and we belong to some hive mind species from an external universe, but we're in therapy right now, to learn to tell the difference between concepts that are important to our ilk, and or to just be allowed to safely be ourselves without accidentally committing super powered crimes against our ilk unintentionally.
for most people under most circumstances in this world a thought does not immediately cause an action, our mind subconsciously proposes several possible actions and we analyze them come to a few conclusions pit those conclusions against eachother, and then let the winner lead us to the most victorious action/behavior chain, and then immediately after doing all of that subconsciously we become consciously aware of our behaviors, make up some random likely rationale for why we chose those behaviors, and then we sit back and enjoy the show as the consequences of our conscious and subconscious choices roll in, which we consciously and subconsciously react to and mull over to lead to hopefully better decisions in the future, or atleast that's my understanding of the gist of it.
now what if that whole automatic suggestion of possible actions we could take, which we you know, think of as a good thing, is actually a mental illness in some culture we don't know we belong to, and when combined with our mental reflexive power to warp reality, makes us basically their cultures version of violently reactive psychopaths, but because they can read minds they don't harbor ill will towards us, they just know we're not put together correctly, so they've made us a new type of external reality that neutralizes our bad nature and allows us to live with this incurable mental illness in a safe environment with the opportunity to seize happy lives for ourselves?
If our minds were wiped after the simulation box was activated around us, I mean it's just a scifi twist on the allegory of the cave, and the matrix did pretty much it similarly.
but what this does illustrate besides my urge to do creative writing, is that internal and external reality are separated by a fuzzy line, if there's even a line there at all.
Yet whilst on one hand the boundary is so ill defined it looks more like a continuum.
On the other hand the boundary is night and day.
I don't live in your fricken head, and if you live in mine you've been really respectful cos I haven't noticed ya.
and people get hurt because the way they think things works is proven wrong the hard way and it sends them to the hospital all the time.
Like oh, petting this bear is a smart decision... ...3 hours later, wakes up on the hospital bed feeling drowsy and with strange sensations in random parts of the body, nurse leans over face: "your lucky to be alive" says the nurse.
because guess what, weirdly it's obvious what's part of your reality and what's part of our reality, until you try to give a fuck, then it's nonobvious again.
circling back around, are people whom genuinely feel as though they are from alternate realities crazy? maybe.
Are they actually experiencing what it is like to be from an alternate reality? yes, absolutely, they know how strange it feels, to them it is real, their experience is valid, and their feelings matter!!
No I speculated about meta-realities a couple times here (realities that are outside "the matrix" as the kids say). but I haven't like vividly experienced a meta-reality, infact most people want "out" I want in deeper, I'm a gamer and a dreamer, I want more of the good stuff, and for me that's a machine of my own making within the machine we all call home, If I were Plato in the cave, and I escaped my shackles, I'd go spelunking for a deeper cave and a better fire, I wouldn't worry about what the sun was on about or how fresh feels superior to grimey cave air, I'd be ALL about my shadow puppets man, and differently colored fires, pretty much the only way that I'd be bothered to leave the cave, would be to get supplies to pimp out my cave. That's just my perception of myself, and it's valid.
You wanna leave, well, don't kill yourself illegally, but when you die of natural causes, for find a legally sanctioned way to off yourself under the supervision of the law and behind a lot of red tape to ensure that you are just clinically depressed and trying to fix temporary problems with permanent solutions... ...like, leave, you're not my hostage. I care. I want you to be happy. but my cave's not for everybody and I respect if you've had enough of this ride man. #love by the way please really don't kill yourself without asking your local family and municipalities for permission, suicide is like vigilante justice mixed with self harm, it might seem cool if you're emotionally stunted in some way, but Pheonix Jones ("the only real life superhero" look him up.) allegedly (and I use that word mostly to avoid being sued) allegedly turned out to be a drug dealer, that's how he got money for his cool hero cave and his bullet proof armor and stun sticks and fancy form fitting outfit and probably a lot of the stuff that made him seem cool... drug dealer... "I'm gonna save people can't swim" he says, jumping into the pool, without knowing how to swim.
Beating up people for the minor crime of being drunken assholes, meanwhile secretly a hardcore drug dealer.
Don't idolize the people who beat people up for fame, idolize the people who give food to homeless people and money to shelter programs.
Likewise don't idolize suicide, your valuable, and I know you don't know anymore about the afterlife than I do, nobody has measured it thus far so your playing bingo and Russian roulette at the same time when you die, is Shiva the master of all things? Is Santa clause? AM I GONNA BECOME AN ELF WHEN I DIE!? Who the fuck knows, it's a bad idea to fuck around and find out. So step back from that ledge my friend. maybe we're all just shopping mall mannequins who dream of being alive and each time we die we wake up paralyzed and faceless and powerless trapped in our own bodies and ignored by everyone save those whom want to vandalize us and dress us up in clothes we're not allowed to pick for ourselves, and maybe we're even telepathically subjected to the thoughts of every soul in the mall from the others like us to the selfish shoppers to the rats in the ventilation shafts, and then these moments of fleeting life our the most precious things to our existence until our plastic bodies gradually get buried beneath the earth or overgrown of abandoned malls and country dumps and thousands of years later we enter the geological cycle and are crushed and melted by the powers of the earth into unrecognizable forms and our minds will be set back to the carefree lives of amorphous inorganic formless chemical floating across the universe as we once were before some chemist in a lab trapped us into the form of a plastic press fit human sculpture... ...you don't know man... you may only get to live like us in your dreams and who knows what schedule a mannequin dreams on... most people think you're inanimate and you only get to feel the pleasures and pains of life for yourself when you have blessed dreams like these. So don't throw this dream way.
If you are in a dark place, and want to kill yourself to fix it, I find that to be a kind of paradoxical optimism. you really think that it'll be better on the outside? when has anyone ever said, "man I am so glad I have to go to work and stop playing my favorite videogame." NEVER (unless they meant in hindsight because they met their future romantic partner during an otherwise normal work day, but aside from uncommon exceptions nobody says that!) life is a game, you're stuck on a hard part right now, don't press the quit button, because the haters are invading, and the world needs more good people like you alive in it, so that other good people can live comfortable lives, and possible share that happiness with you down the road once they find out what a cool person you are!!
Now that I've gotten the "who knows what's out" the "are they really crazy" and the "please don't commit suicide willy nilly" out of the way, let's get back to wrapping things up, this is a quasi-conlang, it's like a framework that any written language can squeeze into to augment itself.
It's a graph that you can put pictures numbers petroglyphs or ideograms on, whatever is your speed.
If you write really small you can fit all of the information on the graph and then just use A FRIGGIN MAGNIFYING GLASS (or microscope honestly) to read back what you wrote to yourself, alternatively you can make citations that lead elsewhere wherehaps there is more writing space :-)
then you fill out the glyph with your maximum literary capacity, take a break, comeback, read everything again and internalize it and mentally partition it to each aspect of the Yugen Glyph, then you stand back and look at the Yugen Glyph one last time fully appreciating it by picturing all of the aspects of this particular version of the glyph, in simultaneity and symmetric juxtaposition. this isn't just the concept in some idealized platonic form, this is much much cooler than that; it's your inner world's platonic atomic unit of that concept, albeit, you're now able to reflect and express full perception that your past self had...
....and sadly as a state cannot fully observe itself without changing and thus getting caught in one of those nasty infinite polymorphic loops, the moment you fill this graph out in whatever languages of your choice... (I'm gonna mix english with my emoglyphs with this graph/wrapper because english is my native language and my emoglyphs depict other important aspects of the inner reality in great detail) ...is the moment you confront this concept in its truest form as you are currently capable of perceiving it. Some things like to change the moment you observe them. You may go, "oh wait I can add more details now..." or "oh wait, it suddenly feels different to me now that I've gotten a good look at the way I'm looking at it". and that's okay, this sort of pulls the concept out of your body.
I forgot whether it was Sophie's world (a book I read a long time ago) or an actual philosopher who gave this example, but basically rivers are always flowing, their only constant is change, humans are much the same way. When a person is standing in a river they are in sync with the river they are closely acquainted with this river, they are one with the flow and the flow has become one with them. Then when that same person steps out of the river to go dry off and get a snack, they are obviously no longer one, but when that person eventually comes back to that river, even if they stand in the same map coordinate as before, them and the river have to get reacquainted, as they have fallen out of sync, it's a new river, there are new grains of sand under this person's feet, and this person isn't quiet as young as the last person, even if they are technically "the same person" according to the memory and experiences of this new person.
These concepts are like people standing in the river of your mind, and my Yugen Glyph is like some mystical force that can eject them from you, so that you can get reacquainted with them in your own right, or distribute them to other rivers to help you propagate and introduce some concepts native to you into the public zeitgeist.
Some of these concepts are like people who have entered you by force and then become one with your flow, others are like the local wildlife that has been a part of your flow in a flowing away eversince your flow first formed, either way the intent of these Yugen Glyphs is to empower you to control the ecosystem of your flow and the flows around you better, because everything is connected and power of concepts is itself a powerful concept.
The YugenGlyph filled with placeholder text that you might need to zoom in on super closely to read in some parts... lol XD.
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The Blank conceptogram for you to save and print out and draw on. If you ask me nicely, I'll make a printer friendly version, but you have to beg and make me feel like royalty XD JK lol, nah, if any body is interested in printer friendly just ask I'll simplify the design add some patterns to compensate for the lack of color (black and white no gray) and then I'll be like \"K, here, you can play with it now.\" :-)
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the end that's it you made it
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postamble: remember this is a prototype I may adopt more than one thing as my "Yugen Glyphs" before I settle on a final design.
