For context, I'm 14 and whenever I want money I have to ask my Grandparents for it because my mum and dad refuse to give me any and they say 'I should earn it'. My parents don't want me to get a job and when I ask them what I should do for money they say to do household chores. I have done household chores for them in the past and they pay me tiny amounts(e.g. £2 for about 2 hours cleaning). I need about £20 a week to get the train to my volunteering and pay for my lunch and have a bit left over to go out with friends. I don't have the time and energy along with school to do enough work around the house to make enough in a week. Because of the lack of incentive, I never do any chores around the house and this pisses them off massively. I understand that our family is not well off, but most of my equaly as not well off friends have a steady weekly stream of pocket money, not a huge amount but enough to go into the city at the weekends and have some fun. I am happy to do chores around the house as long as I feel I am getting a decent amount of money for it and not having to work my ass off for barely any money. I feel so bad taking money off of my equally as poor Grandparents but if I want to keep up my volunteering/go out with friends at all I have too. Am I in the wrong here, should I listen to my parents. Any advice please.

Dude where’s my car? I mean my DNA? I ordered a 23 and me kit to see what my ancestry was and my dad previously took one years ago, so I thought it was time I pay the $200 and order one. I told my mom that my package was coming and that it was a DNA kit. A few days later she gives me a talk about how those kits can be wrong and I joked saying that it would be hilarious if it said my dad wasn’t my dad. Mind you my dad and I look just ALIKE, so I still wouldn’t doubt that he was my father even if I had a reason to.
To build more, my parents have been in a really good place lately, especially after I told my dad that my mom cheated on him when I was younger multiple times last year, and he been cheated on her like most of my life, but it was too much to handle for him. I only told him because I was constantly triangulated between their marital issues and collateral damage for a lot of her lies that she made me tell him.
So anyways she asks me to not take this test because they’re in a good place and I just want to know if I’m Cambodian or not because I’ve always had a special connection when researching anything Khmer, etc, and it just happened that my dad is 2% Cambodian, which isn’t a lot but it’s still cool.
So my test was supposed to be delivered 6/1 @ 12 PM, and when I got home I’m like dude where’s my package, she’s like idk it never came. So I’m confused and now I’m looking at her like Cane looked at Monet from Power putting 2 + 2 together to get 5.
I’m like okay whatever I’ll order another one, but I’m still asking her if it ever came and she had the nerve to say “maybe it will be here tomorrow” (6/3). So I get an email this afternoon 6/4 saying that I want my 23 and me order cancelled. Before that I called the post office and they claimed after review it was actually delivered.
I went to my security camera and saw her get the mail but because xfinity cameras have such terrible quality I wasn’t sure if this big white package was a package or stacks of mail in her hand while she’s wearing a coat and glasses just to get the mail on 6/1.
Now I’m going crazy because dude where’s my DNA kit?
Then she messaged me saying that she’s holding me back and I’m toxic and I need to move and she will actually give me money to move because before she didn’t want to support me with moving across country.
I told her she has 12 hours to put that test on my bed.
AMA?

I don't know why I love plenty of shows that arnt shows the dead played Im the spring but, most of my "favorite" shows and versions of songs are spring ones. I don't fully know why maybe it's just me maybe the dead are just super tight on the spring. I have nothing much to say about it, just kinda realized it and wanted to share.
Sincerely just another, Ramblin Rose

I know that lots of people are feeling this way about the cost of living crisis but I just need to vent.
I (19f) live at home with my cats, my parents who are trying to divorce (57m & 52f) and my younger brother (17m). I have a full time job and would love to move out with my cats as I am constantly bullied and belittled but my dad and brother but I can't afford it as most places won't let you rent with pets and also I would have to pay my whole salary just on rent.
My brother constantly tells me to kill myself and tells me I am an animal abuser because I prefer my cats being inside, he has bullied me and emotionally abused me for years and my parents have given up trying to stop him so he never says sorry or is ever really nice to me only if he wants something although I try and be nice to him despite everything.
My dad hates me because I am fat and I remind him of my mum (who he hates) so he tried not to interact with me and when he does it is rarely ever for long or a nice thing. This causes a lot of tension between me and my brother because he thinks my dad is an amazing person and can do no wrong even though he doesn't hide his dislike for me and is a complete narcissist and it is always my fault we argue.
My mum is also a narcissist who thinks she can do no wrong but Congresbury makes me lie to her friends for her because she doesn't wasn't too hang out with them.
I often believe that maybe I should kill myself as it seems a lot of the problems would go away and the family would be happy but I can't as it's not fair to my cats and I think it would be a breaking point for my best friend, but it just seems like such a good idea as all the arguing would stop.
None of my family knows this and wouldn't believe me if I told them as my parents always say that me and my brother are just acting like siblings and we will grow out of it but I really believe my brother hates me. If I ever get to move out then I would cut all my family off as they don't seem to care which would leave me with exactly 3 friends.
I just don't know if I can cope much longer.

I get a ton of coaching but I keep losing matches and I’m on a 10 match losing streak rn and every match I lose makes me want to quit I’m actually depressed because of it because I’m losing to people that I’m way better and stronger than. Most of the time if I’m losing badly I just tank it because it makes me feel better than trying and getting beat, but I don’t want to lose anymore matches because it’s embarrassing at this point so I can’t do that anymore. Im not sure what to do because my coach is good but I think there’s something wrong with me because I can’t play for shit and I don’t think I’m getting any better so should I just quit because it’s actually ruining my life

Why does he [42M] take everything I say Negative?
We’ve been together for about 8 months now and the last few months are getting rough. Mostly because of the title.
Like today we was hanging out and we was both taking turn playing video games. While he was playing I guess I was starting to doze off and he asked me if I was taking a nap.
I responded, “no I’m just chilling.” and ended up falling asleep anyways.
When I woke up he was taking a nap and when I moved a bit he woke up. I chuckled and said I guess you fell asleep too.
He responded “yeah I did after you got nasty with me about not taking a nap.”
And we got into a big fight.
I immediately said, “ that’s a continued issue where everything I do and say you take negative. I didn’t mean it negatively at all. Only you can combat that train of thought”
Then he completely deflects that I’m trying to say he’s the problem. Which I am not and I continued saying “it’s your perspective that’s the issue. I can’t change that. Everything I say you take negative. I don’t understand why?
He packs his stuff and leaves.
I try and be mindful and not take offense to it because I am not intentionally being negative or trying to be short or anything but when someone constantly finds a way to say you are it’s upsetting.
Can someone please help me? I’ve tried saying “Hey, when you think I’m being offense, tell me why you feel that way and we can work through it.” Even when that happens and I double down land apologize and say that I wasn’t being negative. He still harbors on it.
Like I can’t change his perspective and it starting to feel like it will never change. I don’t want to be with someone who will take everything negative and that’s starting to seem like the case.
What can I do better or differently?
TL:DR My boyfriend takes all my responses towards him negative. Ive him that’s not case and maybe it’s just his perception. He’s unwilling to change/combat his perception. I am not a negative Nancy and him telling me I’m being negative causes issues and fights. It’s weighing on my mental health.

I currently only eat what is on my safe foods list so I don't relapse into disordered habits. My food consists mostly of perishable/ never frozen foods like fresh fruit, vegetables and chicken breast. I live with my family (parents and 1 sibling) but like to buy my own food because I'm old enough to, and they have different preferences overall.
I went grocery shopping 2 days ago and bought enough for a week (I mentally plan all of my meals ahead of time). I also get stuff for everyone that I know they like and have told them my safe food is off limits because it's the only thing I eat. I came home earlier planning on making a salad and half of my food is gone because my mom decided she wanted to make a chicken veggie stir fry while my brother is eating my grapes 😑 Apparently I'm being difficult because I don't want to eat any of the stir fry. I'm very picky about making my own food because if I don't, I'm not sure how much oil/sauce/etc was used.
I don't get it. My safe foods are apparently the most tantalizing thing ever to my family. Something ALWAYS goes missing or seems to disappear faster than I'm eating it. I've explained why I don't want them touching it multiple times. If they like my stuff so much, WHY DO THEY NEVER BUY IT THEMSELVES?!
This is why I hoard my non-perishables in my room already. Time to save up for a mini fridge.

I’m just about at my wits end with my eight month old son. Once he turned about five or six months, he just became the most distracted baby in the world and nursing him anywhere other than his dark, quiet bedroom became impossible. Even sometimes when we’re in his room with no distractions, he’s hungry and he’s tired and I can tell he wants to nurse but he just won’t. So then I rock him thinking maybe he’s just tired and he’s gnawing on my shoulder the entire time, whining. I am a teacher who is now on summer break, so he has been taking a bottle 3 to 4 times a day at daycare. But I still nursed him whenever I was with him. It’s just becoming so incredibly frustrating but I don’t want to give it up because I have a good supply and that’s not even the issue. I could exclusively pump, but to be honest, I hate pumping, and washing bottles, and I just wanted to take a break from all of that this summer.