This is MK1 of an unknown incoming number of Yugen glyphs, please offer creative stirrings to me.
I'm not really open to criticism at the moment as I'm, just doing this to get steam out and hence don't care for advice on how to do it right, it's an energy sponge project, it's here to capture my excess energy and channel it into something non-destructive and it is doing its job very well I can attest to that. if it bothers you that I don't care, no one is making you hang out with me, just leave, stop torturing yourself it encourages my evil side to laugh at you. (rightfully so since you coming here to complain would be self inflicted psychic slapstick comedy in a way)

Staked: 193.15u, Profit/Loss: +8.41u, ROI: 4.36%, Parlay Suggestions: 51-21
Scroll down for UFC 289 Breakdowns. Below is just a review of last week’s bets.
UFC Vegas 74
Staked: 18.70u
Profit/Loss: -3.31u
Parlay Suggestions: 3-2
✅ 2u Alex Caceres to Win & Arlovski/Mayes Over 1.5 Rounds (+100)
❌ 2u Jim Miller & Jamie Mullarkey to Win (-125)
✅ 2.5u Jim Miller ITD (-105)
✅ 0.5u Jim Miller in Round 1 (+235)
❌ 2u Abubakar Nurmagomedov to Win (-105)
❌ 1.5u Andrei Arlovski to Win by Decision (+200)
❌ 2u Muin Gafarov to Win (-125)
❌ 3u Luan Lacerda to Win (-125)❌ 1u Luan Lacerda to Win by Submission or Decision (+100)
✅ 2u Philipe Lins to Win (+140)
Once again I was my own worst enemy, making some good reads once I initially dropped the preview (Lins, Caceres, Elliott) but consistently made tweaks in the build-up that sent things south. I really need to be more disciplined and block out the noise once I’ve made my initial conclusions. I remember when I started posting here I was tipping about four bets maximum…now I apparently have action across almost every fight.
Going forward I think I’ll stop analysing each bet in this section, as no-one seems to really comment on that stuff and it just eats into the overall character count.
So let’s get into the PPV.
UFC 289
This is a weird, weird PPV card. I guess they kind of have to have a title fight at the top of the billing over a number-one contender bout as co-main, but to see Mike Malott, Nate Landwehr and Eryk Anders perform before Charles Oliveira…and then Amanda Nunes as the main event, is quite funny. Canadian MMA has been in ruins since GSP and Rory MacDonald left the UFC, and none of the guys on this card are not the one to restore its glory.
I know I say it every time the PPV event rolls around, but MMA oddsmakers are very sharp for these higher profile events. Once again I find myself coming to very similar conclusions for a lot of the fights here, so I very much expect this one to be a much smaller slate for me. Definitely a good idea given what I said in the review of last week.
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Amanda Nunes v Irene Aldana
There’s a very loud narrative surrounding Amanda Nunes these days, and it’s a hard one to ignore. Having been in the UFC for a decade and holding a title for 7 years, there’s literally nothing left for her to do. She’s had the big money fights that Women’s MMA can offer (Rousey, Cyborg & the “redemption” sequel with Pena), and she doesn’t seem interested in setting up another fight with Shevchenko (who, to be fair, she’s beaten twice). What else is there for Nunes to be motivated for?
Outside the cage, She’s started a family with Nina Ansaroff, who also retired very recently and has spoken about wanting a second child with Nunes. The Brazilian has spoken quite candidly about her aspirations to retire very soon as well, and I believe that she would have laid her gloves in the centre of the Octagon if she’d beaten Pena in their initial meeting. She had to right the wrongs in the sequel, but a victory over Pena at UFC 289 to make it 2-1 in the series was probably enough of a narrative for Nunes to put her career to bed then and there. It’s a bold prediction, but I have a hunch that Nunes has done this whole training camp knowing it’s going to be her last.
Unfortunately, Pena was forced to withdraw and Irene Aldana steps in to challenge for the belt instead. Mexican MMA is absolutely booming right now, with three champions in the last few months, and the stage really feels set for Aldana. She’s always had very impressive boxing, as well as some opportunistic submissions…but her inability to stuff takedowns has often been her undoing in her career. Given that Nunes has relied heavily on her wrestling in recent years (20 takedowns in her last 4 wins), I think it’s fair to say Nunes should once again be favoured here.
Women’s Bantamweight and Featherweight have been underdeveloped weight classes for some time now, where the same names that were competing for the belt in like 2019 are still in the top 5 (looking at you Holly Holm!). The next generation seems to have broken through at Flyweight, with Valentina losing her last two title defences (not officially, but I scored the first one quite confidently for Santos). Nunes has been fortunate enough to govern over a division that doesn’t have many of those up-and-coming prospects yet, but those on the rise are still training and competing in a modern MMA context more frequently than the champion – which makes me think the changing of the guard could happen sometime soon. (For more on this, I asked a hypothetical question in the comment section).
So, overall, I think there are a lot of valid asterisks on Nunes’ name at the moment, and I think her career is coming to an end sometime soon, if not after this fight. However, if she’s fighting at her optimum then Aldana’s weaknesses can certainly be exploited, and are enough to deem her the Champion as favourite. With that said, I actually think Aldana could more than hold her own in the striking, so I would already be lining this one closer than Nunes normally is…and after adding in the narrative that surrounds the fight I think it gets even closer.
Therefore, I’ll be playing a 0.5u “value bet” on Aldana. It’s not something I expect to win, but I think her chances of winning are much greater than the odds available.
How I line this fight: Amanda Nunes -175 (64%), Irene Aldana +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: 0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
Notable Props: I'd encourage you to play Nunes by Submission or Decision if you wanted to play her.
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Charles Oliveira v Beneil Dariush
Oh this is a spicy one. Charles Oliveira holds a special place in my heart as being my favourite fighter of all time, and he’s the fighter I’ve definitely made the most money on in my time betting on MMA. At the start of that massive win streak he went on, you could get a decent price on Oliveira ITD against so many prelim guys, and the underdog prices available against Kevin Lee, Tony Ferguson, Michael Chandler and Dustin Poirier were even better.
But, as we know, Islam Makhachev exists and did a sensational job against Oliveira. Such a good job in fact, that I expect it to be footage that Beneil Dariush and his camp have dissected in great detail.
Dariush is an equally exciting fighter to watch. He’s got a brilliant skillset, but he’s not particularly athletic which makes him a very unassuming fighter. He looks like some bloke that works in HR in your office…not an elite Lightweight UFC fighter.
I think Dariush’s BJJ abilities are going to be the key to this fight, as we’ve seen many times in his career already. High level BJJ is a brilliant quality because not only does it make you dangerous at finishing fights, it also improves your defence and provides the platform for a wrestling based offence. We saw Dariush make full use of this in his wins over Tony Ferguson, Carlos Diego Ferreira (x2) and Thiago Moises, as well as his takedown defence on display against Gamrot. I feel like he’s going to be able to dictate where the fight takes place here.
What interests me is the competitiveness of the striking. If you’ve been watching this sport religiously for over seven years, you’ll still remember when Dariush was thought to have a glass jaw, where the likes of Alex Hernandez, Drew Dober and Drakkar Klose hurt him badly with strikes. I feel like Dariush has had quite favourable matchmaking against that weakness on his recent streak, and Oliveira is potentially one of the biggest threats he’s faced on the feet in recent years in terms of power.
On the flipside, Oliveira is still as reckless as ever, and has been knocked down or hurt in each of his last four title fights. Only Makhachev came away with a win in those fights, because his grappling was at a good enough level that he was happy to follow Charles down to the mat when he knocked him down, and capitalised fully to secure the submission soon after. Dariush has sneaky power himself, and if he is able to land a knockdown on Oliveira then I think we see him capitalise too.
The volatility is going to be massive in this fight, as both men are hard hitters with durability concerns (maybe not in a fight ending sense, but they frequently get rocked). With that in mind, I think any sort of finish is going to be very live in this fight. If not, I think you have to give Dariush the decision winning potential, as I think his ability to find top position is greater than Oliveira’s. It’s enough to make Benny the favourite, but not by a whole lot. I think the books have got this one priced spot on, actually.
How I line this fight: Charles Oliveira +110 (48%), Beneil Dariush -110 (52%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: FDGTD is probably a decent parlay piece at -200 or better
Live Betting Lean: I think the longer this fight goes, the more it favours Dariush due to his round winning superiority.
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Mike Malott v Adam Fugitt
Honestly the fact that I’m breaking down this fight straight after Oliveira v Dariush is hilarious. I wouldn’t even question it if this was on the prelims of an Apex card.
I underestimated Mike Malott in his last fight against Yohan Lainesse, and my take was so bad that I looked like an idiot. He impressed me a lot, and I think he impressed the UFC too for them to give him this spot on the main card.
Malott looks to have really good submission ability, but I’m still a bit concerned that his striking might be a few too many steps behind. People will say things looked improved in the Lainesse fight, but I think that was more a case of Lainesse having no real interest in engaging or committing to his strikes in the early goings (he has become gunshy as to manage cardio). The fight against Mickey Gall was a massive, massive red flag for Malott…no one in the UFC should really be getting outstruck by Gall. That footage was from a year ago though, so there’s a chance he has improved things since then…but I don’t think you can really use the Lainesse fight as evidence of that.