So let me start this off by saying that I absolutely do NOT idolise him or "like" him in any. He was a monster and even just saying what I said in the title pains me. I also don't have his intrusive thoughts thankfully. I'm also 16 so I am aware I have a lot of time to change. That being said, I recently watched the Netflix show without much knowledge to his story and I sorta related to him before he started his killings, he was rather monotone, isolated and seemingly disinterested in people and had a direct communication style, he was also kinda arrogant sometimes, but what I noticed is that he had a pretty sad and boring life, my concern is that I'm gonna end up like that too due to my similarities with him and just be an alcoholic loner. My parents said I was like this ever since I was born, I was always reserved, never caused problems, didn't really want anything out of life. I have a few close online friends but only one irl friend, I used to have more but I distanced myself from then since I started high school. I barely talk to any girls, the girls in my class are either taken or just mean or both, my school has no clubs. Also I have no romantic interest in men and even if I was, most people in my country aren't really supportive of gay people, especially guys, so that wouldn't work out. Sometimes I try and get out of my comfort zone and go to festivals or to other events with my parents but I just find myself bored and not having a good time. I go to the gym though and I like it there so that's good I guess. Like I said before I don't wanna reach adulthood and be a weird loner like Dahmer. I'm not sure where i'm going with this, I just wanted to see what you guys think of this. Also sorry for any grammatical errors english isn't my native language and all.

Right this might be a long one, and a very messy one at that.
So my friend (NB26) started showing interest in me (NB22) after we made out at a halloween party last year, they messaged me saying they still thought about kissing me and sent me a letter professing their love me, I at the time felt very overwhelmed by this and didn't know how to let them down because they were my friend and I didnt mean much by the kiss as growing up I used to go to house parties and make out with my friends all the time, but I know that the kiss had much larger implications for them as it was the first time kissing an AFAB person after growing up in a very homophobic country.
I am poly and have been with my partner (24F) for 6 years, I have dated quite a few people during our relationship although the longest partner lasting just about a year. They are new to polyamory and have a Wife (25F) who they've been with for 5 years. I am also friends with their wife but not as close as I am with them, me and my partner are in a friendship group with them and three others.
Even though I was hesitant at first and unsure on my feelings I basically let them down not in the best way (mostly just ignoring this was happening) But then they professed their feelings for me again and I agreed after much thought that I also have feelings for them which I definitely do now. We went on our first date and it was amazing and we kissed again, and we went on a few dates after that, with me putting in a boundary that I wasn't ready to label anything until after I finish my degree (at the end of this month) but things have gone rapidly downhill.
Their wife came out as trans and is struggling hugely with their mental health, (dysphoria and trauma). And they confessed to me that she's gone back on her decision that our relationship was okay after us growing closer to eachother because its "become too real" and that our relationship is triggering her because she's being brought back to her past partner cheating on her. They've even going to couples counselling to try and resolve this issue. Their wife being mentally unwell at the moment is taking a massive strain on their marriage, and I've sort of become a source of console for the person I was trying to develop a relationship too, but I don't think its healthy how much they tell me about every thing that their wife is doing that's making them feel awful cause it's painting their wife in a very bad outlook when I already hold some resentment of her putting the breaks on our relationship.
We also had a two week break where we wouldn't see eachother, as they thought it might help her wife settle down and stop being triggered by me, but I'm not sure that it's helped anything and just make me feel pushed away and discarded. We met up recently after they messaged me basically calling everything off where I tried to tell them that I could wait although probably an unhealthy outlook I really love them I can't stop thinking about them and all I want to be is be with them, I feel like there's been a glass wall been put between us, just when things were going somewhere.
But now I don't know what to do I feel caught between a marriage I feel like a therapist for my friend, all I want to do is make everything better but I don't know how to do that I just feel heartbroken and exhausted.