Malott faces Adam Fugitt, who took the ‘sacrificial lamb’ approach to entering the UFC when he was paired up with Michael Morales – who is lowkey a very bright young prospect. It’s important not to judge a fighter by their performance in that type of fight, it’s best to instead treat their sophomore fight as their ‘real’ debut. We saw that with Fugitt, as he dominated Yusaku Kinoshita as a +260 underdog earlier this year.
I was quite impressed with Fugitt in his loss to Morales. His striking clearly wasn’t on Morales’ level, and he’ll have to be careful of Malott’s powerful hands, but he showed decent defensive awareness and had a couple of moments of his own. Fugitt’s a bit too kick heavy for my liking, but it looks like it confuses opponents and actually works well at establishing range. It did exactly that in his Solomon Renfro win.
Malott’s fight against Renfro however, despite only being 90 seconds long, really sums up his abilities as a fighter. He was getting tagged on the feet, but managed to find one moment to land a powerful shot and sinked in a choke in the blink of an eye. He was losing 98% of that fight convincingly.
The big question for this fight revolves around Fugitt’s grappling ability on bottom, and initial takedown defence, as that’s where most of Malott’s win equity is going to be. Unfortunately we have not actually seen him defensive grapple, so honestly it’s impossible to accurately line this fight given how integral it should be. The only inclination I have is that Fugitt’s takedowns have looked really good in his two fights. DC was very impressed with how he got Morales down, and his trips were also looking on point against Kinoshita. He did great work on top as well when he did establish position, and worked his way to a finish efficiently.
However, there can sometimes be a big disparity between a wrestler’s grappling ability on top vs on bottom, which is why BJJ is so important to MMA (see the breakdown of Dariush!). Therefore, complimenting Fugitt’s top position grappling doesn’t mean a whole lot, as he could be atrocious on bottom, and even if he does use wrestling himself he’s going to dive headfirst into Malott’s nasty guillotine.
So in conclusion, you can’t have super strong opinions on this fight, but you can deduce that Malott has more ways to win. If Fugitt isn’t winning via striking, it’s likely he’s not winning at all. Malott, on the other hand, could win with a big shot on the feet, through takedowns and top control of his own, or even from a guard submission on bottom.
Therefore, with Malott being the hometown hero and likely taking all the betting action on the moneyline, I think the books have the liberty to juice his odds a fair bit. -200 is probably an example of that, but it’s not too far off where I’d line this fight. There are still enough unknowns about both men that I wouldn’t be too surprised to see Fugitt pull off the upset, but I think the +170 available on him in return isn’t providing a whole lot of value. Smart work by the oddsmakers.
How I line this fight: Mike Malott -175 (64%), Adam Fugitt +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Malott by Submission would be the bet I’d make at +200 or better if someone told me I had to. Won’t be playing it though.
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Dan Ige v Nate Landwehr
Well it seems the UFC matchmakers have confirmed their position on Dan Ige. He’s a top 15 gatekeeper now! His string of losses to Evloev, Emmett, Korean Zombie and Kattar did put one too many nails in his title aspiration coffin, but those bounce-back performances against Gavin Tucker and Damon Jackson were pretty impressive to me.
Ige is still a very, very tricky fighter to beat because he’s so well rounded, as most of the top 15 at Featherweight are. Ige faces Nate Landwehr, who has been on an entertaining run of form in the UFC – beating the likes of Ludovit Klein, David Onama and Austin Lingo. Whilst running through his record, it is important to note he went to a close decision in a striking bout against Darren Elkins, and also lost to Herbert Burns and Julian Erosa.
As I say quite often in higher level FeatheBantam/Fly-Weight breakdowns, they’re very tricky divisions to identify skill gaps in. The elite in the division are all very well-rounded offensively and defensively, so it often feels like you’re splitting hairs when you’re trying to find attributes that favour one fighter over the other.
The same can kind of be said here, except Dan Ige has the much better record in terms of actual wins and overall experience. If I imagine Nate Landwehr competing against Ige’s last eight opponents, I genuinely think he might win 1 or 2 of them…whilst Ige has won 4, not been finished in any of the losses and given a good account of himself on each scorecard (except the Evloev loss).
So honestly, the only real thing I feel I can reference here in terms of differentiating between both men is ‘levels’…but I genuinely think that’s enough for Ige to be about -200 here. You can’t go any further than that because this fight should still be reasonably competitive, but given what Ige has done to the opponents he’s stepped down in competition for (Damon Jackson, Gavin Tucker), I think you can have a certain degree of confidence that he should find that extra 10% to clearly win this fight. That equates to around -175 in my mind.
How I line this fight: Dan Ige -175 (64%), Nate Landwehr +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Ige ITD could be of some interest, as he’s started showing real power in his hands, and Landwehr is quite finish-able in his losses.
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Marc-Andre Barriault v Eryk Anders
Eryk Anders is one of the most frustrating guys to watch. He had so much athleticism and decent skills, but just doesn’t put his best foot forward. Barely any evolution to his game, poor fight IQ…but the occasional glimmers of potential – enough to stop you from writing him off despite his constant underdelivering.
Marc-Andre Barriault is kind of the opposite really. He’s a jack-of-all-trades, master of none…but he will do everything in his power to maximise his advantages to turn the fight in his favour. He isn’t a physical specimen and doesn’t really have much power…but he can hustle hard for 15 minutes and use a mixture of striking, takedowns and clinch work to win rounds.
Anders has actually had some of his better performances in recent fights, looking in great shape and form against Kyle Daukaus, arguably beating Jun Yong Park by decision, and outpoint + KO’ing Darren Stewart (x2) beforehand.
If this fight was happening two years ago, MAB would be like -200 here due to his reliability to out-hustle Anders, but his recent performances have been a little bit lacklustre (Hernandez ragdolled him and Chidi Njokuani folded him like a deckchair). Couple that with the fact that Anders FINALLY looks to be growing into the potential he’s always been on the cusp of with a recent change in training camp…I think you’re looking at a closely lined fight here.
I predict this one ends up being a 29-28, possibly split decision type of fight. One man has activity whilst the other has power. The subjectivity of judging will be in full effect and everyone will call this one a robbery, depending on who they bet on.
How I line this fight: Marc-Andre Barriault +100 (50%), Eryk Anders +100 (50%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Barriault by Decision would probably be my preferred choice.
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Jasmine Jasudavicius v Miranda Maverick
Miranda Maverick is a Women’s MMA fighter that I hold in very high regard. The back-to-back losses put a real halt to her hype train, but I think she’s easily got Top 10 potential and got robbed against Maycee Barber anyway. I think her style is one that can very easily exploit a lot of opponents in her division. Her striking’s okay, but her wrestling and top pressure are very dominant tools.
She takes on Jasmine Jasudavicius, who has also used her wrestling ability to good effect in the UFC/DWCS so far. Neither woman is a particularly good striker, and I expect this one to turn into a bit of a scramble fest pretty quickly.
Their statures have been very important factors in their grappling successes so far, but for different reasons. JJ is basically a size bully at 5’7 and will have a 4 inch height advantage once again. Maverick, on the other hand, is going to be the stronger of the two during those close quarter engagements, because she’s pretty damn jacked.
I think Maverick should be favoured overall as I think her wrestling is the superior of the two and should lead to more time in top position, but I’m definitely not keen to play her at -275. Miranda’s strengths are also her opponent’s strengths, and facing the lanky size of Jasudavicius could cause her problems when it comes to securing the initial takedowns against those long legs, or keeping safe from guard submissions or maintaining that dominant position in the first place. Also, if they do somehow end up choosing to strike for significant portions, I can’t actually guarantee that Maverick is the better on the feet (reach disadvantage plays a part too).
I do however like Maverick to win this one, but not by the confidence of the current odds. I’m expecting this one to go the distance, but I highly doubt we get a good line on it as Maverick couldn’t even finish Shanna Young last time out.
How I line this fight: Jasmine Jasudavicius +188 (35%), Miranda Maverick -188 (65%)
Bet or Pass: Pass.
Notable Props: Fight goes to decision. It's probably like -400.
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Blake Bilder v Kyle Nelson
There are a couple of fights on this card where one guy is clearly more populasuccessful/in-form than their opponent, but they’re still only around -200 (Dan Ige & Mike Malott are the best examples). Blake Bilder is the third. Before I jumped into research for all three of these bouts, I was instinctively thinking that I could easily want to bet all three at -200, as that didn’t seem short enough by my initial perception of their names. I came away from Ige and Malott agreeing with the line and feeling grateful that I looked into it…but I still think Blake Bilder’s odds are providing a bit of value.
Kyle Nelson is one of those fodder guys. The UFC are keeping him around to give to prospects and home-town fighters in the hope that they can invest in the future or the event itself. Jai Herbert notched a win for Team UK against Nelson on a UFC London card, Doo Ho Choi got given a softball to get him back on track for a card that was supposed to be in South Korea. Billy Quarantillo got given Nelson to put his name on the map with a highlight reel finish..and now Blake Bilder is being presented the chance to extend his UFC record to 2-0.
Bilder’s already fought a better opponent in the UFC when he beat Shane Young in February. We saw a very high pace being set in the third round of that fight, with both men landing 100+ significant strikes across the fight and Bilder also attempting 7 takedowns. His cardio is clearly quite decent, which will immediately give him the advantage over Nelson – who has often wilted in the latter half of a fight when the pace has been hectic.