Hey reddit, let me start out with an apology for any errors I make, I'm dyslexic, this is my first time posting here, and I'm still really anxious and upset about everything going on, in particular as I have diagnosed PTSD and G.A.D. It also is probably appropriate to give a trigger warning for just about anything one could be sensitive too, from assault, to cancer, to death, because my life has had it all lately.... This is the very long winded story of how my neighbor couple, who are a toxic combination of entitled and addicted to some kind of uppers, are trying to make my life a living hell, and, how I am not retaliating and it's somehow making them even more hateful...
Relevant backstory about me/my home situation- I (36F) bought my house all by myself (yah!) in 2016 before everything got super expensive. I am a career musician, but because what I make performing in an indie band and in royalties varies WILDLY from year to year, I also am proud to be the primary child care provider for my niece, and three other long time family friend's children who are now between the ages of 5 and 7 but have come to my home for daycare and even over nights and weekends sometimes since they were infants we're all like a little extended family. I live alone other than my little pets and the children who are often here.
In June 2022 I was misdiagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (most deadly kind of breast cancer) and spent 6 weeks helping my parents and the kids and my friends get ready to help me... then lose me basically, before it was determined it was NOT inflammatory breast cancer (yah!) I just had Regular old precancerous tissue being made to look even worse than it was because the tissue had also developed an antibodic-resistant infection allll over the tissue under my breast. Ultimately good news except the very next day one of the moms in our little childcare group died instead. Like some kind of nasty joke God was making that wasn't funny and I'm still not over. Then, my insurance company decided to fight me over surgery to have the tissue and infection removed while cycling me through endless rounds of antibiotics and more invasive (but cheaper for my insurance) treatments. I did the best I could to keep up with my home and life and still help with the kids but I was *really really* sick until February of this year (2023) when I finally got my surgery, and I'm still really struggling with the lose of my friend both for myself and her son. I also have no money or savings or anything of a safety net left anymore. I had to access it all while I was sick and paying for my surgery/medical care (so you now know I'm American I suppose).
Now, onto the neighbors...
In August 2022, this couple moved in nextdoor and have been single handedly changing the block vibe from "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood where a few of the parents smoke weed here and there" to "Nightmare on Elm Street featuring Crack" and I am not sure that I have ever seen so up close and personal the inner workings of.... sociopaths? Or whatever the correct name for people who are habitual lairs and take pleasure in causing harm to others (and maybe each other?). They are heavy drinkers, heavy cannabis users (no shade, I got my med card before surgery and with edibles I didn't even need other prescription pain meds!! but anything can be a problem for some people), and most unfortunately they do some kind of pills or something that make them very "up". While the wife is typically too "out of it" to maintain work, the husband works from home as some type of an accountant and seems to keep it together, and make just enough money, to maintain their "lifestyle" which basically means they do a lot of drugs and super weird addict things, but with an aura of entitlement. It's a toxic combination.
The couple, who I will call Sackie (44F) and Jam(41M), originally presented themselves as an older couple with Sackie in particular having many health issues.... and I will admit I first mistook her for being older and originally assumed her manner of speaking (a bit low, mumbled and slurred, without a good awareness to social cues or appropriateness, like trying to talk to me about how her brother molested her but her mom payed off the law to make it go away or how later she started a business with said mom, but her mom started having an affair with Jam's boss and that's how they met... in front of the children and/or in maybe my second conversation with her) for some kind of stroke. It was only after many awkward rambling conversations with Sackie that I realized they were actually not much older at all, and her many health issues (more on this later) were fictional or simply from withdrawals/drug use. I did learn, however, that Jam and Sackie have a long, sorted, unpleasant history, with just about everyone they'd ever met... and somehow, it was always they who were the victims.
Now, I try very hard not to victim blame and I know from personal experience that sometimes good people have strings of unfortunate events in their lives-- but Sackie's recounts of events were often hard to understand, or contradictory to previous stories she had told, sometimes even within the same conversation. So I knew almost right away she wasn't a reliable narrator, but, with our houses being located about 12 feet apart, my original misinterpretation of them as an older couple, and with Sackie intentionally lying about some things to get my sympathy.... I had no idea how bad they both really were or what I was in for...
I first spoke with Sackie more than just saying hi in passing sometime around Thanksgiving (American Thanksgiving) when she knocked on my door to ask if she and Jam could give me an extra out door Christmas ornamental they had. I thought they were just being Christmasy and kind. I didn't have the kids at my house that week and Sackie smelled the cannabis I had been enjoying on my couch (a rarity honestly) and said, "oh is that what I think it is?" Paranoid that she was offended I blurted out, "oh yes I have a cannabis prescription, this is probably TMI but if you notice me home and slagging a lot it is because I am waiting for breast surgery."
Sackie's face lite up, "Thats not TMI, I'm waiting for breast surgery too! I had uterine cancer and now I'm waiting for a double mastectomy. And don't worry I'm a medical user too" Now, I have since learned this to be a lie, but at the time it definitely made me feel sorry for her and I was just relieved I hadn't been "caught" by a neighbor who was offended by cannabis.
However, once Sackie learned I had weed.... well, she wanted to be my best friend. In fact, she almost invented a fantasy friendship with me. Asking for my number in case they needed someone to look in on their pets during the holidays to quickly turned to her calling and texting pages and pages of messages-- about how Jam abused her, and was cheating on her, how she had nobody and was so scared approaching her (fake) upcoming double mastectomy, how he'd made sure her name wasn't on the house when they bought it and he'd locked her out of all their money... and could she please have some weed because she was so sick? Oh she had a seizure because she was so sick could she please have some weed?? It went on and on, always about wanting weed, rides places, confusing pages of texts about how she was watching "dead to me" and how it was so unfair she didn't have a friend like those characters?? Could I be that friend??
It was intense. And I didn't handle it well. I did my best to just respond to her slower and slower apart and just be nice but short and say no that I didn't have or couldn't do XYZ for her.
Her begging and neediness intensified rapidly, sometimes she would come to my door and knock and ask for weed and I would feel obligated to give it to her just to get her away. She was always on something a lot more intense than weed when she'd knock. It was scary and sometimes the kids were here. She started texting me asking if I had "anything stronger" than weed and when I was understandablely like "no I don't do those things" she sent me about four pages about how she just meant "xanxa" because she used to have a standing prescription for xanxa and it helped her so much but she had "quit all her medicine except good ol weed and seeing a chiropractor" and was doing oh so much better now but just needed some but it was okay because she found another friend to give it to her.
This was the first time I expressly told her no and not to ask me about that type of thing and where she started to turn her fantasy friendship into me into a fantasy feud.
Shortly after she sent me another page long text saying, "not to be a bitch but I'm done with our one sided friendship." I responded that I understood, at this point it was Dec 22nd (2022) and I was just trying to spend time with my family. I said something like, "I understand, I have some health problems that make it hard for me to make new friends or even keep up with my current friends, but I will see you around as a neighbor." And hoped to never hear from her again.
Oh, how short that hope was. Several days later I started getting pages of frantic apologies, but also trying to make me feel guilty, and more frantic apologies, and letting me know that Jam is not cheating on her and evil and leaving her with nothing, and they're both such great people and always here if I need anything!!!
It's honestly hard to explain how unstable even her "nice" texts would sound and I'm not sure if we can post screen shots in this sub, but trust me, this woman and her husband are just constant, intense, invasive drama. While she and Jam both made me uncomfortable, almost like watching for when I would first let my dogs out in the morning or when a friend left my house and texting me about it... waiting on their front porch chain smoking for me to come outside then rushing over to talk-block me into conversations about other neighbors they hated, Jam's bosses affair with Sackie's mom, to tell me how sick they were, about how Sackie had to quit multiple jobs because her bosses would always sexually harass her... And stupid me would just try to kinda smile and nod and get out of the conversation.
I was so uncomfortable and somewhat scared of them because of the way they would talk about other people and each other and... its hard to describe but if anyone has even been close with someone using something like meth, you know how crazy their behaviors can be, even if they are being "nice." But until April 2023, they were just a bother, not a danger.
April was when Sackie's fantasy friendship with me turned into a full blown fantasy feud...
In early April, I was supposed to be recovered enough from surgery that I could work again so I to started to watch the children every week again, and apply for music gigs again... but unfortunately got a staph infection in my left breasts wound. I ended up being in a lot of pain and back on antibiotics and pretty out of it on my couch for a few days, though I managed not to be hospitalized again (yah!).
During the few days I was pretty much out of it during the infection, Jam and Sackie decided it would be a good time to get really "uppered" to rip up all the ornamental ivy in our shares breezeway (fine) but also OFF THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE AND OUT AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. They pulled down wires on the side of my house and did this during rainy season meaning they exposed my homes foundation to massive amounts of water no longer protected by plants and top soil.
I was in total shock. They hadn't asked permission, or even mentioned disliking the ivy, and they were clearly on something and STILL trying to rip up things around my front porch.
My kind, 70 year old father was over on April 14th, to help me do some weatheseason appropriate yard work I was struggling to do one my own because of the staph infection and we decided we had to try to say something to them about it, because at this point they were out front talking about what they were going to do AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. But again, wanting to keep peace my dad and I went outside and my dad just politely asked Sackie about what they were doing and, said something along the lines of, "well okay, just please don't do anything else on our side because we are going to take care of that ourselves..." and before he could even finish Sackie suddenly, in her slurred speech, yells "Do you think I'm fucking Stupid??" at my dad.
Now, at this point I can't take it anymore. My father thought he was going to have to change my diapers while I DIED this year. He does not deserve to be yelled at by some methed out neighbor. So I said, "Sackie, don't speak to my father that way, he is just looking out for me."
At which point Sackie LOSES IT and starts hollering to Jam and possibly just herself about how my dad and I are "so rude and trashy" and how they can do whatever they want because, they want things to look nice, etc etc, at which point I was just like, "come one dad let's go inside."
My dad and I worked on some chores in the back yard, then he was like, "I know we didn't do anything wrong, but let's go apologize because you don't want to have neighbor issues."
However, when we went back out front Sackie was literally pacing back and forward in the breezeway ranting to herself about how she had every right to do whatever she wanted with what I can only describe as a look of pure and total unhinged insanity. You know how when actors play their first role on screen after doing stage acting for years and so their movements come across as completely over the top? That's a lot how Sackie looked that day stalking up and down alley talking to herself, like a director had just told her, "act really nuts!" Except Sackie wasn't acting. My dad said, "okay, well, we tried, some people just want to be upset," to me, and we went back to working on my house.
Keep in mind, I was still on heavy duty antiboditics and fighting a staph infection at this time, and was trying to get the house in shape for my kiddo who's mom had passed away to be able to sleep over at my house that night to give his dad a little break. I figured Sackie would bitch about me to Jam and whoever else she could get to listen (like how she would speak about others to me) but eventually get over it and go back to trying to have her fantasy friendship with me, because after all, she was able to nag me into giving her free weed occasionally, and all my dad and I had done was ask her not to do anything else on my property, right? How mad could she be?)
Well, apparently, something I have now learned, is when someone addicted to uppers decides you are their fixation, they are as addicted to causing you hell.
The following day Sackie (and Sam according to her texts) sent me pages and pages of texts, again I'm not sure on the character limits or screen shot policy here, but basically she sent me about 10 text pages about how my dad and I were so rude and disgusting and she and Jam had the right to do anything they wanted as the breezeway is "their's " (again, that is their property on that side but only up until a foot and half or so away from my house, and definitely not around my front porch) and how she and Jam have always been so nice to me and I'm just such a terrible person, and "YOU'RE WELCOME " for how that side of my house will look?
She used a lot more curse words and details than that, many of which were not even truthful and were hard to understand, and kept bringing up a Tupperware container and a cloth canvas bag that she had left some kind of soup she made for my friend (my friend who Sackie also made extremely uncomfortable but would try to be polite to her when she was outside smoking) when my friend had to stay with me for a few weeks after she had to get a hysterectomy and needed help recovering, and saying "and just throw out that Tupperware I gave you, you have no idea the kind of niceness I've constantly given to you!" (remember friends, even this major pushover knows-- kindness done with the expectation of something in return is just manipulation) Like, somehow this unwanted soup she'd left my friend when she was recovering here in March 2023, made it okay for her to do whatever she wanted on my property?
This also feels like an appropriate time to add that it was when my friend was recovering at my house that I learned the extent of Sackie's lies about her health. Remember how I said she'd gained my sympathy by pretending she had breast cancer and was waiting on a double mastectomy? Her story was that she had found out she had uterine cancer after a miscarriage and she'd had to have a full hysterectomy and the cancer had spread and so she needed a double mastectomy now but she was having trouble with her insurance and her husband, that is why she wanted to mold me into her "Dead to Me" friend, right?
Nope. Apparently not. As, she told my friend that, "she knew exactly what she was going through because she had just terrible, terrible, periods and has endometriosis too, just like my friend, but she hasn't been able to get the hysterectomy she needed yet because she didn't have a doctor because she didn't do Western Medicine anymore, all she needed was a chiropractor and weed... oh and the hysterectomy for her terrible endometriosis just like my friend." She also said something that implied her husband was getting her a boob job, for cosmetic reasons, and there had never been cancer at all. I have no idea if the miscarriage was a lie too or not, and it isn't really relevant other than to stress, that Sackie and her husband really have a hard time with the truth.
Anyway, after her round of nasty texts after the ivy incident, I sent her back an extremely polite and short text, saying I was sorry she felt so offended by my dad and I asking her not to do anything else on my property, and I was very happy to respect their wishes for us not to communicate and I wished them well.
The next two weeks or so, until April 29th 2023, Sackie and Jam made me uncomfortable but were manageable. They did things like intentionally stacking hay against my fence, talking loudly to each other about how "trashy" I was, and at one point in time even pretending to do yard work but actually just smashing the side of my house with shovels! They even had someone else over at some point they were intentionally loud explaining too about how disgusting the ivy was and what a favor they were doing "cleaning it up".... but honestly I didn't even really care.
My paralegal friend recommended I start documenting things though, because she said some of the worst people she's seen in court are functional, entitled, drug addicts and I should not assume they would return to reason, and that it would be a good idea if I let the Neighborhood Stabilization Officer know what was going on, start documentation, and draft up a cease and desist to send if they did anything else and man, she was right, so right in fact, we didn't even have time to send the cease and desist.
On April 24th, out of nowhere, she sent me another several pages of unhinged texts, once again talking about how I should thank her for ripping up my ivy, throw away her Tupperware, how I was a terrible person and she and her husband and everyone think I'm on the Spectrum (hey man, autism is highly under diagnosed in women and that isn't the insult they think it is, but I could tell she thought she was calling me the R word), and just nasty absurd abusive things.
I sent her a text simply saying "Do not communicate with me or anyone at my house or threaten me or my pets again."
I found that dumb Tupperware and canvas bag she kept bringing up like it was gold, and put them on a porch along with another letter saying the same as in my text.
Jam responded this time, by smashing the Tupperware and leaving it back on my porch....
Now on April 29th, while I was hosting a sleep over for 3 of the children, and, as bad as this couple had been, I honestly believed they weren't bad enough to cause me trouble when the children were here with me. Looking back, I can't tell you why I gave them that kind of credit. Sackie self published a childrens book in her early 30's, and spoke of volunteering at children's libraries, at least according to her, and I suppose I thought that meant she'd have a respect for kids even if they did not have respect for me.... once again, I was wrong.
Around 5 or 6pm, the kids and I went out onto my front porch to bring our pizza inside at the same time as Sackie was getting out of getting out of her drug dealers car with him, she began screaming profanities at me, saying I was disgusting, threatening the pets, and other things I couldn't really understand fully due to her slurred speech once again but verbally assaulting me but this time, in front of the children was the last straw I had.
I quickly got the kids inside, away from her, and served them the pizza. I told them not to worry about the neighbor, that she was a kind of sick that made people yell when they shouldn't sometimes and they should just ignore her. I made sure they were content talking amongst themselves and eating pizza and strawberries- and went to call the police and finally told them about all the ongoing harassment, threats, begging, drug use, and now screaming and profanities in front of the children and asked for help.
Then I got ahold of one of the other moms who came and picked up all three of the kids, and we just pretended that we decided it was a better idea for them have a sleep over at her friend's house than mine. The kids were fine, but as soon as they left I lost it. Just big gut crying. The months of being nagged for weed, rides, and favors, getting passive aggressive texts about not being Sackie's new insta best friend, feeling like I was being watched constantly, worrying about Sackie saying inappropriate things in front of the children, dealing with Jam's creepy stares and used car sales man persona, the past weeks of their new upper fueled obsession with my property line and being the new fixation of their abuse, trying to be kind to them even as I struggled with my breast disease and Sackie trying to me as an emotional punching bag and free weed. I was finally crying so so so hard, my neighbors on my other side (a lovely couple my age) heard and rushed out and had me come wait inside and were so so so nice to me while I looked insane (did I forget to mention I'd let the kids 'do' my make up, meaning they'd painted my whole face with eye shadow including giving me a sparkly beard?) until the police arrived.
Now I live in a really nice neighborhood, but I am in one of the highest crime cities in America and our politicians and police staff are internationally questioned, so I was actually really impressed that the police came, cared, and, that somehow in my state, I *still* apparently looked less insane than Sackie and Jam.
They responded fairly quickly, and patiently looked over the wild texts from Jackie, my accounts of her and Jam passively terrorizing me, and checked out the side of my yard which they had originally ripped up the ivy and started this whole insane fantasy fight with me over.
They very much believed me and said I should have called them sooner, which surprised me. Sackie refused to come out and speak with the police but Jam came out to speak to the police via using his back door so Sackie could keep hiding.
The police came back and let me know that if Jam was the lesser of my two issues that I needed to becareful because they couldn't do anything on "hear say" but that Sackie had refused to speak with them and Jam reeked of alcohol. They said they told them to leave me alone, and that I had already agreed to do the same, and to just leave me alone, but that if they did anything I needed to call them because of how bad Jam, the lesser of the two, looked.
They left, I thanked them and my kind neighbors and felt like, it must be over right? Because if you do things like send pages of rambling violent, threatening texts, destroy property, and take so many drugs that your speech is slurred 24/7, and the cops come and tell you stop bothering your neighbor, you'd be scared right?
Again, I was mistaken to assume that Sackie and Jam's line of thinking would be at all on the side of logic, even in terms of simple self preservation. As soon as the cops left, Sackie and Jam came into my front yard and began to loudly talk about how disgusting I was to each other again. At this point I have both of their numbers blocked on my phone, but Sackie must has used one of those apps that allows you to text people who have blocked you and messaged me... "Have a great weekend"
So I go ahead and call the police who again, I am both pleased, and surprised, and a little scared by how quickly they return because my city is very high crime and for them to pay any attention to my calls means they must have clocked the neighbors as actual threat.
Sackie and Jam did go inside before the police came back though, and this time they both simply refused to open the door to the police. I imagine they had done many more drugs at this point.
The police said that they couldn't do anything since technically nothing had a record yet, but suggested that I file for a restraining order and provided all of the information I needed to do so. I was still sort of wishy washy about having a legal issue with my neighbors, but after talking it over with a few close girlfriends, one of them messaged me passionately outside of our little group chat about how much this couple, Sackie in particular, was behaving like a lot like her mother, a meth addict with a sense of entitlement who made her neighbors and everyone around hers life hell, obsessing over property lines and turned down begging, until eventually went to prison for 13 years for stabbing my friends dad. He lived thankfully.
But she was right, and my earlier mentioned paralegal friend helped me put together my paper work and evidence for a restraining order which we filed that Monday (April 30th).
They were served their papers on May 4th and thankfully, that *did* scare them into leaving me alone. Jam and Sackie would still intentionally talk badly about me to each other outside when they knew I could hear, and I imagine Sackie was trying to tell anyone who would listen what a bitch I was, but as long as myself and the children were unbothered I felt fine.
The court date came and I made the mistake again of assuming court mediation would be enough. Sackie showed up using a cain and pretending to be feeble, sickly and older, like she had done to me when we first met. Jam still looked creepy but wore a suit. My lawyer, who is also my middle school boyfriends father as an aside, was pretty confident I could get a full restraining if we went to court, but they agreed to restraining order terms as long as it stayed off their record for the purposes of background checks.
The way this works in my city is if they violate the terms it then automatically becomes a full order of protection-- but if they don't it gives them a chance to keep their records clean. It also would save me some money, because even though my lawyer was handling things at friend prices he couldn't do it for free. So I agreed to that. They were to stay away from me, my guests, not contact me on any platform, not harm me or my pets, it all seemed pretty fair and reasonable to me.
But alas, Sackie and Jam are not reasonable people. Literally the moment they got home from court Jam began working on some kind of project in his back yard, cursing about me to himself and clearly back on some kind of upper, he assembled and drilled this... strange tarp thing to my fence ???? Yes, my fence, and yes, this is illegal but I didn't have any luck getting the police to come out this time.
It has continued on this way. Them trying to do everything they can to harass me as much as possible without technically violating the order.
They're still trying to make my life hell, and, I am pretty sure my only option is to wait for them to physically harm me, on camera, for anything to happen.
So yes. That is how I kept trying to give my neighbors the benefit of the doubt, and in exchange, they're making my life hell. As I type this now Jam is out in the front yard, hovering on our property line, watering the grass, breathing heavy, grunting, and giving my ring camera dirty looks.
I don't have a good way to wrap this up, but, it felt good writing it all out to share anonymously. Thankyou reddit.
neighborsfromhell