Bilder’s a very well-rounded combatant, and has great BJJ once he gets established time on top. He’s a bit of a concern defensively though, where he can be taken down and can also get caught with strikes.
Kyle Nelson, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to know what kind of fighter he is. He’s been a brawler for all of his UFC career, but comes out to land five takedowns and is seemingly not interested in striking with a Doo Ho Choi who has questionable durability. He didn’t do much at all with those takedowns either and actually put himself in danger in R1 by insisting on grappling.
If Nelson comes out looking to wrestle Bilder, I think they’re at different levels in the grappling and Blake should be able to turn things around in his favour. If they’re striking, I am aware that Nelson’s got fight ending power, but Bilder’s been much more patient and cerebral in his last couple of fights, so I trust him to stay safe and look for his openings. We saw him reactively find a takedown off of Shane Young’s kick, and Nelson’s offense is very body kick heavy.
Overall, I just think Bilder is the better fighter in pretty much every facet of MMA except one-punch power and, as long as he doesn’t get flash KO’d, I think he rolls here. -200 isn’t quite short enough, and I expect money to come in on him between now and fight night. I’ve already got my money down, just in case.
How I line this fight: Blake Bilder -300 (75%), Kyle Nelson +300 (25%)
Bet or Pass: 5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
Notable Props: Bilder ITD or R3 could be interesting. I'd probably be interested in that if I didn't have a lot of exposure already.
Aiemann Zahabi v Aoriqileng
There was a time where Aiemann Zahabi was considered one of the worst guys on the roster. Crazy that the standard of UFC fighter has gotten so much worse that that statement seems ridiculous now. To be fair, Zahabi did pull off a respectable upset in beating Ricky Turcios in his last fight..but it seems to be unanimously agreed that Ricky fought like an idiot in that fight and actually beat himself.
Aoriqileng is quite explosive and clearly hits hard, but he’s a bit too keen to hunt for the KO and it hurts his minute-winning ability. Against someone like Zahabi, who is quite composed and process driven (how could you not be when Firas is your family and coach), and I see that being a pretty key part to this fight. The big moments will side with the Mongolian, but Aiemann could just put together the more cohesive performance if he doesn’t get troubled by that explosiveness.
Overall this is just a pretty low level fight between guys who don’t compete very often. I didn’t have a whole lot to say prior to watching tape, and I’ve come away feeling equally uncertain of how this one’s going to end. An easy pass when there are more active and popular fighters for us to form a stronger opinion on.
How I line this fight: I don’t really know.
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: None
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Nassourdine Imavov v Chris Curtis
This one instantly feels like a pretty close fight, solely based off both men’s most recent losses. Imavov getting outstruck by Sean Strickland across 25 minutes was a bit of a shock to everyone, myself included. I expected him to lose via cardio dump, but it was actually just lesser volume, a lack of takedowns being attempted and obviously not landing anything of significance on Strickland.
It’s widely known that Chris Curtis and Sean Strickland are close training partners at Xtreme Couture, which I think makes for an added element to this fight. On six days notice, Strickland and the team managed to devise a pretty genius striking gameplan with disruptive rhythm that completely threw Imavov of. Can Chris Curtis do the same? Probably.
Curtis himself has problems of his own in the striking though, namely that his volume and output just aren’t where they often need to be. I’m not sure whether it’s the managing of his gas tank or what, but he just doesn’t seem able to commit to matching his opponent’s tempo across 15 minutes. He threw the first round away against Gastelum, and it cost him the fight. He bitched and moaned about it on Twitter, but social media’s been telling the guy what his problem is for as long as he’s been in the UFC haha.
I do suspect that there’s a little bit of recency bias on Imavov here, as the guy was a pretty well-respected prospect prior to the loss to Strickland. Some will tell you it was misplaced faith, but he certainly doesn’t have tempo issues in the latter half of fights and should probably have the higher volume across 15 minutes. I don’t see him taking Curtis down either, given the 100% takedown defence and the fact Imavov seemingly abandoned it in his last fight. It would be great if he did though!
So yeah, it’s a bit of a close one this. Off pure skillset I lean towards Imavov at like -150, but the asterisk of Curtis’ team being able to easily design a gameplan against the Frenchman gives me enough pause to not want to pick a side here. I’d be more interested in betting overs, if a decent price is available.
How I line this fight: Nassourdine Imavov -137 (58%), Chris Curtis +137 (42%)
Bet or Pass: 1.5u Fight Goes to Decision (-137 or better)
Notable Props: I think this one goes to decision at a pretty high clip.
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Diana Belbita v Maria Oliveira
My initial thought was “What would compel someone to bet on this fight?”, then I remember I placed 100 quid on Chase Hooper a few weeks ago…and it was a great bet haha! Given how most of my handicapping for this card has seen me in complete agreement with the books, perhaps looking into a lower level fight with significantly less interest could be the place to a strong opinion!?
Nope. I can’t do it. One quick glance at their records was enough for me. Belbita got 30-25’d by a wrestling Molly McCann and submitted by Liana Jojua, whilst Maria Oliveira got soundly beaten on the scorecards by Vanesa Demopoulos and voluntarily asked to stop fighting after 3 minutes against Marina Rodriguez.
This one isn’t good enough to open an Apex card, let alone sit on a PPV. I usually really dislike all the WMMA bashing on this sub, but this one isn’t worth the time.
How I line this fight: No.
Bet or Pass: No.
Notable Props: No.
Live Betting Lean: You could do something productive with that 15 minutes. Lift some weights, make some food, rewatch Ngannou v Lewis instead?
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Bets
0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
1.5u Imavov v Curtis Goes to Decision (-137 or better) (Might not get this kind of price).
Parlay Do’s: Dan Ige, Blake Bilder, Imavov/Curtis GTD, Maverick/Jasudavicius GTD
Parlay Don’ts: Amanda Nunes, Mike Malott, Miranda Maverick

Let me be the first to welcome you to the MotheOffspring, Nurturing/Support, Teaching/Education Resource Network, or? M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery. My name is Sassy, short for Sasquatch. Yes, THAT sasquatch. Are there other kinds?! I'm a HCC (Healthcare Cryptid) here at the nursery. I also teach humans the survival basics of coming across a baby monster in the woods.
Anyhoo, you're probably wondering why Sasquatch are utilized as Labor and Delivery nurses. It's simple, really. We're natural born mothers. You see, we just love babies! We always have! All of that nonsense about whooping, tree knocking and vocalizations that we do in the woods when you guys are camping? Don't get scared! That's just us shouting out to our boys letting them know we have humans in the woods! Humans could possibly have a BABY with them. Now, I don't like to judge based on looks, but those bald human babies are so ugly? They're cute! Poor little things look like they have mange, though. Who would think a bald puppy is cute? Ew.
I digress. So, when it came to the M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery? We were the natural choice. Even though I happen to be female? History tells us that male nursery nurses happen to have the best bonding with our little devils. Well, little devils and whoever else was born that day. Just look at Chewy over there bonding with that litter of werewolf pups born on the last full moon. He's so maternal? He's practically a breast.
Now, all babies are not created equal. Have you ever wondered which monster's baby is the loudest? I can promise you that you'd rather listen to that werewolf pup litter any day over being 5 minutes late with Baby Siren Head's bottle. I had a headache for a week. When Vlad and Countess Bathory had their little undead bundle of joy last month? You'd be surprised how quick a Bigfoot can prick and milk their finger to get a fresh bottle of nutritious blood for that adorable, pale little parasite. He definitely had a healthy appetite, especially if you were B positive. Vlad and Countess Bathory couldn't have been happier. Patient satisfaction has always been a priority for HCCs (Healthcare Cryptid) since day one! We've never gotten below a 5 on the Jack Link's scale of 0 - 5 jerkies. We are collectively very proud of this fact! It's such an accomplishment for Bigfoot and all of Sasquatch kind.
Okay, I could understand why you think we're a little full of ourselves. I, mean, when Sasquatch are the chosen ones to be the top requested HCC? It's a far fall to the 2nd position. Look, we can't all be God's Chosen Ones. Yes, he exists. Yes, he created us. You're getting distracted, again. We aren't all going to argue semantics on what is Creationism and what is Darwinism and all of that. I'm too busy trying to teach incompetent, um cough cough, INTERESTED humans how to provide the most basic care for any creature's neonates (medical term for newborn) that they might stumble across while enjoying hiking, camping, fishing, etc. The priority? The newborn. Additional concerns?
1) MotheFather finding humans around newborn and attacking them.
2) Humans treating the scenario like an episode of "Jack Ass" and thinking it's a good idea to "mess with" the newborn and? Again? Mom/Dad attacks them.
3) Basically? A human breathing will set Mom/Dad off. Most creatures just don't want humans around. They can't be trusted. Sorry, Guys. It's been that way every since you refused to credit Chewy in the '67 Patterson–Gimlin film.
So? Your first reaction, if you see a baby creature? Look for it's parents. If you see them? Run. Run fast. Like, put Forrest Gump to shame kinda runnin'. Those parents don't want you there for any reason at all. Pick 'em up and put 'em down the whole way back down the trail.
If you don't see the parents? Proceed slowly and with caution. Now, don't let everything I've said scare you into not helping a baby monster. They're babies, after all. Please, check on them. Just be aware of your surroundings so as not to frighten the wood creatures which will, in turn, attack you. Then? It's just a bad day for everyone involved.