How do I know if what I'm experiencing is abuse, or if it's all in my mind, and I'm really the cause of all of the issues?
For years now, I felt like I can’t do anything right. The beginnings of our relationship and our marriage were fantastic. It moved a little too fast, if I might be honest, but it felt like it was perfect. Within months of meeting each other, we were planning a future together, and moving in with eachother. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, we were engaged, and married, all in under a year. Our first year of marriage had little fights here and there, and bouts of her not talking to me, but in the end, it was all fine. Then… I bought us our first house (literally… dumped my entire life savings into buying it, and renovating it myself). But then, it started getting difficult. We had really high highs, and really low lows. Each low was set off by something little too, like I left a spot of something on the kitchen counter, or that I moved something in the wrong spot. Sometimes it was that I didn’t want to work on a house renovation after a long day at work. I felt like our marriage was falling apart. Sex disappeared almost entirely. And always, when our fights came to an end, I was the one at fault. I was always told that what I did was wrong, and when I tried to talk about it, I was called mean.
We continued to have ups and downs over the years, and things progressively got better. That is, until we had a child together. At that point, I couldn’t do anything right, at all. She took something I said (“I can’t do this”) the day we came home with our child, something that happened right as I was woken up by our child crying, and I was shaking from severe lack of sleep. She took that, and immediately decided we needed to move in with her parents. I worked from home most days, so I was always taking care of the baby, literally, everything. I was always the one feeding the baby, changing diapers, putting them down for nap, getting them to sleep. Very rarely did my wife step in and do any of these things. I knew there was a degree of postpartum depression, and I tried to talk to her about it, but whenever I did, she not only shut herself out away from me for days at a time, when things were “resolving”, all of my weak points as a parent were always criticized, and I’d be told that I was a mean person. I eventually was so burnt out, that I lost my primary source of income, and only had my side business left. I tried to get another job, but i was getting nowhere. Paying for some bills at her parents house, and entirely paying the mortgage and bills for a house we weren’t living in for a year, with no assistance from anyone, and no more high income job. I was financially crushed. Some massively crazy stuff happened with her family, and we were essentially pressured to move out.
We moved, and I felt isolated. No car (she made me sell it as it needed repairs. Promised me she’d get me a lease… the car was in her name, although I paid it off entirely), still no job (I must have applied to 300 places by then), and she wouldn’t allow me to get out and build my business as it took focus away from the baby. Almost two years of that, and being a stay at home dad, in debt now because the money my business made went to paying bills that surpassed what I was making. Then, her parents came to us, in financial ruin, about to lose their house. We were looking to move again, and buy another house. They wanted to tag along. Miraculously, they came up with a good sum of money, and gifted it to us to help buy the house for everyone. Now, we were both under the impression this was temporary, and that they wanted to move to another state once they got back on their feet and their foreclosure was finished. I wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise, especially after how they treated us living in their house. They moved in, and I was finally able to get out and build my business up, as I had someone to watch our child. But… once that started happening, my money went to quite literally everything, and I got to enjoy none of it. Between paying for materials for home renovations, increasing how much I’ve been paying for bills, taking on ALL of the house utilities, and buying food (which… if she goes food shopping, she makes me pay her back), I feel like I’m back to where I was years ago.
Since we moved in, I’ve basically rebuilt this entire house myself, right down to the studs. Most of it… on my own dime too. My in-laws did work on their section of the house too, and most of it has been quite shoddy, that I’ve had to redo. They’ve since moved out, claiming we kicked them out (although they were screaming at us weekly asking for their money back, saying we weren’t doing enough for them), and their foreclosure ended, and they still owe hundreds of thousands of dollars on the house, and are also suing us, even though we offered to give the money back that they gave us.
Now, my wife works an extra job, not because she needs it, but because she wants to. And she uses it to entirely fund her clothing addiction. Always getting something for herself. She’s never home, so almost all of the daily house routines fall to me.
Now… I’m working a lot, even though my wife hates it. And I have a child to take care of, when they’re not at school. I try my best. Sometimes I can’t clean everything perfectly, or I don’t get a chance to clean certain rooms or keep up after my child. Everything that doesn’t get done, instead of letting me do it when I can, she gets angry about. Doesn’t talk to me for days. She constantly criticizes me for everything too, things like “you’re always messy”, or “you can’t even put the dishes away right”. Always telling me that if I had better time management, that I’d be able to get things done.
I feel so disconnected. I literally have no one else to talk to. No friends… just my child, who recognizes when I’m sad and hurt, and shouldn’t have to be there to help me. I have no idea what to do. I don't even have a way to get out of the house anymore, even if I wanted to. My car was in her name (as it used to be hers), and she's sold it on me, to pay off her debts.

I'm not much for remembering someone's exact words, so I'll just stick to summarizing. I was disappointed with a recent cart crash. We had set up a "return visit" at the cart, and I was expecting to receive an answer for "why the Bible is inspired, and not just a human book". This is what happened instead.
First off, I was gifted the remain in God's love and enjoy life forever books. I've been out for a long time, so I hadn't seen either of these. It's fascinating to see them. Honestly, though, I was expecting the God's word book. Neither of these books addresses my question in any detail. (Also, is this the same Remain in God's love book as before? That was supposed to be for progressive studies!)
Then, I decided to pose my question again. "What makes you think you can believe the Bible is really from God? What proof is there?"
The was the third time I had asked this questio, and I expected to have an answer today. Instead, we read 2 Tim. 3:16.
My response(naturally) was: "but how do you know that the Bible is inspired of God? I can say that I'm a prophet, but that doesn't make it true". Their answer was simply: "because we've studied it deeply." Then they gave the example of other churches, and how people just believe whatever their preacher says. So (they set themselves up) I asked:"but how do you know your not just doing the same?"
At this point, I expected some fact. A prophecy. A scientific point. Something. Instead, I got the same, unaware answer. "It's like searching for a diamond. You have to search hard, but you know when you've found it." They read Pr.2:1-7.
Me: But how do you know that there's actually a diamond("treasure") to find. You can't touch or see things in the Bible like a physical diamond. On the contrary, there's lots of historical evidence against the Bible. So where's the proof?
Awkward silence
Somewhere before this point, I commented the JW Library has a convenient layout for the Bible books(which is true. My Bible app lists them in alphabetical order, which annoys me to no end). So they started showing me all the app features. Eventually, we ended up in the appendix, looking at the maps. I like maps, and I said that I thought it was cool. Well, while showing the maps, they also showed the timeline from Adam to now. I thought this would be a good time to get back to my point.
Me: But this is my problem with the Bible. That map said that Adam was created 6,000 years ago. I've personally been to a city that's 9,000 years old. How can this be real when we have cities older than Adam?
I was sure that I would get some comment about carbon dating, or science being unreliable. Something. Instead, I just got a blank stare.
At some point toward the end, we ended up back to on topic. And I brought up Noah. Do you believe the flood was literal? How could that be? And the quiet one decided to get involved.
"Actually, I just heard that they found a piece of Noah's ark, and scientists are testing it now!"
I couldn't believe she would repeat something like this! That's not even WT propaganda(sounded like social media to me). So, finally, I got to make a couple detailed points.
Me: "But how can that be true, when we have actual writing from the Egyptians, sumerian, etc. that's much older than that? If God killed everyone but these 8 people, how could all of these societies exists?"
The most deer-in-the-headlights look of the day
After that, we moved off-topic, I promised to read the books(and I will. They are new to me). And they promised to stay in-touch.
I was utterly disappointed by the lack of attempts to show evidence. I've been thinking about this for days, and preparing for possible points. Instead, they gave me absolutely nothing. What happened to the cult? People used to try to show evidence
I also want to say that these two witnesses were very kind. They were sweet, conversational, and showed initiative(the one who I met earlier followed up with me multiple times about my questions before this meeting). But it's depressing to see them wasting their lives like this. In less than an hour, I left them unable to answer multiple times. They've spent their entire lives in this religion, and yet they don't even have a defense for some of the most common academic argumemts about the Bible.
Imagine how much they could accomplish helping people at an NGO, or organizing their community! Instead, they'll spend their lives waiting for something that will never come, not even willing to consider another possibility.
P.s. I forgot to mention. After the preacher point, I asked if they had ever read arguments against the Bible. The one quickly said: " no, I never read anything against the Bible." I got another look of pure confusion when I asked: "Then how do you know it's right? If you've never considered the opposite side, how are you different than anyone else who just believes what they're told?"