So? Depending on the woodland creature? You'll want to know what action you need to take to help the baby and? Hopefully? Survive assisting. The first thing you'll want to do is call out/whistle, whatever you have to do to try to get someone's attention. Look around and listen. What do you see and hear? If it's nothing? Again, proceed with caution. If you hear howling, growling, tree knocking, whooping, any of these things? Leave, either their parents are still around or we're there and will then takeover. I know. It's confusing to try to tell when we're tree knocking hoping you have a baby with you or if we know there's a baby around and we don't want you around the baby. Really, if at all possible, just don't mess with the babies if you don't have to. With that having been said? Let's proceed!
As you cautiously approach? Keep making noise letting everyone know you're there. We don't want to scare the life, or afterlife, out of these little ones. They're at their most vulnerable right now. Let's use Chewy's patients today as an example. You traipse along and stumble over a werewolf den. Well, that's not something you see every day. You hear soft whimpering. About 4 or 5 little werewolf pup heads pop up out of the den. How's everyone looking? Is anyone hurt? No? Then check your supplies. It just so happens you were successful fishing earlier. Werewolf pups love fish almost as much as moonbathing and cutting their baby teeth on a human femur. They'll be thankful, the Alpha male and female will be thankful and you'll really be thankful. You get to walk away, karma and limbs intact.
Next? It would be highly likely that you'd come across a wendigo, skinwalker, rake slenderman, etc. besides just a litter of werewolf pups. Try to prepare yourself as much as possible for these encounters. The better prepared? The better off everyone will be. The best part? These creatures won't want your everlasting soul in infancy. Those challenges don't present until adolescence. So? Enjoy the respite for the moment. Now? No matter what the situation? You'll always want to approach with caution and announce your arrival. It's saved not only many a human? It's saved a lot of cryptids as well. Try to have some sort of food item on you that's rather filling. You'd prefer that over them making YOU the food item.
So, as we proceed down the trail, there's a cabin to the left and it's the last house but do not enter, please. The last good hearted Samaritan did and, well, let's just say he had a run in with a girl locked in the cellar who wasn't quite herself. That's probably about the most PC way of explaining demonic possession. Anyhoo, there was bad press for a year and visitors to the park fell off, it just was a big mess. They ended up doing some kind of cybernetic enhancement and now the good Samaritan has a chainsaw for an arm. He's done a great job keeping them all in line. Overall? That was one we got right.
Since I brought up Vlad and the Countess Bathory's bouncing little bundle of bloodsucker? It's important to know that if you are in your domicile, and R.V.'s count, vampires cannot enter without an invitation from you. So, if you are camping in your R.V. and someone comes knocking late at night? Don't answer. If they aren't a vampire? They can come back the next day. If they don't come back? You definitely made the right decision. Now, the problem is? If you encounter a vampire in the wild. Hopefully? They've already set their sights on whoever they picked that night to be their victim. If not? A dropper of Holy Water as perfume on either side of your neck is a nice deterrent. Again, if the little count is there by himself? He's clearly gotten away from the castle. He needs returned immediately. Go to the nearest tree that displays a "break in case of emergency" box. Break the glass, take the bag of beef jerky out, shake it. Every Sasquatch in a 5 mile radius will come running to you. Point the baby vampire out and we'll be glad to take it from there.
Something I should bring up to our do-gooders ready to risk it all: if you can't swim? Don't try to help aquatic creatures. It won't end well. It never does. Little fry just aren't acclimated to landlubbers. Merpups are tough for even us to handle. They get scared, you can't swim, bad things happen. So? If you're determined to help any baby monster no matter where they reside? Take swimming lessons. You'll thank me. Trust me on this.
Don't let the fae trip you up, either. They're mischievous. They'll also try to sneak a changeling in on you if you do bring your human babies to the forest. If you respect walking around fairy rings and respect mother nature? The fae shouldn't be an issue. If you don't? Well, you were warned.
So, what have we not covered? Flying creatures. Yes, they present a challenge even we Sasquatch find difficult. It's hard to assess the needs of a baby that's wrapped in the arms of a mother flying 75 feet above your head. Even though the task is daunting? It's a challenge we'll definitely take on. We just watch and wait for Mom to go on the hunt and we take a peak at that tiny little velociraptor in that nest, with it's mouth hanging wide open, just awaiting a morsel. Now, the Mothman's baby was an experience. Cocoons are just something you have to see for yourself, especially when they're 6 feet tall. It's truly fascinating!
I think that covers everything for today's lesson. Bear in mind, we're beginning the summer season here in the U.S. Encounters are going to increase between cryptids and humans so be aware and care when it comes to our babies. We're aware and care when it comes to yours. Stay safe and Sasquatch on!

​
Are you on the hunt for a fun and welcoming SMP? Well, you've found the right place. Whether you're more technical, into redstone, or love creating majestic builds, you're bound to find the right thing for you on NutSMP. We are heavily inspired by hermitcraft and their community as a whole. We have datapacks that enrich the vanilla experience. Our map is divided into 10 distinct districts, similar to Hermitcraft Season 6. Each one of these has a distinct style that the player has to build in. You can find out more about the server in our discord.
FEATURES:

• Datapacks to improve and spice up gameplay
• Players have access to core inspect to detect and prevent stealing- We have multiple districts to allow people to build in specific styles and live next to like-minded people!
• Distinct discord channels for each district
• Dynmap that allows players to view our map and find a nice area to live
• We have a dedicated area for shopping and selling items to other players using diamonds as a currency.
• JUST RESET! We are whitelisted and we have a way to apply. We strive to be the best SMP one could ask for. With our expanding staff and playerbase, we're always looking for new friends. Join discord to apply! https://discord.gg/Hwb8mCQm7j

TL;DR I like scary movies and paranormal things, love all music I’m a southern bottom hmu Kik: Moonshadow1814
Have you ever stayed the night at a haunted house? Played scavenger hunt in Walmart? Yeah I’m a big ass kid, Bottom bunk guy. I like horror movies & adventures. I’m into spirituality. I’m a pretty laid back guy. I’m a Virgo. I love 70s music. Old school is the best school. I’m southern transplanted in NJ. I work for a hospital because I was forced to be adult
I love the Barcade! You can always find me there playing X-Men the Arcade Game or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

TL;DR I like scary movies and paranormal things, love all music I’m a southern bottom hmu Kik: Moonshadow1814
Have you ever stayed the night at a haunted house? Played scavenger hunt in Walmart? Yeah I’m a big ass kid, Bottom bunk guy. I like horror movies & adventures. I’m into spirituality. I’m a pretty laid back guy. I’m a Virgo. I love 70s music. Old school is the best school. I’m southern transplanted in NJ. I work for a hospital because I was forced to be adult
I love the Barcade! You can always find me there playing X-Men the Arcade Game or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

TL;DR I like scary movies and paranormal things, love all music I’m a southern bottom hmu Kik: Moonshadow1814
Have you ever stayed the night at a haunted house? Played scavenger hunt in Walmart? Yeah I’m a big ass kid, Bottom bunk guy. I like horror movies & adventures. I’m into spirituality. I’m a pretty laid back guy. I’m a Virgo. I love 70s music. Old school is the best school. I’m southern transplanted in NJ. I work for a hospital because I was forced to be adult
I love the Barcade! You can always find me there playing X-Men the Arcade Game or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Hey, I'm on the hunt for the sickest essay writing service on Reddit 'cause I wanna get some essays done online. It's my first time dealing with these services and I'm low-key hesitating. There are so many sketchy ones out there, so I'm legit worried about getting scammed. Can you hook me up with some feedback on the best Reddit essay writing service? Also, if you know any legit online essay writing services, spill the tea, please!

I'm on the hunt for the best small (under 1/10) brushless RC for parking lots / some gravel. I've had the losi mini B but want to try something new. Any help would be appreciated! Budget isnt much of a concern. Located in the US.
To add: I'm not looking to set speed records - just something that maneuvers well and wont bottom out on a small rock.

Ey.
I'm in a big time mood for some Dark Fantasy (or some fun action-adventure).
I'm a Multi-Para/Novella style rper, and I get quite into worldbuilding and narrative craftsmanship. Please be reciprocal in that regard.
I use a lot of horror-stylized Dark-Fantasy the likes of Berserk, Castlevania, and Claymore, and I'm into general D&D-style High-Fantasy too.
I'm fond of anime-ish aesthetics, and I'm not into picrews, AI art, or real life face claims.
Being said, onto what I'm looking for.
I'm working on a character who can best be described as a murderous vagabond.
~
He's known as The Riven. And he's kind of a bad guy. This figure is disdainfully regarded as a monstrous manslayer and kingslayer, trailed by ghoulish rumors. He is wanted for his heinous actions, including high treason, murder, and conspiracy, and he is known to be a massive brute in full armor, wielding a massive spear.
I like running him against characters who would serve as a foil to his evil actions. They could be hunting him for some transgression he's committed against them, or they could be working on behalf of a similar agency.
[Ex. Your character is the Paige of a Duke who was recently slain by a certain, murderous vagabond. You hunt him down to seek revenge...or answers.]
He also works well against more lighthearted characters who would struggle to maintain such a bright disposition in an otherwise foreboding world. For example, healers, kind strangers, magi, etc.
[Ex. Your character meets a bloodied and unconscious brute in the woods outside of a city. She naturally wishes to provide aid.]
I don't like "mercenaries" or "just looking for a good fight" characters, as they often lack conviction that helps make the rp feel more multi-dimensional.
~
This world of mine is full of fantasy, horror, and rich lore that I'd love for your input on.
Please DM me for more discussion. I do not reply directly to comments. See ya!

Ey.
I'm in a big time mood for some Dark Fantasy (or some fun action-adventure).
I'm a Multi-Para/Novella style rper, and I get quite into worldbuilding and narrative craftsmanship. Please be reciprocal in that regard.
I use a lot of horror-stylized Dark-Fantasy the likes of Berserk, Castlevania, and Claymore, and I'm into general D&D-style High-Fantasy too.
I'm fond of anime-ish aesthetics, and I'm not into picrews, AI art, or real life face claims.
Being said, onto what I'm looking for.
I'm working on a character who can best be described as a murderous vagabond.
~
He's known as The Riven. And he's kind of a bad guy. This figure is disdainfully regarded as a monstrous manslayer and kingslayer, trailed by ghoulish rumors. He is wanted for his heinous actions, including high treason, murder, and conspiracy, and he is known to be a massive brute in full armor, wielding a massive spear.
I like running him against characters who would serve as a foil to his evil actions. They could be hunting him for some transgression he's committed against them, or they could be working on behalf of a similar agency.
[Ex. Your character is the Paige of a Duke who was recently slain by a certain, murderous vagabond. You hunt him down to seek revenge...or answers.]
He also works well against more lighthearted characters who would struggle to maintain such a bright disposition in an otherwise foreboding world. For example, healers, kind strangers, magi, etc.
[Ex. Your character meets a bloodied and unconscious brute in the woods outside of a city. She naturally wishes to provide aid.]
I don't like "mercenaries" or "just looking for a good fight" characters, as they often lack conviction that helps make the rp feel more multi-dimensional.
~
This world of mine is full of fantasy, horror, and rich lore that I'd love for your input on.
Please DM me for more discussion. I do not reply directly to comments. See ya!

Let me be the first to welcome you to the MotheOffspring, Nurturing/Support, Teaching/Education Resource Network, or? M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery. My name is Sassy, short for Sasquatch. Yes, THAT sasquatch. Are there other kinds?! I'm a HCC (Healthcare Cryptid) here at the nursery. I also teach humans the survival basics of coming across a baby monster in the woods.
Anyhoo, you're probably wondering why Sasquatch are utilized as Labor and Delivery nurses. It's simple, really. We're natural born mothers. You see, we just love babies! We always have! All of that nonsense about whooping, tree knocking and vocalizations that we do in the woods when you guys are camping? Don't get scared! That's just us shouting out to our boys letting them know we have humans in the woods! Humans could possibly have a BABY with them. Now, I don't like to judge based on looks, but those bald human babies are so ugly? They're cute! Poor little things look like they have mange, though. Who would think a bald puppy is cute? Ew.
I digress. So, when it came to the M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery? We were the natural choice. Even though I happen to be female? History tells us that male nursery nurses happen to have the best bonding with our little devils. Well, little devils and whoever else was born that day. Just look at Chewy over there bonding with that litter of werewolf pups born on the last full moon. He's so maternal? He's practically a breast.
Now, all babies are not created equal. Have you ever wondered which monster's baby is the loudest? I can promise you that you'd rather listen to that werewolf pup litter any day over being 5 minutes late with Baby Siren Head's bottle. I had a headache for a week. When Vlad and Countess Bathory had their little undead bundle of joy last month? You'd be surprised how quick a Bigfoot can prick and milk their finger to get a fresh bottle of nutritious blood for that adorable, pale little parasite. He definitely had a healthy appetite, especially if you were B positive. Vlad and Countess Bathory couldn't have been happier. Patient satisfaction has always been a priority for HCCs (Healthcare Cryptid) since day one! We've never gotten below a 5 on the Jack Link's scale of 0 - 5 jerkies. We are collectively very proud of this fact! It's such an accomplishment for Bigfoot and all of Sasquatch kind.
Okay, I could understand why you think we're a little full of ourselves. I, mean, when Sasquatch are the chosen ones to be the top requested HCC? It's a far fall to the 2nd position. Look, we can't all be God's Chosen Ones. Yes, he exists. Yes, he created us. You're getting distracted, again. We aren't all going to argue semantics on what is Creationism and what is Darwinism and all of that. I'm too busy trying to teach incompetent, um cough cough, INTERESTED humans how to provide the most basic care for any creature's neonates (medical term for newborn) that they might stumble across while enjoying hiking, camping, fishing, etc. The priority? The newborn. Additional concerns?
1) MotheFather finding humans around newborn and attacking them.
2) Humans treating the scenario like an episode of "Jack Ass" and thinking it's a good idea to "mess with" the newborn and? Again? Mom/Dad attacks them.
3) Basically? A human breathing will set Mom/Dad off. Most creatures just don't want humans around. They can't be trusted. Sorry, Guys. It's been that way every since you refused to credit Chewy in the '67 Patterson–Gimlin film.
So? Your first reaction, if you see a baby creature? Look for it's parents. If you see them? Run. Run fast. Like, put Forrest Gump to shame kinda runnin'. Those parents don't want you there for any reason at all. Pick 'em up and put 'em down the whole way back down the trail.
If you don't see the parents? Proceed slowly and with caution. Now, don't let everything I've said scare you into not helping a baby monster. They're babies, after all. Please, check on them. Just be aware of your surroundings so as not to frighten the wood creatures which will, in turn, attack you. Then? It's just a bad day for everyone involved.
So? Depending on the woodland creature? You'll want to know what action you need to take to help the baby and? Hopefully? Survive assisting. The first thing you'll want to do is call out/whistle, whatever you have to do to try to get someone's attention. Look around and listen. What do you see and hear? If it's nothing? Again, proceed with caution. If you hear howling, growling, tree knocking, whooping, any of these things? Leave, either their parents are still around or we're there and will then takeover. I know. It's confusing to try to tell when we're tree knocking hoping you have a baby with you or if we know there's a baby around and we don't want you around the baby. Really, if at all possible, just don't mess with the babies if you don't have to. With that having been said? Let's proceed!
As you cautiously approach? Keep making noise letting everyone know you're there. We don't want to scare the life, or afterlife, out of these little ones. They're at their most vulnerable right now. Let's use Chewy's patients today as an example. You traipse along and stumble over a werewolf den. Well, that's not something you see every day. You hear soft whimpering. About 4 or 5 little werewolf pup heads pop up out of the den. How's everyone looking? Is anyone hurt? No? Then check your supplies. It just so happens you were successful fishing earlier. Werewolf pups love fish almost as much as moonbathing and cutting their baby teeth on a human femur. They'll be thankful, the Alpha male and female will be thankful and you'll really be thankful. You get to walk away, karma and limbs intact.
Next? It would be highly likely that you'd come across a wendigo, skinwalker, rake slenderman, etc. besides just a litter of werewolf pups. Try to prepare yourself as much as possible for these encounters. The better prepared? The better off everyone will be. The best part? These creatures won't want your everlasting soul in infancy. Those challenges don't present until adolescence. So? Enjoy the respite for the moment. Now? No matter what the situation? You'll always want to approach with caution and announce your arrival. It's saved not only many a human? It's saved a lot of cryptids as well. Try to have some sort of food item on you that's rather filling. You'd prefer that over them making YOU the food item.
So, as we proceed down the trail, there's a cabin to the left and it's the last house but do not enter, please. The last good hearted Samaritan did and, well, let's just say he had a run in with a girl locked in the cellar who wasn't quite herself. That's probably about the most PC way of explaining demonic possession. Anyhoo, there was bad press for a year and visitors to the park fell off, it just was a big mess. They ended up doing some kind of cybernetic enhancement and now the good Samaritan has a chainsaw for an arm. He's done a great job keeping them all in line. Overall? That was one we got right.
Since I brought up Vlad and the Countess Bathory's bouncing little bundle of bloodsucker? It's important to know that if you are in your domicile, and R.V.'s count, vampires cannot enter without an invitation from you. So, if you are camping in your R.V. and someone comes knocking late at night? Don't answer. If they aren't a vampire? They can come back the next day. If they don't come back? You definitely made the right decision. Now, the problem is? If you encounter a vampire in the wild. Hopefully? They've already set their sights on whoever they picked that night to be their victim. If not? A dropper of Holy Water as perfume on either side of your neck is a nice deterrent. Again, if the little count is there by himself? He's clearly gotten away from the castle. He needs returned immediately. Go to the nearest tree that displays a "break in case of emergency" box. Break the glass, take the bag of beef jerky out, shake it. Every Sasquatch in a 5 mile radius will come running to you. Point the baby vampire out and we'll be glad to take it from there.
Something I should bring up to our do-gooders ready to risk it all: if you can't swim? Don't try to help aquatic creatures. It won't end well. It never does. Little fry just aren't acclimated to landlubbers. Merpups are tough for even us to handle. They get scared, you can't swim, bad things happen. So? If you're determined to help any baby monster no matter where they reside? Take swimming lessons. You'll thank me. Trust me on this.
Don't let the fae trip you up, either. They're mischievous. They'll also try to sneak a changeling in on you if you do bring your human babies to the forest. If you respect walking around fairy rings and respect mother nature? The fae shouldn't be an issue. If you don't? Well, you were warned.