Right this might be a long one, and a very messy one at that.
So my friend (NB26) started showing interest in me (NB22) after we made out at a halloween party last year, they messaged me saying they still thought about kissing me and sent me a letter professing their love me, I at the time felt very overwhelmed by this and didn't know how to let them down because they were my friend and I didnt mean much by the kiss as growing up I used to go to house parties and make out with my friends all the time, but I know that the kiss had much larger implications for them as it was the first time kissing an AFAB person after growing up in a very homophobic country.
I am poly and have been with my partner (24F) for 6 years, I have dated quite a few people during our relationship although the longest partner lasting just about a year. They are new to polyamory and have a Wife (25F) who they've been with for 5 years. I am also friends with their wife but not as close as I am with them, me and my partner are in a friendship group with them and three others.
Even though I was hesitant at first and unsure on my feelings I basically let them down not in the best way (mostly just ignoring this was happening) But then they professed their feelings for me again and I agreed after much thought that I also have feelings for them which I definitely do now. We went on our first date and it was amazing and we kissed again, and we went on a few dates after that, with me putting in a boundary that I wasn't ready to label anything until after I finish my degree (at the end of this month) but things have gone rapidly downhill.
Their wife came out as trans and is struggling hugely with their mental health, (dysphoria and trauma). And they confessed to me that she's gone back on her decision that our relationship was okay after us growing closer to eachother because its "become too real" and that our relationship is triggering her because she's being brought back to her past partner cheating on her. They've even going to couples counselling to try and resolve this issue. Their wife being mentally unwell at the moment is taking a massive strain on their marriage, and I've sort of become a source of console for the person I was trying to develop a relationship too, but I don't think its healthy how much they tell me about every thing that their wife is doing that's making them feel awful cause it's painting their wife in a very bad outlook when I already hold some resentment of her putting the breaks on our relationship.
We also had a two week break where we wouldn't see eachother, as they thought it might help her wife settle down and stop being triggered by me, but I'm not sure that it's helped anything and just make me feel pushed away and discarded. We met up recently after they messaged me basically calling everything off where I tried to tell them that I could wait although probably an unhealthy outlook I really love them I can't stop thinking about them and all I want to be is be with them, I feel like there's been a glass wall been put between us, just when things were going somewhere.
But now I don't know what to do I feel caught between a marriage I feel like a therapist for my friend, all I want to do is make everything better but I don't know how to do that I just feel heartbroken and exhausted.

Finished FFX for the first time
FFX is my childhood dream game and got the chance to play it recently the remastered version which had many issues tbh. I just finished it today and Oh boy the ending broke me. They way Tidus jumped without saying anything and the end credit scene made me very emotional. I want to believe he is still alive and Yuna can meet him again. Don't know the FFX-2 story yet so please no spoilers. FFX is a beautiful game I highly recommend it to all who are into RPGs and haven't played it yet.
Issues with remastered version - 1. Green screen issue at the time of cutscenes truly breaks the immersion and had to replay the section just to see the cutscene again. Sometimes had to boss fights again just to see the scenes. I tried Nvidia setting which I found online but it didn't help either.

1. Character models randomly disappears. Mostly happened with Yuna where only the lashes and necklace was visible, quite a scary scene tbh.
   
2. The 3rd model used for Tidus and Yuna doesn't look that good compared to PS2 version. They seems lifeless but as I played for the first time I got used to it.
   

This game came a long time ago but they never fixed it and it's not like it's a free product so they didn't do it, we paid money yet still had to play a buggy version.
Issues with FFX - 1. lack of skip button because of it had to listen to the dialogue over and over again when faced with the issue of green screen or I loses a fight.

1. Sometimes the turn didn't make sense. For example In the fight with Ject inside Sin. Ject had too many turns like 5-6 totally drived me nuts and when you lose the fight or the green screen issue then go through the dialogues again.
   
2. I find it a little bit grindy. I haven't played much games so don't know may be skill issues but also don't have time to grind for hours. I had to resort using the inbuilt cheats provided in it using the all items cheats(this helped the most in filling sphere grid and rikku's mix OD) and the all skill cheats(which I regretted later as got confused with it).
   

Still with all the flaws it's a very good game and am happy to finish it. Since my childhood I only saw the cutscenes and only dreamed about the story of it and it didn't disappoint in any way but sure broken my little heart TwT.
Share your experiences about it.

I've been with my partner for just over a year, early on in our relationship there was an issue where I got spiked on a lads holiday and kissed someone and a video got back to her (important for context later) we decided to carry on the relationship and worked past it. A few months in we went travelling together, both had plans to before getting together so just decided to go together.
The relationship went well whilst we were out there, ups and downs as normal but amplified because we were on the other side of the world and only really had each other for support. We came back home after 8 months because she was really struggling out there and everything seemed fine when we got back.
Until we found out she was pregnant.
She decided to have an abortion because we just weren't ready for a child, and were both still trying to find our feet after getting back. The whole experience has been incredibly traumatic for her and I've been trying as best I can to support her and help but whatever I say and do just seems to make the situation worse and its led to a complete breakdown in communication between us.
There is also an issue with her sister and her boyfriend, they haven't forgiven me for what happened on my holiday early in our relationship and that's completely understandable but since coming home the boyfriend had been especially rude to me and it wasn't adding up because they hadn't been like this even straight after it happened.
It turned out that a 'friend' of my girlfriend who had come travelling with us had spread some nasty rumors about things we'd apparently said whilst travelling that weren't true, this same friend has also sabotaged my girlfriend's friendship with her best mate to the point where they won't even talk to her.
The sister also completely withdrew her support from my girlfriend during the abortion until recently and her and her boyfriend got into a shouting match with my girlfriend about them being rude to me, and my girlfriend making everything about her while she was going through the abortion and they didn't talk for about a month. During which time the sister had been running her mouth off at work saying I was stopping my girlfriend seeing her family (we spent most of our time at her house with her family) and that I was causing a rift between them. They've since apparently reconciled, but the sister and her boyfriend haven't apologised for their behaviour and refuse to attempt getting along with me.
All of this came to a head when I tried to talk to my girlfriend about why she'd been so distant and pushing me away where it turned into an argument about how I couldn't understand what she was going through, that she can't talk yo me about what's going on because she'll break down into a hysterical mess, and she needed to think about where our relationship was going as I'm not understanding what she needs and this whole thing with her sister is putting a strain on us. Since then we've argued a few times and I feel like it's just forcing us further and further apart. Other things that have been brought up in the arguments are my inability to really display my emotions, eg crying, and how there has just been zero communication about how she's feeling day to day, like if she's having a bad day and doesn't want to see me and so puts it off until its too late in the day or forcing herself to come and see me when she's in a miserable mood which I don't want her to do because it is heartbreaking to see.
I really don't want this to be the end of our relationship as I really love this woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her and start a family when we're ready for it. We are both taking the steps to go to counselling and she's having more of a think about our relationship.
For context whenever there is an argument among her family, which is frequent, she is always the one to concede and bridge the gap first, and her family (including the sister's boyfriend) never apologise for their behaviour. The abortion also happened about 2 months ago now.
I just want to know if there's anything I can do to try and keep this relationship going, or is it all on her to make her decision?