So, what have we not covered? Flying creatures. Yes, they present a challenge even we Sasquatch find difficult. It's hard to assess the needs of a baby that's wrapped in the arms of a mother flying 75 feet above your head. Even though the task is daunting? It's a challenge we'll definitely take on. We just watch and wait for Mom to go on the hunt and we take a peak at that tiny little velociraptor in that nest, with it's mouth hanging wide open, just awaiting a morsel. Now, the Mothman's baby was an experience. Cocoons are just something you have to see for yourself, especially when they're 6 feet tall. It's truly fascinating!
I think that covers everything for today's lesson. Bear in mind, we're beginning the summer season here in the U.S. Encounters are going to increase between cryptids and humans so be aware and care when it comes to our babies. We're aware and care when it comes to yours. Stay safe and Sasquatch on!

Let me be the first to welcome you to the MotheOffspring, Nurturing/Support, Teaching/Education Resource Network, or? M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery. My name is Sassy, short for Sasquatch. Yes, THAT sasquatch. Are there other kinds?! I'm a HCC (Healthcare Cryptid) here at the nursery. I also teach humans the survival basics of coming across a baby monster in the woods.
Anyhoo, you're probably wondering why Sasquatch are utilized as Labor and Delivery nurses. It's simple, really. We're natural born mothers. You see, we just love babies! We always have! All of that nonsense about whooping, tree knocking and vocalizations that we do in the woods when you guys are camping? Don't get scared! That's just us shouting out to our boys letting them know we have humans in the woods! Humans could possibly have a BABY with them. Now, I don't like to judge based on looks, but those bald human babies are so ugly? They're cute! Poor little things look like they have mange, though. Who would think a bald puppy is cute? Ew.
I digress. So, when it came to the M.O.N.S.T.E.R. Nursery? We were the natural choice. Even though I happen to be female? History tells us that male nursery nurses happen to have the best bonding with our little devils. Well, little devils and whoever else was born that day. Just look at Chewy over there bonding with that litter of werewolf pups born on the last full moon. He's so maternal? He's practically a breast.
Now, all babies are not created equal. Have you ever wondered which monster's baby is the loudest? I can promise you that you'd rather listen to that werewolf pup litter any day over being 5 minutes late with Baby Siren Head's bottle. I had a headache for a week. When Vlad and Countess Bathory had their little undead bundle of joy last month? You'd be surprised how quick a Bigfoot can prick and milk their finger to get a fresh bottle of nutritious blood for that adorable, pale little parasite. He definitely had a healthy appetite, especially if you were B positive. Vlad and Countess Bathory couldn't have been happier. Patient satisfaction has always been a priority for HCCs (Healthcare Cryptid) since day one! We've never gotten below a 5 on the Jack Link's scale of 0 - 5 jerkies. We are collectively very proud of this fact! It's such an accomplishment for Bigfoot and all of Sasquatch kind.
Okay, I could understand why you think we're a little full of ourselves. I, mean, when Sasquatch are the chosen ones to be the top requested HCC? It's a far fall to the 2nd position. Look, we can't all be God's Chosen Ones. Yes, he exists. Yes, he created us. You're getting distracted, again. We aren't all going to argue semantics on what is Creationism and what is Darwinism and all of that. I'm too busy trying to teach incompetent, um cough cough, INTERESTED humans how to provide the most basic care for any creature's neonates (medical term for newborn) that they might stumble across while enjoying hiking, camping, fishing, etc. The priority? The newborn. Additional concerns?
1) MotheFather finding humans around newborn and attacking them.
2) Humans treating the scenario like an episode of "Jack Ass" and thinking it's a good idea to "mess with" the newborn and? Again? Mom/Dad attacks them.
3) Basically? A human breathing will set Mom/Dad off. Most creatures just don't want humans around. They can't be trusted. Sorry, Guys. It's been that way every since you refused to credit Chewy in the '67 Patterson–Gimlin film.
So? Your first reaction, if you see a baby creature? Look for it's parents. If you see them? Run. Run fast. Like, put Forrest Gump to shame kinda runnin'. Those parents don't want you there for any reason at all. Pick 'em up and put 'em down the whole way back down the trail.
If you don't see the parents? Proceed slowly and with caution. Now, don't let everything I've said scare you into not helping a baby monster. They're babies, after all. Please, check on them. Just be aware of your surroundings so as not to frighten the wood creatures which will, in turn, attack you. Then? It's just a bad day for everyone involved.
So? Depending on the woodland creature? You'll want to know what action you need to take to help the baby and? Hopefully? Survive assisting. The first thing you'll want to do is call out/whistle, whatever you have to do to try to get someone's attention. Look around and listen. What do you see and hear? If it's nothing? Again, proceed with caution. If you hear howling, growling, tree knocking, whooping, any of these things? Leave, either their parents are still around or we're there and will then takeover. I know. It's confusing to try to tell when we're tree knocking hoping you have a baby with you or if we know there's a baby around and we don't want you around the baby. Really, if at all possible, just don't mess with the babies if you don't have to. With that having been said? Let's proceed!
As you cautiously approach? Keep making noise letting everyone know you're there. We don't want to scare the life, or afterlife, out of these little ones. They're at their most vulnerable right now. Let's use Chewy's patients today as an example. You traipse along and stumble over a werewolf den. Well, that's not something you see every day. You hear soft whimpering. About 4 or 5 little werewolf pup heads pop up out of the den. How's everyone looking? Is anyone hurt? No? Then check your supplies. It just so happens you were successful fishing earlier. Werewolf pups love fish almost as much as moonbathing and cutting their baby teeth on a human femur. They'll be thankful, the Alpha male and female will be thankful and you'll really be thankful. You get to walk away, karma and limbs intact.
Next? It would be highly likely that you'd come across a wendigo, skinwalker, rake slenderman, etc. besides just a litter of werewolf pups. Try to prepare yourself as much as possible for these encounters. The better prepared? The better off everyone will be. The best part? These creatures won't want your everlasting soul in infancy. Those challenges don't present until adolescence. So? Enjoy the respite for the moment. Now? No matter what the situation? You'll always want to approach with caution and announce your arrival. It's saved not only many a human? It's saved a lot of cryptids as well. Try to have some sort of food item on you that's rather filling. You'd prefer that over them making YOU the food item.
So, as we proceed down the trail, there's a cabin to the left and it's the last house but do not enter, please. The last good hearted Samaritan did and, well, let's just say he had a run in with a girl locked in the cellar who wasn't quite herself. That's probably about the most PC way of explaining demonic possession. Anyhoo, there was bad press for a year and visitors to the park fell off, it just was a big mess. They ended up doing some kind of cybernetic enhancement and now the good Samaritan has a chainsaw for an arm. He's done a great job keeping them all in line. Overall? That was one we got right.
Since I brought up Vlad and the Countess Bathory's bouncing little bundle of bloodsucker? It's important to know that if you are in your domicile, and R.V.'s count, vampires cannot enter without an invitation from you. So, if you are camping in your R.V. and someone comes knocking late at night? Don't answer. If they aren't a vampire? They can come back the next day. If they don't come back? You definitely made the right decision. Now, the problem is? If you encounter a vampire in the wild. Hopefully? They've already set their sights on whoever they picked that night to be their victim. If not? A dropper of Holy Water as perfume on either side of your neck is a nice deterrent. Again, if the little count is there by himself? He's clearly gotten away from the castle. He needs returned immediately. Go to the nearest tree that displays a "break in case of emergency" box. Break the glass, take the bag of beef jerky out, shake it. Every Sasquatch in a 5 mile radius will come running to you. Point the baby vampire out and we'll be glad to take it from there.
Something I should bring up to our do-gooders ready to risk it all: if you can't swim? Don't try to help aquatic creatures. It won't end well. It never does. Little fry just aren't acclimated to landlubbers. Merpups are tough for even us to handle. They get scared, you can't swim, bad things happen. So? If you're determined to help any baby monster no matter where they reside? Take swimming lessons. You'll thank me. Trust me on this.
Don't let the fae trip you up, either. They're mischievous. They'll also try to sneak a changeling in on you if you do bring your human babies to the forest. If you respect walking around fairy rings and respect mother nature? The fae shouldn't be an issue. If you don't? Well, you were warned.
So, what have we not covered? Flying creatures. Yes, they present a challenge even we Sasquatch find difficult. It's hard to assess the needs of a baby that's wrapped in the arms of a mother flying 75 feet above your head. Even though the task is daunting? It's a challenge we'll definitely take on. We just watch and wait for Mom to go on the hunt and we take a peak at that tiny little velociraptor in that nest, with it's mouth hanging wide open, just awaiting a morsel. Now, the Mothman's baby was an experience. Cocoons are just something you have to see for yourself, especially when they're 6 feet tall. It's truly fascinating!
I think that covers everything for today's lesson. Bear in mind, we're beginning the summer season here in the U.S. Encounters are going to increase between cryptids and humans so be aware and care when it comes to our babies. We're aware and care when it comes to yours. Stay safe and Sasquatch on!

(Apologies to anyone who reads this in full. But this joke is hideously long on purpose. It's effects are best if you actually sit someone down and tell it to them. I took up my workmates entire lunch break with this and he hasn't spoken to me all evening.)
There are one hundred priests of an unspecified religion. They have arrived dressed in the symbols of their faith in a new land to spread the word of their 'Superbook'. This could be any land, France, Egypt, Feudal Japan, the Toronto Film Festival, any land. Absolutely any land you can imagine, Gondor, Pangaea, 1992 or your own home and surrounding lands which are unique to you.
Upon arriving in this strange new land they learn that the people here have no knowledge of Superbook. They decide that the best way to spread the word is to construct a building as a symbol of the new faith. So they purchased some basic tools and set to work gathering wood for their shrine. As there were one hundred priests in their prime the shrine was constructed in under a week.
It was a basic thing. The sort of shrine you would look at and say "that's pretty shit. Did children build this? You didn't tell me there were feral children around.". A central trunk with a roughly carved deity symbol nailed to the top stood in a forest clearing. A few rows of log seats encircled it and around the edges stood a few tall torches burning incense.
The priests stood back and looked proud over their creation, happy that they could begin spreading the words and illustrations of Superbook. It was suggested by one of the priests that "Hey we should go for a drink to celebrate our success!" to which exactly half of the priests thought would be a good idea. So fifty of the priests headed down to the local pub where they spent the night drinking whatever beverages Superbook allowed.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got beverage in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our shrine!?". The priest was correct, before them lay the ruins of their primitive shrine, a tangle of wood and limbs all set ablaze by the incense torches.
How exactly all fifty priests who remained at the shrine managed to perish as the single tall, thin structure collapsed remains a mystery to this day. As the priests stood in shock staring and mourning over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that looked out of place. As he squinted he could make out on the horizon a figure all in black, speeding away on an unspecified vehicle. It could be a motorbike, a sports car, a horse and carriage, a horse without a carriage, absolutely any vehicle you can think of, a bicycle, a unicycle, a pangolin, or a petrol powered pangolin.
But it was too late, the man disappeared over the horizon. As the remaining priests gathered their thoughts, one of them suggested that they should not be discouraged, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the shrine in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about building a new shrine! bigger and better than the first to remember this tragic day. They quarried stones, they cut down trees and they sewed curtains, nice curtains, I mean REALLY nice curtains, with tassels and everything. It took the fifty priests a few weeks to complete but eventually they were able to stand back and admire their new creation.
It was a quaint chapel on the hill. The sort of chapel you would look at and say "hey look at that quaint little chapel, and oh damn check out those nice curtains!". A trodden dirt path led to the entrance of a small stone structure, inside was the picture of simplicity and modesty. A few rows of pews on a polished wooden floor, and an altar stood in front of a patchwork deity symbol.
As the priests admired their new chapel, they remarked that yes, their fallen friends would be happy with this. One of the priests suggested that they visit a local theme park to celebrate this day. Exactly half of the priests agreed, they spent the day riding deity approved rides, gambling deity approved amounts of money and not riding deity condemned rides.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got deity approved theme park snacks in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our chapel!?". The priest was correct, on the hill lay a pill of stone rubble, limbs and silky smooth curtain tassels.... which was all on fire for some reason.
As the priests stood staring in horror over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that, yes, upon the horizon he could just make out the man in black speeding into the distance. But it was too late, he was gone. As the remaining priests took care of the dead in the way decreed by Superbook, one of them suggested that this should not be the end, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the chapel in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about pillaging neighbouring villages for building supplies. They gathered glass, mixed cement, smelted iron, mined for gold and expanded their quarry. They didn't just rebuild the chapel, they built a fully fledged church! The sort of church that when you refer to it like "Oh it's up by the church", people would know what you are talking about and benefit from your informative directions. It had taken the twenty five priests six months of labour but there it stood. A paved path led through an iron fence, protection against and would-be-church-destroyers and towards an imposing stone structure. Stain glass windows adorned the front complete with deity symbols, the pews could seat a thousand and a golden forged Superbook sat upon the altar.
The twenty five priests patted themselves on the back and said a prayer for the lost friends. One priest suggested that after six months they deserved a celebratory meal to mark the occasion. Twelve priests agreed whilst the rest stayed to rest, content in the safety of their shiny new iron fence. The twelve priests spent the evening at a nearby Italian restaurant, because everyone is allowed to eat Italian food.
After an evening of scoffing increasingly abstract pasta shapes the twelve priests returned to their church. One of the priests was heard to say "Have I got tagliatelle in my eye!? Or has someone knocked down our church!? AGAIN!" The scene that greeted them was one of sorrow and anger. Sorrow for their dead friends, crushed under heaps of stone and glass. Anger at their dead friends, for placing so much faith in an iron fence. Yet more anger at the figure they could see vanishing over the horizon.
At this point you are probably thinking that these priests are idiots, that surely they can understand the pattern by now that building a church plus staying in the church equals death. You would also think that after the previous events they would not believe that the solution would be to build a bigger church.... as this in no way addresses the problem at hand. You may think that surely he can't just keep rambling on like this and that he will wrap this up soon, after all we have figured out the pattern of the joke and we know where it is going anyway.
So one of the priests, suffering from long term memory loss, suggested that to honour their friends they should build a new monument to their faith. The others, after giving him concerned looks, figured they had come this far and, resigned to their fate, they agreed. The priests then spent the next five years ravaging the lands for resources. They felled forests, flattened hills and drove the critically endangered Pentapus to extinction to use their tears for cement (its like an octopus but it only has five arms... and only has five eyes.)
After a further five years of construction, they were finally able to stand back, crane their necks high, and admire their creation. This was a truly great achievement. This was now a cathedral, the sort of cathedral that architecture student congregate around. The sort of structure that everyone for miles around would refer to as "That massive f***ing monstrosity made of tears" and there would be weird rumors like "at night I've heard that you can hear the pentapusses crying from inside the walls". Whether these rumors were true or not, it was an impressive building. The size of an aeroplane hangar. It had an attached aeroplane hangar. It was the first cathedral built with a solid steel support structure and, for added protection, a moat and barbwire fence surrounded it.
The priests had been at the whole 'building monuments for the Superbook' for many years now and were getting old and tired. One of them suggested that they should take a trip to a local spa for a day of relaxation after this great achievement, "after all..." he said "page 69 of Superbook does proclaim in giant text, 'Thou shalt spa'". Five other priests, who probably had better survival instincts, agreed and the six of them took off. Six remained content in their reinforced structure, even taking shifts to keep watch for added security.
The six who left spent the day wallowing in mud, having cucumbers placed on various body parts and being generally as un-energetic as possible. They were also pleasantly surprised to find that their local infamy granted them free access to all the spas facilities. After they had left in their own time and the spa owner barred the doors shut behind them they headed back to their church.
"Have I still got cucumber in my eye!?" one of the six said as their home loomed on the horizon, "or has someone destroyed our church!?"
The priest was correct. As they approached and crossed the moat they found a towering pile of rubble. There was an eerie silence as they glared at the destruction, picturing their dead friends somewhere inside. The silence was only broken by the sound of the man in black speeding off over the horizon and the joyous cries of Pentapus souls being freed.
The sight of the man in black filled one of the priests with rage. He turned to the others and said "Hey I know what we need to do!" ... The others agreed before he had chance to say what it was.
The priests set about gathering more resources. After the ten years it took them to gather this, they were surrounded by a scorched barren earth. They had felled all the trees for twenty miles, flattened the earth, hunted all life to extinction (I mean all life, even worms... they took all the worms and used them to lure down all the birds. Then they trained the birds to help lift heavy objects for them. Then they ate the birds. Then they made a monument to remember the birds. Then they... didn't really put much effort into maintaining it and it ran into disrepair... the end), drained lakes and sucked clouds from the sky somehow.
It took a further ten years for the small group of ageing priests to complete their construction. For the sake of this story four of the priests died during a slave bird rebellion that was later crushed. Mainly because I can't think of many more advancing stages of church besides going into ghost churches or space churches, though those would be awesome.
Their creation could barely be called a church.Yes it was built in the shape of their deity symbol and inside were super mahogany (like regular mahogany only more awesome) pews and a diamond pulpit, but to all other purposes this was a fortress. The entire structure was titanium, standing thirty stories high. It was surrounded with laser fences, laser moats full of lasers, and atop the building were placed a cluster of guns which shot bullets which were also made of lasers. There were immense speaker systems built into the walls which issued threats as well as religious good will messages to all who approached. It was the sort of church that you wouldn't say anything about... because the church would know what you said and rain lasers upon you.
The doom of the man in black was built. But they needed bait. The two old priests drew straws to decide who would stay. The priest who left made it known that he would be leaving for a day on the beach.
He spent his day pretending to sunbathe, pretending to build sandcastles and pretending to dip his toes in the water. Until he heard a commotion in the distance. He raced back towards his fortress with a smile on his face, the sort of smile you would have if the person who has killed ninety eight of your closest ninety nine friends had been killed. When he could peer over the next horizon however, his smile vanished. All he could see in front of him was a smoking heap of titanium and misfiring lasers. As he peered through the smoke he could make out the man in black making his escape.
Something inside him had told him that this would happen and this time he was prepared. He knew there was no sand in his eyes... he had only been pretending to touch the sand. He ran behind a nearby bush and hopped aboard his Super Priesty Priest Scooter and gave chase.
Through the desolate lands he chased the man, gaining ever so slowly until after hours, to the priests surprise, the man had pulled over. The priest pulled up and approached the man, his face red with rage.
"HAVE YOU BEEN KNOCKING DOWN OUR CHURCHES!?" The priest roared.
And the man replied
"...... no....... "

I’ve finished the main quest line and am now working on the Pokédex and shiny hunting. I’ve seen it mentioned about resetting mmos, etc. does anyone have any tips for doing this or what it means exactly and what the best ways to do completing the Pokédex and shiny hunting would be