Hello, and welcome to Music’s Biggest Night! That’s right, it’s the GRAMMYs. The year is 1994 and our category is Best Alternative Music Album. We’ll be rating each of the five nominees on Indieheads, but before we get to the nominees, a quick word about rates.
Hey, quick question, what are rates? Obviously, if you're familiar with the process, skip this. But if you're new, I'll explain so this doesn't seem like a wild block of text! Rates are a subreddit game in which a user scores a group of songs on a scale from 1-10, with each individual also given a single 11 and a single 0 to be used exactly once per rate. They will then message their ballot to the rate host, who will tally up all the points and then reveal the final results over a weekend, eliminating songs one by one until the last track remaining wins the rate and bragging rights forever. While there's just a bit more to know, I feel this is the basics of what you'll need to understand what's going on. I do recommend this video made by our popheads brethren to get a fuller picture; while some of the info applies specifically to the way popheads do their rates, the overall format is similar.
Introduction The GRAMMYs are awards presented by The Recording Academy of the United States to recognize outstanding achievements in the music industry. The name derives from the trophy, which is shaped like an old-fashioned gramophone. The awards celebrate a variety of categories, but we’re going to be looking at Best Alternative Music Album or, as it was called at the time, Best Alternative Music Performance. The question of what “alternative” really means can be debated forever, but the original intent of this award was to celebrate non-mainstream rock albums which were heavily played on college radio. The category first appeared in 1991, so in 1994 the award is still pretty new.
And now, let’s meet our nominees!
Belly - Star Belly are the act here that seem least often discussed on Indieheads, so I’m excited to see what everyone thinks of them. By the time of starting Belly, Tanya Donelly (lead vocals and rhythm guitar) had already been in two other classic indie rock bands. She was a co-founder of Throwing Muses with her step-sister Kristin Hersch, contributing vocals and guitar for the band’s first decade, though she’d only get a handful of songs per album. Donelly would later start The Breeders with Pixies bassist and vocalist Kim Deal. The Breeders’ debut, Pod, featured Deal as the primary songwriter because existing record contracts prohibited the two from sharing primary writing credits. While they originally intended to alternate albums, Tanya had begun to form Belly by the time it was her turn to do a Breeders album. She recruited Fred Abong (bass) and brothers Tom (guitar) and Chris (drums) Gorman as they’d all known each other while going to high school in Rhode Island.
Belly co-produced most of their 1993 debut Star with Tracy Chisholm. Gil Norton, who’d previously produced Throwing Muses’ self-titled debut, produced four tracks, including singles “Gepetto,” “Slow Dog,” and “Feed the Tree.” “Feed the Tree,” one of the album’s highlights, would be the band’s highest charting hit, reaching 95th on the Billboard Hot 100 and topping the Modern Rock Chart. Star is an effective fusion of alternative rock with jangle pop, dream pop, “haunting” folk, and even some light country influences. At the 1994 GRAMMYs, Belly were also up for Best New Artist with Blind Melon, Digable Planets, and SWV, ultimately losing to R&B singer Toni Braxton. Belly released a sophomore album King in 1995 and Donelly released several solo albums before reuniting with the King lineup to release a third album in 2018. While Star may not have achieved the canonical stature of some of 1994’s other nominees, it is nevertheless a very enjoyable release from a strong songwriter who’d finally gotten the chance to make an album-length statement of her own.
Are Indieheads gonna feed the tree? Will this be an album to die for?
Tracklist: Someone to Die For Angel Dusted Every Word Gepetto Witch Slow Dog Low Red Moon Feed The Tree Full Moon, Empty Heart White Belly Untogether Star Sad Dress Stay
Nirvana - In Utero If you were wondering where “Heart Shaped Box” was in the Guitar Hero Rate, well I’ve got a treat for you!
Kurt Cobain (vocals and guitar) and Krist Novoselic (bass) met while attending Aberdeen High School in the late 1980s. They shuffled through various names, ultimately deciding on Nirvana because Cobain wanted a name that sounded beautiful and nice instead of mean and raunchy. In their early years, they worked with several different drummers, recording 1989’s Sub Pop debut Bleach with Chad Channing on drums. Channing left the band as they worked on their follow-up to Bleach. Kurt and Krist met drummer Dave Grohl days after he’d moved to Seattle following the break up of his Washington DC band Scream. The addition of Dave solidified Nirvana’s classic lineup. The trio began seeking a major label to buy them out of their Sub Pop contract as they were dissatisfied with the label’s lack of promotion and distribution of their debut. They eventually signed with DGC Records per the recommendation of Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon. Upon signing, they began work on their major label debut, Nevermind, with producer Butch Vig. 1991’s Nevermind was an unexpected success, bringing grunge and alternative rock to the mainstream and even surpassing Michael Jackson on the Billboard albums chart.
In the aftermath of Nevermind’s success, Cobain felt he needed to reclaim his punk ethic. Wanting to depart from Butch Vig’s slick production on Nevermind (don’t worry, we’ll still be hearing from Vig a little later), he sought to work with Steve Albini. Albini was pretty famous in the underground for his work as frontman for Big Black and various production work, including PJ Harvey’s Dry, which he sent a copy of to give Cobain an idea of the acoustics in his studio. Albini dismissed Nirvana as "R.E.M. with a fuzzbox" (more on R.E.M. soon!) but decided to work with them because he felt bad for them, recognizing them as "the same sort of people as all the small-fry bands I deal with." The band pushed for minimal label oversight and recorded In Utero fairly quickly, wrapping recording sessions in as little as 13 days. The album was noisier and more abrasive than Nevermind, resulting in much dispute between the band, Albini, and the label. Cobain sought to make the kind of record he’d enjoy owning as a fan and began having second thoughts about the sound when listening to it at home. The press picked up on conflict about the album’s sound. The band denied this and even DGC president David Geffen called Newsweek to explain they would release whatever Nirvana recorded. Behind the scenes, the band tried to fix the album’s sound in the mastering process, which Albini was strongly against, though he’d later supply an alternate mix for the album’s 20th anniversary re-release. R.E.M producer Scott Litt was brought on to remix “Heart Shaped Box” and “All Apologies” which were intended to be the album’s singles.
In Utero was released in September of 1993 following a low-key release strategy which released “Heart Shaped Box” as a promo-only single to various rock station formats but not Top 40. Walmart and K-Mart initially refused to stock the album due to its back cover and the title of the song “Rape Me.” (A content note on that song, while it is interpreted as commentary on the invasive music press, it was intended to be a lyrically literal anti-rape song from the perspective of a victim. As this is a rate, you can score this song however you see fit, but I hope it goes without saying that everyone should please be respectful of this subject matter in their comments.) Despite In Utero’s abrasive sound and reduced mainstream promotion, the album still debuted at number one on the Billboard album charts and was well-received by critics. The music often hits harder and faster than Nevermind, containing more of the “punk” feel that Cobain was aiming for compared to the grunge of Nevermind and the band’s Seattle contemporaries. Check out this MTV clip if you’d like to see how college students in 1993 received this one. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiwhwy7S4qA) The band toured America shortly after In Utero came out and embarked on a European tour that was cut short as Cobain suffered from a drug overdose. A couple weeks later, Cobain died by suicide. As with the subject matter of “Rape Me,” I want to request that everyone is respectful of this in their comments, I will ask for edits (or omit comments myself) if they are inappropriate. Despite the tragic ending, Nirvana is still seen as one of American and alternative rock’s most important bands and In Utero remains highly regarded to this day.
Will our comments be all apologies? Are the results of this rate gonna be, uhhh, dumb?
Tracklist Serve the Servants Scentless Apprentice Heart-Shaped Box Rape Me Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle Dumb Very Ape Milk It Pennyroyal Tea Radio Friendly Unit Shifter Tourette’s All Apologies
R.E.M. - Automatic for the People If there’s a band who can rival Nirvana’s stature in the American rock canon, it’s gotta be R.E.M. They are often cited as one of the first “alternative” rock bands and were important for the college radio format. Formed in Athens, Georgia in 1980, Michael Stipe (vocals), Peter Buck (guitar), Mike Mills (bass), and Bill Berry (drums) released 5 albums with independent label I.R.S. Records, evolving from a jangle rock sound on their early albums to a louder, more anthemic sound on their final record for the label, Document. After “The One I Love” became their first mainstream hit, the band signed to Warner Brothers, kicking off a second act that resulted in yet another 5 album run of great music.
At the start of the 90s, R.E.M. opted out of touring and became a studio band. The band recorded demos for the songs “Drive,” “Try Not to Breathe,” and “Nightswimming” at Prince’s Paisley Park Studios while mixing their 1991 album, Out of Time. Out of Time was a huge success, arriving as alternative rock was becoming mainstream. It spawned the massive single “Losing My Religion” and even ended up winning the GRAMMY award for Best Alternative Music Album in 1992. After concluding some promotional duties in early 1991, the band returned to the studio to continue work on what would eventually become Automatic for the People. This would be the fourth of six records the band would produce with Litt. The band traded off instruments in the studio, with Buck playing the mandolin famously featured on “Losing My Religion,” Mills playing piano or organ, and Berry playing bass. Their initial attempts to make a harder rocking follow-up did not pan out, as the band found they were writing better without drums. The material began to take on a more melancholic tone. The lush orchestration of Out of Time is rendered in a somber greyscale, with arrangements contributed by Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones. Lyrically, the album muses on loss and mourning, prompting rumors that recently balding Michael Stipe was dying of cancer or AIDs. Luckily, he was not but that is the lens through which some critics and listeners received this work. The album also finds room for political commentary, most noticeably in “Ignoreland” which pushes against Republican politics of the time, but also in opener “Drive” which calls back to the group’s work with the Rock to Vote movement, for which they added a petition on the longbox packaging of Out of Time.
Automatic for the People released on October 5, 1992 (gotta love the GRAMMYs odd eligibility window) debuting at number 2 on the Billboard 200. Unlike its predecessor, it never quite reached the top spot, thanks to Garth Brooks. Six of the album’s 12 tracks were released as singles including “Drive,” “Everybody Hurts” which has unfortunately been watered down through years of ironic use in comedies, the cryptic, Andy Kaufman referencing “Man on the Moon,” and “Nightswimming,” an emotional piano ballad that has become a fan favorite. The album was critically acclaimed upon release and, while perhaps not as fun as something like Murmur, this nocturnal bummer is regarded by many as one of the band’s masterpieces.
Will everybody hurt? Are R.E.M. going to get a raw deal?
Tracklist: Drive Try Not to Breathe The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite Everybody Hurts New Orleans Instrumental No. 1 Sweetness Follows Monty Got a Raw Deal Ignoreland Star Me Kitten Man on the Moon Nightswimming Find the River
The Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream The Smashing Pumpkins formed in 1988 when Billy Corgan (vocals and guitar, he prefers William Patrick Corgan now though) met James Iha (guitar) while working at a record store in Chicago, Illinois. They performed as a duo with a drum machine, eventually adding bassist D’arcy Wretzky after meeting her at a show by the Dan Reed Network. Jazz drummer Jimmy Chamberlain was recommended by a friend of Corgan’s after the trio were booked to perform at Cabaret Metro under the condition that they’d play with a live drummer instead of their drum machine. With Chamberlain on board, the band’s classic lineup had been formed and their sound began to shift in a harder rock direction.
Siamese Dream, the group’s 1993 sophomore album, expands on their 1991 debut Gish in every possible way. The band switched from Virgin subsidiary Caroline Records to Virgin itself. Butch Vig, who produced Nirvana’s massive Nevermind right after finishing work on Gish, returned to produce the follow-up. Where Gish’s $20,000 budget and month of recording time was “unprecedented” for Vig, Corgan and Vig spent four months on Siamese Dream and went $250,000 over budget. This is what happens when you let Billy overdub everyone else’s guitar and bass parts (something the rest of the band wasn’t particularly happy about) to get as many as 100 guitar parts compressed into one song.
The meticulous studio process paid off, as Siamese Dream was a bigger hit than Gish (peaking at 10 on the Billboard 200.) The band’s influences from metal, dreampop, and shoegaze give the album a layered and unique sound compared to the grungier alternative music of the time. Singles “Cherub Rock” and “Today” have been featured in the Guitar Hero and Rock Band videogame series. While never released as a single, “Mayonaise” has become a fan favorite and won a Rolling Stone poll for best Pumpkins song, beating out singles from Siamese Dream and the band’s follow-up double album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Judging from some early discussion since this rate was announced, some of you seem pretty excited to rate “Mayonnaise.” While Mellon Collie took the band to the height of their popularity, Siamese Dream is often regarded as their masterpiece and one of the best rock albums of the 90s.
Will we be sweet sweet to the Pumpkins? The rater in me is the rater in you, I’ll send this ballot over to you
Tracklist: Cherub Rock Quiet Today Hummer Rocket Disarm Soma Geek U.S.A. Mayonaise Spaceboy Silverfuck Sweet Sweet Luna
U2 - Zooropa Formed in Dublin, Ireland in 1976, U2 (Bono on vocals, The Edge on guitar, Adam Clayton on bass, and Larry Mullen Jr. on drums) have become the top-selling Irish musical act of all-time, with an estimated 170+ million records sold. Across the 80s, U2 evolved their early post-punk sound to the anthemic rock of The Joshua Tree. While touring America for that album, the band recorded Rattle and Hum, a hybrid live/studio record (and accompanying concert film) which documented the tour and the group’s fascination with American roots music. Despite the album’s commercial success, most consider it a misguided failure. Even Bono admitted at their final show for the album’s Lovetown Tour that “we have to go away and dream it all up again.”
1993’s Zooropa catches U2 at their most adventurous. 1991’s Acthung Baby and its subsequent Zoo TV tour rebranded the band for the new decade. While they continued working with Unforgettable Fire and The Joshua Tree producers Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois, they updated their sound with influences from electronic, dance, and industrial music. On stage, they dabbled in irony to counter the sincerity of their 80s output with Bono playing characters such as The Fly and Macphisto. Emboldened by the critical and commercial success of this album and tour, they began working on a promotional EP during a break between Zoo TV tour legs. Despite working quickly in the studio, this EP expanded into a full-length album, requiring the band to travel between concerts and the studio in Dublin to finish working on the album during the first month of the “Zooropa” leg.
Zooropa finally arrived in July of 1993 and it shows the band doubling down on their early 90s ideas. The sound of the album, built from loops of soundcheck jamming and leftover sketches from Achtung Baby, ventures even further from traditional rock instrumentation and songwriting, bolstered by production from Brian Eno, Flood (moving from an engineering to production role), and The Edge, credited as a producer for his first time. The fragmented nature of the album’s production is reflected in the eclectic tracklist which bounces between the multi-movement art-rock of the title track, dancefloor fillers like “Daddy’s Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car,” and ballads like “For the First Time” and “Stay (Faraway, So Close!)” Unique vocal choices like The Edge’s spoken-word rapping on lead-single “Numb,” Bono’s falsetto on “Lemon,” and a Johnny Cash feature on closer “The Wanderer” help the album feel more varied than U2’s previous material. The album’s lyrics often examine Zoo TV’s concepts of “sensory overload” and technology more explicitly than Achtung Baby.
While U2 are reluctant to acknowledge Zooropa now (likely influenced by the failure of 1997’s Pop, a rushed, mixed bag of an album that stretched audience’s tolerance for 90s U2’s tendency toward electronic music and irony to a Rattle and Hum-like breaking point) the album was successful when it came out. Zooropa debuted at number one in several countries and finished ninth on 1993’s Pazz and Jop poll. It would also go on to win this GRAMMY award for Best Alternative Music album, with Bono shrugging on stage, shouting out Smashing Pumpkins, and promising to “the young people of America” that they will “continue to abuse our position and fuck up the mainstream” in his acceptance speech. (https://youtu.be/-DNXfFy8Ido?t=69)
Will U2 stay the champions in our rate or will they be faraway so close to the top?
Tracklist: Zooropa Babyface Numb Lemon Stay (Faraway, So Close!) Daddy’s Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car Some Days Are Better Than Others The First Time Dirty Day The Wanderer
Bonus Rate Since this rate is 5 albums instead of the usual 4, a bonus rate has been omitted.

I know this might not be the best or most detailed post, but I don't want to write too much. there is a stray cat and it has a swollen paw and some red spots. I know I should do something, but I don't know what. I don't know if it ran away or not and that is why I haven't done anything. I really like this cat and I really don't want anything bad to happen to it. Willing to answer questions.

Hello all,
I am on the hunt for a general purpose workbench for my garage that will fit between some fixed shelving. Building one is not possible at this time so I am looking for off-the-shelf options. I have a maximum of 71 3/4" of width for a bench, so this essentially rules 72" work benches that I am finding. I found one here that, in terms of size and features, is nearly exactly what I want. Problem is it looks like a sketchy, unknown brand and I don't like the laminate plywood surface.
Below are some of the required features I am looking for. With these in mind can some of you recommend some options?

• Max width = 71.75"
• MINIMUM Depth = 28"-30"
• Height adjustable or standing height
• Wood surface
• Open underneath so that I can place a rolling cart or cabinets underneath.

Global Industrial has some near perfect benches, but they are 72" long. I'm wondering if it's possible/worth it to just trim off 1/8" from each side and call it a day.
Another option I considered was buying a workbench frame and just adding my own top to it. I'm not opposed if I can't find a complete workbench first.
Thanks!

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[REQ] 430 USD - My dad broke my car and is perfectly content with my being stuck here. I need to fix it so I can get work and get out of here. Mt. Gilead, Ohio

Post contents

Sorry for the long post but I've included the breakdown of costs and timelines in hopes of better making my case.
My dad broke my car over a year ago and won't fix it. He's perfectly content, it seems, paying for me to stay here and never leave. I keep asking about it but he basically won't fix it. I get only enough money to feed myself, my cat, and buy soap for the bath.
I need to get my car street legal and reliable. It's going to be a 30 - 40 mile drive to ANY factory so I need to know it won't die on me. After that, I hope to get a job at the Honda plant or at Whirlpool in Marion. I am also hoping to try out American Showa in Delaware. They hire at 17 an hour for floor workers. There's no reason I shouldn't get hired as I have a clean history and don't do drugs. If they'll hire felons, well, I'm at least that good. :)
I need about 430 USD. The breakdown of that amount is as followed and is intended to be enough to get my car street legal again. I've used the cheapest parts on AutoZone for my car.
34.50 - Registration (Annual state thing in ohio)
10.00 - Late registration (Last registered the plates in 2013)
118.00 - Alternator
19.99 - Belt
35.00 - Reconditioned Battery (Local Junkyard reconditions them and they are pretty cheap)
65.99 - Muffler (There is an irreparable hole in it that will get me pulled over)
24.00 - Coolant (This seems the odd one out, but my dad poured motor oil into my radiator. I bought new hoses and can flush it with water. I MAY be able to do this repair myself but even 24 dollars is beyond me to refill it and make sure there's no leaks or errors in my work)
+ 40% this amount for labor on the car. I know a local handyman that I believe will do it for that. If there is extra it'll go towards gas.
I think I can promise repayment of 500 dollars in three months. One month to fix my car, one month to get hired somewhere (The factories are through employment agencies so the process may be slow), and then three weeks for my first check to come in. (Since if you get hired between checks you can end up in an awkward place of not receiving payment for the first three weeks- and the first week will be training- I don't know if that is paid or not.)
I can provide my phone number (for texting) and my relay number (If you want to call, I am hard of hearing and cannot hear on a phone.) Or most other forms of ID.
I have paypal but don't know of any other options.